


The Kama Sutra of Friendzoning

by Azkas19



Category: Tiger & Bunny
Genre: Drama, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Genderbending, Genderswap, Pop Culture, Romantic Comedy, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:29:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 102,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azkas19/pseuds/Azkas19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you stop the weird from getting wierder? Whatever friendzone voodoo Tetsuko casted on Barnaby, none of it worked. It seemed as if for every two steps she took to distance herself from him only brought them three steps closer. To complicate matters, Kaede gave her a pet bunny for her birthday. Was her daughter trying to tell her something? Genderswap Fem!Kotetsu/Bunny.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Step 01: That Perplexing Email Part

 

Three hairs.

Three _bloody_ grey hairs.

That’s three more than yesterday, and Tetsuko’d be damned if there’ll be another three tomorrow. They’ve been trickling in lately…like tourists to a blasted holiday resort. But the problem was they’re there to stay, unless she did something about it.

Reaching up with baleful glare, she tugged the offenders out. She briefly wondered if there was a NEXT with powers to zap out grey hair. She’d be more than happy to pay that person a visit, evil or no.

While she’s at it, how about finding a NEXT who can turn back time too? Staring back at the mirror was a woman facing the edge of middle age crisis. No matter which angle she saw herself, she still couldn’t mentally Photoshop out those varicose veins, cellulite…and good God, are her breasts starting to sag? Motherhood really was the pits. She resented those lingerie models who’d bounced back into their fab pre-baby bodies as if they hadn’t just squeezed a watermelon out of their orifice and _then_ saying they actually enjoyed motherhood. Tch, harlots. What do _they_ know? Tetsuko realized that whatever genetic wonder she was bestowed with, having those of a model’s wasn’t part of the list. She was turning into Baba Yaga, she could feel it. Soon she’ll run away and live in a hut with crow’s feet. Or was it chicken?

She pulled on a shirt, briefly dreading the thought of her email inbox flooded by greetings of what a happy day today was. She could just _hear_ their voices, without knowing who the sender was. _Happy birthday! And again, happy birthday!_ Keith. _Happy birthday, sweetums. Have a margarita on me. Do they even_ have _margaritas over there?_ Nathan. _Yo…happy birthday, princess. Get your ugly ass back here pronto so we can finish our round._ Antonio. Pao-Lin and Ivan would likely pepper their chirpy greetings with LOLs and smiley faces, while Karina would shoot out something similar. And Bunny…

Well, Bunny. Hm.

Now that’s a conundrum.

Tetsuko never imagined she’d ever wish this on her birthday, but she hoped he’d forgotten this time.

Muramasa actually _smiled_ at her when she stepped out of her room. She quirked her brows, but smiled back nonetheless. Kaede bounded up and threw her arms around her.

“Happy birthday, mum,” she grinned, giving her a sloppy kiss on the cheek. “Come on down. We’ve prepared something we _know_ you’ll like.”

“What, it’s not another baking set, is it?” Tetsuko joked. Her resume in cake making hasn’t exactly been extensive.

“Oh, no. Something even better. Now, close your eyes.”

“When I’m on the stairs?”

“Fine, close them before you go into the kitchen.”

Tetsuko had counted her blessings, and was glad that she had any. Kaede had morphed from a mum-hating kid to a mum-hating teenager…but she supposed that’s normal. She’d put up with enough Jekyll and Hyde-like moodswings to realize that teens were supposed to be monsters. But there’d be times, unexpected times, when Kaede would open up and let her mother into her world. Granted, it was awkward and tentative at first, but now that it’s becoming more of a regular occurrence, Tetsuko supposed that whatever list of disappointments Kaede had stacked up against her had been atoned for bit by bit.

She felt movement beside her, and hands touching hers. Muramasa and Kaede were guiding her into the kitchen.

“No peeking,” Kaede warned.

Tetsuko heard some scrabbling, followed by a metallic-sounding rattle. “Can I look now?” she asked.

Kaede made her stop, then said: “Ok, now.”

Tetsuko opened her eyes. Her grin faded when she saw the rectangular thing before her.

“Oh, no,” she breathed. “You guys really didn’t-“

* * *

 

Nathan Seymour was a social network all by himself. Hidden inside that twice-bleached and Seraphine Pink-coloured head was the mind of a military tactician, and anyone whose been in his place for long enough knew that knowledge was the _real_ power.

There’d been rumours circulating within the Hero grapevine, and he’d been proud to admit (silently, of course) that he was the one who started it. Wild Tigress was coming back to Sternbild, but this time as a teacher. Hero Academy had offered her a position. Contract basis, starting off with the standard six-month probation period.

Nathan never once believed that retirement was for Tetsuko. She was the kind of woman who _had_ to do something. An image of the Wild Tigress sitting at home, twiddling her thumbs up her ass was a sad one. An image of Barnaby carrying about his work and acting as if he didn’t care was an even sadder one. Nathan knew, with as much certainty as the next Alexander McQueen sale, that something had gone down between them, and no amount of poking and prodding on Barnaby’s part would elicit any form of concrete answer from the man. He’d dodged questions the same way he dodged bullets, albeit in a very maddeningly polite way. Nathan felt compelled to  grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him at times.

Well, there’s more than one way to fix a broken nail, and there’s certainly _plenty_ more ways for Nathan to get some juicy gossip out of those two. The first step was to get Tetsuko back to the city. A little business powwow with the Hero Academy’s director took care of that. Helios Energy’s generous contribution, along with the promise of a brand new VR training facility came with Tetsuko attached, and the director was more than happy to oblige. He’d always welcomed former Heroes joining the teaching staff, and if it meant having Barnaby jumping aboard in the long run, then all the better.

If it were any other crazed megalomaniac conceiving his ultimate dastardly plan, he would’ve sealed it with a triumphant ‘Mmwahahaaaa!’ followed by the customary thunderclap. But this was Nathan, and he chuckled quietly instead, examining his manicured nails with microscopic scrutiny. Oh, he’s brilliantly fabulous. He couldn’t wait to see Handsome’s response after all this.

“Don’t say I never did anything for you, girl,” he purred smugly to himself.

* * *

 

Tetsuko stared morosely at the computer screen, mentally composing the email she’d been dreading to send. _Dear Mr. Brooks-_ no, too formal. _Whazzup man?-_ nah, too ghetto. _Hey, howzit shakin’? –_ oh, God. That’s too…whatever.

With a resigned sigh, she began typing.

_Yo, Bunny,_

_So you’ve probably heard by now, but if you hadn’t, then…well, you’d better prepare yourself. This old woman that is you ex-partner is coming back to Sternbild! Hahaha, thought you’ve seen the last of me, eh? Fat chance, buddy! Anyway, so…um, just so we’re clear…I don’t want things to get weird between us, okay? Not that things were weird before…but I meant weird as like that time when Ivan said he had some neko hentai…_

Tetsuko paused, fiercely debating how she should end the message. She typed in the next three words, erased it, tried again, resisted the urge to delete it again, and simply went on:

_So I hope that we could asgasfdegasdaf-_

Tetsuko slumped in her seat, quite taken over by the brain fart moment she just had. This is stupid. She sounded like some lovesick schoolgirl! Bunny would _never_ accept this! Shit.

“Oi, Tetsu! What’re you doing? If you wait any longer, the car’ll drive itself!” Muramasa hollered from the front door.

“Okay! Okay!” Tetsuko shouted, getting to her feet. “Just needed to grab something!” she went on, then dashed upstairs.

Kaede darted out from the kitchen, waving a small travel pouch. “Mum, you forgot your vitamins _again!_ Honestly, you _always_ forget the important stuff!”

She stopped short in front of the computer. The email addressed to Barnaby was still on, and a message flashed: _Auto-saving to Drafts._ She  pursed her lips and shook her head, bending over to add a brief line at the bottom before pressing the ‘Send’ button.

“Mum, I’m shutting down the computer! You’re not in the middle of doing anything important, are you?” she called out.

Tetsuko emerged from the stairs, looking visibly flustered. “Eh. Ah, yeah. Um, j-just close everything up, will you? Thanks! Er, you didn’t happen to read anything…did you?”

“Please. I’ve got better things to do than poke around your emails, mum,” Kaede deadpanned, dropping the vitamin pouch onto her mother’s hand as she brushed past. “Now _come on!_ It’s two hours to Sternbild and you still need to unpack once you’re there.”

“Er. Right you are,” said Tetsuko, shooting the computer an uncomfortable look before hurrying after Kaede.

* * *

 

About a hundred miles away, Barnaby sneezed. Somebody must’ve been thinking of him. Tetsuko had always believed that kind of superstitious nonsense. He’d retorted that if that was the case, then he, as the undisputed King of Heroes, would be sneezing every five seconds.

His phone suddenly chirped. He sighed, flipping it open. If it’s another spam message from his telco provider, why he’ll-

He frowned. It was a message from Tetsuko. So she’ll be coming over to Sternbild. Well that’s a…surprise. He’d reached the part where she broke off into a nonsensical garble and shook his head. That’s very much like her. He could almost see her flailing her hands and rolling her eyes as she typed this. The final sentence, however, intrigued him.

_So, come over to my old apartment and I’ll show you what Kaede got me for my birthday._

A friendly gesture? Or simply her way of saying she wanted to pick things up where they left? The sudden change of tone almost made him believe that someone else had added the last part before sending it off without Tetsuko’s knowledge.

But that didn’t matter. The point was she’s coming, and he felt slightly guilty for not wishing her happy birthday. He’d remembered, of course, but he couldn’t for the life of him understand why he can’t do something he’d always done naturally when they were working together.

Maybe it’s that weird factor. Yes, that must be it. But she didn’t want it to be weird, so he could somewhat go with that. And…what’s all this nonsense about Ivan’s hentai? He mentally filed it under ‘Irrelevant’, positive that it was something he didn’t need to know.

He snapped his phone shut. It’s time he’d thought of some suitable welcome back gift for her.

* * *

 

Tetsuko exited the toll and drove up the flyover linking directly to the highway. Inside her breast pocket was the final cheque her brother gave her for working at his liquor store. It was…significantly more than her usual pay, but he’d waved her protests aside and gave her a tight hug instead.

“Stay out of trouble, willya?” he’d whispered fiercely to her. “I mean it.”

Kaede finished texting her friends, and said to her mother. “So I bet your Hero friends have got a party all planned out.”

“Ha, I doubt it. I haven’t told anyone about my job yet.”

“Really? Not even Barnaby?”

“Nothing’s confirmed yet, remember? I still have to attend the interview.”

“Uh-huh. And yet you still brought all of your stuff with you.”

Tetsuko chuckled. “Ok, Miss Sherlock. Who taught you to be observant all of a sudden, hm?”

“Just thought that Barnaby would like to know, that’s all,” Kaede retorted sulkily.

“Well then, why don’t _you_ text him and tell him I’m coming? I know you have his number, BarnabysFutureWife,” said Tetsuko, quoting her daughter’s IM username.

That, however, didn’t elicit the response she was expecting. Kaede merely snorted and waved a hand dismissively. “That’s _so_ yesterday’s news, mum. He’s too old for me. Besides, everyone knows he’s got the hots for you.”

Tetsuko, who was signalling to get to the next lane, suddenly swerved, causing the EconoVan behind her to parp angrily and zoom past her.

“Eeh, _what?!”_ she squawked. “Is that really what everyone thought? Sorry, Mister Van!”

“Hmph.” Kaede threw her a derisive look. “Don’t think I don’t know what the two of you did on your last night at Sternbild! I’ve got the pictures and everything!”

The horror of horrors dawned on Tetsuko’s face as a single, desperate train of thought sped past her mind. _Oh, God. Please don’t tell me someone saw us going to his place. And…and that one time in his car…oh, dear…_

“You were at the Cultural Expo, acting all lovey dovey and everything! He even had his arms around you!”

“Eh?” _Oh,_ that _time._ “Come on, it was chilly! He was just keeping me warm!”

“It was in the middle of _summer!_ Honestly, mother. Sometimes I don’t know if you’re really getting senile, or you just deliberately don’t remember! As for warm, I’m sure certain _bits_ of his were getting toasty enough, but that is something I don’t even want to think about!”

“Well, good! Because you’re still too young to think about his bits…or any other guy’s bits for that matter!” Tetsuko shot back.

Kaede humphed again, muttering something along the lines of “…’m already thirteen…” Tetsuko could literally write an entire dictionary of teenager responses, from simple grunts to monosyllabic words like ‘Out’ and ‘No’, by just observing her daughter.

They drove along in silence for while, the sounds of Kaede’s latest mp3 collection warbling through the stereo system.

“Just tell me something,” she finally said. “Are you replacing dad?”

Tetsuko sighed. She hated that question. “Kaede, _no one_ can replace him. I told you that many times, remember?”

“Yeah,” she said, turning to look out the window. “Sure.” Her face, however, indicated that she wasn’t too happy about Tetsuko’s answer.

The former Hero pursed her lips. It wasn’t the first time that she wished she had telepathic powers. She’d come to dread the closed-off expression her daughter sometimes wore. It made her wonder what other screw-up she’d unknowingly committed this time.

She’d paid a visit to the cemetery the day before yesterday. It seemed like a foolish notion, but she really wished she could hear her husband’s advice again. She lit the incense, pressed it upon the earth, and leaned back on her heels as she looked up at his tombstone.

“I feel stupid talking to a piece of rock,” she said. “But you’re the best listener I’ve ever known…and I just wish there’s a way to bring you back.” She paused, collecting her thoughts. The sickly sweet smell of sandalwood and myrrh mingled in the air, strangely reminding her of Bunny. That man was big on aromatherapy, and was deeply offended when she once made fun of it. Tetsuko unconsciously let out a laugh.

“Sorry, mind’s wandering a bit there. So I’ll be going back to Sternbild again. Hah, thought I was done with that place, but guess I was wrong. Um, wish me luck on my new job, okay?”

Tetsuko could almost imagine her husband reflected on the marble surface of the tombstone, pushing his glasses up his nose, smiling and nodding at her.

“About Kaede…well, she no longer hates me a lot…that just means she hates me a bit. Did you know she’s become quite a smartass? I blame your genes for that. Anyway, the girl _worships_ you. Well, she worships _Bunny,_ actually _._ I can’t believe she’s got close to fifty of his autographs by now. God only knows what she does with them. Probably as wallpaper? Looking at her, I sometimes can’t help but wonder…” Tetsuko trailed off, biting her lower lip.

“Maybe the wrong _parent_ died.”

There. She’d said it. It shouldn’t be said, but she did anyway.

“Anata,” she sighed. “I’m scared shitless here. Please tell me what to do.”

She waited. For what? Whatever response her husband could give her were now swallowed beneath six feet of earth. The idealistic part of her imagined some sort of sign, maybe a shower of cherry blossoms, or a white dove flying overhead.

She pressed her palms flat together and offered a silent prayer. The wind had dried her tears by the time she left. On a sudden whim, she found herself at the nearby shinto shrine. She remembered dragging Antonio all the way there during their school days; they’d prayed for stupid, juvenile things and tried to steal from the offertory box. God, they really were a bunch of rascals.

Tetsuko ambled over to the ema board, eyes wandering idly over the messages scrawled on the plates. _Please marry me. Please give me that promotion. Please heal my grandmother. Help me win the lottery._

“Heh, _I_ could do with a little lottery win myself,” Tetsuko chuckled to herself. She suddenly stopped, cocking her head sideways. Her hand slowly came up to unhook a curiously written ema. For a long moment she stared at it, wondering if she was seeing things.

_Please make my mother happy. -K. Kaburagi-_

There was a childish scrawl of a tiger’s head at the bottom.

Tetsuko didn’t know how it happened, but at that moment, this was the answer she was looking for.

“Eh?” she said, shaking herself out of the past. “You said something?”

“I said you shouldn’t worry about me,” said Kaede, eyes still watching the landscape blurring past. “You need to find someone who’d take care of you.”

“You mean, like a nursing home? Is that where you’re dumping me once you get old enough?”

“Mum, I’m serious!” Kaede snapped to the background of Tetsuko’s tinkling laughter.

“Okay, okay…peace! Rock Bison’s taking care of me. You know he’s your godfather, right? Isn’t that cool? How many kids can actually say they’ve got Heroes looking out for them? Hm?”

“I suppose.”

“Come on, Kaede. You’re getting all mopey again, just like Bunny! I swear he’s a bad influence on you! Look, we’ll check out Hero Academy together, just you and me. Who knows, maybe in three years’ time you’ll have me as your teacher when you enroll there. I’ll be sure to give you passing marks anytime. 100% guarantee!”

“That’s favouritism, and I will not stand for it! If I earn merit based on who I know and not my real talents, then what’s the point of working hard?”

Tetsuko was visibly taken aback. “Sheesh, what’s wrong with kids these days? All of a sudden everyone’s all goody-two-shoes. I was just saying, ok? I’m putting the idea out there, so it’s up to you whether you want to take it up or not. Besides, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. You have any idea how tough exams are? I always fail mine.”

“That’s because you always study at the last minute. Dad told me.”

“Eh? Ah? Is that so? Well…ahaha, I guess he’s right,” Tetsuko grinned, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. “Lucky for you, mama’s here to help you out anytime!”

Kaede rolled her eyes, and uttered the textbook reply teenagers used to underline the ignorance of adults: “Whatever.”

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Bunny meets Tetsuko's birthday gift.**


	2. Step 02: That Reunion Part

Barnaby knew he was impeccable as always, but that still didn’t stop him from straightening up his jacket and smoothing out his hair before ringing the doorbell.

He heard a brief scuffle going on inside, followed by Tetsuko’s familiar voice yelling: “Kaede, get that, willya? It’s probably the newspaper man again.”

“Fine, fine,” Kaede said in irritated tones, shuffling her feet to the door and peeking through the peephole.

Barnaby smiled at the sudden stunned silence, and soon enough the chain rattled aside and the door shot open.

“Good morning, miss,” he said suavely. “Would you be interested in subscribing to the ‘Barnaby Brooks Jr. Daily’?”

“Barnaby!” Kaede exclaimed, a wide grin colouring her face.

“Wow, you’re much taller than I remember!”

“Come on inside! Mum will _die_ once she sees you!”

“Who is it, Kaed-“ Tetsuko asked, emerging from the kitchen.

Barnaby stared. He’d been steeling himself for this very moment, and it took everything he had to stop him from doing his Handsome Escape. Tetsuko had an oversized shirt on, with a plant spritzer and a sponge in her hands. She looked so homely and familiar, and it suddenly felt as if she’d never even left. She’d clearly hadn’t changed a bit from the entire year he hadn’t seen her.

Tetsuko too was shell-shocked, but only for a brief moment. Then the spritzer and sponge went flying and she uttered an earsplitting shriek, and before Barnaby knew it, he found himself with a handful of Tetsuko.

“Bunny, you’re here!” she exclaimed, hugging him fiercely. She pushed him back with a puzzled expression. “Wait, why are you here?”

“Silly woman. Your email, remember? You sent it to me yesterday.”

“Email? I didn’t send you an em-“ Tetsuko’s eyes narrowed suspicously and she turned towards Kaede. “This is _your_ doing, isn’t it?”

Kaede gave an indifferent shrug. “Mum was too chicken shit to send it herself, so I merely did her a favour. It’s good to see Barnaby again, right mum?” she said, tacking the last sentence with such sickly sweetness.

“You and I are going to have a talk about interfering with other people’s private lives after this, young lady,” Tetsuko said, waving an admonishing finger at her.

“Hah, yes. _You’re_ one to talk, you big meddler,” shot Barnaby with a smile.

“You’re different. You _need_ someone to meddle. Girls don’t like overly emo guys, you know. Oh, c’mere you,” she pulled him back into another hug. “Now let me get a good look at you,” she said, stepping out of his arms and giving him a critical once over. “Meh, skinny as always. Have you been eating properly? And still the same hair. Tch, would it _kill_ you to have it trimmed a bit?”

“I like it as it is. _You,_ on the other hand, have shown further signs of maturity.”

“You’re talking about my grey hair, aren’t you? Dammit, I was hoping you wouldn’t notice. I’m thirty-six, Bunny. I’m still too _young_ to look old!”

“Sure you are,” he said sardonically.

“Hmm..”

Kaede watched the way her mother and Barnaby gazed at each other. It was a gag-worthy moment, so she shook her head, and clapped her hands loudly to break the moment.

“Welp, I’m off for some groceries. How much cash you’ve got with you, mum?”

“Eh? Ah, well…I still haven’t got the chance to cash in your uncle’s cheque yet,” Tetsuko spluttered, disentangling herself from Barnaby and theatrically patting her person as is wads of money would fall out anytime. “Just help yourself to whatever you can find in my purse.”

“Allow me,” said Barnaby, producing his wallet. “Get some dinner while you’re at it. I take it your mother’s culinary skills are still stuck at the level of rice in fried form?”

“Oi, don’t look down on me, Bunny! I can make curry udon now. It’s rather tasty too. Ask Kaede!”

Her daughter made a face. “If you like it topped with mayonnaise, sure.”

“Hey, I have you know that mayonnaise is part of the food pyramid. They just didn’t put it in because there’s too much vegetables at the bottom! Anyway, just give me a sec and I’ll drive you to the store.”

“Nevermind. I can walk. You and Barnaby should catch up. I’m sure there’s tons of stuff you two would want to talk about.”

“You sure?” Tetsuko said doubtfully. “Well, stay safe. Don’t talk to strangers…specially if they want to give you candy. Or a lift. Or-“

“I know, _mother.”_ Kaede said, rolling her eyes. “You’ve said the same thing a hundred and fifty times already. I’ll go to the store and straight back. No stops anywhere. Okay? Okay.”

Tetsuko sighed as she watched the front door shut itself. “I can tell you one thing, Bunny. If a woman ever says she wants to have kids, you _run,_ okay? Making ‘em is fun and all, but after that you have to put up with the sulkings and temper tantrums…and that’s just from the mother!”

“I will keep that in mind,” said Barnaby, surpressing a smile as he followed her into the living room. “So what’s this fantastic birthday gift from Kaede that you’ve been _dying_ to show me?”

“What? She said that in the email? What else had she put in there?”

“Just that, I promise you.”

“Well,” Tetsuko trailed off, looking at him doubtfully. “I’ll show you. But you have to prepare yourself, okay?”

* * *

 

Barnaby stared.

“Please tell me you didn’t name him Barnaby,” he said flatly.

It was a bunny rabbit. A fat, beige-coloured Silk Angora with puffy fur like a Persian cat’s. It sat in its cage, regarding Barnaby suspiciously with its beady eyes.

“No. I couldn’t think of _what_ to name him,” said Tetsuko, chopping up carrots. “At least I think it’s a him. How’d you know if a rabbit’s a boy or a girl?”

“Ah, so you’re looking at me because you assume I have the answer, and also because I happen to be saddled with the unwanted monicker ‘Bunny-chan’, yes?”

“Oh, stop cerebralizing _everything,_ Bunny. It’s a simple enough question.”

“Then I could safely surmise that I do not know.”

“He hates me, you know. The beast,” Tetsuko said, chomping down the end of a carrot and beginning to chew furiously. She looked very much like a rabbit herself, and for a brief moment Barnaby had to duck his head to hide his smile. “He’s silently plotting to murder me. Don’t let his fluffy cuteness fool you. I think he thinks you’re ok. But me? He took one look, and bit my finger!”

“That’s what they do, apparently. But again, I’m not the right person to ask.”

“Come _on,_ Bunny! Don’t tell me you didn’t keep pets when you were a kid? And I’m not talking about them Tamagotchi ones!”

“Hah, those _things,”_ Barnaby said sneeringly. Tamagotchis were to mechatronic enthusiasts what instant noodles were to fine dining. “Actually, no. I didn’t have any pets.”

“For real? You never even _built_ one? Not even a robotic girlfriend? I know you’re good with those engineering stuff.”

“My time is already occupied with building a toaster that toasts bread perfectly.”

Tetsuko gave him a funny look, and then burst out laughing. “You’re evil, man. Seriously evil. I don’t know why you’re not ruling Sternbild by now.”

“What, being King of Heroes isn’t good enough?”

“Yeah, and think about the times you’ve gotten yourself laid. You _are_ seeing someone…aren’t you?”

Tetsuko threw the question with such casual cheerfulness that it caught Barnaby completely off guard. He made the mistake of hesitating. Her eyes searched his, and he had to force himself to look at her squarely.

“A few. Here and there. Casually.”

“Liar. You have such an obvious tell, Bunny,” said Tetsuko, opening the rabbit cage and putting in a bowl of carroty treats.

“I…do?”

“Yeah. You’d always half-clench your fist when you’re lying.”

As expected, he found his gaze going downwards. “No, I don’t.”

“Ha, that’s because I called you out. Honestly, I’ve known you for…what? Four years now? I’ve got stuff about you that not even your _fangirls_ know about,” his ex-partner said, waggling her brows at him. Tetsuko trying to look sinister was, to be honest, pathetic to say the least, and Barnaby said so.

“You don’t scare me, old goat.”

“Oi, careful who you’re calling ‘old goat’. You’re looking at the future teacher of Hero Academy!”

“Ah, yes. Nathan mentioned something about that. Congratulations.”

“Shush, I’m not in yet! Don’t jinx me!”

“You’re being too modest. I’m sure the director’s more than happy to have you there. If he needs further convincing, I can always put in a good word for you.”

“Thanks, Bunny. That’s really sweet of you.”

“I’m know you’ll be a great teacher. You’ve a knack for inspiring people.”

“Wow, two compliments in a row? That’s a record. What have I done to deserve it?”

“It’s a gift. A belated birthday gift. I’ll even throw in another free one for you: you look well…for an old woman.”

“Gosh, you sure do know how to make me feel special,” Tetsuko said, pulling a face.

Barnaby laughed. “Sorry I didn’t wish you yesterday. I just…”

“Forgot? That’s okay.”

“No,” he said slowly, as if emphasizing his point. “I was just thinking of a perfect gift to give you, that’s all.”

“Thanks. But unless it’s payment for Kaede’s tuition fees _and_ a new pair of skates, I really don’t want anything else. Oh, and downpayment for a new house also helps. Choose whichever. Did you realize how expensive things are getting these days? My filling came off last month and I went to the dentist to fix it. He charged me close to a 130 Stern dollars! Imagine that!”

Barnaby couldn’t resist saying it. “You didn’t ask them to give you a senior citizen’s rate?”

“Oh, harhar.”

“Interestingly enough,” said Barnaby, tapping his chin with a finger. “There’s a clause in my contract that says ‘Family Medical Coverage’. For as long as I’m under Apollon, my spouse and children gets free medical checkups. That includes dental too.”

Tetsuko gave him a flat look. “Bunny, I’m not gonna marry you just for a goddamned free dental.”

Barnaby spread out his hands in mock surrender. “I’m just telling you, that’s all.”

“And I don’t recall having that clause under _my_ contract. And believe me, I read everything thoroughly just like you told me to.”

“That’s because you’re such a lousy negotiator.”

“To think that _that_ would’ve come in handy when-“

“When what?”

Tetsuko smiled brightly. “When Kaede had her appendicitis taken out. Remember I told you? It happened in June last year.”

Barnaby could feel it then: the ghost of Tetsuko’s husband creeping into their conversation like it wont to happen everytime they got close. He hated it. That man was a relationship bar Tetsuko had set permanently high for anyone to reach, including himself.

“Yes, I remember,” he managed to say. “She recovered swimmingly.”

Tetsuko beamed. “Thank goodness for that. So you’re staying for dinner? I’m afraid I can only offer you coffee and chips, though. There’s still plenty of stuff I need to sort out first.”

Barnaby shook his head. “Another time, maybe. I’m keeping my schedule open for your curry udon.”

“It’s a family recipe, so prepare to be amazed!”

They’d hugged again, this time tighter than before, with Tetsuko whispering she was really happy to see him again. It made him feel much better.

He’d exited her apartment, only to find Kaede standing outside with an armful of groceries. She had an unnervingly serious expression on her face.

“We need to talk,” she stated.

A brow shot out. “I’m listening,” said Barnaby.

“You need to take care of mum. She misses you something awful, yet she wouldn’t say it out loud.”

Barnaby smiled. “Kaede, I know she can take care of herself.”

“No, you don’t understand! Mum, she’s…did you know how miserable she was last year? She was _mooning,_ Barnaby…like some lost puppy. It’s pathetic, and I blame you for it. Don’t tell me I’m too young to understand. I get that enough from her. But I know what’s going on between you two. The stuff you did together before she left Sternbild? I’ve got it all in my phone.”

Barnaby remained smiling, but only because he was beginning to panic. _Did she know about Tetsuko coming over to my place? And about that…that activity in the car…good God._

“Hel-loo? Cultural Expo? You two going about like randy teenagers. Honestly, you adults should show a better example to us kids! Hmph! And you call yourselves Heroes! Don’t bother nicking my phone and erasing everything. It was all over the internet!”

Barnaby released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Ah, is that so? Well, I do admit that we’re friendly with-“

“And it was _summer,_ so don’t say you were ‘just warming her up’. If you were really copping a feel, you might as well be a gentleman about it and come clean about your intentions towards her! Sheesh, mum’s always saying that boys should respect my body, but you…you…”

Barnaby shook his head. “Kaede, I’ve nothing but the highest regard for your mother. That was just a time when things didn’t go the way we wanted…and that’s all I can say about that. As for taking care of her, I know someone else who can do a far better job.”

Kaede scowled. “Please don’t say Uncle Antonio. He’s only my godfather. He’s nice and all, but he can’t even watch after himself!”

“No.” With a half-smile, Barnaby leaned forth and pointed at her. “You.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. You’ve really come a long way, haven’t you? If I didn’t know better, Tetsuko had raised a little Wild Tigress of her own.”

Kaede actually beamed. “You think so?”

“I _know_ so.”

“But-“ the girl’s expression dropped. “Mum’s got no more powers now…”

“Which is why you need to watch out for her. She means well. It’s just that…well, she doesn’t think things through sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Good. It’s – uh – nice having this chat.”

“Just so that we’re clear with things.”

“Exactly,” Barnaby said, giving her a warm squeeze on the shoulder.

“See you around, Barnaby,” said Kaede, reaching out for the doorknob.

“Bye.”

Barnaby turned and started walking away. He heard a muffled ‘Oh, dear…’, followed by a distressing cracking sound. He spun around. Kaede was still glowing blue, a mortified look on her face as she held the remains of the door. The rest of it had been turned to splinters.

Tetsuko’s banshee shriek immediately followed afterwards. _“Bunnnyyyyy! How many times must I tell you to not touch my baby?!”_

Wincing, Barnaby did an abrupt about turn, fleeing the scene as fast as his bunny legs could carry him.

* * *

**Episode the next: What really happened at the Cultural Expo. And Tetsuko tells Nathan about Bunny's gear stick.  
**


	3. Step 03: That Truthful Part

**AN: I don’t know what Tetsuko’s husband’s name would be, so I just went with Tomo.**

* * *

Tetsuko didn’t breeze through Justice Tower’s security like she used to, but she’s fine with that. She now walked about the place toting a ‘Visitor’ ID card, and without her domino mask, she was just plain old Tetsuko T. Kaburagi.

Her only stop was, naturally, the gym. She’d sauntered in, whistling lightly under her breath, and waited until the rest of the Heroes noticed her. A cacophony of squeals ensued, as Karina, Pao Lin and Nathan smothered her with hugs and kisses. Ivan shyly stood back, but a wide smile could be seen through the curtain of his bangs as Tetsuko patted him in the head. Antonio fistbumped and high-fived her, while Keith gallantly bowed and kissed her hand.

“Whew, this place hasn’t changed a bit!” Tetsuko breathed. Save for the season’s latest Hero posters and Ivan’s collection of anime figurines, everything was the same…even that distinct locker room sweat smell.

“You have such _lousy_ timing, Tets,” said Nathan. “Handsome’s not here. He’s got photoshoots of some sort.”

“Nah, that’s okay. I already saw him yesterday,” said Tetsuko.

Nathan raised an exquisitely plucked brow. “Oh?” he said thoughtfully.

“Is it true what we heard?” Pao Lin eagerly butted in. “You’ve got a job offer?”

“That means you’re staying, right? You’d better not run off like you did last time,” Karina said in scolding tones.

“Ahaha…n-nothing’s confirmed yet! There’s still the interview, and…well, truthfully I’ve never gone to these things before. Maybe an endurance test or something?” said Tetsuko.

“Whatever it is, I wish Wild Tigress all the best!” said Keith. “You can do it!”

“Come on, you’ve _gotta_ check out our new posters. My stupid sponsor’s gone and Photoshopped my boobs again. Can you believe it? Now it’s one size bigger!” said Karina, pulling her arm.

“You kidding me? I wish I had yours when I was sixteen!” Tetsuko exclaimed.

“Ha, to replace your sagging ones?” Antonio said with a smirk.

“Oi, they’re still Wild, ok?”

They chatted animatedly for a while, and checked out the posters. Tetsuko expressed suitable admiration for Karina’s visually adjusted mammary glands, although she was quick to stress that she still wasn’t happy that Suntory were making her out as nothing more than fanservice fodder. At least Tetsuko didn’t have to worry about that during her Hero days, because Bunny was _the_ fanservice. 

At one point, when everyone’s attention was suitably diverted, Tetsuko suddenly felt a hand grab her elbow, and she was pulled behind a particularly tasteless potted plant. Nathan’s face loomed over her, looking more serious than he ever could.

“Listen, girl,” he said. “Tonight. You, me, the Hellfire Club. _No excuses.”_

“Eh? What for? I-I don’t feel like dancing, Nath-“

“No, you don’t understand. Tonight, you and I are going out. I’ll pick you up, so by _God_ you’d better be ready by 7.” Nathan released her. “And wear something sexy.”

“B-but I don’t have anything sex-“

The man was already gone. “Hmph, _typical_ superhero exit,” Tetsuko grumbled.

* * *

 

True to his word, Nathan waited outside her home in his flaming red Zenvo, right at the dot of 7pm. He rolled his eyes when he saw Tetsuko.

“I said _sexy,_ Tets. Don’t you have anything else other than your outdated gear?”

“I prefer the term ‘retro’,” said Tetsuko, sliding onto the passenger seat and closing the door after her. She hadn’t bothered to change her usual vest-and-shirt assembly, although she did scrub herself well in the shower. She was now squeaky clean from top to bottom.

“That’s another word for _‘so_ last year’, darling,” drawled Nathan as he joined the traffic.

“So what was so important that I _have_ to go out with you? Kaede’s all alone at home, you know.”

“She’s got free access to the tv?”

“Yeah.”

“And insane amounts of snacks?”

“We had dinner. But…yeah.”

“Then she’ll be fine. If anything happens, she’ll call the fire brigade. Or her Mama’s friends, ahaha!”

“Oh, haha indeed. Well?”

“Honey, what _do_ we talk about when you and I get together?”

Tetsuko thought about it. “McClaren? That tennis player you had a crush on?”

“McEnroy. And it’s _rugby,”_ Nathan stressed.

“Same thing,” said Tetsuko, waving a hand dismissively.

“No, it’s not!”

“Both sports involve hitting balls around, no?”

“Interesting. But no. Try again.”

Tetsuko growled. She had little patience for guessing games. “Antonio’s butt? Or just guys’ butts in general?”

“Ha! No. Final guess.”

“Global warming? Plutonium deposits? What?”

Nathan turned towards her and gave her a Sphinx-like smile. “Bar-na-by!”

“Eeh? _Bunny?_ What about him?”

“Hm, hm…there’s something you kids aren’t sharing with your Aunty Nathan, isn’t there?”

“Such as…? What we have for breakfast, that kind of thing?”

“I know you two hooked up at some point. Don’t deny it! Question is, when and what happened afterwards? Handsome wouldn’t admit it, of course…but he completely changed after you left. Kept to himself a lot. At least when you were around he’d show his face when we have our little gatherings.”

“He was busy! Building a pet toaster.”

Nathan’s brow wrinkled. “What?”

“Nothing. Private joke. Anyway, you know how he is. A bit anti-social, but at least now he plays nicer with the others…right?”

“Yes. He’s a puppy you’ve housebroken quite nicely. How _did_ you ever manage that?”

“Honestly? I don’t know.”

“Whatever you did, it worked. So spill, girl. I just _know_ there’s a story behind this.”

“Sheesh, you’re being kinda nosy, aren’t you?”

“That’s why you love me, Tets,” said Nathan with a wink. “Ah, so we’re here.”

“This place yours?” Tetsuko asked as the valets opened the doors for them.

“The name’s such a gimme, isn’t it?” Nathan beamed, stepping out of the car, fashionable heels clicking smartly on the asphalt.

“Well, it’s certainly…” said Tetsuko, craning her neck up and taking in the garish neon lights, the building’s modern deco design, and concluded: “Something.”

Nathan didn’t resume his line of interrogation until they were comfortably seated inside his personal booth. Tetsuko had settled for a non-alcoholic drink, much to his disappointment. He’d hoped that he could get her loose enough for her to confess everything.

“Sorry, I gotta watch my health now,” Tetsuko had said, smiling politely.

“You’re _really_ showing your age when you talk like that, you know,” Nathan sighed. “But, whatever. So, back to Barnaby…”

“There’s really nothing to tell! We’re good friends, and that’s it.”

“Um-hmm. Friends with benefits, I take it?”

“Haha, you’re worse than the tabloids, Nathan…always speculating the wrong things.”

“Really? Then how do you explain this?” said Nathan, taking out his smartphone and showing it to her.

Tetsuko automatically closed her eyes, knowing full well what was on the screen. She imagined the amount of cameras snapping at that moment, calculated the frame rate and number of consecutive shots, and if she gathered them all together, she’d have enough material to make a full ten second 360 degree clip of her and Barnaby kissing at the Cultural Expo last year.

She laughed uneasily. “Ahahaha, _that_ thing? Uhm, that’s – that’s just harmless! Ok, please get that off my face,” she pushed the phone aside. “Something was stuck in my teeth, and Bunny was helping me get it out.”

Nathan gave her a flat look. “A pervy version of Bunny floss? Come on, you can do better than that.”

“Ok, fine. You want the truth? Then here goes-“ Tetsuko paused, took a deep breath, and said: “My heels snapped that time. I tripped and Bunny caught me.”

Nathan slapped the tabletop hard enough to make her jump. _“With his mouth? Really, Tets?!”_

Tetsuko gulped. For a man wearing shimmering eyeshadow and double coating of mascara, Nathan certainly could look fierce if he wanted to. The former Wild Tigress took a long sip from her iced tea and tried again.

“This is old news, Nathan. Why now? Why here? You could’ve asked about this ages ago.”

“I _did._ The media was crawling all over this after you left. Remember those emails I sent that _you never replied?”_

Tetsuko did, and her guilt was clearly written on her face. “Ah, _media._ You know how they are. Leave it alone for three days and they’ll move on to other things.”

“You really won’t share something important like this with your Hero friends? Your _best_ friends?”

Tetsuko winced. She was hoping that Nathan wouldn’t pull out the friendship card to emotionally blackmail her.

“Alright, fine,” she said after a lengthy pause. “You want the truth?”

“No funny tricks this time,” Nathan growled.

“Bunny and I…may have…or rather, we _almost…_ did a home run.”

Nathan’s expression went blank at first. Tetsuko briefly wondered if that information alone wasn’t sensational enough for him. But suddenly he erupted in a loud squeal, causing her to jump for the second time. He swooped forth, grabbing both her hands.

“Really?! So what happened?” he said excitedly. “Tell me _everything!”_

“Everything?” Tetsuko echoed weakly.

_“Everything,”_ Nathan affirmed. “So that Cultural Expo was just the beginning?”

“We went out for dinner that night. His treat. At some swizz schmancy restaurant whose name I can’t pronouce. Anyway, so. Everything was normal. I was being my usual klutzy derp, and he laughed at me. Thinking back I realize that we both didn’t want to think that I was leaving the next day. It was…sad, really…” Tetsuko trailed off, her eyes caught in the past.

“Somewhere along the way,” she went on, “we started walking around the Expo. They had all these traditional dances going on, and it just so happened that we watched the Kabuki dance. Bunny mentioned that he’d never seen such things before. I told him it’s rather common over at Oriental Town. The municipal council’s always organizing shows to ‘educate the youngsters’ or somesuch rot. Anyway, then Bunny suddenly said he couldn’t imagine what he’d do without me around anymore. I made some stupid joke, and before I know it, we were kissing.”

Tetsuko sat back. Somewhere in the middle of her tale, Nathan had released her and clasped both his hands over his heart. It could’ve just been the light, but the man’s eyes looked positively glistening. “Magic,” he breathed dreamily. His face then turned serious all of a sudden as he snapped: “Then? Did you get into his pants afterwards?” 

“You _really_ want to know that part too?” Tetsuko muttered.

“Well? You’ve already started talking, so you might as well finish it. Otherwise I’ll keep on hounding you forever!”

“We went back to his place. Then things happened in his car, and…oh God, I don’t think I’d ever look at his gear stick the same way again,” Tetsuko said, blushing profusely.

“His gear stick, or his ‘gear stick’?”

“That _gear_ stick! The-the one you use to switch your car gear!” Tetsuko exclaimed, demonstrating with one hand. “Sheesh, how dirty minded can you get?”

“You’d be surprised, Tets. Then?”

“Then we got into his room, and before I know it, I was…we were…” Tetsuko stuttered. If Nathan was expecting a blow-by-blow account of her sex life, then he’s in for a big disappointment. She was never comfortable talking about such things to other people. “We got naked, okay? I was ready and he really was about to do it. He was _this_ close,” she said, holding up her thumb and forefinger and putting them half an inch apart.

Nathan’s eyes were like saucers. _“That_ close?”

“Okay, no.” Thumb and forefinger were squeezed closer together so that they were touching. “More like this.”

“God, no. Then what happened?”

“Then I felt it.”

“Ooh. His – uh…” Nathan trailed off, waggling his brows suggestively as he pointed at his groinal area.

_“No,_ no. My ring. My wedding ring.”

“Eh?”

“I felt it around my finger and suddenly I was hit by this unbelievable sense of guilt. It was a memory of Tomo, and having sex with someone else while wearing it just seemed _wrong…_ it’s like having him stand there and watch as I do it…y’know?”

“Then why didn’t you take it off?”

Tetsuko shook her head. “I simply couldn’t. I told Bunny to stop, apologized to him, and that’s that. He understood, of course. Sheesh, that idiot can be too understanding for his own good sometimes. I hated myself for doing it. I mean, he’s been trying so hard, and I just…well…” She closed her eyes with a sigh, allowing her forehead to drop onto the tabletop with an audible bang. “I’m such an idiot,” she mumbled.

“That you are, girl,” said Nathan, taking a sip out of his drink. “It never occurred to you to try again now that you’re back here?”

“I don’t know. Bunny never mentioned it, so I thought that maybe he’s put it all behind. Besides, he dated people afterwards, right?”

Nathan made a face. “Half-starved stick insects with brains of a mollusc. _None_ that fits his calibre, I can assure you. From the way he goes through each one of them says that he wasn’t happy too.”

Tetsuko straightened herself up. “Well, at least he’s trying to like people again. That’s good.”

“Stop kidding yourself, Tets. Handsome’s single again, so you really should go for it. I’m not undermining your feelings towards your husband, mind you. I’m sure what you had with him then was wonderful. But don’t you think it’s time that you moved on? Finding someone doesn’t mean that you dishonour his memory. Why, if Tomo was here, he’d want you to be happy instead of moping about and making doe eyes at Handsome.”

“I do _not_ make doe eyes!” Tetsuko protested loudly.

“Figure of speech, darling,” Nathan drawled. “So tell me: what’s he like?”

“What’s what like?”

“Oh, you know! Barnaby _naked…?”_

“Wha-? You’re really asking me this?”

“Go on. I know you’re _dying_ to tell,” Nathan said, quirking his brows suggestively.

Tetsuko smiled despite herself. Her eyes took on a dreamy sheen as she recalled. “Cool, yet hot at the same time. The _real_ him would never waste time with words. He’d prefer to show how he feels. He’s like…like the Columbus of sex – always exploring.”

“And…?” Nathan said, eagerly leaning forth and placing his elbow on the table, missed, and almost dropped his drink.

“The way he looks at you as if you’re the only thing that matters. And he’s meticulous. Very meticulous. It’s like he’s mentally taking notes on what I like and what I don’t like. And those hands…ooh. They could make nightingales sing!”

Nathan collapsed against the couch, fanning himself with a napkin. “Ohh, be still my doki doki heart!”

Tetsuko cleared her throat as politely as she could. She had no idea how heartthrobbing her affair was with Barnaby, but apparently it was working wonders on Nathan. “Right,” she managed.

“You. You’re one lucky woman! D’you have any idea how many girls would _kill_ just to see what you saw?”

“Meh. See one naked man and you’ve already seen the rest. What’s the big deal?”

That comment earned a light swat up the back of her head from Nathan.

“Silly Tets!” he exclaimed. “That’s _your_ problem, right there! You’ve got a good thing going, yet you throw it away. You’ll end up regretting it, trust me.”

“I have my reasons. I don’t expect you to understand them, but they’re mine. Besides, I’d rather worry about Kaede than myself. I really need this job, Nathan. I’m not good at anything else.”

“Oh, pshaw. You’ve had it in the bag right from the beginning. You needn’t have to worry.”

“What do you mean by that?” Tetsuko asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Nothing. Hero Academy’s be _doomed_ if they don’t have the Wild Tigress around to show them what’s what. Try not to scare your students on the first day, okay?”

“Hah, you kidding me? We’re all gonna Roar Wildly!”

“Keep those corny catchphrases to a minimum. They’re there to graduate, not flunk.”

“They’re really that bad?”

“Like a hangnail,” said Nathan, nodding sagely as he finished up his drink. _“Call_ him, Tets. Start where you both left off. I know he’s been waiting for you to do that.”

Tetsuko didn’t know how to respond. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him that the very thought made her uncomfortable. So she merely shrugged, and gave him a bright smile.

“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re not. I’ll just…I don’t know.”

The vexed look she received from Nathan didn’t make her feel any better.

* * *

**Episode the next: Kaede's teenage angst, and the Vegeta vs. Kamen Rider debate between Tetsuko and Antonio. Which one does Bunny prefer?  
**


	4. Step 04: That Gentlemen Prefers Voltron Part

“My name is Tetsuko T. Kaburagi, and I’m looking forward to working with you. Please give me guidance,” said Tetsuko with a bow.

The Hero Academy director laughed. “My, my. No need to be so formal!” he said, patting her shoulder. “I’m just glad to have a legendary Hero here.”

“Ahaha, you’re too kind, sir.”

“If anything, I should be the one learning from you! More than a decade as the Wild Tigress. I’m positive that you have much to contribute to our school.”

“I’m looking forward to that. Thank you for this opportunity, sir.”

“Please, call me Timo. Now, I don’t know if you’re aware, but they’ve completely revised the syllabus this year. It’s more comprehensive, modelled after the latest trends in Heroing business…which of course you’re already familiar with. So I don’t think you’d have any trouble going through the teaching syllabus.”

“T-Teaching syllabus?”

With a wide smile, the director dropped a brick-thick tome onto her unresisting hands. “You need to go through them before starting your class.”

Kaede was patiently waiting outside, nose buried inside a copy of ‘Treasure Island’ when Tetsuko emerged from the director’s office.

“Yo, got your first assignment. Read this tonight and tell me what’s it all about tomorrow. Preferably in writing. And in point form, using multiple coloured pens,” Tetsuko grunted, holding out the teaching syllabus to her daughter.

Kaede swung out of the way. “Why should I? I’m not touching that. Even the cover looks boring!”

“Oi, don’t judge a book by its cover! You’re a bookworm, are you not? Reading’s your thing, yes? Who knows, you might learn to like it once you got past the Introduction page. Besides, I’m preparing you for your future! All of the exam answers are in this thing!”

Kaede snapped her own book shut and resolutely got to her feet. “No. It’s your job to take this seriously, and I won’t have you cutting corners. Now can we go?”

“We haven’t checked out the school yet! Don’t you want to see what they’ve got here?”

“Not really.”

“Tch, you’re so boring! Well, I’m going anyway, so you’re tagging along whether you like it or not.”

With that, Tetsuko dragged her daughter around the school compound, marvelling at the track field and Olympic-sized swimming pool. An unimpressed Kaede snorted and muttered that her school’s pool was _twice_ as big. They’d observed the lab building and Tetsuko recalled a particularly witty tale involving a burette, some undiluted hydrochloric acid, and a bunsen burner which was met with sullen silence. She finally pursed her lips in irritation.

“Alright, Miss Moody. What is it that I did wrong this time?”

“You’ve repeated that story about a hundred times now! It’s _lame!”_

“You might think it’s lame now, but once I’m dead you’ll wish that you could hear it again and again.”

“Don’t talk about death like it’s nothing, mum. It’s never funny, no matter how you say it!”

Tetsuko watched her daughter storm off. She sighed, and looked at the teaching syllabus in her arm.

“Why can’t you write something about raising teenagers, huh?” she said.

* * *

 

Kaede ignored the prickling sensation in her eyes. She hated her mother. She hated how blasé she was when talking about death. Doesn’t she understand how terrifying it is? Kaede almost thought her mother was dead at one time…

She reached the family car, leaning against it until she stopped sobbing. She was hanging on to her mother’s existence like a limpet. Living with her grandmother had been so _lonely,_ and Tetsuko was the only person who really understood what it was like being a NEXT. If she were to die, then-

There’s still so many things Kaede wanted to ask her. But of course she wouldn’t do it. It isn’t cool relying on parents. Her friends told her that. Adults disappoint you all the time. They _lie_ to you all the time. But Kaede still felt she needed to cling to her mother’s skirt simply because she was always uncertain.

Her phone buzzed. If it’s her mother, she’ll ignore it, just to show how upset she was.

She brightened up considerably when she saw who was in her inbox.

_Isaac said: Hey, heard you’re in town. Feel like meeting up?_

Now smiling through her tears, she began texting.

* * *

 

“She hates me, you know,” Tetsuko moaned. “Every week it’s like a stupid game of ‘Guess What Mummy Screwed Up Again!’ I don’t know if I could face another episode of the moodies.”

“Uh-huh,” Antonio said distractedly. “Dammit, missed. Your turn, princess.”

“Tch, how many times must I tell you to _not_ call me that?” Tetsuko snapped, chalking her pool cue before slapping the small cube back onto the edge of the table.

“Hahaha! I think it suits you perfectly!”

“Oh, laugh it up, clown. I’ll call up Nathan and tell him you’re here.”

“And have him spoil our bromance fun? No way.”

“Hm, didn’t know you were _that_ scared of him,” said Tetsuko, eyeing the layout of the pool balls and bending over to ready her shot. She’d hitched up her pencil skirt slightly and spread her legs to gain better stability, making Antonio appreciate that pool was an excellent sport for women.

“I’m not scared. Just… _worried,”_ he said.

They were both at Bar Tony’s, Antonio’s favourite watering hole, playing catch up the way only old friends could. They’d ditched their usual brawling session and opted for something more relaxing. Kaede had flatly refused to join them. She’d even scolded her mother for wanting to bring a minor into a bar.

“Bunny’s been sending some _bad_ mojo to her. I didn’t expect to raise a daughter who’s so…so _square!_ If you think being a teenager’s bad, wait till you become a parent to one,” said Tetsuko, straightening up. She’d managed to pocket two balls, and was going for her third.

“You gotta give her time, I suppose,” said Antonio. “I know when _I_ was a teenager I used to hate my stepmum snooping about my things. Kept thinking I was doing drugs or something.”

“You _did_ do drugs,” said Tetsuko, taking aim. “Remember that space brownie incident? Someone gave it to you, and before we know it, we were both high as a kite behind the girls’ toilet. Luckily nobody caught us.”

“Hah! Yeah, I remember. Good times, man. Good times.”

“Your turn.”

“Try not to stress yourself out, Tetsuko. Just think of it as another phase, and before you know it, she’s all grown up and gone into university.”

“Please, I don’t even want to think about that yet,” said Tetsuko with a shudder. “She’s been going on and on about how I should find someone who’d take care of me. I mean, seriously? I’m not old enough to do it myself? And did I mention she gave me a rabbit for my birthday? A damned rabbit! I’ve a strong suspicion that she’s hinting something.”

“Eh? Rabbit? Why the hell-“ Antonio stopped, realization dawning on his face. “Ohh…I get it. Rabbit. Bunny. _Barnaby._ Ha, clever.”

“No, it’s asinine, that’s what it really is.”

“Then? Didn’t you two hook up during-“

Antonio suddenly found the business end of her cue stick pointed at his face. “I see two words looming in the horizon,” she said warningly, “And they’d better be something nice like ‘chocolate’ and ‘cake’. Because if they involve ‘cultural’ and ‘expo’ being mashed together, then I _swear_ I’ll call Nathan.”

“You two did it nonetheless,” he said in sulking tones. “No point denying it. What’s wrong with him, anyway? I know he’s young, but I’d figured that maybe he has some kind of MILF complex-“

“Oi.”

“Or maybe you’re one of them cougar women-“

_“Oi!”_

“Hey, Wild Cougar. Hehe, geddit?” said Antonio, rubbing his chin and looking self-satisfied as if he’d just solved a space-time conundrum.

Tetsuko took out her phone and began going through her contacts list. “Let’s see…Nathan Seymour…”

“Alright! Alright! Sheesh. You can’t take an honest joke anymore?”

“No, you’re just taking the piss out of me. That’s a big difference.”

Antonio missed his shot again. Tetsuko’s down to her final two balls, while he still had four left. Hopefully she flubbed her turn so that he’d have a better chance of winning. He began thinking of evil ways to distract her.

“You still haven’t answered my question. What is it about Barnaby that you have a problem with?” he asked.

Tetsuko leaned against her cue stick as she pondered. “Nothing. He’s just like that annoying little brother…you know, the one who keeps following you around, solving Rubik cubes and reading scary stuff like ‘Junior Electronics’. You can’t hit him too, because your mother thinks he’s special and he’s gonna win the Nobel Peace Prize or something.”

Whatever Jungian philosophy Tetsuko was trying to connect with was lost to Antonio. In his own experience, women always lied about two things: relationships and diets.

“In other words, you’re jealous of him?”

“Me? Jealous? _Jealous?_ Of that sissy perm head? Ha, you must be joking!”

“Oi, that’s a foul! Your cue just touched the white ball!”

“No, it didn’t. It just…grazed a bit because it was saying hello! They allow it in El Salvadore!”

“Well, we’re not in El Salvadore now, are we? Move aside, princess. It’s my turn.”

Tetsuko scowled, but conceded. “And stop calling me ‘princess’!”

Antonio took his position at the table. Within seconds he managed to pocket one ball. “You’re acting just like that dorama chick. She rejects the guy, and when he starts seeing someone else, she gets jealous. And then when some crazy shit happened, like an accident and the guy got amnesia, the chick goes all like: ‘Oh, I’m so regretting this whole thing!’. Seriously, why do girls do that all the time?”

“Since when do you follow doramas?”

The burly man actually blushed. It was a disconcerting sight.

“I don’t! It’s all Agnes’s fault. She…she eats the stuff up like you can’t believe!”

“Miss Agnes? Eh? How come you’re hanging out with her? You two sleeping together or something?”

When he took too long to answer, she prodded his butt with her cue stick, causing him to foul.

“Hey! Careful with that!”

“Well? Are you?”

“Wha-? I-it’s nothing like that at all! Maybe it was that one time…during Christmas, I think. She was depressed, and I caught her crying…and things just rolled after that…”

“Please, Antonio. Someone breaks out the waterworks and suddenly you’re pity sex material. You gotta start committing, man!”

“Heh, I ain’t nothing like you,” said Antonio, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You married your high school sweetheart. I mean, does that idea ever exist anymore these days? Who the hell would settle down with their first love? Barring you, of course.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. It all just seems so shojo manga-ish.”

“Hey, never underestimate the awesome power of shojo love and friendship! That’s why I still have my Sailormoon R box set until now!”

“God, don’t say that out loud! It’s embarrassing!”

“Please, you cried when Tuxedo Mask kissed Usagi during episode 19!”

“No, I didn’t! That was episode 23!”

“Hah, see? No wonder my disc 4 went missing! You stole it so you can watch at home! In slow-mo!”

“Don’t make baseless accusations. It was Barnaby who took it. I saw it with my own eyes.”

“Bunny? No, it can’t be. He’s more of the Kamen Raider type. He prefers watching gadgets than the actual plot.”

“Hmph, that shows just how _much_ you know your partner. I know for a fact that he’s pro-Vegeta!”

Tetsuko’s brow wrinkled at this. “Don’t bring no goddamned Dragonball to my dinner table! I wouldn’t touch that kiddie show with a ten-foot pole!”

“Vegeta!”

“Kamen Rider!”

_“Vegeta!!”_

* * *

 

The next day Antonio arrived at the gym sporting a black eye and a still bloody lip. Keith’s usual chipper ‘Good morning’ died when the older man brushed past without a word. Even Karina and Pao-Lin stopped their gossiping as they watched him make a beeline towards Barnaby, who was at the bench press machine.

“Oi, Barnaby. You’re a Vegeta fan, aren’t you?” he grunted out.

Barnaby blinked slowly at the question. “I’m…sorry?”

“Please tell me you are. Or maybe you prefer Kamen Rider? God, I _hate_ it when Tetsuko’s right! Listen, when you see her, just say you like Vegeta, ok? C’mon, give me face just this once! I’ve got last night’s pool win at stake here!”

Barnaby’s lips set itself into a thin line. Whatever abysmal stupidity the universe possessed seemed to be shared equally between both Antonio and Tetsuko. It wouldn’t be the first time for him to wonder if his own IQ level would plummet just by being around them long enough.

“The dubious nature of such a question does not warrant an answer from me,” he said coolly.

“It’s just a tiny favour, man! Sheesh, what’s wrong with you?”

“I just don’t see why I should be the deciding point of your silly arguments.”

“Crapzoid, and she’s already on my ass about me stealing her dvds!” Antonio wailed to the ceiling. “Damn you, Tuxedo Mask! _Damn you,_ Sailor-bloody-Moon R!” 

Barnaby silently watched him fretting and moaning away by himself. He eventually picked up his water bottle, and got to his feet.

“Such matters are trivial,” he announced. “Besides, if you went through my profile page, you could easily see that I’m more of a Voltron fan.”

* * *

**Episode the next: Tetsuko teaches Kaede the perfect remedy for a broken heart. And, that dreaded meeting with the in-laws. Will our intrepid heroine survive?**


	5. Step 05: That In-Laws Part

Tetsuko prodded dubiously at a shrunken piece of sausage and dissected her sandwich, hoping she’d discover the Lost Kingdom of Mayonnaise between the soggy layers of ham. Her jaw was still smarting from last night. She’d limped home to Kaede, and despite her fantastic act of having just fought off a mugger, the girl merely tsked and started lecturing her about being a more responsible adult. She did, however, produced the first aid kit and patched her up before going to bed.

And now she’s gone off with her friends, although Tetsuko had a sneaky suspicion that she was really going on a date. So she was left mooching about on her own, and found herself fetched up inside a street café.

Her phone buzzed, and with eyes still on her food, she took it out and answered without checking the caller ID.

“Yello?”

“Tetsuko-chan.”

The former Hero dropped her fork. “Otoo-san.” It was her father-in-law.

“How have you been? It’s been a while. You hardly call these days, so we were getting worried. Well, okaa-san was…and she’d been pestering me to contact you. Look at her, still sulking in her little corner…haha!”

“Oh-er…I’m sorry! I’ve been busy lately. I just got a new job offer, and there’s been a lot of sorting out to do. Sorry again!”

“That’s good! Where are you working now?”

“Hero Academy. But I won’t be starting till next week.”

“Ah, then you’re back in Sternbild?”

“Yes, yes,” said Tetsuko, bowing profusely as if the man was in front of her.

“Is Kaede with you?”

“Yes, but she’ll be going back to my mother’s tomorrow. Her school break’s almost over, so…”

“Excellent! We’ve been thinking of dropping by for a visit! I hope you don’t mind…?”

“Eh? What? You’re in the city?”

“We’ve sold the old house. We’re living here now. I thought I’ve mentioned it to you before?”

“Aah, yes. I remember now!” She didn’t. “It was during that time, and there was some trouble with the movers, I think?”

There was a gentle laughter at the end of the line. “Tetsuko-chan, it’s alright if you don’t. I understand that things have been hectic. What are you doing at Hero Academy? I didn’t realize they needed an editor there. Are you working on their newsletter?”

Tomo’s parents had no idea she was a Hero. She’d told them she wrote for TopMag under a pseudonym.

“They wanted a teacher…er, for their Creative Writing class.”

“Really? Well, I suppose superheroes need some sort of hobby. Or maybe they masquerade as a reporter to hide their Hero identity, ahaha!”

“Yes, and when trouble comes, they use a phone booth to change into their costumes!”

“Haha! You’ve always been a funny one, Tetsuko-chan.” Bunkichi Amamiya had always appreciated her sense of humour, which made it easier for them to get along. “Hang on - Momoko, do you want to talk to her?“ her father-in-law sounded as if he was addressing someone else. His voice came back to the receiver. “Oh well, she’s gone off sulking again. Doesn’t matter. We should have a family outing later! Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Er, yeah. I’ll be sure to let Kaede know.”

“Excellent! See you then!”

Tetsuko hung up. She stared blankly into space, lunch all forgotten. Apparently, ‘till death do us part’ does not extend to immediate family members, which was why Tetsuko had to face the occasional reunions with Tomo’s parents. She could’ve created a book of excuses, or simply politely decline, but that wouldn’t seem right. Kaede’s their only granddaughter, and spoiling her rotten was the perogative of any normal grandparent. They still had no clue she’s a NEXT as well. Wonder how they’d react to that news if she told them.

Her phone rang again. It was Kaede this time.

“You ready to go home now?”

Tetsuko’s grin disappeared when she heard a sob at the other end. “…M-mum!”

Her chair scraped loudly against the floor as she shot up. “Kaede, what’s wrong? Where are you now?”

* * *

 

The public toilet was full. A crowd of cinema goers had flocked over there once their movie had ended. Already there was speculation going around about that locked cubicle in the far end. Sobs could be heard from within, interspersed with tiny whimpers. Some feared a suicide attempt was going on, and a group of schoolgirls were discussing whether they should get the janitor.

Tetsuko pushed her way through the entrance, chanting “Excuse me, excuse me…sorry, tampon emergency…’scuse me…” She headed straight for the sobbing cubicle and knocked at the door. “Kaede, it’s me. Open up, please.”

There was a sniffle. “A lot of people are outside, aren’t there?”

“Well, it _is_ a public toilet. C’mon, let me in. You know how I hate talking to inanimate objects.”

A pause, followed by a _click_ as the latch slid aside. Tetsuko entered, locking the door behind her.

Kaede was curled up on the toilet seat, its top down. Balls of crumpled tissue paper littered the floor like a field of dead soldiers. She lifted her head, and Tetsuko felt her heart melt. Her daughter was injured, but only in ways that couldn’t be seen. She hunkered down before Kaede, touched her shoulder, and gently asked: “What happened?”

Kaede broke into a fresh wave of tears. She darted forth and hugged her mother.

“Shh, it’s ok. Just let it all out. We can stay here the whole day if you want to,” Tetsuko said, rubbing her back in soothing circular motions. “Now show me the asshat who did whatever he did and I’ll pummel him to pulp.”

That earned a bout of strangled laughter from Kaede, although she cried again immediately after that. “Isaac,” she managed to sob out.

“Huh? What’s an Isaac?”

Kaede let go of her mother and grabbed a fistful of toilet roll. It was almost running out. She blew her nose loudly.

“He’s this skater guy I had a crush on. You’ve rescued him before during the competition years ago.”

The vague image of a snivelling blond in her arms floated past Tetsuko’s mind. Hmph, she’d never liked the look of that twerp right from the start. “Ah, _that_ Isaac.”

“He’s been texting me ever since, and yesterday he asked me out with some friends. When I went to meet him, he…he…” Kaede stuttered to a stop. Fat tears began pooling her eyes again, silently rolling down as her lips trembled. “He came w-with a girl…said that they’ve been going steady for a-a y…year!”

“Oh, Kaede,” Tetsuko sighed, hugging her again.

“I should’ve known,” Kaede sobbed. “He said there’s somebody he wanted me to meet. I feel so stupid now. She’s pretty, you know. Tall and skinny, with great hair. They go to the same school.”

“Feh, school romances. They never last. Don’t believe those manga nonsense! Suddenly one day she gets knocked up and they have to get married and they end up having ten kids and a huge mortgage. You’re much better off without him.”

“What’s knocked up?”

“Er, it means she gets fat. So bottom line is, great hair isn’t everything, ok? So are star skaters. It’s like I always say: never trust a guy who prances around in tights.”

Kaede frowned. “But,” she said, “Barnaby wears tights.”

“That’s an undersuit! They’re completely different!”

Kaede kept on crying. Tetsuko released her, and holding her shoulders, she said: “Hey, you know the best remedy for a breakup?”

 _Sniffle._ “What?”

“Shopping. Your grandparents are coming for a visit, and now’s the best time to pwn them off their money. You can get those branded stuff you’ve always wanted. Get them to dress you up real nice, and once Isaac sees you again, he’ll realize what a dummy he was for passing you up. Oh, and while we’re at it, I’ll get some cute guy to take you out.” Tetsuko quickly went through her roster of male friends. Keith? Too old. Ivan? Hmm, maybe.

“Please don’t say Origami Cyclone, because that’d just be weird.”

“Huh? I wasn’t about to!”  

Kaede wiped her eyes and blew her nose one final time. Discarding the tissue, she fixed Tetsuko with a surprisingly stern, albeit a slightly wet, look. “You’re a terrible mother, you know. Teaching her daughter the greed of consumerism at such a young age. I would’ve expected you to give me a much more spiritual advice about handling heartbreaks.”

“Really? Well, um, I could…but I thought it’d just bore you, ahaha!” Tetsuko said, sheepishly rubbing the back of her neck. “Ok, how about _‘there’s plenty more fish in the sea’?_ No? Why’re you staring at me like that?”

* * *

 

“Hmph, the girl’s too skinny! Have you been feeding her at all?”

Tetsuko smiled, although it was a very strained one. She’d been appeasing, or rather – _tried_ to appease – the elderly woman beside her for the past half hour.

She knew that Momoko never approved of her right from the start. In her eyes, she was a street rat, brawling at every chance she’s got and lacking any pedigree whatsoever. She’d expected Tomo to choose a refined lady, preferably from an elite school. Tomo was too smart for the likes of Tetsuko, and his mother took every chance she had to drive that point in. Perhaps she was hoping that they’d be divorced by the end of the first year. But when Kaede arrived, his mother took one look at the baby and conceded that maybe Tetsuko was good for one thing after all. 

Tomo’s passing had given her more ammunition in her crusade against Tetsuko. If only she’d taken better care of him, if only she wasn’t career-obsessed, if only she was a _better wife…_ a laundry list of ‘if only’s which undermined the fact that her son was gone, and there’s nothing anyone could do about it. 

Tetsuko kept telling herself to give it time, but faced with waves of vitriolic hostility everytime she met her mother-in-law was seriously wearing down her patience. The woman may mourn a dead son, but Tetsuko mourned not only a husband, but a best friend and a father.

“Teenagers. They have such endless stamina! They suddenly shoot up like a bean pole and they eat you out of your house! Honestly, okaa-san, Kaede’s a black hole when it comes to food,” she said.

They were at the teen section in the department store. Kaede excitedly darted through the racks, picking out clothes and showing them to her mother. Upon her approval, she’d dash off to try them out. Tomo’s father seemed to have revitalized energy upon seeing his granddaughter. He trotted along behind her, smiling and encouraging her to get anything she wanted. His wife, however, complained about her arthritic feet, which led to her being seated at the bench with Tetsuko as company.

“We’ve set up a trust fund for her, accessable only when she turns eighteen. I’m sure you never thought of doing that yourself. Have you even bought her life insurance? Don’t make the same mistake you did with Tomo!” said Momoko.

“I won’t,” she said. “I’ve already made plans of my own.”

“You’d better not dream of helping yourself to her money! I will not have her future squandered away by you!”

“Am I really that terrible of a parent?” Tetsuko said half-jokingly. “You needn’t worry, okaa-san. Your money is safe from my dirty hands.”

“Hmph, giving me lip as always. And what about you? Are you living a proper life? Not fooling around with other men, are you? It’d be a shame if Kaede were to see her mother still gallivanting around as if she’s still an unmarried woman. You should be aware that men aren’t interested in taking widows as wives, especially one with children. You’d more likely end up as a rich man’s mistress.”

“Heh, there goes my chances of bagging a sugar daddy.”

“Must you insist on joking about everything?” snapped her mother-in-law. “When are you ever serious?”

“I am serious. I’ve been serious for a very long time. It’s just that you’re either too stupid or too proud to see it. I’m just a bad dream you can’t wake up from, because if I were to ever go away, I’d take Kaede with me, and you can’t have that. You’re nothing but a lonely old woman, okaa-san.”

God, how Tetsuko wished she could say that, just to see how Momoko would react. Instead, she bowed slightly and smiled. “I’m sorry. I shall refrain myself in future.”

* * *

 

Nathan sighed, leaning his chin into his hand. The production manager was arguing with him – _again –_ over the choice of music. Honestly, he couldn’t understand why he still kept that man. What’s the point of running a club when you can’t even listen to what you like?

“No, no, no,” he said for the umpteenth time. The music promptly stopped. “See, first you sidestep, then twirl, _then_ wriggle your ass. They’re all basic moves! How can you still not get it?”

“But I think it’s better if they wriggle first, then twirl. It messes up with the whole timing if we did it your way,” said the production manager.

“Don’t you get it? It’s all in the aesthetics! First we build up anticipation, and then we go for the climax! If you show the ass first, what’s the point of having them strip in the first place? Ooh, I’m getting a headache. Take five, everyone!”

He collapsed in his seat, massaging his temples. The production manager and him clearly had different visions when it came to creating an ultimate Masurao Boys show. He’d been pushing for a retro funk feel, and the yet the production manager insisted on bringing in some trashy techno nonsense he’d claimed to be the latest fad among the youngsters.

The sound of a straw slurping the bottom of a glass reminded him of his guest. He turned towards Ivan, who’d been observing the stage with some detached interest.

“If you ask nicely, I could get you in with the Masurao boys,” said Nathan. “I’m sure you’d be a far better performer than these deadbeats I’ve been unfortunate enough to waste my money on.”

“I think they’re rather exciting to watch, de gozaru,” said Ivan. “And, after coming here for the second time, I can see how nicely you’ve made this place out, de gozaru” he added, indicating the altogether pink, purple and gold interior. It was like being inside a cabaret dancer’s dress – all glitter and sequins.

“Why, that’s very kind of you. Not that I don’t appreciate you coming here, darling…but the club’s not open for another two hours, and I’m still going through rehearsals.”

“Oh, I won’t bother you, I promise. I’m just here for the lemonade, de gozaru.”

“Ah? So Sky High’s finally got to you, huh? Honestly, that man finds the nicest things inside the strangest of places.”

“I hardly take lemonade, de gozaru. But I think this is rather delicious. I hope you don’t mind too much of me being here, de gozaru.”

“Of _course_ I don’t mind,” Nathan said, waving a hand airily. “Business is business after all. But you’d have to forgive me. I’m feeling a little brokenhearted right now.”

“B-brokenhearted?”

Nathan nodded. “A woman’s heart is like butterfly wings, Ivan. Beautiful, yet delicate. One wrong touch and it’s ruined forever.”

“I see. Then I think it’s best that we leave it alone, de gozaru.”

“Hey, how can you say such things!” Nathan exclaimed, lightly swatting the boy’s shoulder. “Would you ignore a woman’s cry for help, especially if she’s your friend?”

“My apologies,” said Ivan a tad sheepishly. “Are you talking about yourself, Nathan-san?”

“No, I’m talking about Tetsuko! She may be quick on a lot of things, but romance is certainly not one of it.”

“Ah, so there is someone that she likes?”

“Hm hmm…” said Nathan, placing a finger over his lips and winking at Ivan. “But you didn’t hear it from me. I have it in good authority to confirm that he is quite the doki doki hunk!”

“It must be Rock Bison! I always see them together…but, I never imagined that they’d be dating, de gozaru.”

Nathan sighed. Of all the dense people he could be talking to, it _had_ to be Ivan. Still, he could’ve had it worse. If it were Keith, he would’ve meandered about the topic like a concussed goldfish. Forget about tangents. That man could blow the entire Pythagoras Theorem completely out of the water. 

“No, it’s not Rock Bison. It will _never_ be Rock Bison, no matter how many fanfictions were ever written about them.”

“Oh? Then this person does not know of her feelings? Maybe she’s too shy to express it, de gozaru.”

“Huh, shy isn’t the problem here. I tell you, it’s like watching glaciers mate! She’s been wasting her time in denial. Some action should be happening by now!”

“Ahah! I know just the thing!”

“Ivan, the Lock-them-up-in-a-room-and-see-what-happens trick is an overly used plot device. It’s redundant! It’ll never work!”

“No, I have something even better. It brings people together and promotes healthy two-way communication! Even the most socially awkward can join in the fun. There’ll be games, and karaoke. I’ve always wanted to go to one, de gozaru.”

“What are you talking about?”

“And maybe, romance will blossom by the end of the night! They have rules about these things, too…so girls will never have to worry about being stalked or harassed,” said Ivan, punching his fist into his other hand as if he’s come to a conclusion.

“Ah, I think we’re getting somewhere here,” said Nathan hopefully.

“She should attend a gokon!”   

“A… a what..?”

* * *

 

Disclaimer: Nathan’s opinion is his and his alone. He may be opposed to the idea of Bison and Tigress together, but I’m all for the best-friends-but-maybe-more? approach ;-) If you don’t know what a gokon is, it’s a group date. And yes, there’s a high possibility of karaoke.

**Episode the next: A man from Nathan’s past, Karina reveals her unsurprising hatred towards Bunny, and Tetsuko pays Saito a late night visit.**


	6. Step 06: That Unexpected Confession Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I’ve been scouring the drama CD translations, and I can’t quite figure out whether the name of Nathan’s ex is McEnroy, McEnroe or Marcero. So I’d just go for McEnroy simply because it sounds more rugby-like ;p

Weekday nights were always slow, and the ones that would usually trickle into the bar at this hour were the lonely salarymen types, weary after being marooned to their computers the whole day. There was the occasional character the bartender would imagine to be part of the hard-boiled detective class, but it certainly wasn’t the haggard woman in a newsboy cap demanding for something that was ‘stronger than water, but non-alcoholic’.

The bartender tentatively placed a glass of soda in front of her. She took a sip, made a face, and thanked him. He scurried off to attend to the only other customer: a burly executive on his third helping of scotch.

Tetsuko swiveled around in her seat, turning to look at the performer on the stage. She raised her glass in a formal salute when the singer noticed her. She faced the bar again, sighing tiredly. Meeting her in-laws was always a draining experience. At least Kaede got something out of it. Tetsuko imagined that facing a dragon would be a far more rewarding experience than this. Maybe it’s time she put her foot down and tell Tomo’s father she was busy the next time he wanted to come over for a visit. Oh, but she simply can’t bear the disappointed tone he’d use if she ever did that.

She felt trapped, boxed in by the unreasonably traditional view Momoko wanted to impose on her. Were her choices really that limited? Either she lived the remainder of her life alone, or saddle up with a rich man who’d see her as nothing more than a mistress. What would happen to Kaede’s future then? She wanted her daughter to get a proper education, but with her current middle-class economical state, she wasn’t sure what options she could offer Kaede. Naturally, Muromasa wouldn’t hesitate to help if she asked, but then he’d have their mother to support too…

Another glass of soda was placed before her.

“Compliments from the gentleman,” said the bartender, nodding towards the executive when she looked at him quizzically.

“Ah, so kind,” she said, but didn’t touch the drink. She smiled at her mysterious benefactor just to be polite, which turned out to be a mistake. He took it as an invitation, gathered his things, and began making his way to her end of the bar.

Tetsuko groaned. Of all the times to be hit on! He’d better not use some corny pickup line or he’ll feel her foot up his ass!

“Mind if I join you?” he asked. A wave of his cologne drifted over her: cheap, almost sporty - no doubt bought from the bargain aisle of a convenience store – interspersed with a hint of cigarette smoke. It was a very Antonio-like smell, and in an instant Tetsuko knew what type of man he was.

“I do, actually,” she said.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought just now you were- here, would it be better if I introduced myself? I’m McEnroy. Oliver McEnroy. And you are…?”  

“Tetsuko.”

“Tet-suko? Did I pronounce that right? Nice to meet you.”

His handshake was firm. Tetsuko resisted the urge to wipe her palm on her clothes the minute he released it.

“You seem very familiar, Tetsuko,” he said, perching himself onto the stool beside her. “I’m sure I’ve seen you somewhere.”

“Ahaha…I doubt it. I have a very forgettable face.”

“You come here often?”

Onstage, Karina snuck a glance towards Tetsuko. Her brow quirked when she saw her cozying up with a someone. Hmph, for someone who’d held herself out for years, she sure was fast when it came to scoring with a total stranger. Judging from his looks, he doesn’t seem like a good catch, but Karina supposed that women of a certain age had no choice but to take whatever’s in front of them.

McEnroy had positioned himself so that his knee bumped lightly against Tetsuko everytime he moved. “I come here sometimes,” he said. “They have great performances. That singer over there? She’s good. Doesn’t know a lot of oldies, though. A pity. Love her voice, though. You listen to pop music a lot, Tetsuko?”

“Look, I’m just going to cut through the chase here,” Tetsuko said. She was tired, and the last thing she wanted was to spend her evening being plied on with false compliments. “Okay, number one: are you married?”

McEnroy looked momentarily nonplussed. “Er…no. Divorced.”

“Got kids?”

“A daughter. Hey-“

“Are you rich? How much do you make in a year?”

“I hardly think that’s any of your business!”

“Ballpark 40, 50k per annum? It can’t be more than that…otherwise you’d be able to afford a better cologne. See – I’m married,” she said, holding up her left hand to show her wedding band, “and I’ve a teenage daughter. She happened to be the one on that stage.”

McEnroy was still goggling at Karina when Tetsuko continued. “I’m sure you’re a really nice guy, Oliver. But I’m not interested. Sorry. Thank you for the drink, but I don’t accept freebies from total strangers. I even give back pamphlets handed to me at shopping malls. So, if you’ll excuse me, I’d really like to be excused.” With that, she vacated her seat, picked up her drink, and strode towards the stage. Karina was playing the final notes of her piece when Tetsuko went up, placed her glass on the piano and said rather nonchalantly: “Bar’s kind of crowded tonight. Mind if I hang with you?”  

Karina levered a glare at her as she leaned over and said the microphone: “Thank you. And good night.” Switching the thing off, she said, “It’s rude to interrupt a performance, even when I’m about to finish.” 

“Who’s going to notice?” Tetsuko asked, indicating the empty bar lounge. “Save for the gorilla who just hit on me, of course.”

“Did he use a corny pick-up line? I’ll freeze his underpants if he does.”

“Ha! You can do that from here? That’s brilliant!”

Karina began gathering her music sheets. “When’s you new job starting?”

“Next week.”

“Hmph, I’d imagined that you’d be cosying up with Barnaby by now. You two are practically Siamese twins.”

“Please, if I were to share the same womb with him, I’d hang myself with my own umbilical cord.”

That earned a thoughtful pause from Karina. She chuckled. “So you still think he’s an asshole, huh? You know, he insulted me during my radio show…and the worse part is, I don’t even know how he did it. My producer loved him, though. Kept insisting that he should come again. Maybe I could squeeze you in as well. Do a special interview. That way, his presence is at least a tad bearable.”

“Come on. You’re seriously going to listen to the ramblings of a washed-up Hero?”

“Oh, you’re talking about Barnaby, right?”

“Hah, funny. Hey, I need a favour,” Tetsuko said, pulling up something she’d brought along with her. It was a Baby Rose tote bag. “Could you sign this for Kaede?”     

It seemed as if the most effective rule for marketing to tweens was to slap on the word ‘Baby’ on any brand name. Then the mad stampede begins as girls of varying age would plead, cajole, and even threaten their parents to get something that makes them look like lolita prostitutes. But Tetsuko had to admit: Blue Rose’s line of accessories had a certain classy appeal to it. Even the stylized rose logo was nice. She hoped that the designer responsible for it was paid really well.

“She loves your stuff,” Tetsuko said a tad sheepishly as she produced a marker pen from her pocket. “Was hoping for me to butter you up nicely so that she could get freebies.”

Karina smiled, taking the pen. She autographed the bag, taking great care to write Kaede’s name in bold letters. No doubt that girl will be the envy of her friends after this. “You know, there’s a new range of accessories I’m planning to unveil in conjunction with the release of my album. We’re talking about top of the range stuff, never before seen by the public. I could hook you up with a set-“

“Hey, that’s great!”

“-only if you agree to go live on my show. What do you say? You could talk about your new career, your future plans. You could even dish out the dirt on Barnaby if you want. Hah, I’d like to see his face when you do that.”

“Aw, Karina. That’s really nice of you. But seriously? I’m done with Hero stuff.”

“Think of it as a way to reach out to your fans again. I know they’re still out there, and they want to see you both make another public appearance. Besides, interviewing you would be better than me reading out the horrible scripts my boss prepared. Have you listened to the Midnight Ice Cream before?”

“Um, yeah. Once.”

“And what do you think of it? Come on, be honest.”

“Um-“

“Well?”

“Those lines they made you say? Well they make you sound like a dominatrix on phone sex.”

Karina gaped. “How crass! I can’t believe you’d actually say that!”

“You wanted me to be _honest._ What do you expect? But, knowing Bunny, he’d probably say something nice about you on air, right?”

“Hah, you wish. How is it that you manage to be in the same room with him without wanting to murder him?”

“It’s a skill, I guess. One that takes years to develop.”

“Hmph. Of course you’d say that. You’re probably the only person on earth who could stand being with him, because you’re like his waifu or something. I’m surprised you’re not bringing him bento lunches now that you’re retired.”

“Wha-? Hey, our relationship is _nothing_ like that!” Tetsuko exclaimed. She suddenly had a vision of herself in a housewife apron, waddling over to Bunny’s office and presenting him with a box of onigiri rice balls festooned with smiley faces and heart-shaped sprinkles. Hm, she might actually do that, just to embarrass him. 

“Suit yourself. Just because you say it isn’t, the fact is, everyone sees you both that way. Frankly, I don’t care. Give that moron someone he can piss off and abuse, but that person is definitely not me. Face it, Tetsuko. You’re stuck with Barnaby for the rest of your life, so let’s make the most of it by appearing on my show. Come on, it’ll be fun.”

Tetsuko said nothing. She leaned over to unhook the microphone, turning it on before saying: “Test…test…1, 2, 3…”

Karina rolled her eyes. “Quit horsing around. I _work_ here!”

“Wow, so this is how I sound like on the mic,” Tetsuko grinned, hearing her voice bounce and reverberate throughout the room. The bartender was giving them funny looks. “Tigress in da house, yo! Let’s all roar wildly! Wiki…wiki…” she went on by making turntable noises.  

Karina stood up and snatched the microphone from her. “Will you stop that!” she said crossly. “If there’s one other thing I can’t stand, it’s your childish antics! I’m not joking!”

Tetsuko laughed. “Come on, a bit of fun never harmed anyone. You kids are always so serious. Before you know it, you’re old and you start to wonder what happened to your youth. Such a waste.”

“Well, unlike you, _we_ have to work!”

“Work never ends, Karina. Not unless if you’re dead. You’ve always complained that your boss never let you be yourself. Well, how are you going to _find_ yourself if you’re uptight all the time? You’re…what? Eighteen? You’ve spent your entire adolescence pleasing idiots in monkey suits. Don’t you think it’s time for you to consider what you really want? Take a sabbatical. Go and see the world. You might end up wanting to open a spa in a holiday resort, but that’s okay…because it’s _you_ making that decision.”

“Hah, that’s easy for a retired Hero to say!”

“Don’t get burned out. That’s all I’m saying. Right now you’re tied up by what your sponsors want you to be. You should remember that you’re replacable. So instead of making other people feel important, you should make yourself important first.”

Karina stared. “Okay, since when has this become a pep talk for me? I was supposed to be scolding you!”

“Well, get in line. Right now I’ve got Kaede, Bunny and Nathan on the waiting list.”

“You’re appearing on the Midnight Ice Cream. I don’t care if my producer disapproves. I’ll _make_ him agree to it. How’s that for being myself, huh?”

Tetsuko started to sweat. “Er, that’s not exactly what I meant! Um-“

“Freebies,” Karina said in wheedling tones. “You’re desperate to impress Kaede, are you not? She’s always saying how lame you are. Plus-“ she leaned forward, and in the same confident manner as someone putting down an ace card over a royal flush, said: “I’ll throw in a free CD pack, all autographed by me.”

Tetsuko sighed. She knew defeat when she saw it.

* * *

 

It was 2 am, and Kaede couldn’t sleep because of ‘The Tigress and Bunny Mix Tape’.

But what really piqued her interest was the ‘Do Not Show This To Anyone EVER’. 

It was a DVD she’d discovered while snooping about her mother’s things. It fell, completely by accident, from the old Hero Magazine she’d been flipping through. She’d briefly contemplated on slipping it back in when she hesitated. Having a ‘Do Not’ label on anything made it a veritable Pandora’s Box, and anyone with a healthy dose of curiosity would _naturally_ want to open it just to see what the fuss was all about.

And now, she was seated at the living room, waiting for the player to load. Her mother’s gone out again, doing goodness knows what. She’d mentioned that she was seeing some friends. As far as Kaede was concerned, she couldn’t care less if her mother’s off capering over the rooftops, but she’d better not forget that she has to wake up early tomorrow to get to the train station.

The tv screen flickered. Her mother’s face appeared, looking uncertainly at her.

_“This thing recording already?”_ she asked. _“Ah, yes. See the red dot blinking. Ok, so as of today, I’m o-ff-i-cially retired. Kampai!”_ She raised an unsteady arm, holding up a beer can as she toasted the screen. She obviously did this recording on Barnaby’s computer. Kaede recognized that hibiscus wallpaper in the background.

_“Oi, Bunny! Get your ass here! Imma interview you.”_

Barnaby appeared, looking just as sloshed as her. He unceremoniously nudged her off the chair. _“Careful, you might spill over my keyboard,”_ he slurred.

Unperturbed, her mother got up and seated herself on his lap. _“Tell us how you feel about your partner’s retirement, Mr. Brooks.”_

_“If I can express from the bottom of my heart,”_ said Barnaby, wrapping his arms about her waist, _“I’d say bloody good riddance. No more nagging. No more pestering. And I can now have the newspaper all to myself. Thank God for that.”_

_“Kampai!”_ her mother cheered, chugging down her beer. _“Let’s sing a song together!”_

_“What’s the first thing you’ll do once you get back?”_

_“Hmm, excellent question. I guess I’d sleep the whole day and only wake up for dinner. Hah, I haven’t done that in a loooong time!”_

_“So here’s to you no longer being an annoyance in my life.”_

_“Kampai!”_

_“Wait…it’s not banzai, right?”_

_“That’s completely unrelated, Bunny!”_

_“Right. So, cheers, then…”_

The recording ended. Kaede snorted. Just two minutes of nonsense? What a waste of DVD space! She grabbed the remote and was about to press the ‘eject’ button, when the screen flickered again. This time Barnaby appeared. He seemed to be alone. The time stamp showed a date two days after the first recording.

He chugged on a bottle of wine, hiccupped, and stared blearily at the screen.

_“Kaburagi,”_ he intoned. _“I hate you.”_

Kaede almost dropped the remote.

_“I hate you for leaving me alone. I hate how you’ve stopped calling me in the middle of the night. I hate that annoying way you chew your straws. Moreover, I hate everything about you simply because you exist. It’s easier to hate you because the opposite is rather unfortunately true._

He set the bottle on the table and leaned his forehead against it. _“Bloody hell, Kaburagi. Why? The only thing worse than being in Sternbild is the fact that you’re not here. You’re the only real friend I’ve ever had. I…I lo-“_

He stopped, biting his lip. _“I can’t say it,”_ he muttered. A ruddy tint stained his cheeks as he uttered the next three words with the earnestness of a man beseeching the heavens: _“Please come back.”_

For a moment, Kaede felt as if Barnaby was staring straight at her. This wasn’t play-acting. This was him stripped to the core, and his eyes showed such sadness, such vulnerability that Kaede felt moved to hug the television.

He suddenly stirred, then groaned. _“God, I think I’m going to vomit. Brooks over and out.”_

Kaede found herself staring at the blue screen for a long time.

* * *

 

Saito was waiting for Tetsuko at the foyer, hands in his lab pockets and looking slightly annoyed as if she’d interrupted him from something important.

“Wild Tigress,” he said, then added: “What is that?”

“Your new company mascot!” Tetsuko said, lifting up the cage. “Rabbit, meet Saito. Saito, meet rabbit.”

The man adjusted his glasses as he bent over for a closer look. “Ah, so it is. But why bring him?”

“Animal accessories are the in thing these days, no? Remember that whatzisface Hilton girl and her pet chihuahua in her bag? Don’t know what she’d do if the thing did its business, which is why I’m keeping him in his cage.”

“I do not waste my time watching frivolous news. Come.”

“You seem to be in a bad mood,” said Tetsuko, following him to the elevator. “I did ask if this was a bad time for you.” 

“Whatever world crisis I am attempting to avert pales in comparison to the mission of rescuing you from a terrifying book.”

“Ahaha…well, you know reading’s not my thing,” Tetsuko said with a lopsided grin.

“From what I’ve gathered about you throughout these years, a _lot_ of things aren’t your thing.”

“Come on, Saito. Have you _seen_ the teaching syllabus? It’s written like an aeronautics manual, full of boring diagrams and – get this - four-syllabled _words!_ There’s even a whole chapter on how a NEXT should properly activate their powers. How oblivious do they think the students are going to be?”

“I suppose they still have to cover the basics. Not everyone may get it, you know.”

“Oh? Then how’s this: did you know a Hero could be sued for interrupting a suicide attempt? I almost wanted to rip the bloody book to shreds! How’d things become so damned complicated? What’s a Hero to do, then? Wait until somebody’s jumped off the building and then call the police? Whoever wrote this syllabus _clearly_ wasn’t a Hero, and had no idea what it’s like to be one.”

“Perhaps you should demand a full rewrite, then.”

They’d reached the subterranean lab floor. Saito flashed his keycard, punched in the code, and went through the biometrics scanning before they were allowed inside.

“New security system, I see,” Tetsuko commented.

“A necessary evil,” Saito sighed. “You can’t be too careless about these things. They change the code everyday.”

“Wow, so you can’t really use your pet’s name, or the first high school you’ve been to. That’s tough.”

They passed the server room, a glass-encased area under constant environmental control. Tetsuko had been in there once, and came out wishing she’d brought her winter jacket along.

“Nice to you see you haven’t changed the party room,” she said. “Did I tell you I hate your decorating skills? Everything’s so _white._ What’s wrong with adding a few colours here and there, eh?”

Saito gave her a Look. “I like it as it is,” he stated, pushing a button. His office door hissed aside, and they entered. Inside, the area was less organized, the clutter showing evidence of its owner burning the midnight oil.

“What’re you working on now?” Tetsuko asked, setting down the rabbit cage and curiously bending over a stack of blueprints on the table. There were a few strips of new wristcoms scattered at the side. She pocketed one when Saito wasn’t looking.

“A new prototype for Bunny’s suit. You do realize that everything you see in here is top secret?”

“Oh, please. Don’t give me that government conspiracy crap. Even if I did wanted to sell you out, I can’t even begin to make head nor tail out of your notes. What’s all this stuff about gold titanium alloy? You can make armour out of gold? No wonder Lloyds is always up my ass everytime I messed up my suit. The insurance alone would’ve cost a fortune!”

“Gold has been used on spacesuits, you know. It helps filter out the sun’s rays.”

“Seriously? Wow. Imagine someone coming up with a line of eyewear on that. You’d get bling, and style too!”

“Bunny’s been giving me some input on the specs. That boy’s a natural talent when it comes to technical engineering. Runs in the family, I suppose.”

“Yep, that’s our Bunny. Always good at everything he does.”

“Do I detect irony, Wild Tigress?” said Saito with a smile. “Haven’t you two been catching up lately?”

“Not really. He’s busy, and so am I…bumming about.”

“I believe he’s still in the office. If you want, you can-“

“No, let’s not disturb him. Is that his note right there? Huh, yes. I’d recognize that chicken scrawl anywhere.” Contrary to popular belief, Barnaby’s handwriting was an untidy mess. Tetsuko tilted her head to make sense of his sentences. “Al-alumina cenamic? Oh, it’s ceramic. Ceramic? My mug’s made out of that stuff, and it chips like nobody’s business in the dishwasher! He’s honestly planning on putting that on his suit?”

“It’s a different kind. Let’s just say it’s not the type you’d use to get your usual dose of morning java.”

“Ah, I know this: kevlar. And…diamond shards and bark spider silk…? Ahaha, what is he trying to make: _elf_ armour? This isn’t Dragon Quest. You don’t kill monsters to get upgrade material for your weapons.”

“Actually, bark spider silk weave is ten times stronger than kevlar. And it’s much lighter too.”

“For real? Huh…amazing what you scientists can discover.” Tetsuko moved away from the table and began exploring the rest of his office. She spotted her old suit, locked in a display case. “Whoa, still looks as if I only took it off yesterday!” she exclaimed. “See, there’s still that dent when I dinged the subway stair railing. Man, just looking at this brings tears to my eyes!” 

“We never changed anything. Mr. Lloyds wanted me to strip it off and use the components on Bunny’s suit.”

“But you didn’t let him?”

“No. _Bunny_ didn’t allow it. Was rather firm about it too. I would’ve taken it apart in a heartbeat. Spare parts are still spare parts, after all.”

“You didn’t feel the slightest bit nostalgic without me around?”

“No,” said Saito, grinning.

“Huh. Wonder what happened to my old Chaser.”

“Ah, about that. We’ve rolled out a new model right before you made your untimely decision to quit. Sadly, without anyone to test drive her, she’s been sitting in the workshop ever since.”

Tetsuko’s eyes were gleaming. “Show me,” she breathed.

She was covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, dormant like a sleeping dragon. Saito pulled it off, revealing her gleaming white and green bodywork, the Wild Tigress decals, and the sheer wickedness of power hidden within composite aluminium casing.

“Water-cooled 4 stroke 4 cylinder InLine engine, four titanium valves per cylinder, with two overhead camshafts,” said Saito as Tetsuko straddled the bike. “Digital Engine Electronics system, with a dynamic damping control…which means that the Chaser adapts to the terrain, regardless of weather, thus optimizing wheel traction.”

“Ooh, keep talking dirty to me, Saito. I think I just orgasmed.”

The tech engineer adjusted his glasses and gave her an affronted look. He was selling off the finer points of his creation and Tetsuko had to spoil it with her usual stupid remarks.

“Goes from zero to sixty mph within 2.5 seconds. But, as I’ve said before, lack of a tester meant that I cannot corroborate that. Hey, what are you-“

The engine roared to life. Tetsuko caressed the handles before gripping it.

“Come on, Saito. Let’s take her out for a bit.”

Saito’s jaw dropped. “You – you can’t just do that!”

“I think she’s been cooped up inside for long enough. Besides, you need someone to prove that speed theory of yours. That’ll give you more bragging points to give Lloyds, and he’d be so happy he’ll increase your R&D budget! And probably throw in a brand new espresso machine too.”

“I only take decaf,” Saito said distractedly. “But you’re not authorized to ride this. I could get in trouble!”

“Which is why you should come along. You’re the person in charge. Don’t you want to see what your baby can do? C’mon, I’ll take her round the block and back again. Nobody will notice!” 

Saito stared doubtfully from her, to the Lonely Chaser, and eventually, towards the massive roller doors at the far end of the workshop.

“You built a million-dollar speed machine only to have it spend the rest of its lonely life beneath a tarpaulin? Tsk tsk. How sad,” said Tetsuko, looking extremely vexed.

She waited, then added a sniffle for good measure.

“Oh, very well. But only around the block, you hear me?”

She grinned.

* * *

**Episode the next: Tetsuko takes the Lonely Chaser out for a joyride! Eh? Why is Bunny after her? Will this be that 'tender, loving doki doki' moment? A Tetsuko and Bunny scene.**

 

 


	7. Step 07: That Joyride Part

Barnaby sat back in his swivel chair, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. He’d been staring at spreadsheets the whole day, and the endless march of columns was starting to make him see double. Maybe it’s time he called it a night.

His eyes fell on the desk beside him. His mind immediately conjured up images of its previous occupant, snoring over the keyboard when she was supposed to finish up the expenses report. Tetsuko was a person who’d always mark her territory, and even now he could still see the crude cartoons scrawled over the wooden surface and the scratches done with an x acto knife she’d stolen from the Design Department.

Years ago, a fan had sent her a chibi drawing of them together, along with the caption ‘World’s Cutest Couple’ at the bottom. She’d been so excited about it that she had it scanned and printed out. The copy was now framed up beside his computer, along with a photograph of them during the awards ceremony of her final year as Hero. She’d looked beautiful then, having discarded her mask and actually dressed up for the occasion. But that still didn’t stop her from pulling a stupid duck face and flashing a V sign right before the photo was taken.

Barnaby didn’t consider himself an overly sentimental man, but with her he’d developed a somewhat tender spot. After she left, he’d found himself haunting all the places they’ve been to together, even that sleazy karaoke bar she’d claimed to have the best mixed nuts in the entire city. That was, of course, a highly debatable issue.

But the point was he missed her. So much that he’d time and again fought the crazy urge to drive down to Oriental Town and surprise her. Actually, he didn’t know what he’d do if he actually went ahead with that plan. He’d probably be so overcome with emotion and burst into tears the minute she opened the door. Hah, what a romantic end for Sternbild’s most desirable man.

Hidden within the pages of his daily planner were more random scribbles by her, including a well-preserved game of hangman they’d secretly played together during a particularly boring staff meeting. Out of a crazy whim, she’d written down a line of kanji characters in one corner, claiming that they’re his name in Japanese.

He smiled to himself. There’s absolutely no question what he’d take out first if his apartment were ever on fire. 

He briefly wondered what she was doing right now. Probably asleep, probably up watching movies, all curled up on the sofa in her nightclothes. So long as she’s safe, then he had little reason to worry.

As he exited the car park, he seemed to notice a very familiar four-wheel drive. He shook his head, blaming fatigue for making him imagine things. That can’t be Tetsuko’s car parked inside Apollon Tower. She had no reason to be here anymore.

The thought alone brought a maudlin pang over him. Maybe he should call her. Take her out for coffee. Do normal friend stuff. She’s probably wondering by now why he hadn’t contacted her. He didn’t want her to think that he’s giving her the cold shoulder. Quite the contrary. He was actually getting cold _feet._ Nervous at the thought of dialling her number only to end up being wired to voicemail. Or, even worse, her picking up and saying his name.

He stopped at a red light and took out his phone. He stared dumbly at the cover as if expecting it to reveal some deep secrets of the universe. He eventually flipped it open and started scrolling for her name. _Man up, Brooks, and just call her. Or maybe it’s too late for that. Alright, a text message, then. How hard can it be?_

He vaguely registered the guttural whine of a high-powered motorcycle rolling up behind him. It stopped beside him, the deep bass purr of its engine reverberating even through his car. Feh, just another dumb kid on a flashy bike he can’t handle.

Barnaby snapped his phone shut in irritation. The noise made it impossible for him to think. He glared at his neighbour, and immediately did a double take.

Somebody was on the Lonely Chaser, and although its head was covered by the Wild Tigress helmet, there’s no mistaking that familiar green shirt and vest ensemble. Saito was clinging to her waist, wearing an expression of pure, abject terror. His eyes met Barnaby’s, and he mouthed the words ‘Bunny-chan’ before the lights turned green and Tetsuko whooped, gunning the engine and whizzing off like a bullet, leaving behind a trail of smoke and middle-age crisis.

Barnaby pursed his lips and floored the accelerator.

* * *

 

Tetsuko dodged through traffic like a silverfish. She skated past corners, tilting the bike low enough for her knee to almost scrape the asphalt. She did wheelies, she raced with a Kawasaki Ninja and almost caused a three-car pileup; and slowly but surely Saito was having a heart attack. 

Barnaby was getting increasingly irritated as he sped up after her. Just what the hell does she think she’s doing? The Lonely Chaser’s company property. If she crashes it, she’ll get sued! He swerved around a trundling Honda Accord, ignored the angry honking behind him, and shifted down to second gear. He spotted her turning off to Exit 353, and followed.

Exit 353 was actually a section of unfinished highway, and it was blockaded by stone barriers. Tetsuko had stopped there, straightening up to take off the helmet. She shook her hair free, grinning widely as she punched the air.

“Whoo-hoo! Never thought I’d miss this thing!” she said. “Saito, you can stop screaming now.”

A pair of headlights swung over them.

“The police,” Saito whimpered. “Oh, the police. We’ll get fined and I’ll be in deep trouble.” 

“Calm down, it’s not the police! It’s just some punk probably taking his girlfriend out for a makeout session.”

The car cruised to a stop before them. A rather cross Barnaby killed the engine and leapt out, striding quickly towards her. “Honestly, Tetsuko. Can’t you stay away from mischief for once?”

“Bunny, is that you? Who would’ve thought you’d be here too! Er, how’d you know where to find me?”

He held out a hand, beckoning firmly with his fingers. “Get off, _now,”_ he said in tones that demanded complete obedience. “You have no right to use the Lonely Chaser anymore. And Saito, you’ve should’ve known better than to allow her to ride it!”

Saito had slid off the bike, treading gingerly as if to make sure that the ground wasn’t shaking. 

“Sheesh, keep your panties on, Bunny! It’s not like I broke the damned thing!” Tetsuko said, tossing the helmet towards her ex-partner. She flipped down the kickstand and swung her leg around. She, however, in complete defiance to his order, remained seated on the bike. “You’ve got to admit. I’m still in great form back there.” 

“No, you weren’t. Your response time is off by five seconds. You almost got run over by an eighteen wheeler! Now I know I can’t stop you from doing your foolhardy stunts, but I have to draw the line when you start dragging the company and Saito down with you. For God’s sake, just _think_ for a second before you do anything, Tetsuko! Not everything is fun and games, you know.”

“Yeah, I bet you’d know _plenty_ about that, Bunny-I’m-A-Party-A-Minute!”

Barnaby sighed. This could go on the whole night. “Saito, you take the Chaser back to the lab,” he said, handing the helmet over to the tech engineer. “I’ll send Tetsuko home.”

Both Tetsuko and Saito protested at the same time.

“Hey, that’s not fair! At least let _me_ do it!”

“Wh-what, m-me? I-I-I…!”

“It shouldn’t be too hard. Just turn on the Auto-Navi system and it’ll practically drive itself. You should know. You built it, remember?” said Barnaby.

“T-t-t…I can’t ride a bike!”

“You’ll be fine.”

Tetsuko hopped to her feet. “Ooh, I’ve a better idea. How about you take Saito in your car while I-“

“Out of the question,” Barnaby said firmly, giving her a hard glare.

“But _my_ car’s back at Apollon! No matter how you want to put it, I’d still have to get there. C’mon, don’t do this to me, Bunny. I need to drive Kaede to the train station tomorrow morning.”

“I will pick you two up tomorrow, then. It’s already late, Tetsuko, and your house is nearer from here.”

Tetsuko’s shoulders sagged, and she slunked her way to his car, muttering, “…so anal over a couple of extra kilometres…fussypot…”

Barnaby gave Saito a curt nod, then turned to follow her.

Saito nervously fiddled with the glowing controls, and shouted out after them: “Hey, how’d you point this thing the other way?”

* * *

 

A heavy silence enveloped them the minute Barnaby entered the highway traffic. He glanced sideways. Tetsuko was curled away from him, staring glumly out the window.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I was rather…short with you just now. But that really was irresponsible of you, you know.”

He waited, and when it doesn’t seem like Tetsuko was going to reply, he went on: “I’ve actually been wanting to call you for days now. Don’t ask me why…but I was kind of afraid to do so. It’s silly, I know. Even I can’t explain it. Anyway, imagine my surprise when I saw you on the Chaser. At first I thought someone had stolen it and taken it out on a joyride!”

He stopped. Tetsuko was looking at him.

“Are you stupid or what?” she asked.

“O-of course it’d be impossible,” he hurriedly said. “I mean what with security, the new key card and biometrics system-“

“You pick up the phone and dial my number. How hard can it be? It’s not like you have to build a damned spaceship beforehand. Huh, I can’t believe you’d overthink something like this! You’re such a _girl,_ Bunny.”

It sounded like an insult, but for the life of him, Barnaby couldn’t understand why. “How come _you_ didn’t call, then?”

“I sent you an email, remember? Or rather, Kaede did. So technically the ball’s in your court now. Anyway, I don’t want to make a hash out of this. I thought you were busy, and I didn’t want to bother you. Myself, I’ve been catching up with our old friends.”

“Ah, that would mean the infamous debate over Sailor Moon Antonio was caterwauling about. What actually happened?”

“We were just talking. Suddenly the subject of you came up, and everything went downhill afterwards. He had the gall to suggest you like Dragonball? Please.”

Barnaby had a sudden epiphany, where ancient Greece scholars would gather in the public bath house and discuss relevant things like philosophy and metaphysics, and among that sea of balding heads would be two people arguing loudly over their childhood anime. 

“Why are you smiling? You _did_ like Vegeta, didn’t you?”

“A-hum…nothing,” he said, surpressing a chuckle. “So now that we’re talking again, how have you been? You’ve grown fat.”

“Whaat? That’s your opening gambit? Seriously, Bunny…you have _no_ idea how to talk to a lady!”

“You mean, there’s actually one here?” He laughed at her expression. ‘Fat’ was such a broad term. Without her usual exercise regime, Tetsuko’s only filled up a bit, particularly in the hips. Which wasn’t such a bad thing. It just meant her skirt was looking curvier than ever. What was he supposed to say, then? _Hey, I like your butt._ That’s about as neanderthal as it gets. 

“Hmph, nice to know you’ve still got a sense of humour,” Tetsuko grumbled.

“So who else have you been seeing?”

“Other than Antonio? Nathan…but that’s only because he _made_ me go out with him.”

“I’d imagined that I would be the first person you want to hang out with since you got back. Or are things still weird between us? I could never tell such situations.”

“You’re asking me that now? In - in this _car?”_ Tetsuko caught sight of his gear stick and blushed. “You know what I didn’t miss when I was in my hometown? Your bluntness.”

“Really? Kaede told me you were practically mooning about.”

“K-Kaede?” Tetsuko balled her hands and shook them in irritation. “That meddling brat!” Her phone suddenly rang. She took it out, saw the caller ID, and exclaimed: “Kaede!”

“Probably checking your whereabouts,” Barnaby sighed, exiting the Silver flyover and entering Bronze tier.

“Hello, Kaede?” Tetsuko winced, and held the phone away as the speaker screamed: _“Where have you run off to now?”_  

“Eh, ah…I’m sorry, sweetheart! Mummy’s on her way home now, ok? Bunny’s sending me.”

“Barnaby? Extricated you out of another mess, I bet.”

“No, I wasn’t in trouble, I swear!”

“Much,” Barnaby murmured.

“When you get back, you and I are going to have a talk,” Kaede said firmly.

“Er…yes, mum.” Tetsuko sighed, hanging up. “36-hour labour, two shots of pethidine, and a Caesarean afterwards. This is what I end up with?”

“Your daughter’s a much more sensible person than you are.”

“It’s not my doing, I can assure you that. I’d probably would’ve felt better if she suddenly came home with piercings or a rude tattoo. But no. Instead she reads books and has crushes on sissy guys like Issac, or…or _you!”_

 _“I’m_ a sissy?!”

She went on as if he never spoke. “I bet that idiot’s got an embarassing set of CDs at home…like the Titanic OST. Or Kenny G’s Greatest Hits! And he exfoliates daily too! You open his bathroom cabinet and find more facial products than shaving cream. Soon enough he starts cutting people up and stuffs them inside his fridge.”

Barnaby frowned. “How did _that_ come about?”

“You haven’t seen American Psycho? That movie scared the shit out of me!”

“Huh, no wonder you lack common sense. You stuff your brain with too much wild imagination.”

“Which is why I’m a much more fun person than you.”

Barnaby pulled up in front of her building. The lights were on in her apartment. He engaged the hand brake, staring thoughtfully before him as if weighing his next words.

“Well, it’s been fun. Thanks for the ride!” Tetsuko said brightly, reaching for the door. 

“Tetsuko.”

She stopped. “What?”

“I know you’re upset.”

“Eh?” she bleated, perplexed at the sudden 180 degree mood turn.   

“You’d usually do stupid things to forget your troubles. What is it?”

“B-Bunny…why are you so serious? You’re scaring me, ahahahaa!”

“You also laugh too much when you’re avoiding a question.” Barnaby turned, squarely meeting her eyes. “I’m not the only one with an obvious tell.”

Tetsuko’s grin faded. She dropped her gaze, embarassed. “It’s not something you should concern yourself with.”

He dipped his head, forcing her to look at him again. He knew he’d be dreaming of those beautiful amber eyes later. “Is it money? I can always lend you some. You need only ask.”

“No, no. It’s nothing like that.”

“Then what is it?”

Tetsuko opened her mouth, hesitated, then closed them again. She managed a wan smile instead.

“Whatever happened to you trusting me with your life?” Barnaby prompted.

“Please, Bunny. This isn’t something you can princess carry me out of.”

“Must you insist on fighting your battles alone? You push people to face their fears, yet you can’t do the same yourself. Are you that much of a hypocrite?”

He’d driven his point home. He could see the flicker of uncertainty on her face. She leaned back with a resigned sigh.

“I met Tomo’s parents today,” she finally said. “His father’s happy to see me, but his mother…well, let’s just say we don’t get along. Anyway, after going through the usual litany of what a waste of space I am, she went on to list out my incompetence as a parent…” she trailed off, shaking her head.

“She expects me to be this paragon of virtue. I should be carrying my dead husband around like an idol, and I should be honoured doing it…because apparently, that’s what respectable widows do. She had no idea, Bunny. _No idea_ how difficult it was after Tomo died. For her to make assumptions over the things I didn’t do was unfair,” she sighed. Her hands began to fiddle with the hem of her vest.

“They didn’t know about my powers, nor my Hero career. There were times I hated being a NEXT. If it weren’t for that stupid HeroTV, I’d probably be able to see Tomo during his final moments. I realized now that that’s what the show really does to you. It sucks out your life, your entire existence, until you miss the most important things. Do me a favour, Bunny. Don’t ever make the same mistakes I did.”

“I won’t. I promise,” he said, taking her hand and squeezing it.

“Oh, and another thing. If you ever catch me shacking up with a rich guy half my age, please give me a hard slap.”

“Huh?” 

“Nothing.” She sighed again. “No powers, no money, no career to speak of. Barring Hero Academy, of course. Am I really that useless?”

“Don’t let that person’s words drag you down,” Barnaby urged. “You’ve said it yourself: she doesn’t know you. _She’s_ the useless one.”

“Heh, bold words for someone who’ve never had a mother-in-law.”

“Hundred Power isn’t your real power, Tetsuko. The other Heroes look up to you. You fight harder than anyone I know, and you never give up on people. I lo-“

“Eh? Were you about to say something?”

Barnaby shook his head, smiling. “I’d be _dead_ without you.”

“Haha, so dramatic as always. That’s my Bunny-chan,” Tetsuko said, patting his head affectionately. She leaned forth, peering up at her apartment. “Oh-er, is that Kaede I see standing by the window?”

Barnaby turned. Sure enough, there was a distinct shadow of someone standing behind the lace curtains with her arms akimbo.

“God, she reminds me of my mother during my teenage years,” said Tetsuko with a grimace.

“Tetsuko.”

“Hm?”

“Thank you for telling me.”

They smiled at each other then, feeling some sort of wall between them had finally fallen.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow.”

“Do I have a choice, after you’ve deprived me of my car? You’re such a meanie, Bun-“ Tetsuko suddenly stopped.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking at her pained expression.

“My rabbit! I left it at Saito’s lab!” she wailed, banging her forehead over the dashboard. “Ohh, Kaede’s going to be _so_ mad at me now!”

* * *

**Episode the next: Alexander Lloyds with an irresistable offer. Bunny dreams of Tetsuko...but why does it involve gingham patterns? Plus, Saito talks about blood type compatibility and why Tetsuko's a bad match for Bunny.  
**


	8. Step 08: That Blood Type Compatibility Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew that gingham patterns and baby bunnies could cause so much terror?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Anything involving Tetsuko and Bunny’s blood type and horoscope is pure guesswork, since there’s a lack of info on that (except perhaps Bunny’s zodiac). Opinions may vary, and no doubt there’ll be various interpretations…this is just one of the ways I see it.

Barnaby entered his apartment, punching in the keycode to disable the security alarm, then locked the door behind him. The kitchen lights were on. He’d forgotten to turn them off again.

He sifted through the stack of mail in his hands, moving towards the computer desk to dump them all there so that he could sort them out properly the next morning. Nothing of immediate importance, as always. Utility bills, subscription offers, invitations…

A patter of bare feet made him turn around just in time to see a figure collide against him. The letters dropped onto the floor like a pack of cards.

“Anata, you’re home! You should’ve called and said you’d be back early!”

Barnaby pried off the arms holding him in a tight bear hug. He held the person back, feeling a familiar sense of dread when he finally saw who it was.

“Tetsuko? I-I thought I just sent you home! What are you doing here?” he exclaimed. The word ‘anata’ sounded wildly alien to his ears, and for a very good reason too.

Tetsuko pouted. She had a frilly red and white gingham apron on, something he _knew_ wasn’t his. “I live here now, silly! Don’t you remember? Anyway, you should take a shower. I’ll heat the dinner up for you.”

Barnaby gave her a sideways look as she disappeared into the kitchen. He hunkered down to regather the letters, a thousand and one questions clamouring in his head. This is one of her practical jokes. It _has_ to be. There’s no other explanation.

“By the way,” Tetsuko called out, “I just got back from the hospital.”

“Oh? What for?”

“To pick up our baby, of course. And he’s an ab-so-lute _darling!”_

Barnaby had been staring at an official-looking envelope. SoftBank. Baby. That’s what it said on the front. Why would Tetsuko’s former sponsor send him anything? Wait-

He was already scrambling towards the kitchen when she stepped out, holding a tiny swaddled figure in her arms.

“B-baby?” he stammered. “Wh-what are you talking about?”

“Shh, you’ll wake him up! See, he has your eyes. Isn’t he gorgeous?”

He peered into the folds of knitted cloth. There was a baby inside, that much he could be sure of. It was furry. It had long, pointy ears. It was a rabbit. It looked back at him with a pair of vibrant green eyes. For some inexplicable reason, it was wearing glasses.

He dragged his gaze back to the beaming Tetsuko. “Stop this at once,” he said sternly. “It’s not even funny!”

“Bunny, how could you say that? You don’t like him? See how he recognizes you? I think I’ll call him Usagi-chan Jr. Just like his daddy!”

“Tetsuko, there’s absolutely _no way_ that this is my son! I mean, look at him! There’s a limit to what you can pass off as a joke, you know.”

Tetsuko gasped, her lower lip trembling. “You…how could you say that?” she said in a half-whisper. Then, in a rising tone, demanded: “Are you suggesting that I fooled around with another man behind your back? With the gas man, perhaps? Or the delivery guy? Huh?”

Barnaby sucked in a breath, trying to restrain his temper. “I did not say that. Are you even listening? I’m just pointing out that it’s virtually impossible for-“

“You cruel, cruel bastard! And to think that you would be happy with our very own love bunny! Fine, I’m leaving! And you can get a refund for the wallpapers before thirty days!”

He looked, and yes, his entire apartment was now wallpapered with a hideous red and white gingham pattern.

“Tetsuko. Tetsuko!” he said, chasing after her. But something tripped him, and he fell…

…into his bed. Barnaby sat up with a start, feeling his heart racing. The sheets were tangled up around his legs. He kicked them off, swinging himself onto the edge of the bed.

God, what a horrible dream. He couldn’t decide which one was more terrifying: the baby bunny or the gingham wallpaper. It’s like not being bothered by clowns your entire life, and suddenly when you start dreaming of one, it turns into a completely different set of ideas.

He hunched over, pressing the heels of his hands over his eyes, trying to exorcise the image of a housewife Tetsuko out of his mind. Sure, he’d been plagued by thoughts of her lately, but they were anything but unpleasant. He hardly saw dreams as playgrounds of the subconscious, but if he were to tell her about this, she’d immediately pull up an online dream dictionary and interpret it for him, just for fun. That was Tetsuko: a woman with an inane curiosity over trivial things.

He went to the kitchen for a glass of water, half-expecting a rabbit in a woolen baby blanket to jump out from the cabinet. This is insane. It’s all Tetsuko’s fault for influencing him with her wild imagination.

He settled back into bed, trying to catch whatever remnants of sleep he had. But he’d checked his phone beforehand. Three text messages, and not one of them from her.

He hated to admit it, but he couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

* * *

 Alexander Lloyds had done quite well for himself over the past year. Half a dozen golden plaques lined his shelf, denoting the amount of excellence he’d driven into the company. He’d even managed to squeeze in the odd holiday or two: framed along the walls were photos of him scuba diving and enjoying Mai Tais on a remotely tiki-like setting.

He’d also acquired a few other additions for the office, such as an exquisite African print throw he’d mistaken to be a rug. And a fish tank, full of flower horns. Bloody ugly fishes no matter which angle Tetsuko saw them, but Lloyds had insisted that they bring good feng shui.

She could recall perfectly well how she ended up in his office, seated on his couch and being served a too-sweet cup of coffee. She simply didn’t imagine it’d be possible for them to run into each other at the foyer as she went through security check. Well, it was possible. The blasted man _worked_ here. It’s just that she’d rather not have anything to do with her former manager at the moment. The man was always bad karma. Whatever misfortune brought upon her during her Apollon days was caused by him. Like introducing her to Bunny, for example.

Alright, she was exaggerating. She simply didn’t like the way he saw them both as a circus act.

“Let me guess: you’re going to make me an offer I cannot refuse,” she said.

“Technically, you _can_ refuse. The door’s over there. You’re free to leave anytime you want,” said the man. He was lounged at the other end of the sofa, eyeing her in the same way a punter would size up a prized cock fighter. Ah, yes. That’s another reason why she didn’t like him.

“What’s this…trying some mafia talk on me, Lloyds? It’s not working.”

“I’ll get straight to the point, then: I have a proposition for you.”

“Don’t you always.”

“Barnaby’s been wanting to quit for some time now. He told me this season will be his last.”

“So?”

“This Thursday, some bigwigs from Skoil are coming over to see this place. They’re interested in knowing about the company’s structure, yearly turnover…basically anything that makes businessmen drool and have wet dreams at night. Do you know what this means?”

“They’re having a school trip? Oh, how adorable. Get to the point.”

“It means, they’re planning on _investing._ Barnaby’s our crown jewel, and I know they’re only here for him.”

“Right. So without him, no more extra vacation time for you.”

“You get the picture now.”

“What’s the big deal? If they won’t invest, then bring in another company to do it!”

Lloyds gave her a look which indicated that he’d discovered things in the toilet that were far more intelligent than her.

“You really have no idea what Skoil does?” he asked flatly.

“Sure I do. It’s a major oil company. Always goes on and on about how their drilling is environmentally friendly and stuff. Frankly, I think it’s all rubbish. You break some rocks there’s bound to be a mess, yes?”

“They’re a giant corporation who’s had their sticky fingers in just about any profitable pie imaginable to man. Their CEO’s one of the people seated at the top level of Justice Tower.”

Tetsuko had seen those men: pansy pencil pushers huddled up at a round table like some bloody medieval knights, staring at flat screens all day and making decisions that bears little repercussion on them whatsoever. It was Heroes who put their lives on the line, and all these men had to do was go home to their cushy paychecks and multimillion dollar penthouses.

Tch, she _hated_ corporate bastards. The ones that needed to be eliminated was them, not those thugs on the street.

“Let me get this straight,” she said. “You want me to convince Bunny to stay-“

“Renew his contract for another five years.”

“And what do I get in return?”

Lloyds smiled in a way that made her suspicious. “A future.”

“Thanks, but I’ve already got one. It’s fuchsia-coloured too. My favourite.”

“I meant your daughter’s. She’s a NEXT, yes? And I know you’ve been wanting to send her to St. Mary’s.”

Damn, so he’d caught her looking through the brochures. It was an all-girl private school in Sternbild, very elite, and also very, very expensive. It costs an arm, a leg and a small country per semester, and that didn’t include the amount for uniforms, books, sports equipment and bribing the teacher to get into the entrance exam. Ok, so the last part was made up. But the point was, Kaede’s a smart kid, and naturally, like _any_ well-meaning parent, Tetsuko would want only the best for her. Besides, it’d be a great chance for them to live together for once, something she knew Kaede had wanted for a very long time.

“We’ll take care of her schooling, and once she graduates, she can go to any university of her choice. There will be the mandatory training at Hero Academy…something which I’m sure you’d be looking forward to. And afterwards, she’ll start her Hero career…under the benevolent wing of Apollon Media, of course. She’ll be working in a team, just like you. Imagine this: the world’s first girl band of Heroes. Think of the merchandise possibilities! CD singles, concerts, clothing lines…oh, my.”

Tetsuko stared at Lloyds, and she swore she could see dollar signs shining in his eyes. “So basically, you want a Hero in exchange for another Hero? That’s your plan all along?”

“No, my plan was to help a promising young lady pave her way to a bright future. I can see that she’ll be an even bigger icon than Barnaby. That’s what you want, isn’t it? A better life for your daughter? Imagine how she’d end up if you sent her to those municipal schools in your area.”

She’d personally seen those schools, and frankly she wasn’t too happy with the way it was run. Bronze tier was practically a ghetto area in certain district pockets, and kids from those places went to such schools. It had been by sheer stroke of good luck that she’d managed to secure an apartment at a much safer neighbourhood…but of course that only meant lesser possibilities of house breakings and car jackings.

“No,” she finally said. “If Bunny wants to quit, that’s his choice. I won’t straitjacket him into something he doesn’t want to do. Frankly, you should be ashamed of yourself. Pitting my daughter’s future against his? Just who do you think you are?”

Lloyds’ expression changed. “Tetsuko, please consider wisely. This plan will work out in your favour eventually. Barnaby trusts you. I know he’ll listen to you.”

“I know. But I can’t listen to myself when I do it.” Shaking her head, she got to her feet. “I’ve to go. Thanks for the shitty coffee.”

* * *

 Saito was evil. Pure evil.

He was that archetype cartoon villain who’d conduct clandestine experiments in his lab and kept extensive bug collections. He’d probably even make paper chains out of animal intestines if he could find a suitable enough intestine.

Tetsuko was contemplating the depths of horror he’d go to as she stared at what he’d done to her rabbit.

“What,” she finally managed, “the _hell_ is that?”

“The new Bunny Mascot Mk 1! Beautiful, isn’t he?”

The so-called Bunny Mascot Mk 1 was fitted in what seemed to be a prototype version of kevlar vest, secured by velcro and tiny straps. Some sort of mini camera was afixed on a band around its head, and clearly he wasn’t too happy about the new addition, for he’d been unsuccessfully trying to paw it off for the past fifteen minutes.

“The first line of defense for Bunny. Imagine this: during a hostage situation, we send Bunny Mascot Mk 1 to scope out the area and transmit a live visual feed for us to assess the number of hostiles, threat levels, environmental hazards, etc. Steering him would be a problem initially, but I think with a microchip…or maybe nanobots injected into his bloodstream could help us ‘nudge’ him into the direction we wanted. But here’s the beautiful part. If there’s a bomb, we could send him in, and-“

 _“And let him get blown up first?”_ Tetsuko shrieked. “Get those things off him _now!_ This is animal cruelty, that’s what it is!”

“Should’ve thought twice before leaving any of your stuff in my office,” Saito said tartly as he produced a screwdriver from his coat pocket.

Tetsuko watched as he worked, drumming her fingers on the tabletop. “You’re still angry at me about last night, aren’t you?”

Saito straightened up, adjusting his glasses. “On my way back to the lab, a group of girls pulled up beside me at a red light. They started whistling and flashing their – er – chests at me. I didn’t know where to put my face!”

“On their chests, apparently. Then you can get some free puff-puff action.”

“Tigress!”

“I can’t see why you’re so worked up over this. Some girls get turned on by hot rods. It’s an aphrodisiac. Just like money. Flash them about for long enough, and soon you can get _anyone_ to do the horizontal lambada with you…no matter how ugly you are!”

“I am going to pretend I didn’t hear you say that,” the tech engineer said stiffly.

“What, you think girls these days go for sensitive new age guys? Please. That’s a passé notion. Although, trends do tend to recycle themselves, so I’m not really sure what they like anymore. Hmm.” Tetsuko suddenly gave him a shrewd look. She leaned over and poked him in the ribs. “Hey, you’re not batting for the other team, are you? I mean, I can completely understand. Bunny coming down here during the wee hours wanting to discuss tech specs. Him looking cute as pie in that jacket, and soon enough you’re wondering how he looked like without them-“

“Please stop talking nonsense!” Saito said sternly. “I have no interest in pursuing romantic relationships when there’s still so many things for me to do!”

“Tch, so you really _are_ asexual.”

“Anyway, it’s painfully obvious that he’s still carrying a torch for you.”

“Oh, Saito…if I get a dollar everytime someone says that to me, I’d be…” Tetsuko paused, counting on her fingers, “Three – no, _four_ dollars richer.”

“Personally, I don’t think it’s possible for you two to have a relationship.”

Despite herself, Tetsuko heard herself bleating: “Eeh? Why not?”

“Blood type,” Saito said plaintively.

“Blood type?”

“Yes. You’re O, and he’s A. A types tend to resonate best with either fellow A types, or AB. O types will prove to be too tiresome for him, for O’s are spontaneous and unruly, while A’s prefer structure and predictability in their lives.”

“You actually believe in these blood type compatibility thing? You’re a scientist! Ah, that must mean you’re type A too, since you’re just as boring as Bunny!”

“Actually, I am AB. Whether or not I believe that theory is irrelevant. The fact is, research has been made, and perhaps there may be a grain of truth to those studies. I’m just a man open to various possibilities, Tetsuko.”

“Right. Well, I’m not open to the idea of you turning my rabbit into Frankenstein, so I’ll be taking him back, thank you very much,” she said, putting the rabbit back into its cage and then carrying it off.

“Drop by anytime,” Saito said sweetly. “Or not.”

She shot him a glare as she exited his office. Tch, smug bastard. Just because he’s a brilliant man, that doesn’t mean he can mess around with other people’s things! Hmph.

She entered the lift, musing over the lecture she’d received from Kaede last night for her carelessness. They’d ended up taking a cab to the train station this morning. Barnaby had been extremely apologetic, but Hero business was still Hero business. Apparently bank robberies sit on a far higher scale compared to keeping promises with a friend. Whoever those group of numbskulled crooks were, they’d probably thought that robbing a bank in broad daylight was a really good idea these days. This isn’t the blasted Eliot Ness and the Untouchables era, man! You can’t pull a heist expecting to catch the police with their trousers down anymore. If you want to steal money, then become a politician. People would _pay_ you to rip them off.

Besides, if she really was a thief, she wouldn’t pull off a crime in a city where she _knew_ there’d be plenty of Heroes lying around. She had a sneaky suspicion that Agnes paid off a group of thugs just so she could raise the damned ratings. Tch, that’s another spitfire virago she was glad she no longer had to deal with.        

_Do you know why I got you a rabbit?_

Kaede had asked her that, while they were at the platform, waiting for her train.

Tetsuko had snickered at her own answer. _Maybe a Freudian allusion to Bunny?_

“No. _It’s because you’re lonely.”_

_“Wha-? Do I seem lonely? I was having a blast, hanging out with you and Grandma. Uncle Muramasa too, but he’s about as fun as a cactus.”_

_“You miss your old life. I can tell. And it’s painful, losing your powers. Maybe that’s why you haven’t been catching up with your Hero friends before this. Uncle Antonio had to call_ me _up, asking if you’re okay.”_

_“Tch, that rotten bugger. He’s nosier than a witch! What did you tell him?”_

_“That’s my business, isn’t it?”_

_“Oi, oi…since when do you keep secrets from your mama?”_

_“Mum…”_

_“What?”_

_“I know it’s tough, getting back to a normal life. But I think you’re doing a great job at it. And I also think you shouldn’t shut out your friends like that. There must be something you can still do for them.”_

Heh, like what? She was sure the Heroes wouldn’t want her to still putter around them like a doddering aunty. She was a relic from the past. A dinosaur, just like Mr. Legend was. Once you get past your sell by date, you’re useless. She was beginning to wonder if Hero Academy only offered her a job just because they felt sorry for her.

_“I’m sorry, Kaede.”_

_“For what?”_

_“For messing up our dates before this. Now I know how you feel, being stood up. It sucks.”_

Kaede had smiled then, an achingly beautiful reminder of her toddler self, who’d cry even when Tetsuko left the room for five minutes. She’d hugged her mother, tightly.

_“What’s important is you’re here now. You know I’d miss you, right?”_

Like a heartbeat. Tetsuko was debating whether she should call Kaede up, when her phone suddenly rang. She took it out, Barnaby’s face flashing on the screen. Probably called to apologize again.

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open, revealing the man himself standing right before her, his phone still glued to his ear. He hung up the moment he saw her.

“How is it that you always seem to know where to find me?” Tetsuko asked, stepping out. “It’s almost stalker-ish. Creepy, even.”

“Please. You flatter yourself too much. I see you’ve gotten your rabbit back.”

“Yes, but not before Saito turned him into a science fair project. Now I really need to get him back for his exercise routine.”

The sight of the animal brought Barnaby’s dream back to him. He cleared his throat loudly in an attempt to shake the thoughts away. “Tetsuko, I’m very sorry about this morning,” he said.

“I know, I know. It’s not your fault. I completely understand, okay? I just wish that I could still join you.”

“So, did you follow the coverage? Mario tends to embellish the details, but I certainly wasn’t shot in the head. The bullet just grazed my shoulderpad a bit.”

“I –uh- didn’t. Sorry. Haven’t watched HeroTV since I retired. But I know you’d still maintain your position. Congrats. It’s tough…but you did it.”

“I hope Kaede didn’t miss her train…?”

“She made it with plenty of minutes to spare. We could’ve arrived earlier if it weren’t for the stupid jam. Did you know the police cordoned off a chunk of the main thoroughfare leading to the city centre just because of that robbery? It’s insane, I’m telling you. I was complaining to the driver the whole time until Kaede suggested that we walked the rest of the way.”

“Ah, that must be an inconvenience.”

“Damn straight it is. HeroTV always shows the Heroes in action, but they never tell us about the jams, the road blocks, and the stupid hassle of going from one side of the city to the next. As a taxpaying civilian, I’ve a good mind to write a strongly-worded letter to the TV network!”

“Make sure you let me proofread it first. You have a tendency to confuse between ‘their’ and ‘there’. It’d be bad form if the public knew you have bad grammar skills.”

“My grammar skills are top notch! I make one mistake and you _have_ to wave it to my face every chance you’ve got! Idiot. Anyway, that’s what auto-spellchecks are for!”

Barnaby suddenly rubbed the side of his nose with a thumb, looking sheepish as if he had something embarrassing to ask her.

“Spit it out, Bunny.”

“We should do something tonight. Dinner…and a movie, perhaps? Or, there’s a new play going on right now which I think you might like. It’s a comedy, so that should be right up your alley. What do you think?”

The blush was palpable, and Tetsuko could see the hope rising in his eyes. Nathan’s words suddenly came back to her. _Start where you both left off. I know he’s been waiting for you to do that._ This was the beginning steps of a very familiar dance, and she knew perfectly well what kind of grand finale it was going to have. She hated herself for doing what she was about to do, but she kept reminding herself that it was best for both of them.  

“No,” she said. “Thanks for asking, but there’s still tonnes of stuff I need to do to prepare for my class. Job starts next week, and I haven’t even touched the teaching syllabus. You go on ahead and have fun, okay? Laugh up a riot for me.”

“Oh,” said Barnaby, crestfallen. “Well, that’s alright. Sorry, I should’ve asked first if you had anything planned.”

“It’s fine. I know you still think that we can go everywhere together. I really, _really_ wish that that was the case, but…oh, well.”

“We can make plans to hang out another time, then.”

“I’ll put that top on my ‘To Do’ list. You let me know when you’re free. Look, I really have to go. Call me, okay? Don’t just sit there like a ninny and have internal debates on whether or not you should. I’m still on your speed dial list, right?”

“I haven’t changed a single thing.”

“Good. Well, see you around.”

“Don’t go and steal the Chaser again, you hear me?”

Tetsuko didn’t bother to grace him with an answer. She merely smiled, gave him a jaunty two-fingered salute, and left. She felt his gaze on her back, and resisted the urge to turn around. Maybe she was making a big mistake after all.

* * *

  **Episode the next: A bomber gatecrashes Tetsuko and Ivan’s gokon party. How does our intrepid heroine handle it? Why, with a Pocky, of course!**


	9. Step 09: That Morning Gossip Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuko and Bunny's public verbal blowout! Plus, an unexpected man from Nathan's past turns up at Ivan's gokon.

Of the 8 million people living in Sternbild, probably 92% of them had their televisions on at the moment. Out of that 92%, maybe 4.6 million of them were tuned in on the Mario Breakfast show. Perhaps a modest number in broadcasting standards, but only if they weren’t counting on other social media outlets.

The news Mario was presenting that morning was sensational. People would be talking about it for weeks. He’d even thought of a clever tagline. _Wild Tigress’ Public Meltdown!_ It screamed from the screen below him in bold white letters as he smiled at the camera and crowed:

 _“Goooood morning, Sternbild!_ You’re with me, Mario, your host for the Mario Breakfast Show! Hot news off the press: an unidentified bomber chose the wrong cruise ship when he threatened the security of _Princess Anne_ and the lives of her 2,500 passenger and crew. Wild Tigress, the former dynamic half of the Tigress and Barnaby duo, happened to be on board, and she’d managed to diffuse the situation with the help of a male friend. But what was she doing there in the first place? This is where things get interesting, and you’ll only get it fresh from me, Mario, your host! First, an exclusive footage our camera managed to capture after the incident.”

A clip started to play, looking shaky and slightly blurred as if it was being shot on the fly, showing Tetsuko in the midst of screaming at Barnaby. He was in his suit with his visor up, looking equally pissed-off. He’d tried several times to get a word edgewise, but she wouldn’t let him as she kept on lambasting him with an expletive-ridden rant.

“JUST WHO THE _BEEP_ DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! It’s not up to you to decide what I _beep_ should and shouldn’t do. I saw a _beep_ _beep_ dangerous situation, and I reacted, alright? What, you’re _beep_ angry now that I stole your _beep_ ing Hero moment? Get over yourself! You’re nothing but a _beepbeepbeeeep!_ YOU CAN JUST GO AHEAD AND _BEEP_ YOURSELF!!”

Mario reappeared, looking grossly concerned. “What just happened between Wild Tigress and our King of Heroes? If you can recall, there has been a considerable amount of speculation going on around them last year-“

Tetsuko shut the television off with a sigh. She’d saved lives and all they could talk about was her blowing her top. Why is it called ‘public meltdown’, anyway? If a man were to do it, they’d probably label it with a less degrading name.

She entered the bathroom, resuming her daily ritual of hunting and eradicating grey hair. She kept telling herself she should get a dye job and save herself all the trouble, but somehow after staring at the mirror, she’d managed to convince herself that her hair wasn’t that bad. Then the whole vicious cycle begins again every morning.

Hmph, it’s always a rotten affair everytime she quarelled with Bunny. That bastard could say the meanest things, and he didn’t even have to work hard at it. Being unpleasant was his modus operandi.

Her rabbit came nosing around the door. Kaede kept reminding her that she should rabbit-proof her home, but she couldn’t figure out what the hell that meant. “At least you’ll never argue with me. That’s a comfort,” she said to it, eyes still fixed on the mirror.

Her cellphone pinged, causing her to miscalculate and pull the wrong hair. She cursed. It was a message from Ivan.

_I’m sorry if I messed things up, Tetsuko-san._

Huh, poor kid. Caught in last night’s crossfire. If she hadn’t intervened, Bunny would’ve decimated him to pieces. She wasn’t about to apologize to Bunny. Not in a million years. She’ll just…wait till he’d come to his senses and then call her up.

 _If_ he’d ever call her up.

* * *

 

_12 hours ago…_

Tetsuko leaned against the railing, watching the lights dance over the water. The _Princess Anne,_ a luxury cruiser meant to ferry people up and down the Eastern River, was moored at the quay. It was supposed to be one of Sternbild’s tourist attraction. Dinner over the river, followed by entertainment and access to some of the most spectacular views of the city. Somewhere around midnight there was supposed to be a firework display of some sort. She looked at the bulky white and blue monstrosity, and hoped that she wouldn’t get seasick. It’s almost boarding time, yet so far she and Ivan were the only gokon participant who’d arrived.

A box of Pocky was proferred to her.

“Remind me again how exactly I got roped into a group date?” she said. She’d been prepared for a quiet night in, watching the latest dorama episode she’d been hooked on, then finally beginning her revision of the Hero Academy teaching syllabus. That plan went down the drain the minute Ivan’s call came through.

The boy stared at the ground, clearly nervous from the way he gnawed on his lower lip. “Um, this is my first time, de gozaru. Another friend had cancelled at the last minute, and I’m not comfortable with meeting strangers on my own.” He watched in dismay as she hijacked his entire box of Pocky and started wolfing down its contents. Looks like he’ll never get it back at this rate.

“But you said you know them!”

“From an anime forum, de gozaru. I’ve chatted with them, but never actually see them in person.”

“Oh, let me guess. You see somebody with a cute avatar and automatically think she’s like that in real life, yes? Ivan…I can’t tell you how many times people fall for that trick!”

“Ichigo-chan seemed like a nice girl, de gozaru. I’ve PMed her several times, and we have similar tastes. It was her idea to have a gokon. I think it wouldn’t hurt to try it out, at least once, de gozaru.”

“I really don’t mean to rain on your parade here…but are you even sure that she’s really a girl? ‘She’ could turn out to be a 40-year-old virgin with a weird fetish for used panties! Why can’t you date girls you’ve actually met before? Like…like Pao Lin! She’s a fun girl.”

“Yes, she is, de gozaru. But…” Ivan paused, then muttered: “She tends to forget she’s a girl sometimes.”

“So you don’t like tomboys. But I’ll have you know she’s getting into more girly stuff these days.” Tetsuko shook her head, muttering: “Internet dating. Am I the only one who thinks that technology’s making us dafter everyday?”

“I’m sorry if this bothers you, de gozaru. You can still leave if you want to,” Ivan said in worried tones.

“And let you be molested by a group of hormonal teenage girls? I don’t think so. I’m just here as a chaperone, you hear me? I’m keeping a close eye on you kids so that you won’t do silly hanky-panky afterwards, like going to a love hotel, or fooling about in the bushes.”

“There’s a love hotel around here?”

“Yes,” Tetsuko snapped. “But don’t you go and Google it out. If you want to do it with a girl, you gotta make it as special as possible. Speaking of girls, I think that’s your Ichigo-chan.”  

A girl with unnatural red hair was waving enthusiastically at them. She was heading a party of four. Tetsuko counted two boys and another girl. Great, so now there’s an equal number of participants, just like how a gokon should be. But that didn’t make her feel any better, because she really didn’t want to be paired off with a geeky cherry-boy who’s still living with his parents. The word ‘cradle-snatcher’ came to mind, and she hurriedly shoved it aside. She’s just going to be friendly, rely on her rudimentary knowledge of the latest games and anime to get through the night, and hopefully the boys would be so put off by her big sister persona that they wouldn’t even ask for her number.

“Sorry we’re late! I misread the train schedule and got a bit lost on the way here!” said the girl. She spotted Tetsuko and smiled, extending her hand. “Hello, you must be Ivan’s friend. He mentioned that he’d be bringing someone. I’m Ichigo. You can call me Ichigo-chan.”

“Hello,” said Tetsuko, shaking her hand. “I’m Tetsuko.”

“Tetsuko. You seem kind of familiar. Don’t shoot me, but I think I _know_ you.”

“She’s the Wild Tigress,” Ivan supplied.

A stunned silence followed. Ichigo-chan’s eyes widened and she suddenly screamed. “Eeh? _The_ Wild Tigress? You’re _really_ her? Does – does that mean that Barnaby is here too?” she asked, looking hopefully around.

“Um, no. Ahaha. It’s just me and Ivan,” Tetsuko said, groaning inwardly. Why was it that people always assumed they’re joined at the hip? “I’m not on Hero business. I’m just here to watch over him-“ she poked Ivan hard in the shoulder, “-and make sure he doesn’t do anything pervy to scare away the girls.”

“Ooh, looks like our chances are slim tonight, Nana,” said Ichigo-chan to her girlfriend. “Tetsuko’s gonna hog the boys all to herself.”

Tetsuko laughed. “It’s not going to be like that at all!”

The porter rang his bell and announced loudly: “All aboard! _Princess Anne_ will set sail in five minutes!”

“Shall we?” said Ichigo-chan.

As they started to walk up the gangplank, Tetsuko yanked Ivan aside and hissed into his ear: “You just _had_ to bring up the Wild Tigress part, don’t you? This is supposed to be your night! I don’t want them pestering me about Heroes or… _him!”_

“Who?”

Tetsuko surreptitiously looked around her, then whispered: “He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named!”

Ivan’s brow wrinkled. “Voldemort?”

Tetsuko closed her eyes, mentally shielding herself from the sheer stupidity of it all. If Voldemort were to join a gokon, it definitely wouldn’t be to find a soulmate.

“Oh, just get up there!” she snapped. “Remember, in case of trouble, I’ll be your backup. So quit worrying too much. You’re making it obvious!”

She trailed after him, already feeling the sway of the water the minute she stepped onto the boat. Suddenly there was a tap on her shoulder. She turned and found herself looking at a gorilla-like face. He was part of Ichigo-chan’s entourage.

“I _knew_ I’ve seen you somewhere! You’re really the Wild Tigress!” he said excitedly.

“Er. Yes?”

“You don’t remember? Oliver McEnroy. We’ve met, two nights ago…at the bar where your daughter was playing. You blew me off.”

Tetsuko’s creaky wheels of recollection turned, and she said, “Ah, yes. Um, what’re you doing here?”

“To participate in the gokon, of course! I didn’t mention that I’m part of the anime chat group? Wow, I’ve a feeling that tonight’s going to be my lucky night! It’s ok, I know you’re wary of strangers. But now that we’ve met for the second time, I think it’s fate.”

“Wait. I – I don’t really see things that way-“

“Hey, can I ask you something? Hope it’s not too personal.”

“Am I going to like that question?”

Oliver leaned over, and said rather suggestively: “Are you Wild in everything?”

* * *

 Tetsuko wondered if it was still possible to jump into the river and swim back to the shore. They’d seated themselves at a fancy restaurant on the deck, and she’d stated, rather emphatically, that Ivan should be the one sitting across her. There was another guy she was introduced to, a technophile who seemed to be more interested in his smartphone than the girls. She’d forgotten his name the minute they stopped shaking hands, and she doubted that she’d ever see him again after that night.

Something was bothering her, so she excused herself to the lady’s room. Taking out her phone, she dialled Nathan’s number.

_“Hello hellooooo….”_

“Nathan, remember that McEnroy guy you keep talking about?”

There was a sigh. “How can I ever forget my first love?”

“Is he by any chance an _Oliver_ McEnroy?”

“Hm? How’d you know?”

“Sandy hair, around 6 foot-ish, face and body like a gorilla?”

“How _could_ you say that? He’s the sweetest, most-“

“I just met him. I’m at a gokon, and he’s one of the prospective dates.”

 _“Eh?_ So finally Ivan’s asked you out to that thing. Is Barnaby there?” Nathan asked excitedly.”

“Why on earth would he want to be part of a blind group date?” Tetsuko countered, annoyed. “Are you listening, Nathan? Your ex is here, and he’s fishing for a new wife!”

“New wife??”

“He’s divorced, with a kid. Didn’t you keep tabs on him, after he left for his studies?”

“That was a really long time ago, Tets. We’ve lost contact ever since. Hey, maybe you can do me a favour and get his number!”

“He might get the wrong idea. He’s already spending half the time having a conversation with my tits! I would’ve left if it weren’t for the fact that Ivan would be all alone, and he’s counting on me to get the girl that he likes.”

“It can’t be helped, then.”

“Huh?”

“I’ll call Handsome up and make him so jealous that he’ll storm over there and whisk you away. Then my darling Oliver will be so brokenhearted that I’ll be there to pick up the pieces and comfort him.”

“How’s he going to do that, huh? I’m in a _boat,_ in the middle of the flipping Eastern River. If you look outside your office window, you could probably see me.”

Nathan sighed. “Sure would be nice if I can talk to him now. How does he – how does he look like?”

“He’s come a long way from his rugby days, I can tell you that. Packed on a few pounds here and there, but not too much. I don’t know what he does exactly, but from the look of things, it’s like a desk job. Sorry, but I have to go. Ivan’s looking rather green, and I’m sure it’s not because of seasickness.”

“Hey, get his number!” Nathan squealed before he was cut off.

Tetsuko rejoined the party. Ichigo-chan was in the middle of talking about her job as a makeup counter artist.

“Every month there’s, like, _tons_ of free samples. I didn’t have to – oh, welcome back, Tetsuko – spend a dime. And Nana here works for a _famous_ fashion design house, and she sometimes brings home the most _awesome_ stuff. Lucky thing we both have the same dress size. What about you, Tetsuko? Tell us about your job with Barnaby.”

“Eh?” Tetsuko said, surprised at the sudden attention diverted towards her. “There’s really nothing to tell, ahaha! We’re really not that interesting. But _Ivan_ here has a thing or two to say about himself, right?” she said, looking urgently at the boy and making a slight jerking motion towards Ichigo-chan with her head.

“Oh, come on…I’m sure you have _tons_ of stuff to share!” said Ichigo-chan. “Don’t hold back on us now. Is he still seeing that Melanie Thrask? Y’know, she said the meanest things about him once. Said that he’s a lousy kisser and everything. She’s probably jealous because he dumped her.”

Tetsuko surprised even herself at her own reaction. She laughed.

“Huh? Did I say something wrong?” Ichigo-chan asked, confused.

“Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you,” Tetsuko chuckled. “Am I even supposed to know who this Melanie Thrask is?”

“Meh, some half-rate lingerie model,” said Ichigo-chan with a flippant wave of her hand. “I heard she only got her big break because she slept with some bigshot record producer. She’d denied it, of course. But their sex tape is still lying around somewhere, if you know where to look.”

“What is it with people and sex tape these days, huh? Is it like some form of voyeurism?” Tetsuko mused. “Anyway, so…Ivan told me about this interesting anime he’s been following. What was it, now? Ah, _Chibi Chibi Kissu._ Right, Ivan?”

“That one’s not cute at all!” Ichigo-chan snorted. “The manga artist simply recycled some characters from his old work and claimed that they’re new. I’ve already told Ivan I wouldn’t watch that thing, even for free!”

“Eh? Is that so?”

“So, back to Barnaby-“  

There was a resounding crash, followed by an earsplitting scream. Tetsuko was already halfway up from her seat, head darting around for signs of trouble. It was never a good thing everytime she heard that. Tableware clattered as diners swarmed towards the exit. That was when she saw him. A man in a trenchcoat, standing on a table in the middle of the restaurant.  

“Huh, looks like someone’s overloaded on beer again,” commented Ichigo-chan. “What an idiot.”

“EVERYONE DOWN ON THE FLOOR! I SEE ONE PERSON TRYING TO ESCAPE AND I’LL BLOW THIS GODDAMNED TUB UP!” The man twitched his coat aside, revealing bricks of C4 explosives strapped to his body.

Tetsuko groaned. Why is it that psychopaths always wear trenchcoats? Is there a secret club somewhere that makes the trenchcoat style compulsory? Ivan caught her eye, and he glanced meaningfully at his wristcom. She nodded.

First order of the day, she’s got to distract the perp long enough for Ivan to call for help. She began to take a step forward-

-and kissed the floor as 230 pounds of rugby enthusiasm tackled her to the ground.

She tasted blood, and uttered an oath strong enough to shatter the world around them.

* * *

 Barnaby scribbled into his daily planner, putting on the pretense that he was listening closely. The meeting had dragged on again, with the producer and director at odds on the choice of concepts. It was a commercial for a sports drink, for goodness’ sake. Barnaby couldn’t see how difficult it was to just pick an idea.

His wristcom buzzed. Casting an apologetic look at the people in the meeting room, he excused himself and stepped outside.

“Yes?” he said.

Ivan’s voice filtered through, sounding very worried. “Barnaby-san! Thank goodness! You have to help us, de gozaru! We’re on a boat, and a perp’s taken over, threatening to kill us all if we escape! He’s got bombs strapped all over him. He’s already blown up the doors! We’re over at the Eastern River, and if you hurry, you can-“

Barnaby sighed. He was seriously getting tired of this. “You’re a Hero, aren’t you? _You_ do something for a change. I’ll contact Bison and the rest, and-“

“No, you do not understand, de gozaru. Tetsuko-san’s with me, and…and I think she’s going to try to stop the perp.”

_“What?!”_

* * *

 Tetsuko coughed, shaking her head to stop the ringing in her ears. She felt as if an elephant was doing a trapeze act on top of her, and weakly tried to shoulder it off. McEnroy’s face loomed anxiously over her. He was mouthing something she couldn’t hear. She panicked.

“Eh?” she said.

“Are you alright?”

“Bloody get off me!”

McEnroy shifted, but still kept his hands on her. “He’s rigged the door with explosives! I…I think somebody’s dead.”

“Not your usual rugby scrum, eh McEnroy? How’re the girls?” Tetsuko looked at the mass of screaming Ichigo-chan and Nana. “They’re fine,” she added.

“I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU NOT TO RUN. STILL THINK I’M JOKING NOW?”

“Tetsuko-san!”

Ivan had crawled around the table to get to her. A bit of shrapnel had caught him in the face. “How bad is it?” she asked.

“Help’s on the way,” he said. “Um, what’re we going to do?”

“You _hide,”_ said Tetsuko urgently. “And back me up when the time comes!”

“Are you sure about this? Maybe we should just-“

“THINGS ARE GOING _MY_ WAY, OR I’LL TURN EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU INTO FISH FOOD. SOMEONE GET ME A STRAIGHT LINE TO THE MAYOR, _NOW!”_

Tetsuko had heard this song so many times now. First the perp asks for someone from the authorities. And if negotiations fail, he’d probably start strapping people with C4’s and start blowing them up just to prove his point. Well, she’s cutting through the middle man right now.

She sat up on her heels, straightening out her clothes. Through the haze of smoke and plaster, she could just make out the perp’s form.

“What’re you doing?” McEnroy asked, trying to haul her back down.

She got to her feet, raising her arms as she said, very clearly: “You don’t want to talk to the mayor.”

The perp spun around. “Who said that?”

“Wild Tigress,” she said, taking a cautious step forward. “The mayor gets confused very easily, so if you hit him up with too many demands, he’ll get a headache. Why don’t you talk to me instead?”

“Heh. Wild Tigress, _here?”_ the perp said with a sneer. He looked at her up and down. “They say you’ve got no more Hundred Power. What’re you gonna do now, huh? _Claw_ at me?”

“Well, for starters, I’m going to lower my hands-” she said, doing so, “-and talk. Or rather, _you_ talk, and I listen. First question: what’s your name? I can’t keep on labeling you as ‘Anonymous Bomber’.”

“I ain’t gonna give you nothing! I’m talking to the mayor and nobody else.”

“Okay, so ‘Anonymous Bomber’ it is, then. Kinda sad, isn’t it? I mean, think of how tomorrow’s headlines are going to sound like. _Anonymous Bomber Terrorizes Boat._ Doesn’t exactly roll of the tongue. But if you have a _cool_ name, now that’s going to stick to people’s heads longer.”

The perp sniggered, and said to the room in general. “Would you listen to this idiot? Still thinks she’s some bigshot Hero.” He turned towards her with a snarl. “Back off, Wild Tigress. Or you’ll be the first one I blow up.”

“Before you do that, if I may…I’m a bit nervous now, and I’ve just the thing to calm myself down,” she said, reaching slowly for her vest pocket.

“Hey, what’re you-? Keep your hands where I can see them!”

Tetsuko produced a small box, and giving him an apologetic look, took out a slim, cylindrical thing from it. She put it between her lips, trying to affect a gritty cowboy persona as she took a deep breath and exhaled.

“Ahh…much better,” she sighed.

The perp stared. Then started to chuckle uneasily. “Haha, you really _are_ daft. That’s a Pocky you’re smoking.”

“So?” said Tetsuko, unfazed. “People smoke bits of grass, and nobody’s complaining. You want one? Here, _catch.”_

There’s just something about the word ‘catch’ that makes the hands react automatically. As the perp fumbled, a chair smashed over his back. Ivan appeared, glowing blue and wincing as he watched the man go down.

Tetsuko hauled the man up, and clocked him hard. His eyes rolled back into his head and he dropped to the ground, unconscious. Brushing off her hands, she looked at Ivan. “Alright?”

He nodded.

“Let’s see if he’s got any ID on him,” she said, stooping down to turn the perp over. His pack of C4’s rolled into view, along with the timer screen. It was glowing red, along with the number 10 counting down rapidly.

“Huh, that wasn’t there before, de gozaru.”

In the briefest moment of stunned silence, they both exchanged panicked looks before Tetsuko yelled: “Knife!”

Ivan tossed her a switchblade. She sliced through the layers of duct tape strapping the bomb to the man’s body. She recalled seeing an entire chapter on this, inside the teaching manual, telling a Hero how to disarm a bomb. Oh, how she wished she’d read that part up now. Red or green wire, it didn’t matter now, especially when all they’ve got were a couple of heartbeats away from death. Tossing the knife aside, she yanked the thing off him and scrambled towards the railing. 5 seconds to go now. Suddenly the river seemed too far away from her. If only she could make it…

_4…_

Oh, God…is she really going to die here, blown to smithereens while she was in the middle of gokon, and the last man to ever hold her was McEnroy?

_3…_

How she wished Bunny was here…

_2…_

She thought she heard a sonic boom, but it could only be her imagination. A streak of pink and blue flashed past, knocking her sideways. She staggered to the ground, suddenly finding her hands empty.

_1…_

Above her, the sky exploded.

* * *

**Episode the next: The beginning of the Kabunaby saga. Bunny and Tetsuko fighto! Will this be the end to the dynamic duo? Or will they be reunited in a passionate embrace? Plus…Tetsuko puts her head into the jaws of the beast as she asks for a favour from her in-laws.**


	10. Step 10: That Kabunaby Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuko looks real good in a pink yukata. Bunny can readily attest to that.

Ivan helped Tetsuko to her feet.

“That…that was Bunny I just saw…right?” she babbled, clinging onto his shoulders. “It’s either that, or…or I’m dead and I’m in some kind of unfunny limbo world. Oh, God. Am I dead?”

“We’re alive! Barnaby-san saved us.”

Tetsuko craned her neck, looking up at the sky. “Where’s he, then? Don’t tell me he got blown up as well?”

“Ivan!” Ichigo-chan barrelled forth, pouring herself into his arms as she sobbed. “That was very brave of you! I was soo worried!”

“Everyone okay?” Tetsuko asked, watching Nana fuss over the technophile, who’d received a minor cut on his head.

“I’m okay,” said a hopeful voice beside her.

She rolled her eyes. “You don’t count, McEnroy.”

A helicopter whipped above them, shining a spotlight over the deck. Mario seemingly appeared out of nowhere, interviewing the frazzled crew members and urging the cameraman to take shots of the restaurant. That man could very well be a NEXT, since he always knew where to be at the right time.

“I thought you were crazy, going after the guy like that! Guess Hero or no, you’ve still got guts,” McEnroy said, looking at her admiringly.

Tetsuko felt a flush of pride. She was about to say something, when suddenly she felt her arm being yanked roughly from behind. She spun around, and found herself face-to-face with a livid Barnaby. He was still glowing with Hundred Power.

“Just what the _hell_ were you thinking, attempting to disarm a bomb by yourself?” he demanded.

“Ow, Bunny. You’re hurting me!” she exclaimed. He was gripping her to the point of crushing her bones. She hissed when he jerked her away.

“Okay, I admit it. I wasn’t thinking at all when I did it,” she snapped. “But it’s either me or everyone else, and I really didn’t have the time to go through a moral dilemma!”

“I will not have you risk your life for the sake of re-enacting your former glory!”

Tetsuko gaped. “You think this is about me _wanting_ to be a Hero again? It had _nothing_ to do with that whatsoever, and you’re really being unreasonable!”

“Whoa, simmer down there, buddy,” McEnroy interjected. “She saved our lives, and that’s the most important thing! Why can’t you cut her some slack?”

Barnaby turned to give the man a brief once over. His withering look said it all: _You are less than nothing. A mere insect. You’re not worthy of me, and I will destroy you if you dare interrupt me again._  

He suddenly rounded in on Ivan. The boy actually flinched when he raised an accusing finger at him. If Barnaby could spit fire and thunder at that moment, Ivan would’ve been a pile of ash within seconds.

_“You,”_ Barnaby growled with the vengeance of the gods, “call yourself a Hero, yet you can’t do a single thing right. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. Why don’t you just quit and run a fast food cash register instead? Least of all you can stop being an eyesore to everyone.”

Ivan said nothing. He looked as if he was ready to cry. Tetsuko pushed herself between them.

“Hey, _back off,”_ she demanded, prodding Barnaby hard in the chest. “Ivan’s been nothing but a great help. In fact, he did most of the work. You weren’t here. You didn’t see what actually happened. So shut the hell up and stop making goddamned assumptions!”  

“Don’t you get it, Tetsuko?!” Barnaby was yelling by now. He didn’t care that he was on camera, nor the fact that they were arguing live on HeroTV. “You’re a has-been. A burnout. You’re no longer a Hero, and you will _never_ be one. Not anymore! You’re finished! Get that through your fat, stupid head for once!”

Tetsuko didn’t know how, but at that moment, she saw nothing but red.

* * *

The video of Wild Tigress hurling obscenities at Barnaby had gone viral online. Several enterprising rap artists had edited the audio and incorporated it into their songs. They became instant hits. Hundreds of internet memes popped up, ranging from the humorous to the downright ridiculous. Somewhere along the way, a new word had been added to the gossip dictionary, and it was Kabunaby: a love child borne from the mashup of both Tetsuko and Barnaby’s name.

But that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was Tetsuko’s rabbit died. During one of its most adventurous explorations, it came upon an exciting wire lamp and gave it a nibble. It turned out to be the last discovery it’d ever make. Tetsuko had never shed a tear over an animal her entire life, but this time she did. She saw it as an omen, a foreshadowing of what was to come between herself and Barnaby. She never even had a chance to take its photo when it was alive.

She’d developed a phobia of stepping outside her home. Despite her keeping her head down and dodging the paparazzi as best as she could, that never stopped them from stalking her. Suddenly she was a mystery, and everybody wanted to know how she felt about her outburst.

Rotten, of course. Rotten to the core. They’re flogging a dead horse by dredging up the past. There was no ‘kindling the old flame’. There wasn’t even a single spark. She’d personally made sure of that. Bunny probably had enough of her by now and taken her out of his buddy list. Which leaves him with…zero friends. Again.

So things were really back to where they started.

Bunny should be happy. He’d always wanted her to leave him alone.

She’d received a phone call from her father-in-law, cheerfully inviting her to have dinner with them. It was supposed to be a belated birthday treat, but she knew what it was all about.

They’d both found out she was the Wild Tigress, and now they wanted an explanation. A really good and detailed explanation.

She didn’t know what she was thinking when she broke away from habit and dressed herself up in a yukata. Her normally unruly hair was swept back and held in place with a comb. She looked every inch the traditional woman Tomo’s mother wanted her to be, and perhaps a spiteful part of her did it because she wanted to see the old woman’s reaction.

It wasn’t smooth sailing, though. After several awkward fumblings and a quick search through the internet, she’d finally figured out the proper way to tie the obi. She looked at herself in the mirror, resisting the urge to scrub the makeup off her face. She felt ridiculous, like an alien putting on a costume…but if she showed that she can be respectable, then maybe Momoko will see her in a better light. All the while she’d been resisting the changes foisted upon her. She’ll just go with the flow for now and see how things go.

Besides, she had a rather pressing matter to ask of Tomo’s parents.

After a few bit of fussing, she decided that she looked presentable enough. Hopefully they’d be too busy staring at her face to notice her Mr. Legend flip flops.

* * *

Barnaby pulled up at the Kyoto Restaurant car park. This would be the kind of place Tetsuko would love. Authentic Japanese cuisine, reportedly the best in the city. He made a mental note of taking her here someday.

Oh, but wait. They’re not on speaking terms right now. At least until she admits her mistake. It was silly of her to be stubborn over this, but she really had no business running around acting like she still had Hundred Power to back her up in case of trouble. He was scared beyond belief when he saw her with that bomb. He’d honestly thought that he couldn’t reach her in time…

Lloyds was already waiting for him at the entrance.

“Ah, Barnaby,” he smiled. “Those gentlemen from Skoil will be here soon.”

It was supposed to be another business meeting. Barnaby couldn’t understand why he had to be there. Let all the investment deals go through Lloyds. He had no interest in being a monkey to the organ grinder just to please some execs. A least, not anymore. If Tetsuko was ever right about one thing, it was that Heroing had lost its true purpose. He hated to admit it, but he was starting to think like her, mourning over the past, losing focus on what really mattered. These days it was all about sponsorship, more sponsorship and commercialism. Superficiality was the new sexy, and he _hated_ it.

Three men in pressed suits arrived. They were introduced to Barnaby, and he shook hands with them politely. They chatted with Lloyds for a while, complaining about the traffic, and mentioning how beautiful central city looked like at this time of night. Barnaby stood back, disinterested.

An elderly couple swept past him, and he shifted to make room. His eyes fell naturally on the woman following them, and he instantly froze.

It was Tetsuko. There was no mistaking it. She looked bizarrely different in that flowing pink yukata, but he was as sure it was her as the wild fluttering of his heart. Her eyes widened when she saw him, but then she lowered her gaze and bowed hurriedly as she passed him.

He spun around, watching the restaurant hostess greet the elderly couple. He found himself gazing at Tetsuko’s back, willing her to just glance over-

Lloyds slapped him on the shoulder. “Oi, you can ogle at girls in yukatas during your spare time,” he said. “Right now we’ve work to do.”

* * *

Bunkichi had requested for a private room. After serving them tea and presenting them with their menus, the hostess graciously excused herself, saying that she’ll be back to take their orders.

Bunkichi smiled at Tetsuko. “You can order anything you like, Tetsuko-chan. It’s a special treat from us. You look very pretty, by the way.”

“Thank you, otoo-san,” said Tetsuko. “Now’s the best time to eat plenty of otoro!”

Momoko flipped through the menu, scrutinizing the pictures before grumbling: “There’s nothing here that I like!”

“Sure there is, dear,” said Bunkichi. “There’s that gyudon set over at the beef section. I heard it’s their signature dish.”

Tetsuko pored over the sushi platters, wondering what she should get, when Bunkichi cleared his throat and said: “I suppose things have been such a whirlwind for you lately, Tetsuko-chan. We could see nothing but pictures of you everyday now.”

Tetsuko tried her best, but she couldn’t hide the wince on her face. “Ah, yes. About that. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you both. I… _wanted_ to tell you that I’m a Hero, but my job wouldn’t allow it. And now, you have to find out this way. I - I’m really sorry.”

“Must be tough for you all those years,” Bunkichi said sympathetically. “Does…does Tomo know?”

“Yes. He was the first. And, he was the one who encouraged me to become a Hero,” said Tetsuko. She was watching their reactions closely. Bunkichi seemed genuinely curious, but Momoko was resolutely staring at the tabletop and never once glanced up to look at her. She suddenly felt as if she was confessing to some deep, dirty secret and hoped that they wouldn’t make such a big fuss out of it. She’s 100% retired. It’s not like she’s ever hurt anyone before this. Well, maybe crooks. But she’d always made sure she prioritized the family first.

Momoko took a sip from her tea. Then, delicately placing the cup back onto the table, she said: “Must be nice to be some bigshot celebrity.”

“Ahaha, it’s not that fun, okaa-san. Most of the time I’m stuck doing paperwork,” said Tetsuko.

“Is that why you’re too good to take on our family name?”

“Momoko…” Bunkichi said in chiding tones. “I’m sure she has a perfectly good reason for doing so, right Tetsuko-chan? You need to protect your identity, and Tomo’s. It’s _dangerous_ if people knew who she really is.”

“Yes, otoo-san. That’s true,” said Tetsuko. She’d recalled Momoko’s outrage over her insisting on keeping her surname after marriage. It hadn’t been that big of a deal: it was a name she was born with, and she was proud of it. But Momoko didn’t see it that way. She took in a deep breath, weighing her next words. “I know I should’ve been more forthcoming. I cannot apologize enough to you both. But now that I’ve quit, I can raise Kaede properly. I’ve made plans of bringing her over to Sterbild and continue her schooling here. That way she can visit you more often.”

Bunkichi brightened up. “That’s a _great_ idea! Don’t you think so, Momoko?”

“But,” Tetsuko continued, “it is on that matter that I need your help.” Shuffling backwards so that she had enough room, she pressed her fingertips onto the floor and bowed. “The school I’m planning to send her to is very expensive. If you could just help with the semester fees, I would appreciate it very much. I promise I will find a way to pay you back.”

There was silence. A deep, thoughtful silence where Tetsuko imagined a blade could fall over her neck anytime.

“Naturally, we will help if we have the means to do so,” said Bunkichi. “How much do you-“

“Almost ten years, and only now you wish to make amends?” Momoko’s voice cut him off, chilly as the morning snow. “What a shallow woman: dangling her daughter’s presence in exchange for our money. You will need to rethink your purpose before you ask us for anything, Tetsuko.”

Tetsuko felt her stomach clench. So much for wishing that everything would go well.

* * *

Barnaby stared at the menu, suddenly deciding he didn’t want to eat. He kept an ear out on the idle chatter going on between Lloyds and his associates, but a small portion of his mind was wondering where Tetsuko was, and if she was in a similar private dining room as he was. He shook his head, silently berating himself. It wasn’t like him to lose focus like this. Somebody was talking to him.

“It is truly an honour to finally meet you in person, Mr. Brooks.”

“Not at all. The pleasure’s all mine, Mr. Von Bach,” he said, mentally reciting the mantra he used to remember names. _Bach, as in the composer, who did Toccata and Fugue in D Minor…_

“To be honest, I was worried about the rumours of you retiring.”

“I understand that has been going around a lot.”

“But I’m glad you’ve decided on resuming your contract for another five years.”

Barnaby hesitated. This was news even to him. “Have I, now?”

“Your manager told us. He assured us that this season wouldn’t be your last…right?”

Barnaby’s eyes swivelled towards Lloyds. The blasted man had obviously taken one too many liberties over his career. He smiled at Mr. Von Bach. “That is still under discussion.”

“Sumimasen, are you ready to order, gentlemen?” the hostess trilled from outside. The cherry blossom painted door slid aside, and she bowed before entering. “Do you need any recommendations?”

Barnaby ducked his head towards Lloyds and said in serious tones: “We need to talk.”

“Wait, we’re in the middle of ordering!” said Lloyds. “I think the prawn fritters look-“

“Why did you assume I’d be continuing my contract when I’ve made it clear that I’m quitting?”

“Come on, you can’t be serious about quitting…not when you’re still at the top of your game?” Lloyds glanced over to their dinner guests, who were happily chatting the hostess up, then raised his menu so that he could confer in private with Barnaby. “You know who these Skoil guys are? They’re the ultimate players in the field! One investment deal from them, and you’ll be sponsored for life! Think of what you’re throwing away if you decide to leave now!”  

“That’s the whole point! My decision’s my own, and you’re in no place to make plans on my behalf!”

“Alright, what is it that you want? A bigger raise? A nicer penthouse? We’ll give it to you…once we manage to score a deal with these guys. What’s another five years, huh? It’ll fly by before you know it, and by the time you’re thirty, you’ll never have to worry about money. Ever. Now, who wouldn’t like that?”

“I don’t,” Barnaby growled. “You will end this farce right now, or so help me I will do it myself.”

“Huh, so maybe Tetsuko was right after all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I may have asked for her help in convincing you. Offered her a nice incentive for it too. If there’s anyone who can make you do things, it’d be her.” Lloyds chuckled at his expression. “Poor Barnaby. You’re really that oblivious, aren’t you? Anyone can see that she’s got you wrapped around her little finger, and that’s no mean feat, even for someone as crass as her.”

“You’re a delusional man, Lloyds. I’d pity you, if it weren’t for the fact that my disgust is far greater,” said Barnaby. He slammed his menu onto the table, hard enough to wobble the teacups and make everyone shut up.

“It appears there has been a gross misunderstanding,” he stated clearly at the four surprised faces before him. “Contrary to what my manager have assured you gentlemen, it is true that I’m quitting. This year will be my final appearance as Hero. I apologize for inconveniencing you…especially after you’ve arranged this meeting, then to come from so far away. I’ve taken up too much of your time…so it’s only fair for me to be upfront. I don’t believe there’s to be any further discussion tonight. Please excuse me.”

With that, he got up and, stepping over the gaping Lloyds, left the room.

* * *

Momoko felt scandalized. The mystery of her late son’s obsession with HeroTV was finally solved. She herself never understood such crass shows. A group of NEXTs prancing around in spandex bra and panties…for what? And to think that the…the yanki he was married to turned out to be one! Her friends were having a field day pecking away at her for more information. _Was it true what we heard? Did she really do all that?_ The petty ones came up with even more snide remarks. _She fooled around with a younger man! Has she no respect for herself?Dangerous things like NEXTs should be locked away for good!_

“Whatever happened to all that sponsorship money? Squandered it away on frivolous things, no doubt?” she asked.

“Yes, but only if you think that paying off Tomo’s hospital bills and saving up for Kaede’s university education is frivolous,” said Tetsuko. She’d risen up to meet her mother-in-law’s gaze. Let it be known that she was many things, but irresponsibility towards her family wasn’t one of it. She was a damned good wife, and she’d fight tooth and nail with anyone who’d dare contest that.

“Tetsuko-chan, we did ask if you needed help back then,” Bunkichi sighed. “You could’ve said something. Now I feel guilty for letting you carry all that burden by yourself.”

Tetsuko managed a wan smile and shook her head. “Thank you, otoo-san. But Tomo told me not to trouble you both. It was already difficult as it is when he told you he was sick.

“But still…” Bunkichi trailed off, looking at her sadly.

“You rescue strangers and fool around with that damned television show, yet you can’t spare the time to be at your husband’s deathbed? Seems to me you’ve made it _very_ clear where your priorities lie. Frankly, I don’t see anything impressive in what you do,” said Momoko.

Bunkichi’s head whipped towards his wife. “Momoko!” he exclaimed, scandalized. “That was very uncalled for!”

“You’re right, okaa-san.”

Both husband and wife stared at Tetsuko. She had a faraway look in her eyes, but when she spoke, she spoke with such conviction.

“I myself don’t see what’s so impressive about being a Hero. But Tomo did. He believed that what I do is worthwhile, and that’s why I fought the hardest. It was simply because he told me to, and not for any other reason. So really, to me the real Hero was your son. In a way, he was with me till the very end, and that was a luxury I was thankful for.” Tetsuko met Momoko’s eyes, and stated very clearly: “You don’t understand, okaa-san…you never will. I left because of him, and I came back because of him. If I had any idea how much pain he was in that time, I’d have stayed. But we made a promise, and I’ve been keeping it till now. That’s what really happened.”

Then, muttering a quick apology and bowing towards them, she got to her feet and left. She was breathing heavily when she slammed the sliding door shut, the night air and slumbering jasmine blossoms the only witnesses to how upset she really was.

She punched the awning pillar, many times. She growled in frustration. She’d barely dented the damned thing, no matter how much she hurt herself. Whatever happened to her breaking walls with a single blow? She used to be so strong, and now she – was – _nothing!_

The door to the adjoining dining room opened and shut. Tetsuko turned and found herself staring at a very familiar face.

Barnaby blinked, thinking that he was dreaming. He was still half-crouched, in the middle of putting on his boots. It can’t be Tetsuko standing there, bathed in the ethereal lantern lights, looking lost and exquisite at the same time.

He straightened up, mouth forming words he wasn’t sure of saying. But she saved him the trouble, all the awkwardness, when she went up to him and fell into his arms. Her hands circled his waist, and she buried her nose into his jacket, taking in a deep, shuddering breath. She felt him close in around her, and suddenly, he was the only presence she was sure of in her broken, chaotic world.

She whispered into his ear, a yearning, a command that he’d wade through hell and tempest to fullfill: “I need to get out of here.”

It was that look, damn her, that one look which made him think that he’s lost himself to her forever. A selfish part of him wanted to take it back, hoard it like a well-guarded secret. But another part of him wanted her to have it, with hopes that she’ll stay this time, and never run away.

Doors slid open, and Bunkichi was the first to pop his head out, followed by Lloyds.

“Tetsuko-chan, please come back inside. We can talk about this in a proper way.”

“What the-? Now’s not the time to be fooling about with girls! Barnaby, get your ass in here and apologize to these men! I cannot believe how rude you were!”

Tetsuko stirred, thinking that Barnaby’s silence meant rejection. She started to push herself away from him. That made him spring into action, grabbing her hand and pulling her after him, ignoring the shouts dogging their steps.

“Oi, Barnaby. You can’t leave just yet. W-where are you going? _Oi!”_

“Tetsuko-chan! _Tetsuko-chan!”_

* * *

**Episode the next: Where did Bunny and Tetsuko go?**


	11. Step 11: That Handsome Escape Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bunny resorts to an age-old dirty trick - scare a girl with a spooky story and she'll jump into your arms.

Barnaby had learned, long ago, that there was no rhyme nor reason to whatever Tetsuko did. But that still didn’t stop him from wondering for the umpteenth time how the hell they ended up at Hero Academy. After some considerable debate, she’d managed to wrangle him into taking them there. And he, the silly man that he was, only went along with her whims simply because. _She was feeling sad, so maybe this is one way to cheer her up._ But the way she’d kept up a lively chatter in the car was a complete contrast from the forlorn creature he thought he’d rescued from damnation moments ago. He was starting to wonder if he was fooled, or maybe that she was a far better actress than he thought.

Barnaby got out of the car, huffing in exasperation as he watched Tetsuko creep among the brambles in her yukata. She’d instructed him to go round the back, where she knew there wouldn’t be any guards. And now she was bent over, searching the chain link fence for a hole she swore she’d discovered while exploring the boys’ locker room.

“Must you waste your time on useless activities?” he sighed.

“Shut up, Mr. I-Don’t-Want-To-Use-My-Hundred-Power! You could’ve cleared this thing in one jump! If you won’t do something simple like that, what’s the point of having powers?”

“Whatever. Don’t come crying to me if you get bitten by a snake.”

“Ah-hah! Got it! Come on, Bunny. Help me out!”

“I’m sure I don’t have to point out that trespassing is punishable by law,” he said, but joined her nonetheless.

After some considerable straining, followed by Barnaby producing a wire cutter from his car (‘Why didn’t you take that thing out sooner, dumbass?’), they both managed to squeeze through.

“Mission accomplished. Now can we go?” Barnaby said dryly.

“Hang on. We should check out the pool. Well, I know you’ve been here and all…but you never mentioned how big it was! Come to think of it, you never tell me anything about your student days.”

“There’s really nothing to tell,” he said, following her as she circled around the building. Already they were assaulted by the strong smell of chlorine.

“Come on, there must be _something_ you remember! Like your first crush, or that one time the teacher caught you stealing exam papers – ah, here we are. Ta-daah!”

It was, no matter how Barnaby wanted to phrase it, a swimming pool. It was big. It was rectangular. It was also always full of students during PE, splashing about like dolphins as they try to pull off each other’s swimming trunks. He shook his head at the memory.

“A girl once confessed to me, over at the cherry tree by the assembly hall.”

“Really? What happened?”

“I turned her down flat. Told her I’ve no time for juvenile romance.”

Tetsuko tsked. “You’re so mean! A maiden’s heart is a fragile thing! If you ever want to let her down, you must do it gently.”

“She was a NEXT with inferior powers…super long fingers, or something like that.”

“Ohh, I get it. So you’d only hook up with powerful people. _Useful_ people. How very egoist of you.”  

“Thinking back, I may have been a bit harsh,” Barnaby said, a tad ruefully. “What would you have done?”

“Well, I’d put it like this: _Thank you, I appreciate your feelings…but I’m afraid I’m not worthy enough to recipocate._ Then you add some white lie in the end, like there’s someone else that you like….or you’re into guys. If she’s not a psycho stalker, then she’ll leave you alone after that.”

“That’s just another form of rejection, is it not?” he scoffed. “I think that it’s better to be blunt in order to discourage anymore future attempts.”

“I can now see why girls are _dying_ to keep you,” Tetsuko deadpanned, arms akimbo as she gave him a bored look. “Listen, Bunny…maybe this whole asshole act works out well for you, but you gotta remember that not everyone’s like you. Specially girls. I feel sorry for her. I bet it took months for her to just work out the courage to approach you.”

“She should know that love itself is a battle that requires precise planning and the anticipation of failure.”

“Who the hell taught you that? Sun Tzu?” she sneered. Suddenly brightening up, she added: “Hey, take me to your classroom!”

It was at block A, in one of those special classes where they’d lump in all the exceptional students.

“Wow, so this is where I’d probably be,” Tetsuko breathed, going over to the teacher’s table. “Awesome.”

The bright flood lights from the track field threw the room into harsh black and white contrasts. She perched herself at the edge of the table, looking at him expectantly.

“What?” Barnaby asked. He was still hovering in the hallway.

“Well, don’t just stand there. Class is already in session,” she said, motioning with her head.

He sighed, rolling his eyes heavenwards. He entered, and closed the door behind him. “Happy now?”  

“I bet you’re one of those eager beavers who’d sit in front, forever taking notes. And you’re always the first person to raise a hand everytime the teacher asks something.”

“Hah, wrong,” Barnaby smirked, moving towards a desk in the middle of the second row and settling himself there. “It’s a well-known fact that teachers always pick students from the back.”

“Eh? Really? No wonder _my_ teacher’s forever hitting me up with questions. Anyway, so…ahem, good morning, class. My name is Tetsuko T. Kaburagi, and I’ll be your new homeroom teacher. Please give me Wild guidance!”

Barnaby snickered, but said nothing.

“Let’s all be friends here!”

“But I’m not interested in being your friend. A teacher’s perogative is to impart knowledge. Anything that goes beyond the scope of the class is none of her business.”

Tetsuko pointed at him and said in mock sterness. “Oi, Mr. Smartypants. Detention. You’re to stay back and write ‘I must not interrupt my teacher’ 100 times.”

“What an archaic method of punishment. Are you really qualified for this post, Ms. Kaburagi?”

“Then what? You expect a spanking instead?”

Barnaby’s response was swift. He was already up and striding towards her, leaning forth and placing his hands on the table, on either side of her thighs. She was so close, he could smell the perfume he knew she’d dabbed behind her ears and between her breasts. Oh, how he longed to chase that scent.

“I dare you to,” he breathed.

Tetsuko, thinking that this was a joke, kept on smiling at him in that annoyingly bemused way, as if expecting him to deliver the punchline. When he didn’t, she laughed. “Ohh…I get it. You think I don’t look intimidating enough as a teacher. Maybe I should accessorize, get those thick nerdy specs.” She reached up and plucked his glasses off.

“Tetsuko, what are you-?”

She wore them, and looked about the room. “Whoa, I can’t see a thing! Your eyesight is _really_ bad…like an old man’s, ahahaaa! Oh, I’m getting a headache.”

Barnaby tsked, rescuing his glasses and putting them back on. “You shouldn’t play with these things,” he grumbled.

Still laughing, she leaned back and fixed him with a rather impish stare. “I accept your apology, by the way.”

“What apology?”

“The one you’re about to say. For being such an ass towards Ivan and me. For flying off the handle when you shouldn’t have. We were having such a nice gokon, too. I would’ve invited you to meet some girls, but I didn’t think it was your style.”

Him, apologize? Not bloody likely. Especially when he did nothing wrong. “That really was a foolish thing you did, Tetsuko. You hardly think about the consenquences of your actions.”

“I didn’t do it because I wanted to be a Hero again. It’s almost like an automatic reflex, and before I know it we were tackling that guy and suddenly I’ve got a 10-pound piece of exploding plastic in my hands. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same even after you’ve retired?”

“If I did, I wouldn’t be as reckless as you.”

“When Ivan said he’d call for help, I never imagined that he’d call you. I was expecting him to get the police, or the coast guard, even. But honestly, he’s been a great help. You need to go easy on him. It may not seem like he’s doing much, but that’s because he’s not as flashy as you. He’s a good kid, and he’s been trying real hard.”

“You have to promise that you’ll never pull that stunt again. Ever.”

“I swear,” said Tetsuko, holding a palm up as if making an oath, “that in times of trouble I’ll be a screaming mess and will always wait for my Bunny-chan to save me. That good enough?”

“I’m getting you a wristcom. That way it’ll be easier to track you.”

Her eyes lit up, and she grabbed his hands. “Aww, does that mean we’re, like, engaged now? Are we going to start wearing matching his and hers tees? Hey, can I have a pet name too?”

She was teasing, that much he could tell. But that still didn’t stop him from blushing. For once he was glad for the semi-darkness.

“S-stupid! I-I didn’t mean anything by that!” he stammered. “It’s just that you’re a lighting rod for trouble. If I wanted free Hero points, all I have to do is just follow you around!”

“Actually, I’ve already stolen one from Saito’s lab. Didn’t know why I did it, but I suppose I thought that it’ll be useful someday, hehe.”

“Well, then you should start wearing it!” he snapped. “And what’s with the getup? Didn’t I tell you pink isn’t your colour?”

“You don’t like this?” she asked, motioning towards her yukata. “How mean. After all the trouble I went through putting it on too.”

“I never said that. I just said pink doesn’t suit you.”

“Really? Then what do you think works?”

Green. As green as his eyes and made of the finest material he could find. She should have proper kanzashi ornaments like the ones he saw girls wear to bon odori festivals, garnished with a sprig of seasonal flowers. Nothing too elaborate, though. Her main selling point was her expressive eyes, and nothing should detract from that. Oh, and nicer shoes too. She can’t expect to wear-

Wait, what on earth is she wearing?!

He tsked at her Mr. Legend flip flops.

“Haha, you can take a girl out of Heroing, but you’ll never take the Hero out of her,” she said. “Don’t you dare say anything bad about him!”

“I wasn’t about to,” he murmured, running a hand down her sleeve, feeling the cotton roll beneath his fingers. Then, suddenly emboldened, he took her arm and pushed back the material just for the sheer want of touching her more. He hesitated when he saw the purple bruises near the crook of her elbow.

She caught his expression. “It’s not as bad as it looks. Don’t worry. Just…be careful when you use your powers,” she said.

“Tetsuko, I’m very sorry,” he said, and meant it.

“It’s nothing. I’ve had worse scrapes before.”

“And what did you get this for?” he asked. He’d turned her hand around and noticed the raw knuckles.

“A pillar hit me. It wasn’t being very nice,” she said, pulling herself away. Typical Tigress Escape.

Barnaby realized that she’d never respond to direct questions. Some verbal skating had to be done, distract her from the issue, and when she’s finally dropped her guard, he’d ask again. If there’s anyone who was good at the stealthy approach, it’d be him.

“This was a wedding gift from Tomo,” she said. “Funny, he’d probably seen me in yukatas only once or twice, but never in this one.” A hand went up, and her hair came tumbling down. She was starting to look like her usual self. She turned the comb in her fingers, letting the outside light shine against its lacquered surface. There was a floral design embellishing the top, but Barnaby wasn’t well-versed in the cultural significance of flowers to know what it meant.

“Sakura blossoms,” she said, as if answering him. “He once said they bring the summer, just like me. Hah, silly man. Talking about such things to embarrass me. They come and go whenever they feel like it, don’t they? No one can tell them what to do. You know, in the olden days, boys would give a comb to the girl they like, just to show how serious he is.” She chuckled. “Guess who latched on to that idea and got me one during my high school graduation?”

“I must confess,” said Barnaby, settling down beside her. “I am jealous.”

“Eh? Of what?”

“You talk too much about your husband sometimes. I realize it is selfish of me, and maybe a bit silly…but I feel as if I’m competing against someone who’s no longer here.”

“Competing? Bunny, why would you say that? I’ve never expected you to be better than him. In fact, I never compare you both. Sorry if it seems like I am.”

“He’s known you for far longer, when you’re at your best.”

“Oh, so now I’m not at my best? Okay, I’m insulted.”

Barnaby shook his head. He knew he was fumbling. “That did not come out the way I intended.”

“I think it’s not because you’re unpleasant that people don’t like you. You just can’t express yourself properly. What a cute tsundere Bunny you make, hehe!” she said, reaching over to pinch his cheek. He growled, swinging out of the way.

“I don’t think you’d want to know me back then,” she went on. “Nobody likes their younger selves. There’s just too much stupidity. Good thing I’ve got a few kinks knocked out, so this is really the new and improved me.”

“I honestly doubt that.”

“Other than Antonio, you’re really the only person I’ve talked to about Tomo. He’s…how shall I put it? I owe him a lot. When you find someone who thinks you’re super awesome, you hold on to that person till the very end. Because you’ll never get a second chance after that.”

“You know what’s annoying about you?”

“Oh, no. Not the list again. What else do you want to add this time?”

“You give so much of yourself to people.”

“Ah? Well, that’s not so bad.”

He tugged at a lock of her hair, tucking it behind her ear. “When will you ever ask for something back?”

“Call it a long term investment. When I need a huge sum of money, then you’ll be the first person I’ll ask, but it’s only because you’re #1 on my speed dial, and Antonio still owes me 300 dollars. I doubt he’ll ever pay me back.”

“That was Tomo’s parents I saw back at the restaurant, wasn’t it?” His hand had strayed to her neck. He felt her pulse jump.

“Yes,” she said, then sighed. “It was supposed to be my birthday dinner. Hah, and what a circus that turned out to be. I haven’t even had the starter yet! What a waste.”

“What happened?”

“What happened was fourteen years of hate all poured out into one condensed sentence, which should never have been said. There’s only so much a person can take. I had to leave, or else I’ll run out of pillars to punch. Hopefully, I’ll live to fight another day.”

“What did the old woman say?” Barnaby realized that, once more, Tetsuko was right. He couldn’t princess carry her out of this one. For all his powers, this was one thing he couldn’t do, and that made him feel more helpless than he ever thought he could. He never saw the full extent of her pain, because she was very good at squirelling her feelings away.

“Nothing. Just complained a lot about the sashimi.”

“Tetsuko.”

“You know, I really hate it when you use your serious voice. Because then I’d have to tell you everything.”

“If you want another method of persuasion, I can think of many.”

“Such as? Okay, don’t say it. I’m sure I don’t want to know.”

“What was so terrible that you had to run away?”

“It’s just that-“ Tetsuko’s voice caught in her throat. “She seems to think that I put so much stock on my Hero career compared to Tomo’s death.” She caught his stormy expression, and hurriedly added: “Er, she’d said it in a more refined way, but that was the whole gist of it.”

“She was never there herself, so who the hell was she to talk?” he said furiously. “God, I’ve never heard of such an ugly, ill-mannered hag!”

“W-well you have, actually. You’re looking at her. Bunny-“

“If I was there, I’d have a thing or two to say to her-“

“Bunny, _calm down,”_ she said, grabbing his arms. The man had the EQ of a yo-yo, which meant that he’d seesaw through the furthest gamut of human emotion without stopping somewhere in the middle. She’d always had to catch him before he went overboard. “She’s not worth it. Really. She’s just one bitter old woman. But that’s not the point. The point is, this isn’t something that you should yourself involved in…sorry. Not that you can’t. But…it’ll just complicate things.”

“Tetsuko, how could you allow yourself to still be involved with this woman? It’s not like you have any obligation towards her!”

“Hah, d’you have any idea how long it took for Tomo to convince her that he’d marry me? Anyway, Kaede’s still their granddaughter. I can’t force her to cut ties off with them. It’s best that she doesn’t hear about this.”

“Oh, I honestly doubt that. I know she’d have figured something out by now.”

“I guess you’re right. As _always.”_ She paused, tracing the design on her comb, then sighed. “Bean sprouts.”

“What?”

“There was a time when all I could afford to eat was rice and bean sprouts. It’s pathetic. I’ve tried everything, you know. Add soy sauce, Tabasco sauce, Worcestershire sauce…bean sprouts still has that sad, watery taste. This was before I discovered my love for mayonnaise, of course. Tomo made a joke, saying that I’m starting to look like a bean sprout. I hate that damn thing! I once had a dream that I had leaves growing out of my ears, haha!”

“Tetsuko, what are you saying?”

“Between shuttling my money towards my family, paying for Tomo’s treatments, and - hah, settling city fines - I really don’t have much left for myself. And Tomo’s mother assumed that I’d frittered it all away on pointless things. Like what? A sports car? I was busy hunting the newspapers for supermarket discount coupons as it is! If I could get shrimp and a bit of meat, then it’ll be a very good week for me!”

Barnaby said nothing. He couldn’t imagine what it was like scraping the bottom of the barrel like that. And there he was, thinking that _he_ had major problems.

“Welcome to the real life of the working class, Bunny. It’s far from pretty. But I wouldn’t put it in any other way.”

He took her hand, squeezing it. “You’re the strongest woman in the world, Tetsuko. I can personally attest to that.”  

She laughed, clearly embarassed. “Yes, well…I don’t want to talk about this anymore, okay? I was already in a good mood when you _had_ to bring it up again. What’s _your_ story? Lloyds was there, so I’m betting he’s up to no good.”

“Nothing. He just wanted me to extend to another five seasons when I’ve made it clear that I’m quitting. I walked out on his potential investors, and that wouldn’t be the last time. Not if he keeps on pushing me like this.”

“Oh? Well, good to know that you’ve stood up to him.”

“Did he see you before this? Asking you to convince me to stay?”

“He did. I turned him down.”

“What did he offer you?”

“He’ll support Kaede’s schooling, university education, the works. And when she’s ready, she’ll start her Hero career under Apollon. He’s aiming at creating the world’s first girl band of Heroes. Frankly, I think he’s the only one getting the sweet end of the deal. After five years, it wouldn’t matter if you retired, because by then, he’s got another set of Heroes to replace you.”

“And you said no to all that?”

“It wasn’t easy, mind you. He’s paying for St. Mary’s, man! You know I’ve been wanting to send her there. She’s a smart kid. She deserves only the best. I’m fine if she wants to be a Hero, but I’d draw the line if her boss is planning on squeezing her into those damned skimpy suits like Blue Rose’s. It’s either something practical like mine, or else I’ll just sign her up under a different company. Er…I can’t be sued for that…right? Anyway, that’s all done now, so I guess-“

“I’ll do it.”

“Huh?”

“I said I’ll do it. Design your daughter’s suit. That’s what I’ve been planning to do once I quit anyway. Go back to robotics and maybe pick up my parents’ work. There’s nothing left for me to do as a Hero, Tetsuko. Year in, year out…it’s all the same. I’m tired of it all.”

“O-oi, Bunny. You’ve been wanting to quit for years, now. This is the first time you actually sound serious.”

“It’s because I am.”

“Look, don’t get me wrong. Frankly, I think you should quit while you’re still ahead. HeroTV’s nothing! I know you’ve got pocketful of talents stashed elsewhere because you’re a goddamned genius. About St. Mary’s, well…I’ll think of something.” Tetsuko leaned back, shaking her head in disbelief. “I just realized that Lloyds practically pimped me out to you. I don’t know how he expects me to convince you if I said yes. Short of stripping and giving you a lap dance, I really can’t think of anything else.”

Barnaby smiled. “Now that is something I don’t mind seeing.”

She punched him lightly in the arm. “Shut up.”

“Why did you do it? Turn him down?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I just don’t feel it’s right. I know you’ve got your reasons. Besides, you yourself decide your starting and end point. Simple as that.”  

“Hm. Well, let’s just stop at that. I’m tired, and we really need to get back. If we stay any longer, the white lady will come after us.”

“White lady? What white lady?”

“You haven’t heard about the Hero Academy ghost?” he asked, giving her a surprised look. He then leaned over and continued in a low voice: “They say that this school was built over the site of an abandoned asylum. A patient had her baby taken away as soon as it was born, and feeling distraught, she committed suicide. There’d been sightings of her wandering the school grounds, seemingly searching for something. You’ll know she’s around if you hear a voice saying… _Give it back…Give it back…_ ”

Tetsuko gasped, round-eyed. She looked fearfully around and shuffled herself closer to him. A sudden loud bang from the hallway outside caused her to shriek and almost jump into his lap.

“Oh, God…she’s here!” she quavered, clinging onto his neck. “Please don’t let her kill me, Bunny!”

Barnaby said nothing. He was shaking – from fear, she’d thought at first – but when she heard a snigger, she looked up at him. He was laughing.

“Bunny!” she exclaimed, shoving his aside. “That’s not funny!”

“You’re still scared of ghosts? At your age? Wonders never cease!”

“Don’t tell me you’re not?!” she said hotly, furious from being laughed at.

“There’s no such thing as ghosts. There was no abandoned asylum. The land was already gazetted for Hero Academy. It used to be nothing but forests here. You’re really funny when you scared.”

“Sh-shut up! You’re one twisted bastard, and I don’t even know why I bothered myself with you!” she huffed, preparing to hop off the table. But Barnaby stopped her, grabbing her hands and forcing her to look at him.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

Tetsuko kept on glaring.

“I’ll make it up to you. Since your belated birthday dinner was ruined, let me treat you to one. You can have anything you like.”

“Anything at all. Just name it.”

“Anything?” her features had softened, but only just. She was still looking at him suspiciously.

“Anything,” he affirmed. “You know I’m a man of my word. Are you sure there’s no other pressing matters that could prevent you from going out with me? A certain teaching manual, for instance? Which I’m sure you haven’t looked at since you got it?”

Tetsuko’s resolve crumbled. Whatever traces of indignance she had left were now surpassed by an expression on guilt. “You knew I was lying?”

“Through the teeth.”

“And you didn’t call me out on it?”

“No, but it doesn’t matter.” Barnaby tightened his grip over her fingers. “So there’s really no other reason for you to rebuff my advances?”

“A-advances?”

“Yes, like this,” he said, and kissed her cheek. Then, acting on pure reckless need, nuzzled her neck, just below her earlobe.

He heard it then: her soft, shuddering gasp. He smiled against her skin, feeling as if he’d scored a minor victory that night. So he still remembered the places she liked to be touched after all.

He drew back, searching for her eyes. They widened when he touched her cheek with one hand, fingers tracing the curve of her jaw before they gathered below her chin, tilting her face up towards him.

“B-Bunny?”

“Yes?” he murmured, leaning closer.

“My rabbit’s dead.”

“Sorry to hear that.” He kissed her forehead.

“A-and…and…”

“Hm?”

“T-that point where I said things start to get weird between us?”

“What of it?”

“I-I think you’ve just crossed it.”

“Good.”

Their lips touched…

…and his wristcom beeped.

* * *

**Episode the next: A morning jog that turns into a princess carry session. How’s that possible? Plus, Keith’s still feeling the sting of being a former number one Hero.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: I’m about halfway through this story when I realized that Ben Jackson, the one man integral to Kotetsu’s early Hero career, wasn’t included. Sorry to Ben Jackson’s fans. He’s a fine character, but at this point, I couldn’t think of a way to put him in without seeming as if he was a last-minute write-in. He deserves way more than that.


	12. Step 12: That Princess Carry Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan's 'Emergency Sex Pack' makes its debut.

Tetsuko gave her shoelaces a firm tug and straightened up. It was seven a.m. and she was standing outside her apartment building, dressed in spiffy leotard shorts and tee. It’s about time she resumed her exercise regime, and she’ll start with a light jog around the park. Yeah, yeah…let’s show everyone how energetic the Wild Tigress it. Hah, even retired Heroines need to maintain their uberfit bodies! She’ll prove that she still has what it takes to take on those younger whippersnappers on Hero TV.

She swung her arms around, taking deep lungfuls of air. She’s still in top form…she knew it. World, watch out. She’ll be Speeding Wildly that even the mailman would have trouble catching up with her.

She began running.

* * *

Half an hour later, Keith found her curled up on the park bench, hugging her left leg and keening softly to herself.

“Good morning, Tetsuko! Er, what happened?”

“Cramp!” Tetsuko managed to gasp. “Ow, _shits on a basket!”_

Keith pursed his lips. He wasn’t in favour of swearing, but since Tetsuko was in pain, he allowed it, just this once. He bent over and unclipped the leash off his dog.

“John, playtime. Don’t go too far, you understand?”

John barked, and scampered off.

“Now let’s have a look at you,” he said, kneeling before Tetsuko and gently grabbing her injured leg by the ankle.

“W-wait, what’re you doing? D-don’t touch me!” Tetsuko exclaimed, trying to yank herself away.

“You pulled your calf muscles, no? You need to stretch it a bit, otherwise it’d take longer to heal. Come now, it will be uncomfortable at first, but it helps.”

Keith’s open, honest face was smiling, but his grip was firm - clearly indicating that he’d brook no further argument from her. She relented, leaning back but darting forth quickly afterwards when she felt him straighten out her leg.

“Try to relax,” he said, fingers running over her skin as he attempted to find the place that hurt. “Is it here?”

She hissed.

“I won’t touch there, then.” He began massaging the surrounding areas. “Now do we understand how important warmups are before any workout?”

“My legs obviously didn’t. When your upper half doesn’t communicate well with your bottom half, problems are bound to happen. You guys should understand.”

“Hmm…quite.”

She watched as his hands steadily worked their way up to her knee, the slight furrow between his brows as he focused, and was suddenly glad that she’d shaved her legs before leaving the house today.

“Keith, you’re paying too much attention to my shin. The rest of me are getting jealous!”

“My apologies, Tetsuko. But I need to make sure that your muscles are properly flexed. You need to rehydrate yourself.”

“I can do that when I get home,” Tetsuko said, pushing herself off the bench with much difficulty. She gingerly tested her injured leg, winced, and started walking. “Thanks for your help, Keith.”

“Wait. I’ll go with you,” he said, gallantly offering his arm.

“Aah, you shouldn’t bother yourself with a doddering old fool like me,” she said, but linked her hand with his elbow nonetheless.

Keith whistled, and called out. “John!”

The dog streaked towards them like a shot of golden lightning. It frisked and gamboled around its master until he reached down and patted its head.

“Now, behave yourself,” he said. “We’re assisting a lady in need here.”

Tetsuko shook her head as she leaned against him. “Can’t you quit that superhero talk when you’re in civvie clothes? Anyone would’ve guessed you’re Sky High just by listening in on you!”

“But…this is how I normally talk!”

“Seriously? I thought it was a persona your sponsors came up with.”

“…No.”

“Huh.”

“Well, they’d tried marketing me as someone entirely different, but it never worked out. I could never be anything other than myself.”

“I’ll bet. But…I suppose that ‘all-natural guy’ approach worked out in the end.”

They passed the lake, where a multi-purpose stage had been built at one end to accommodate the occasional indie band concert. During certain weeks, the Old School Society organized the Starry Cinema event, where they’d screen black and white movies for free.

Today, however, was an event for the Mario Breakfast Show. Tetsuko saw the Apollon Media and Suntory’s transporter parked at the side, and it didn’t take three guesses to know what was going on. The huge crowd alone was already a telltale sign. Mario’s voice rolled trough the hills as he did a little dance to announce his next segment.

“Goood morning, Sternbild! We are here live at Central Park to bring you all the latest and the greatest. Now, as you all can already tell, we have not one, but _two_ super special guests today. Everyone, please welcome… _Blue Rose and Barnaby Brooks Jr.!”_

“Heh, they’re doing breakfast shows these days?” Tetsuko muttered to herself.

“Must be nice, being up there,” said Keith. He sounded wistful.

“What?”

“They hardly call me these days, you know. The tv station. Not even to open libraries. Would be nice to have another meet-the-fans session.”

“Don’t your sponsors organize that for you?”

“Not so much like before. Ever since…”

“Ever since you stopped being the King of Heroes. Oh, Keith.”

Keith looked momentarily sad, but he suddenly remembered himself and gave her a bright smile. “But that’s alright! So long as I still get to help people, then I should be happy!”

“Yeah. You should be thankful you’re not losing your powers,” said Tetsuko, and immediately regretted it. Losing his powers would kill him.

“Being a Hero is about protecting the city, not about how popular you are. I should always remember that.”

Tetsuko briefly wondered if he was still patrolling Sternbild alone at night. He was the hardest working Hero she knew, and to have him surpassed by something shinier and prettier than him hurts. She knew exactly how that felt.

Tugging at his elbow, she smiled when his head turned towards her. “Popular or no, I’d still be your biggest fan. Promise!”

He looked happy. She felt his hand squeezing hers. “I don’t think Barnaby would like that.”

“Why shouldn’t he? He’s already got enough fans as it is. Look!”

The crowd cheered as if on cue. Barnaby waved and said into the microphone: “Thank you. It is great to see all of you here!”

“Feh, he’s always so chipper in public!” Tetsuko sneered. “Bet _none_ of them know what an asswipe he really is.”

“I don’t think you should be saying such things, Tetsuko. He is your partner, after all. Aren’t you two best friends?”

“Being best friends are just an excuse for me to say truthful things to him and expect him to not be hurt by it. Oi, where are you going?”

Keith had started walking towards the event, pulling her along with him.

“We should give them support! I wonder if I could somehow get them to notice us.”

“Honestly, Keith. You think they could spot us out of hundreds of people?” Tetsuko grumbled, limping after him as fast as she could.

They reached the edge of the crowd and she expected him to stop there. But he didn’t. He pushed his way through as politely as he could, using John to make a pathway for him. It was hard to ignore a 75-pound golden retriever nosing your ass until you made way, and soon enough they were both standing near the stage.

“I should get their attention,” said Keith.

“Don’t use your powers! You’ll blow your cover!”

He gave her a funny look. “Of course I know that. I’m not stupid.”

Embarassed, she hung her head. “Sorry.”

“Hello, Barnaby! Yoo-hoo! Wild Tigress is here to say hello! I say, Barnaby!”

Tetsuko groaned and facepalmed herself. She had to give Keith an A for effort, but really…waving and shouting in the middle of a screaming crowd wasn’t really the best method for drawing attention.

But he somehow succeeded with the people around them. A woman turned, recognized Tetsuko, and she too screamed: “Wild Tigress is here! Hey, everyone!”

A ripple effect began from there. Tetsuko felt herself being jostled as the crowd surged towards her. Blue Rose was the first to notice onstage. She tapped Barnaby’s shoulder and pointed.

“Oi, oi, calm down! Ahaha, nice to see you too!” Tetsuko found herself trapped in a sea of faces and felt a brief moment of panic and awe. She turned towards Keith. “Don’t just stand there! Get me out of here!”

“Can’t,” he said, grinning. “You told me not to blow my cover!”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Why, you cheeky little-“

“Is that Wild Tigress I see?” Mario boomed. “A surprise appearance, or a chance encounter? Have the producer planned something I wasn’t aware of? Everyone, give a big hand to the _Wild Tigress!”_

Tetsuko covered her ears at the thunderous applause. She grinned and tried her best to wave and shake as many hands as she could. Somewhere in the crowd, a chant started, sounding something along the lines of _‘Princess carry, princess carry…’_ Like an infectious disease, it was soon picked up by everyone else.

“Ohoo, it looks like the fans want to see that infamous princess carry again!” said Mario. “What say you, Barnaby? Shall we give them what they want?”

Tetsuko groaned. Plastered on the projection screen onstage was – yes, an image of her first meeting with Barnaby. God, this is worse than getting zero marks and having the teacher call you out in front of the class!

Barnaby had already hopped off the stage and was making his way towards her. His visor was up, and he was smiling. She shook her head and waved a finger at him.

“No, no, no…” she said, and turned to run away.

A hand circled her wrist, holding her fast. It was Keith. He too was grinning, happy as a clam. Tetsuko had never been so terrified in her entire life.

“Where are you going, Tetsuko?”

“Let go of me, Keith! Goddamn you!” She tried prying him off, but his grip was vice-like. She leaned out against him, straining. When that didn’t work, she turned and tried to drag him after her. Her struggles reminded Keith very much of John during bath time. He laughed. Oh, how she wished she still had her Hundred Power!  

Her mind strangely thought of a remote mountaintop village in Peru, where shepherds brought their flock out for grazing and possibly re-enact the Spanish version of Sound of Music. And in that flock there will be a newborn lamb still trying out its new legs, tottering after its mother and falling flat on its face, providing much amusement for anyone who haven’t heard of reality TV. Then there was an eagle in the shadows, eyeing its fluffy breakfast. Just when it thought the mother was sufficiently distracted, it leapt, flapping its mighty wings and soaring downwards, claws outstretched as it accelerated…

At that moment, Tetsuko felt very much like that newborn lamb.

Bunny was coming after her, and nothing - not Buddha, not Colonel Sanders, not even bloody Santa Claus – could tell him otherwise.

“Just like old times, eh?” he said brightly, and began scooping her up.

“H-hey. W-wait, Bunny…oi!” Tetsuko sputtered, flailing about as she tried to get off. She was blushing, and the fact that she knew she was blushing made her blush even more. Barnaby jerked her closer, causing her to lose her balance. She automatically wrapped her arms around his neck.

A tsunami of applause thundered around them, followed by the flashing of cameras. Mario was babbling excitedly into his microphone, urging the cameraman to get closeup shots.

Barnaby remained smiling as he spoke from the corner of his lips. “Try to look happy, why don’t you? And what happened to you? I noticed you limping.”

Tetsuko tossed a grimace which she believed to be good enough as a smile and did V signs for the fans. “Muscle cramp.”

“Huh, skipped the warmup session again, did we? Why can’t you do something more appropriate for your age? Like tai chi.”

 _“Tai chi?”_ She’d seen the tai chi group in the park. They consisted mainly of septuagenarians with their walking sticks. Tetsuko disentangled herself and landed on the ground, wincing slightly at her still knotty calf. She slapped Barnaby’s chestplate. “How old do you think I look? Idiot, I’m evergreen, you hear me? I’m more recyclable than plastic bags! Sixty years from now I’d still have the stamina to beat up brats in kiddie diapers! Hmph!”

“Fine, fine. Just don’t forget your walker while you’re at it.” He chuckled at her expression, and ducked down to kiss her cheek.

His fans swooned. Mario practically dragged the cameraman by his collar and demanded if he’d managed to capture that moment. He then leapt off the stage and waded through the crowd towards them, microphone at the ready like some sort of ballistic missile.

“The long-awaited lovers’ reunion!” he crowed. “So the rumours from last year _were_ true?”

The question was directed at Barnaby, but it was Tetsuko who answered. “No, it isn’t.”

Mario chuckled. “Come now, Wild Tigress. Your blush says otherwise! Will this mean a very special and happy news for our King of Heroes, I wonder? I think your female fans are already weeping, Barnaby!”

His microphone was playing Russian Roulette, waving back and forth between Barnaby and Tetsuko.

Barnaby was smiling enigmatically, gazing down at her as he said: “Who knows?”

“He’s not with me!” Tetsuko hurriedly interjected. “Just so we’re clear. I mean, good luck with him, ladies. This guy still wears braces to bed!”

“What’s this? Revealing private things about each other, eh?” said Mario. “Barnaby, do you have anything to contribute?”

“Hm.” Barnaby still had his public face on, but Tetsuko was very much aware of how evil and twisted he could be. He’s like the polished version of an evil overlord, the type who kept long pinky fingernails and stroked his stringy moustache everytime he schemed something unpleasant. Tetsuko saw his eyes glance mischievously at her as he leaned forth and enunciated, very clearly: “She has a heart-shaped birthmark at a _very_ intimate place.”

Tetsuko felt her jaw drop. The bastard! Now he’s done it! There’s no way she could wriggle out of this now! Already Mario was zooming in on her.

“I wonder where ‘that’ place is! Care to comment, Wild Tigress?”

“Looks more like a cauliflower to me,” she said. “Why don’t you start telling everyone about my bunions, Barnaby? Or my warts? They make pretty good dinner table conversation.”

“I could, but that would mean you have to reveal something else about me, and we can’t bore our audience with trivial things…right, old friend?” Barnaby said, adding heavy emphasis on the word ‘old’.

Mario suddenly touched his earpiece. He’d received the cue to wrap things up. “Whoa, looks like this is the only time we have! Big thank you to our Heroes Blue Rose and Barnaby Brooks Jr. So it’s right back to the studio with Marlene and her weather forecast. I don’t know about you, but I think it’s going to be hot, hot, hotter between Barnaby and his former partner Wild Tigress. Keep your ears peeled and eyes on the screen, for you will always hear it first from me. This is Mario, signing out!”

Tetsuko rolled her eyes and limped her way back to a grinning Keith. She punched him hard in the arm. “Idiot, why did you stop me? You could’ve saved me from that whole fiasco! Call yourself my friend? Hmph!”

Keith laughed. “I’m sorry, Tetsuko. But as a friend, I am obliged to do that. You wouldn’t want to embarrass Barnaby in public now, would you?”

“Him? Embarrass? What about me? Don’t I deserve a smidgeon of dignity? How could you…leaving an injured woman all alone to defend herself!”

“Again, I am sorry. I really don’t see why you should be upset. I think you had fun just now.”

“How d’you suppose his fans would react if Bunny carried a hysterical woman? Of _course_ I had to pretend I was happy!”

“Ah, see? So you do care about preserving his image. Tetsuko is really a kind-hearted person who’s always concerned about others. I am very proud of you,” said Keith, patting her on the shoulder.

“Oh, shut up. You’re walking me home. I don’t care if you don’t want to.”

“I’m afraid I cannot do that.”

“Eh? Why not? I _told_ you that-“

“It is not possible because Barnaby is wishing to speak to you right now. He’s been standing behind you for a full half minute!”

“Wha-?” Tetsuko spun around. Sure enough, he was there, looking at her grimly like some pink angel who protends doom.

“Honestly, can’t you get by without a single scrape in one day?” he tsked.

“You came all the way here just to tell me that?”

“No. I came because I wanted to ask what you’re doing tonight.”

“I’m busy,” Tetsuko quickly said, thinking of her cluttered home, and her piles of unwashed laundry. “Watching Ultraman reruns.”

“Let’s have dinner together.”

“Eh? Didn’t you hear what I just said? When a woman says she’s busy, it means she’s busy.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven.”

“Hang on, I didn’t even say yes!”

“Ah, such reunions are important to foster excellent working relationships. I would agree to such a proposition. Congratulations, and again, congratulations!” Keith butted in happily.

Tetsuko shot him a dirty look as Barnaby jerked towards the transporter behind him with a thumb. “Come, I’ll send you home.”

“Keith’s doing that. Right, Keith?” she said, pouncing on the oblivious man and wrapping a hand around his arm.

“Er, I am?”

“You are. You need to give John a proper workout. Let’s go!”

He gave Barnaby an uncertain wave as she practically dragged him away. “Goodbye, Barnaby. I hope you’ll have a great time with Tetsuko tonight!”

* * *

Nathan dropped by her place unannounced later that afternoon. The man swept in, took in her dishevelled state, and exclaimed: “Holy Crapazoli, what the hell happened to you?”

“It’s a new look, I swear. I call it _Le Shabby Chic._ This is how I am when you wake me up, alright? Now, what do you want?”

“You have a hot date tonight! You should be at the salon, primping yourself up! Tsk tsk. And what is that smell?”

Stifling a yawn, Tetsuko glanced at her watch. “That’s five hours away, man. Relax. And it’s Tiger Balm. I pulled a muscle when I went jogging this morning. Anyway, how’d you know I’ve got a date?”

“Mario Breakfast Show. You do know they broadcast it live, right? God, how out of touch can you be? Sometimes I wonder if you’re being oblivious on purpose. Well, I guess Handsome finds it cute enough. Luckily for you, your fairy godmother is here. And look what I’ve brought you!”

Tetsuko accepted the medium-sized hamper from him. “Er, thanks. It’s very kind of you-“

“Look at it closely.”

She did. “It says _Emergency Sex Pack_ on this card here.”

“Well? Open it!” Nathan was practically trembling with excitement.

She shot him a suspicious look, but complied nonetheless. The man stood by as she peeled away the ribbon and see-through wrapping paper, revealing a basketful of-

“Music CDs?” she said, rifling through them.

“Ah, not just _any_ music!”

“ _Creamy Giant Erotic Music, Karmic Orgasma, Sax for Sex - Gold Edition._ And this one? _Sensual Foreplay - Music For Making Love._ Hm. Okay. I’m starting to see a theme here.”

“Check out what else is there.”

“Massage oil, bath salts…and, another kind of oil which I do not want to name-“

“Lubrication, darling,” Nathan purred. “It’s very heat-sensitive, if you catch my drift.”

“A lacy lingerie set, and a pocket-sized _Kama Sutra._ You do realize that out of 64 positions illustrated in here, only about a third of it is humanly possible? The rest of it can only be done if you’re an octopus. Or a pretzel.”

“Ahah, so you _have_ tried to do them all!”

“No, it’s some random fact I got somewhere. Nathan, I do appreciate the thought. But really, what is this for?”

“Don’t you see? This is your very own baby-making kit!”

“Whoa, whoa…hold the phone. You’re jumping _way_ ahead of yourself there. It’s not going to happen. We’ll be going out, have a bit of dinner and maybe an evening stroll, and I’ll be going back, change into my sleep clothes, and crawl straight into bed. End of story.”

“That kind of thing only works if you’re living in the 1930’s! Move with the century, Tetsuko!”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I’m not the kind of person who’d have sex on the first date?”

“You don’t have sex like…ever! Come on, it’s time you gave that thing some proper airing, don’t you think?” Nathan said, looking pointedly at her crotch. “If you wait any longer, you’d turn into a virgin again!”

“Well, that’d be _some_ miracle,” she muttered.

“It’s been known to happen!”

“Yes, and I’m sure it’ll be an event of enormous proportions…like the parting of the Red Sea, or the invention of the wheel.”

“Sheesh, try to contain your enthusiasm, why don’t you?” Nathan deadpanned, giving her a flat look. “Do you _really_ want to go out with him, or you’re only doing it out of pity? Because if your answer’s the latter, then let me tell you it’s one of the _worst_ things you could do to a guy.”

“It’s not out of pity!” she snapped. “It’s…it’s complicated, that’s what it is.”

“Uhuh. Well, I’m all for accessorizing, Tets…but I think there’s one item that you can do without tonight.”

“What’s that? And please don’t tell me my panties, or something equally perverted.”

Wordlessly, Nathan directed his gaze towards her left hand. Her wedding band.

“You’re awfully nosy. And you’re leaving,” she growled, hauling him bodily to the exit.

“Hey, don’t forget to give updates!” Nathan said as she slammed the door on him.

* * *

Tetsuko checked herself out in the mirror for the umpteenth time. It was a quarter to seven, and the minutes were ticking by very slowly, making her increasingly nervous. At Nathan’s prodding, she’d finally caved in and dug out a cream strapless dress she’d kept hidden in the wardrobe. She wondered if she’d put on too much makeup. It was just dinner with an old colleague, she reminded herself. Nothing special to it at all. Bunny wasn’t about to whisk her off to Taj Mahal and propose to her there.

Speaking of propose, she’d tried taking her wedding band off in the shower. It refused to budge, remaining stuck against the second joint of her finger. Even copious amounts of water and soap wouldn’t do. She’d stared at the thing, an innocuous piece of 18-karat yellow gold, bought at Isetan simply because Tomo couldn’t afford the custom-made boutique ones. It winked back at her, a bold reminder of her vows…that one earthly compact still linking her to Tomo. She wondered what it was like, where he was right now.  

Nathan’s gift was shoved behind the sofa. There’s no way she’d be using any of that. Ever. The lingerie was a ridiculous confection of see-through lace, and without a body to fill it up, it lay there looking like a beached jellyfish. She couldn’t understand the whole point of it all. Everything’s going to come off in the end, yes? In her own experience, even the sight of a woman in granny panties was enough to set a man off. That’s how Kaede came about in the first place.

Feh, romance. An arsenal of swinging jazz and lubricants wasn’t her idea of one.

Oh God, Bunny had better not bring her flowers or something sappy like that.

Her phone rang. Probably him, telling her he’d be late because of traffic.

“Alright, Bunny…don’t tell me. You’re running a bit late, right?”

Tetsuko could already sense something was terribly wrong the minute she heard his voice. _“Tetsuko…”_

“Yes…is everything alright?” she asked, gripping the phone as if afraid it’d fly away.

_“I’m very sorry…but I have to cancel our date tonight. Something’s come up.”_

“Hero stuff again, huh? I under-“

_“No, it’s something else. A personal emergency.”_

“Personal? Since when do you start keeping secrets from me, huh?” She added half-jokingly: “Don’t tell me you cut yourself shaving and now you won’t get out of the house with a bandaged face?”

_“Again, I’m very sorry. I’ll call you tomorrow.”_

With that, Barnaby hung up.

* * *

**Episode the next: Always trust an ex-girlfriend to appear and ruin things. The illusive Melanie Thrask makes an appearance. Bunny takes her to a hotel...and does what? How will Tetsuko react?**


	13. Step 13: That Past Mistake Part

Barnaby heard a song, and realized that he was humming. When was the last time he’d caught himself doing that? He smiled to himself. Even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud, it was clear that he was looking forward to the evening. Finally another chance to be alone with Tetsuko. They really had a lot to make up for the lost time.

He’d kept thinking of her in that pink yukata, feeling a shot of erotic thrill everytime he imagined her undoing the obi and letting the cloth part to reveal her bare skin…

God, he’s turning into a pervert now. Better keep himself in check so he wouldn’t frighten her away. For now he’ll just maintain a proper distance and let her decide how she wanted things to go.

He wondered if he should bring her flowers.

Shrugging on his jacket, he made one final adjustment to his appearance. Perfect as always. Tetsuko won’t have any reason to complain about him being a sloppy date. There was a distinct spring in his steps as he exited the bedroom. Barring the evening traffic, he should arrive at her place with five minutes to spare.

He opened the front door, the hum starting again. Everything’s going to be fine from now onwards. He just knew it. Glancing up, he caught sight of a figure standing in the hallway outside. He hesitated, the song stuttering to a stop all of a sudden.

The person had her face scrubbed clean, and she’d dressed herself up in a drab sweatsuit, the hoodie drawn up over her head. But he’d recognize that face anywhere. If she’d put on five layers of makeup, squeezed her fake D-cups into a racy underwear set and given herself a 300 dollar hairdo, then she’d be none other than Melanie Thrask, the bane of his past. He wondered what the hell she was doing here. He’d made it explicitly clear before that he didn’t want to have anything to do with her anymore.

She hadn’t been sleeping well, that much he could tell. And she’d been crying. She was looking at him now, and already he was dreading what she was about to say. He should’ve slammed the door to her face, called up security and get them to take her away. But he didn’t, and he stood rooted on the spot as he heard her say rather plaintively-

“I’m pregnant.”

* * *

Antonio arrived in his weatherbeaten pickup truck half an hour later. He rolled down the window, mouth busily masticating a piece of sandwich as he pulled the handbrake. Tetsuko, who’d been waiting at the curb, took a step back and watched with dawning horror at what would seem to be her pumpkin coach for the night.

“What have you done with this thing? Did you run it through a monster truck rally in a pig farm?” she exclaimed, grimacing at the amount of dried mud caking the sides.

“Hop in, princess,” he said. Then, looking at her made-up face, he winced. “God, you look like an aging prom date.”

“Hey, you’re not winning any prizes either, jackass!”

She opened the passenger door, her scowl deepening when she saw the number of empty beer cans littering the floor. The whole interior stank of stale booze and cigarette smoke, and the seat was no doubt greasy with the amount of body sweat rubbed against its peeling leather surface. No synthetic piece of animal skin should be allowed to tolerate such abuse.

She took a moment to run a hand down her dress. It was silk. It was figure-hugging. Thousands of Chinese silkworms sacrificed their butts to create something that was ultimately an impulse buy from an annual Topshop sale aeons ago. She was determined to make sure that their efforts would not be in vain.

“Just so you know,” she said, “if we ever get pulled up for suspected drunk driving, I’ll swear to the police I don’t know you.”

“Ah, just get in already!”

It’d take an incredible amount of skill for a woman in heels to traverse the sheer intricacies of boarding a truck without resulting in a twisted ankle afterwards. But Tetsuko managed just fine, huffing into the seat with nary a coiffed hair out of place.

“You seriously drive this thing to work everyday?” she asked the moment they entered the highway.

“So I forgot to run it through the carwash before I got to your place. Big whoop. Who’s gonna care?” Antonio leaned over and switched on the stereo system. A thumping hip-hop beat began to play.

_“I_ do. And what the hell are you eating?”

“Oi, oi, back off, alright? My boss is already riding my ass about my 2,500 calorie-per-day diet, and now that he’s not here, let me have my moment of BLT sandwich.”

“Huh, seems like there’s more bacon than lettuce in there. Kind of like a 15:1 ratio. You should’ve added mayonnaise while you’re at it.”

“Why? You’ve got some on you right now?”

“Sorry, left a bottle in my other purse.”

Tetsuko shifted in her seat, and pursed her lips when she heard the clanking at her feet. Bending over, she began to evict the beer cans one by one, tossing them over to the back seat.

“I still don’t get why you’d call all of a sudden. Don’t you and Bunny have a hot date tonight?” Antonio asked.

“I already _told_ you. I got stood up. All of a sudden some big emergency cropped up and I’m all dressed up with no place to go. Might as well make the most of it. Besides, I know you like seeing me in a dress.”

“Hah, the last time I saw you all dolled up was at that wedding party. Remember? We ate up the entire table, probably embarrassed a few distant relatives with my magic spoon trick. Then when we went to see the bride, it turned out to be the wrong house?”

Tetsuko laughed. “Oh, yes. It wasn’t our fault! That street alone had four wedding parties going on. But we helped ourselves to the presents, didn’t we?”

“Yeah. I’ve still got that ugly fruit bowl at home.”

“I broke mine ages ago. To think that a cheap- _aah, cockroach!”_

“Wha-?”

Tetsuko shot up, flailing her arms. It would've been a damned funny sight if a giant cockroach - probably a mutated species from planet Mars - hadn’t landed on his face. He screamed, dropping his sandwich. The steering wheel wobbled, causing the truck to veer sharply to the right. Somebody honked. Someone else swore.

“Where is it? _Where is it?”_ Antonio asked, frantically scrabbling at his collar as if afraid the monster had crawled beneath his clothes.

“I think it’s gone out the window. See? This is what happens if you turn your car into a pigsty!” Tetsuko exclaimed, curling her knees up onto the seat. “He’s probably got friends down there, _waiting_ to kill you! I hope they do!”

“My sandwich!” Antonio lamented, looking down at the remains of his snack, now decorating the front of his shirt. “Dammit, that was a good one too, made to my specifications. Now you’ve _ruined_ it!”

“You’re talking about your clothes, aren’t you? We can-“

There was a siren wail, followed by a familiar flash of blue and red lights. A police car was cruising alongside them, its driver looking at them rather pointedly.

Tetsuko banged her head against the headrest, muttering: “Great. Just great.”

* * *

Antonio had dashed to the men’s room the minute they arrived at the hotel. Tetsuko waited outside, leaning against the wall and tapping her feet. He reemerged, looking much wetter on the front. He’d done a great job scrubbing out most of the stains, though.

“You look presentable enough,” she said. “Come on.”

They’d gone to the furthest outskirts of the city, trying to find a place where they could have a quiet drink. Antonio knew of a bar, tucked inside an anonymous hotel, and brought her there.

“You and Agnes sometimes come here to have sex, didn’t you?” she asked him in the lift.

Antonio said nothing, concentrating instead on the numbers lighting up over the doors.

She swatted his arm. “So you _did_ have sex here!” she said, half-accusingly. “She must’ve made you pay for the room, and register under a fake name too!”

“It was either that or her place,” Antonio said, neck blushing. “But that’d be too obvious. Too many people coming and going. Pretty soon they’ll put two-and-two together and-“

“There’s no _way_ anyone could tell if she’s screwing a Hero. You’re just being overly paranoid.”

“This is how she wants to play it,” he said with a shrug. “You know how she is about getting her way.”

“Hey, does she make you wear your helmet? Bet it makes her ‘horny’…haahaaa!”

“Oh, harhar. Laugh it up, clown. I wasn’t the one who just got dumped my date.”

“I’m sure he’s got a good reason for doing that.”

“Yeah, I bet. Probably couldn’t find the right shade of mascara.”

The elevator dinged at the seventh floor, and the doors whispered open. Tetsuko’s heels clicked over the marble tiling as Antonio led her into the bar. It was called _Rendezvous,_ and its layout was just like any other bar in the world. The stereo system was playing something that was probably popular twenty years ago. Tetsuko shuddered, and it wasn’t because of the air-conditioning. No doubt the place would be crawling with lounge lizards. Thank goodness for Antonio. She shimmied the hem of her bodice up a notch. Wouldn’t want anyone to catch any accidental glimpses of her semi-existant cleavage.

“You want to sit at the bar, or you’d rather get a table?” Antonio asked.

“Anywhere’s fine.”

“Bar it is, then. Seems like a quiet night…but then again, I’ve never seen this place thumping. Ever.”

“Obviously the thumping goes on in your room. Did she wear a disguise everytime she came here?”

“Not that I know of. But who’s gonna care? I bet if you mention Agnes of HeroTV to any regular Joe, most likely he’d have no idea who she is.”

“True. People are so wrapped up with the idea of-“

“Bunny.”

“Yes, that’s one,” Tetsuko conceded. “But there’s also the-“

_“Bunny.”_

“What’s the matter with you? Careful you don’t say his name three times. Otherwise he’ll come and-“

Antonio grabbed her and spun her towards the tables. He pointed. There was Bunny. And he was seated with a woman. He was in the middle of saying something to her when he glanced up and noticed them both. A look of recognition flickered across his face.

“Bunny…” Tetsuko breathed.

* * *

“I don’t care how. I don’t care where. Just get rid of it.”

Melanie gaped, fresh tears springing up in her eyes. “You- how could you just say that? It’s not your decision to make!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Barnaby said firmly. “I know for a fact that it’s not mine. I’d _never_ make that kind of mistake. And if you ever try to blackmail me with it, I’d just order a paternity test. Simple as that. Why’d you come to me, anyway? Who’s the father?”

“Just…someone.”

“Huh, I’ll bet. Knowing you, you’d probably have slept with half of Sternbild since I last saw you.”

Barnaby huffed in exasperation. This is all a bloody joke. Melanie had been one of those women shuffled together with him, all arranged by the company for the sake of showing he had a healthy love life. His encounters with these women were usually fleeting, but with Melanie he’d strangely developed some sort of bond. It certainly wasn’t her abysmal ignorance that fascinated him, nor her vapid attempts at having a proper conversation with him. The simple – and wholly selfish and extremely silly – reason was that she shared similar physical characteristics with Tetsuko. Same athletic build, same long legs, same copper skin. Barring glaring differences in the chestal area, he could almost believe he was holding Tetsuko if he closed his eyes and imagined hard enough.

“Allow me to narrow down the candidates based on certain deductions I’ve made,” he said. “Since you came to me for help, this man is obviously married. You, being the prodigial social climber that you are, would never waste your time with small fry. No, he has to be someone important. A bigshot. Someone everyone knows. It can’t be a Hero, because, believe me: I’d know. So that leaves either an actor, or a politician. Am I getting any warmer?”

Melanie mumbled something to the table.

“What was that?”

She repeated herself. Barnaby’s expression changed. He leaned back in his chair, shaking his head in amazement.

“Well, I’ll be,” he said. “If this news ever came out, it’ll destroy his career. Not to mention his family.”

“What should I do?” she said with a sniffle.

“As difficult this may sound, you’d have to tell him. Give him a chance to take responsibilty. If he won’t do anything about it, then it’s up to you. Either you face the prospects of raising an illegitimate child on your own, or…” he left the sentence hanging, like a car over a cliff.

Her face - usually so pretty, so polished, and very often touched up with an airbrush – now crumbled before him. Right now her world was really falling apart. “Either way, it’s still a tough choice!”

“Yes, well…maybe you should’ve thought of that before you slept with him,” he said, unfeelingly.

She continued to sob. He bit back another acidic remark. Feh, people. How can they be so _stupid_ sometimes? Watching her cry really wasn’t his idea of a perfect evening, so he moved his gaze. And stopped.

There was Tetsuko, and she was staring at him. She’d brought Antonio along with her. What on earth are they doing here? He’d thought that this was the best place for some privacy. He couldn’t go within one feet in Sternbild without being recognized in some way or the other. Delicate discussions such as these required discreet locations, and…surprise, surprise…Tetsuko had to meander through here at the worst possible time. And she looked damned good too. It’s a rare occasion to see her bare her shoulders. Was she dressed like this when he cancelled? Already he was beginning to regret calling off the date. Tetsuko must’ve been as excited as he was, and he’d dashed it for the sake of this now thrice-damned sillicone bimbo Melanie Thrask who can’t sort out her own bloody mess.

Against his own volition, his eyes flickered towards Melanie, then back towards Tetsuko. Ex-girlfriend versus ex-partner. It was, from where Tetsuko was standing, an admission of his guilt…but Barnaby didn’t know that. He didn’t know what she was thinking. He simply knew that he didn’t do anything wrong, and he’d swear on any saint’s tomb to prove that.

He abruptly stood up, accidentally jarring the table and causing his glass of water to topple over. The liquid spread over the polished wooden surface before dripping over the edge and onto the carpet below.

Tetsuko shook her head and dragged Antonio away. Barnaby felt himself shrivel up inside and die.

She’d turned to give him a look of utter disappointment.

* * *

Tetsuko felt as if she was in a game show where she was presented with three doors and a million-dollar question: _Your date’s just cancelled on you, and now you discover he’s out with another woman. Will you – a) Confront him and throw a tantrum; b) Confront the woman and kick the living daylights out him; c) Do nothing._

Antonio was quivering with indignation, muttering spell mantras which sounded somewhere along the lines of ‘Slimy bastard…cocky, half-bit pansy player…shoulda punched him…’

Tetsuko didn’t know how, or why…but she really needed a drink at that moment.

Placing a hand over the crook of his arm, she said: “Come on.”

Seating themselves at the bar, Antonio said worriedly: “You sure you wanna stay? We can go find another place, no problem. Atmosphere kinda stinks here.”

Tetsuko stared at a drinks coaster on the bartop, left behind by a previous customer. It said _Anchor Beer._ When was the last time she got uproariously drunk? Right after she quit being a Hero? God, she needed a pint badly now. One tall glass of ice-cold, honest-to-goodness frothing beer-

“Hm?” she heard herself say.

“I said that’s his ex right there. Melanie whatzerface. Makes millions strutting about in panties and garters. Seen them out and about once or twice. Stayed together – oh – about three months or so. And that’s a record for Bunny. Didja know he became such a player after you left? You shouldn’t have done that, Tetsuko. He probably dated all those girls just to spite you.”

“Huh, so it’s my fault now?” she mused.

“Now, I’m not saying that. Look, want me to go over there and set him straight? ‘Coz I can do that…no problem.”

“I want to go home.”

“Sure. Ok. Anything you want, princess. Only –“ his face suddenly took on a strained look. “Could you wait a second? Gotta visit the boys’ room first.”

“I just got myself devastated beyond belief,” she said squarely. “…and I’m about to make my grand exit…but I have to wait because you need to weewee? Hold it in, goddammit!”

“Can’t! Been doing that since at your house. Just wait, ok?”

Tetsuko glared at his fleeing form. She tapped the bartop in irritation, waving the bartender away when he approached. Five more taps and then she gathered her purse and left.

She was reaching the elevator when she heard footsteps following her. Ah, right on cue. Let the confrontations begin. That damned lift had better arrive early. She pressed the down button.

“Tetsuko.”

She plastered on a fake grin.

“Bunny, hey! Fancy meeting you here. Looks like we’ve the same taste in seedy little bars. Well, I hope you’re enjoying your evening. I know I am. I mean, can you imagine the joys of being pulled over by the cops for suspected drunk driving?”

“Tetsuko, this isn’t what it seems. She’s in trouble, and-“ Barnaby paused, finally registering what she just said. “What?”

“Yep. Bison and I were on our way here when the police stopped us. They searched his truck and discovered the stash of empty beer cans at the back. Bison, the idiot that he is, tried to convince them that he was recycling. You should’ve seen the officer’s face! Then we had to take a breathalyzer test and a sobriety check. Luckily we passed with flying colours. Can you imagine me, dressed like this and stopped by the police? We looked like a couple of kids caught during prom night! Huh, would’ve been nice if I had a corsage.”

“Why? Do you want one?” he said, feeling stupid for doing so. He should never have allowed her to change the subject.

“Well, _no._ But- oh, just forget it. If you see Antonio, could you tell him I’m at the lobby? ‘K thanks, bye!”

“Tetsuko, wait. At least hear me out first. I wouldn’t have cancelled if this isn’t serious-“

“Right, so her problems take precedence over everything else. I get that. I totally do. Although I can’t imagine what could possibly be so life-shatteringly important that-“ Tetsuko slammed the side of her fist against the elevator button. Why is it moving at a snail’s pace all of a sudden?! Goddamned hotel with its lousy elevator system and sleazy R&B music! She had a good mind to complain to the front desk.

“She’s pregnant,” he said quietly.

She laughed. It sounded shrill and alien to her ears, like the braying of a donkey. “Even better! I’m sure you’ll make a _great_ daddy. Don’t forget to invite me to the baby shower. Or not. I don’t care. Where’re the stairs?”

There was a set of double doors off to the side, with an iron bar running along the middle. She’d always hated those kind of doors. She could never be sure whether to push or pull the bar. She tried pulling. It wouldn’t budge.

Barnaby touched her shoulder. She spun around. Her growl was like her namesake: lethal, fueled by the tempest of a thousand spurned women, and promising him everlasting pain. _“Don’t touch me!”_

He backed off, but only just. His eyes bore into hers as he said, rather firmly: “You’re not _listening_ as always. Can’t I at least explain myself? It wasn’t my doing, I can promise you that. She came to me because she couldn’t trust anyone else.”

“Well, that’s all rather bloody convenient, isn’t it? Why can’t you just say all that when you called? You could’ve saved us a whole lot of trouble…not to mention a whole lot of awkwardness! You brought some chick to an unknown hotel. Some chick who happened to be your ex. How the hell d’you think anyone is going to interpret that?”

“I know. I’m sorry. I should’ve been more forthcoming with you. I thought I was being practical. Apparently, I was wrong. And just for the record, cancelling our date was the worst thing I could do to you. I blew my chance of ever seeing you in that dress.”

Tetsuko said nothing, keeping her gaze locked onto the sign screwed onto the door. _In case of fire, do not use elevator._ Hah, there’re plenty things Bunny could do to her, and he thinks bailing out on a date is the worst?

He moved closer, defying her explicit wishes and placed a hand over hers, which was still resting on the iron bar. He pushed, and the door swung outwards. Then, as if some law of irony had been invoked, there was a _ding_ as the elevator arrived.

“You really look amazing,” he murmured. “That’s the truth.”

She looked at him. His eyes were raking over her form, before settling back to meet her gaze. Suddenly, in that instant, that bargain sale dress felt as if it was worth a million dollars.

_Dammit, Tetsuko. You’re not going to swoon just because he’s suddenly sweet on you._ She managed to work her tongue at the second try. “Yeah? Well, first thing I’m going to do is burn it the minute I get home,” she said.

* * *

**Episode the next: A fortune cookie and horoscope-themed chapter with Pao Lin. One must always trust the advice of a fortune cookie. Even the silly, grammatically incorrect ones.**


	14. Step 14: That Fortune Cookie Horoscope Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Should Bunny be friendzoned? Tetsuko consults a matchmaker for answers.

There were a lot of things that could be said about Melanie Thrask, except that probably 50% of it was untrue. Discovered by a talent scout at 16, she’d started doing fashion runways ever since. That was the romantic, highly abridged version. Not a lot of people knew her real name Bitsy Studdard, she was raised in a dingy flat in Bronze Tier, and her stepfather drunkenly felt her up under her dress when she was five. It was an act of love, he’d claimed. She had no idea what that really meant.

Bitsy Studdard died two years ago at the operating table, only to be resurrected by half a million dollars’ worth of cosmetic surgery. Melanie Thrask emerged, hiding behind layers of makeup and glamour. Soon enough she was saddled with a new persona, marketed as the latest hot thing - that sweet next-door girl with wild sex appeal. As if such a person could actually exist in real life. Even she had a hard time believing that.

Which was why when she met Barnaby, she was instantly fascinated by him. It wasn’t just his looks, or his suave charm. For someone who was used to play-acting, she could recognize that he too had multiple personas, carefully selected and put on when the occasion calls for it. But despite all of that he could still maintain a sense of his real self. That confused her.

She’d once asked: “What keeps you honest?”

His eyes widened, as if he was caught completely by surprise with that question. He’d been showing her photos from his cellphone, particularly those of himself and Tetsuko. There was one with Kaede, and the three of them were grinning widely together.

“I don’t know,” he eventually said. “My friends, I guess.”

He touched the phone screen, inadvertently enlarging Tetsuko’s face. Melanie caught the smile on his face, and in that instant knew that he saw someone else everytime he looked at her.

They broke up afterwards.

* * *

Barnaby was in a grumpy mood. Tetsuko hadn’t returned his calls, nor responded to his messages since yesterday. How much longer is she going to play it like this?

He felt Melanie snuggling up to his arm. She’d been doing that the entire afternoon, ever since she sashayed into Apollon Media and straight to Lloyds’ office. _Just catching up with old friends,_ she’d said. Whatever military campaign she was laying out, it obviously worked, for suddenly Barnaby found himself an unwilling participant to an impromptu lunch meeting.

“I’m coming up with a proposal for Agnes,” said Lloyds. “A reality programme, showcasing Barnaby’s final days as a Hero. Tentative broadcast slot in November…just a nice way to round up the year. There’ll be interviews with his fans, fellow Heroes…the works. For the last episode, there’ll be a live stage appearance…maybe we’ll throw in some small award ceremony…Service Appreciation Award or something like that. I’m telling you: public enthusiasm will skyrocket. Best way to go is with a big bang, huh?”

“I think that’s a _wonderful_ idea!” Melanie trilled. “Don’t you, Barnaby?”

“Hmn…” he said, eyes glued to his cellphone. Damn telco and their spam messages. He’d really have to contact them and tell them to stop sending him these pointless advertisements.

“You okay with that?” Lloyds asked.

He snapped his phone shut. “I want Tetsuko to be a part of it. A large part. She is, after all, my partner. If she won’t agree to come on board, then I won’t do it,” he said.

“Sure thing, sport. Although, I think you’d have better luck in convincing her rather than me. My negotiation skills have been lacking lately,” Lloyds said with a wink. He signalled to a waiter for the bill.

“Huh, I’ll bet,” Barnaby muttered. He tried, very subtly, to remove himself from Melanie’s grip. The people watching them were starting to get the wrong idea.

“What’s the matter?” she whispered. “You seem out of sorts today.”

 _“You’re_ the one who’s out of sorts!” he hissed back. “I don’t know what you’re playing, but you’d better stop. You need to deal with your problem, and you can’t do that by latching onto me!”

“Come on, I was just being friendly-“

“I don’t care how friendly you are. If you don’t behave yourself now, I’ll tell everyone about your affair with the mayor!” He could already imagine the number of their photos taken today. A well-timed one would end up splashed onto blogs, tweets and worse – tabloid rags. The tagline would be something equally tasteless: _Barnaby the Player._ Or _The Love Bunny._ What’s worse was Tetsuko would see them the next day and-

“You’re angry because I ruined your night,” Melanie said. “I knew it. I never should’ve come to you in the first place.”

“Thank goodness, finally she gets it,” he said. “I’m not your solution, Melanie. As harsh as it may sound, that’s the truth. I’ve already laid out your options. It’s up to you to decide. All this coming to my office out of the blue and sucking up to Lloyds isn’t going to change the fact that you’ve got a much bigger issue to deal with…and I’m not going to _magically_ feel sorry for you, nor marry you out of pity. That’s what you’ve been hoping for all along, isn’t it? Well, it’s never going to happen.” He paused, then added the final nail to the coffin: “Wake up and take responsibility, Melanie. Because you’ve really brought this all upon yourself.”

“Hm? Brought what now?” Lloyds asked.

“Nothing!” Barnaby snapped.

* * *

_It’s me. Where are you now? Please call me back._

Tetsuko morosely replayed the voicemail recording. It can’t possibly work between them. Last night was an omen. A strike one. She didn’t want to wait until strike three to see what happens afterwards. Friendzoning him would be a curse, but it’s probably the only thing saving them from making a bigger mistake. Like having sex. Or holding hands. Or any of that icky mushy stuff.

Which was probably where the idea to consult a fortune teller came about.

It was actually more of a matchmaker. People who invariably found themselves single would come to see this person to determine whether they had any aces in the romance department. Of course, someone like Bunny would dismiss it as silly, superstitious mumbo-jumbo. But she wasn’t as well-schooled in cynicism as he was, and there was still a large part in her that believed in silver linings and maybe a bit of magic. If there’s anyone who could divine whether she and Bunny had a chance, it’d be the matchmaker.

If only she could find the person first.

The website had directed her to Bronze Tier’s Chinatown, where traditional shops jostled shoulders with dubious massage parlours and entertainment outlets. She stood at the curb, looking up at the building and trying to determine which one of its laundry-choked balconies was the matchmaker’s.

It suddenly occurred to her that if her current life could be compressed into a romance novel summary, it’d be somewhere along the lines of: _‘Widower Tetsuko Kaburagi has stopped believing that love will ever enter her life until she met the young and dashing Bunny. Will his sensual advances unlock her hidden heart and shatter the walls she’s built around herself?’_ The cover would consist of a half-naked Bunny, washboard abs gleaming as he smouldered towards the camera. Tetsuko would be swooning in his arms, bosom half-spilling out a laced corset. Somewhere in a corner would be a rose, because every romance cover should have one. And a galloping stallion. She wasn’t sure for what. Probably to advertise the leading man’s virility.

She whipped off her cap and ruffled her hair in frustration. “Gah, get out of my head, stupid imagination!” 

“Ah, Tetsuko!”

She turned, wondering who she could possibly run into at this hour.

“Pao Lin! Fancy meeting you here,” she said, putting her cap back on and trying to regather the pieces of her normal self.

The girl waved, before giving her a doubtful look. “Er…what are you doing, screaming in the middle of the street?” There was a sandwich board nearby, lewdly advertising the services of the Pussy Galore Girls. Pao Lin gaped in horror. “You’re thinking of doing _nyan nyan_ with some cabaret girls!”

“Huh? What? No! God, _no!_ Whatever gave you that idea? And who the hell uses _nyan nyan_ anymore these days? Sheesh!”

Pao Lin did a half-shrug, as if indicating that it was no big deal. She repeated herself. “Well? What are you doing here?”

“I…was looking for someone.” Pao Lin waited, creating an awkward gap in the conversation, which Tetsuko filled in rather lamely: “But I think I got the wrong address.”

“That’s too bad. Hey, how about we lunch together? We haven’t really talked ever since you got back.”

“Fine. You buying?”

“It’s funny…the Dutch came up with an interesting idiom.”

“What’s that?”

Pao Lin grinned. “Going Dutch.”

* * *

If there was a hell for grease and steam, the restaurant would be it. The air was heavy with it, along with the clanging of metal spatulas against woks, interspersed by the occasional burst of flames which was characteristic of a Chinese stir fry. After five minutes, you’ll walk out of the restaurant carrying the smell of your food with you.

Tetsuko prodded her prawn dim sums with her chopsticks, then took a tentative sip out of the broth. It tasted good. Pao Lin was already nose-deep in her beef noodles. There was a _ping,_ and the girl looked at her wristcom.

“Hero emergency?” Tetsuko asked.

“No, it’s my daily horoscope reading.”

“You can get daily horoscope readings on your wristcoms now?”

“Yeah. It’s an added feature. You can even download mp3’s and uplink with your iPod via Bluetooth. Pretty cool, huh?”

“What else can it do? Shave your armpits and feed your goldfish? Huh, in _my_ day all it can do was communicate with other Heroes.”

Pao Lin gave one of her monosyllabic shrugs, as if saying _‘Hey, I only wear it. I don’t make ‘em.’_ “You didn’t throw a party for your birthday. How come?”

“Maybe it’s because none of you idiots got around to doing it.” Tetsuko laughed. “Seriously, once you get as old as I am, the enthusiasm to celebrate grows less and less. You’ll hate blowing out the candles on your cake.”

“Still, I thought that Barnaby would’ve done something at least.”

“He’s busy. Everyone is. I’m fine with that. _You_ could contribute something, though. By paying for my lunch.”

“Done deal. Happy belated birthday, Tetsuko.”

“Damn, should’ve ordered something more expensive just now. So, how’s things with you? Studies going well?”

“Hm…okay, I guess. The new tutor’s a bit strict. She’s making me put in six hours everyday. Top that up with homework, training and public appearances, I’m totally exhausted!”

“Yeah, I’ll bet. It’s tough being a student. Can’t imagine how you manage to pull through.”

“Having trouble with Physics and Calculus, though. I never could memorize all those formulas in one go. My boss says if I don’t pull up my grades, she won’t let me attend the next award ceremony!”

“Why don’t you ask Bunny for some coaching? I know he’d be more than happy to help out. He’s always good with those science-ey stuff. If you’re afraid to talk to him, I’ll do it for you. He may seem serious all the time, but he’d never say no to this. I’ll make sure of that.”

Pao Lin started chewing on the ends of her chopsticks. “I don’t know…” she said doubtfully. “He’s so smart, and I’m scared I won’t be able to understand him…”

“That’s the whole point of asking questions, isn’t it? Work on your grades, Pao Lin. School’s far more important than Heroing. Take it from me. I only had a college education, and if it weren’t for Hero Academy, I’d have nothing else to fall back on. And don’t even ask about my report card! I’ve grown better at forging my dad’s signature than actually improving those red marks!”

Pao Lin laughed. A thought suddenly seemed to occur to her, and she asked the next question tentatively: “How’s things between you two? Ivan told me you had a big fight.”

“Ah, we’re always fighting. That’s perfectly normal. You should start worrying when we no longer have anything to argue about.”

“Maybe you’re just incompatible zodiac-wise.”

“Don’t give me that. His main problem is that he’s an asshole. End of story.”

“I’m talking about the Chinese one. You’re a water Rat, aren’t you?” Pao Lin asked, bringing up the holo-screen of her wristcom.

“Dunno. Am I? Why can’t I be something cooler? Like Tiger. Or Dragon?”

Another half-shrug. “Blame it on your birth year. That would mean Barnaby’s a …metal Rooster. Oh, dear.”

Despite herself, Tetsuko leaned forward, trying to read the screen upside-down. “What? What is it?”  

Pao Lin looked up, face solemn as if she was about to announce the arrival of armageddon. “You can’t have a long-lasting relationship with him. It’s just not possible. Metal’s a hard element to work with, and you’ll find yourself having to bend to his will just to maintain the peace.”

“Eeh? Really?”

“Your element is flexible, so it’s easy for you to give in to him. But too much of that and it’ll start to wear you down.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Financial misfortune will happen if you stay together. Your generous nature will cause constant friction with Rooster, because he’s very practical and stingy with money. He’s also a born perfectionist, so he’ll constantly nag you if you don’t meet his standards.”

“Yikes. That sounds so much like him it’s starting to freak me out. Who the hell writes these horoscopes, anyway? I thought you’re supposed to spin doctor it so it doesn’t sound so bad!”

“This website’s pretty accurate. Last week it predicted that there’ll be an illness in my family, and it really happened!”

“Oh, come on. That’s just a coincidence. People fall sick all the time! I bet _I_ can do a better job writing up these things. _You will meet a tall, handsome stranger._ That’s a classic. _Beware of dodgy little men peddling overpriced Blue Rose concert tickets. You will suffer a string of bad karma. Lucky number: 13. Lucky colour: black._ See? That wasn’t so hard. I can even sound a bit occult by adding: _The house of Saturn is overpowering Mars._ That’ll work all the time, because nobody’s going to check whether it’s true or not.”  

“I’m just saying that it’s a possibility.”

“I know that. It’s just…I’m not about to blame the stars everytime something bad happened to me.” _Right,_ a voice inside her sneered. _Yet just a moment ago you wanted to consult a matchmaker._ “Anyway, you done now? Let’s go.”

They each received a fortune cookie at the cashier counter.

“What does yours say?” Pao Lin asked, excitedly leaning over.

Tetsuko was stumped. “’The fortune you seek isn’t a cookie’.”

“Haha! What does that even mean? Mine’s even wierder: ‘Never high-five a midget holding nunchuks’.”

“Ooh, ominous. You should really watch out for that.”

“You know…you’re right.”

“About what?”

“You can make a buck writing better predictions of the future. You can start with fortune cookies.”

* * *

Barnaby thought to himself: _Great. Just great._ If he added a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses, he’d be a bona fide stalker.

At the moment, he was in his car, staring up at Tetsuko’s apartment window. The lights were on. He still haven’t figured out a way to see her. He should just ring the doorbell, but what if she didn’t feel like talking? Then he’d look like a complete idiot. Maybe this isn’t a good idea. He should just go home and try not to wonder whether or not she’ll call. This is probably what Tetsuko meant when she called him a girl. He’s forever overthinking things.

He gripped the car keys, ready to turn on the ignition. No, wait five more minutes. Hopefully by then a plan will come up. Yes, that’s all he needed. A bit more time. And maybe a tot of Dutch courage. No, not that. It’d be a dumb move to show up at her doorstep tipsy and reeking of liquor. Dammit, how can this be so silly? Why was it getting more and more difficult to talk to her these days?

He balled up his fists and made as if to punch the steering wheel. This is mental torture! Why is she doing this to him? All she had to do was answer the phone! It doesn’t take much stretch of the imagination for that. _Damn Tetsuko and her damn stubborness and her-_

There was a knock at the window. It was her, bent over and looking at him quizzically. She was holding a bag of groceries in one hand.

He rolled down the window and managed a curt nod. “Tetsuko.”

“What are you doing here?”

“How’d you know I was here?”

“Well, it’s not exactly everyday you see a Ferrari parked on my street,” she said with a chuckle. “You waiting for someone?”

“No. Just…just felt like waiting. That’s all.”

“Riiiight…”

A pause. A long, awkward and heavily pregnant pause which multiplied and quadrupled until they were both enveloped in it. She waited, a bemused expression on her face as he tried his best to avoid her gaze. Finally, he said rather gruffly: “That your dinner?”

“Yep. Instant noodles and orange juice. With chips as a side order.” She smacked her lips. “Classy fare.”

“Okay. Great.”

He’d missed his cue, the part where he asks her out. Or was he supposed to grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness first? She stared at the ground, as if she too was thinking of her next move.

“I got you a gift,” he said.

She looked up, eyes piqued in interest. “You did? That’s sweet.”

He reached out in the glove compartment for a box and passed it over to her. “Open it,” he said.

She did, and took out something that looked like a spray can of graffiti paint. “You want me to vandalize public property now?”

“No, silly. Read the label carefully.”

 _“Grey-Away: Easy to apply spray. Watch as your grey hair disappear right before your eyes._ Oh, very funny.”

“What? It’s a practical gift. One that I’m sure you’d appreciate.”

She laughed, and said rather affectionately: “Asshole.”

“Nag.”

They grinned at each other.

“You know, my horoscope says that I shouldn’t go out with you, because my Moon is colliding with Neptune,” she said.

Barnaby nodded, although he wasn’t sure what he was nodding for. “Right.”

“Of course I made that up. If Hero Academy doesn’t pan out, maybe I could make a living writing out horoscopes. Anything’s better than the crappy ones I got today.”

He was starting to lose the thread of the conversation, and said so: “What?”

“Here, I’ll show you.” She dug through her pockets and pulled out a slip of cookie fortune. She handed it to him. He smoothened out the paper and read what was on it.

_“’To truly find yourself, you should play hide-and-seek alone’.”_

“Pretty deep, huh?” she said. “The first one was no good, so Pao Lin and I got a whole bag of fortune cookies and spent the entire afternoon cracking them open to see what’s inside. It’s wicked fun, I tell you.”

“I shall take your word for it,” he said carefully, although he was still mystified as to what her horoscope had to do with playing hide-and-seek. Was that a joke? Some obscure punchline which only people with a brilliant sense of humour could understand?

“So…how’s that thing with your – um – ex?” she asked.

“If you ever run into any tabloid magazines tomorrow and see pictures of me and Melanie, I swear whatever they wrote about us isn’t true.”

“Right, and it’ll be next to the ‘Celebrities without makeup’ segment and guess what? I’d be in it! So between speculations of your love life and me looking frumpy, people would have a harder time deciding which one is more exciting.”

“Oh, the debate will go on for centuries.”

Tetsuko chuckled, giving him a sideways look. “Did you…just make a joke? That’s new.”

“It’s been known to happen. As for speculations about my love life,” he looked straight at her. “I hardly think there should be any questions at all.”

“Heh, you know people. They love to talk about other people.”

“I don’t care about other people. Want to hang out?”

She blinked, caught completely flat-footed. She could only think of one thing to say: “Eh? With you?”

“Yes, with me,” he said patiently. “I’m thinking that I still owe you a birthday dinner.”

She looked at him suspiciously. “This isn’t some devious plot to take me out on another date, is it? Because after that-“

“Oh, just go and get dressed already!”

“Huh, Mr. Smooth Operator as always. Fine. Gimme a sec.”

* * *

**Episode the next: Their sort-of-but-not-really date. Over a course of pachinko, waffle ice cream and Scrabble, Bunny finally works up the courage to say how he feels about her. Will he succeed?**


	15. Step 15: That Pachinko Scrabble Outing Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's their first date together - and Tetsuko commemorates that by cheating at Scrabble and teaching Bunny how to play pachinko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Jean, the matter-substituting NEXT, was unceremoniously borrowed from Darker than Black.

“Precinct 17’s looking good. They’ve just opened that new housing area and I checked out the place. Decent neighbourhood, with lots of good schools around.”

“Why would I care about schools?”

Tetsuko paused, then amended: “Ok, if you’re a _parent,_ then you would. But I forget that I’m talking to a five-year-old.”

They were parked at the side of the street, both of them outside the car and looking up at a gleaming condominium unit. Barnaby had mentioned that he was shopping for a new penthouse, and brought her along to a likely place.

“Why would you want to live in another condo, man? It’s got no soul!” Tetsuko said. “You splash four million just for – what? – a swimming pool and a private lift? No. If you really want to set down proper roots, houses are the way to go.”

“But I happen to like living in condos.”

“Trust me: you don’t. Look, if you’ve got money to burn, burn it on a house. Better yet, get several houses and start investing on property. Rent them out and sit on that money. In ten years’ time, those houses will literally pay for your kids’ education. Or, you could buy more houses and start over again. I would’ve done that ages ago, but that advice came too late. So I’m passing on this worldly wisdom to you.” She leaned back, looking up at the building again.

Barnaby shrugged matter-of-factly. “A home is just a place to live in. You don’t set roots. You’re not a tree.”

“Wrong, dummy. A home is where you have a _real_ family. People you actually live with, have arguments with, eat together, then argue again. You’d need a proper backyard, so you could set off fireworks on new years’ eve or eat popsicles in the summer. Don’t you get it? It’s the things you do with family and friends that matters. Otherwise, you’d be nothing more than a lonely salaryman who doesn’t even know his own neighbours and goes back to an empty house everyday. Soon he’ll die alone, eaten up by his cats, and nobody knew or cared until they start complaining about the smell.”

“I’ve never eaten popsicles in my backyard before.”

“Well, look at what you’ve been missing! No wonder you’re so boring! I swear, one of these days, I’m going to drag you back to my hometown and make you do all the stuff I did when I was a kid.”

“Tempting offer. But I’ll pass,” he said flatly.

“Tch. You’re such a robot,” she sighed. “So where else are we going after this?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t plan for anything beyond this point.”

“What? So my birthday dinner’s just a farce? Huh, I _knew_ it. You lured me out under false pretenses.”

“Idiot. Of _course_ I didn’t trick you. We’re just taking a little detour.”

“Detour or no, I’m really hungry. You’ve just torn me away from my sumptuous meal of cup ramen and potato crisps. That’s a cardinal sin.”

 _“Fine._ Let’s go eat, then,” Barnaby huffed, turning around to open the car door. He paused when Tetsuko refused to budge from where she stood. “What’s the matter?”

“This is kinda a bad time to ask…but I need 200 dollars right now.”

He felt a sudden stab of worry. Oh no, Tetsuko is probably living in destitution by now. Which probably explains the instant noodles for dinner. “For what?”

“I’m feeling really lucky tonight.”

“Oh? Dare I ask in what?”

“Pachinko! I’ve finally figured out a way to raise the money for Kaede’s schooling.”

This time he was nonplussed. “By _gambling?”_

“It’s _not_ gambling per say, Bunny! Don’t use such dirty words on an innocent game! Come on, just loan me 200 dollars. You still owe me a birthday treat, so you should do as I say!”

“Very well. But I’ll have to warn you that I charge a very high interest rate.”

“Heh. You’re such a joker. Come on.”

An hour later, the front doors of Domezz Pachinko opened, spilling out a mix of electronic cacophony, garish lights and evaporated hopes onto the curb of Shibuya shopping district.

A visibly dejected Tetsuko trudged out, followed by Barnaby. He was trying hard not to smile, but failed completely. Clutched in his hand was a stack of gift tokens.

“Now where did that man say the booth was?” he said lightly, making a show of looking around.

“Shut up,” said Tetsuko, but a thumb jerked out nonetheless to somewhere to their left.

Barnaby wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her towards the booth. “Come, Tetsuko. Surely some form of congratulatory gesture is in order? Your protégé did good on his first try. You should be proud!”

“It was beginner’s luck!” Tetsuko snapped. “And that bastard gave us a rotten machine!”

“Really?” he said, amusement mounting. “Doesn’t seem like it to me.”

He handed his tokens to the attendant, and as they waited, he tapped a finger on the counter, smirking down at Tetsuko. She steadfastly refused to meet his gaze, pretending to be interested in the fliers pasted against the booth’s plexiglass window.

“It’s all childishly simple once you’ve grasped the basics,” he said. “How you launch the balls are crucial, yes? That game is all about calculating trajectory and inertia. What are the rules of inertia?”  

“You don’t talk about inertia,” said Tetsuko in sour tones.

“No,” he said chidingly. “An applied force on any object is equivalent to its mass and velocity. Take into account the factors of friction and, of course, gravity…you could pretty much predict how those balls are going fall, and where. It’s all in the turn of the wrist, Tetsuko.”

Barnaby eschewed video games, with the pretext that they were a waste of time. But Tetsuko had realized that he was really one of those people who’d take a moment to study a game, learn its nuances and quirks in the same way a fisherman would read the waves before a catch; before finally getting on board and end up blowing everybody’s high scores out of the water. It was freaky, and the fact that he made it seem so simple compounded the freaky factor.

“Why, of course!” she said, theatrically slapping her forehead. “You’ve made it as clear as day! _Thank_ you, for that illuminating lecture, Professor Brooks!”

“No need to be so hissy about it,” said Barnaby. “I’m merely underlining a fact. Ah, thank you.” The attendant had come back, handing him a thick wad of cash.

“Prick,” she growled, walking away.

He pocketed the money and jogged after her. “A thousand dollars in one night,” he said. “Not bad at all. Provided you maintain your winning streak, you play every night, and your lowest average is a thousand, I reckon you’d be able to afford Kaede’s schooling in…fifty days. So that’s 200 dollars, times fifty…hm, looks like you’re stacking up quite a debt.”

“What’re you talking about? You got your money back five fold!”

“Ah, that’s because _I_ was the one who played. You burnt through your loan within ten minutes. I thought you said you’ve been playing for years? You should’ve been an expert by now.”

“Whatever. I’m not paying you back because you…you got yourself rich on my benefit! The goddess of Fortune was holding out on me!”

Barnaby rounded himself before her, forcing her to stop dead in her tracks. “My, what a convincing argument,” he said, humour colouring his tones. “I told you I have a high interest rate. Nobody’s ever borrowed money from me because of that.”

“Come on, you can’t be serious?”

Tapping his chin thoughtfully, he said: “Blue Rose has been putting a bug in my ear about you making me bento lunches. I’d say that’s a smashing good idea.”

Tetsuko’s brow twitched.

He leaned over and patted her warmly on the shoulder. “You can start tomorrow. I’m rather partial to heart-shaped sprinkles myself.” Then, hand trailing lower to lace fingers with hers, he tugged.

“Do you really know why you’re rich?” she asked, allowing herself to be pulled after him.

“Because I have a generous trust fund?” he said brightly.

“No,” she said. “It’s because you’re such a calculative bastard.”

* * *

It was impossible. It was clearly against the rules. But being Tetsuko, she didn’t care about such things. Barnaby furrowed his brows, jabbing a finger towards her.

“You rotten cheater!” he exclaimed.

“You just suck at Scrabble, that’s all,” said Tetsuko, scribbling over the score sheet. “Let’s see…that’s a triple-word score, times eight due to my ingenious usage of the letter X, a double-word times four…which brings me to a total of…56 points! Hahaa, I’m in the lead again!”

“There’s no such word as…” Barnaby paused, lips moving silently as he worked out the vowels, _“….’xercyvguh’”_

“Sure there is! It’s a species of indigenous rock in Zimbabwe!”

“Zimbabwe,” Barnaby echoed. “You don’t even know where that is.”

“Yeah? And you do?”

“You want to bet?”

She tossed a Scrabble piece at him. “Come on, Bunny. You’re such a sore loser! Let’s just admit that there’s one game I can beat you at, and it’s this one!”

“If winning means arranging whatever random letter you’ve got left, then I’m not impressed. I’m checking the dictionary,” he said, taking out his phone.

Tetsuko grabbed his hand, laughing. “Come on, no dictionaries. I hate looking stuff up.”

They’d both ended up having dinner at a quaint café they’d stumbled upon after walking aimlessly around. She went to the toilet and came back with Scrabble, claiming that she’d found it after snooping around the store room. Nobody seemed to be objecting at them playing, because they were the only ones there. Even the bored waitress who came to top up their drinks said nothing. She was more interested in going back behind the counter and browsing through the month’s edition of Cosmopolitan. A recap episode of HeroTV was playing on the telly. Tetsuko had made a point of sitting with her back to it.

“So far the best words you came up with are ‘invigilate’ and ‘tandem’,” said Barnaby.

“Heh, ‘invigilate’ is a word? I thought I made that one up.”

The waitress appeared again. “Your order, ma’am,” she drawled.

“Ooh, thank you!”

Barnaby propped his chin as he watched Tetsuko dig into her waffle and ice cream set. He declined when she offered him some.

“Oh, come on. One bite isn’t going to make you fat overnight! You’re so paranoid.”

“I believe I have a right to explain myself about yesterday night,” he said.

“You already did.”

“But not completely. Melanie was…an arrangement made by Lloyds. Since you left a big gap after quitting, he decided it wouldn’t do to have me attend premier events alone. The public might get the wrong idea,” he said, injecting as much sarcasm as he could in the last sentence. “So we both got thrown together for entirely superficial reasons.”

“Right. So this is the part where you insist that it’s nothing,” she said, concentrating on her waffle.

“It _was_ nothing. I could only…”

“You could what?”

He’d missed her. The revelation hit home like a wrecking ball, but of course he’d never say such things to her.

“I could only think of how incredibly stupid the whole thing was,” he said. “And now that-“

Tetsuko set down her spoon with a decidedly loud _clink._ “Bunny, I get it. I really do.”

“What do you get?”

“The thing about us is, we were never exclusive to begin with. And you’ve got needs. You’re not a monk. You…you can’t put on a chastity belt on account of me. Let’s leave it at that, alright?”

“So that’s it? We’re just going to close the book? Shouldn't we at least address this matter of exclusivity?”

“Look, last year I’ve gotten myself so completely off the radar that Antonio had to call Kaede just to make sure I’m still alive. I was busy burying my head under the sand, trying not to think about Heroing, or about the life I had here.”

“Why?”

“Because it goddamned hurt, that’s why. Not being a NEXT…it’s like losing a limb. You get these phantom feelings, thinking that your powers are activating. I can’t really explain it.”

Barnaby nodded. “I believe I know what you mean,” he murmured, watching her fingers play with the Scrabble pieces, idly spelling out BUNNY before scattering them again.

“No, you don’t. I used to be a god. Now I’m just…an ordinary person, looking up to the sky, thinking of what I was. How do you wrap your mind around that? I don’t even watch HeroTV anymore. I’d turn the thing off everytime they put it on and do something else. It’s not that I’m not supporting you, or Bison…it’s just that…” she hesitated, weighing her next words. “Maybe I’m a _tad_ jealous of you guys.”

His hand searched hers. “You should’ve called and talked to me about this,” he said quietly.

“How could I? You’re like my ice cream.”

“Huh?”

“This is you-“ she said, motioning towards the ice cream, “and your public life-“ she pointed towards the waffle. “They’re both already huge enough, so really - there’s no more room for me in the plate. Rather than looking like a has-been desperately clinging to the past, I figured that maybe I’ll just quietly slip away. It’s more dignified like that.”

“There’s always chocolate sauce.”

“What?”

“And sprinkles. Candy, even. Who says you can’t still be a part of it all? If there’s anyone who decides who should and shouldn’t be in my world, it would be me. I don’t see why you should shunt yourself away on account of what other people might think. This is really unlike you, Tetsuko.”

“I know. It’s just that-”

“Besides, being a god is grossly overrated. And boring. I’d rather be ordinary.”

That earned a laugh from her. “I’d like to see you try. You were _born_ a show pony.”

“Still,” he reiterated. “I like ordinary. You’re my ordinary.”

“Wow, if I didn’t know any better, I would think that you’re actually being sweet on me.”

“If I am, would you let me kiss you again?”

He’d been watching, and he saw the hesitation skittering across her face like a frightened ghost. It was gone as soon as it appeared. She gave him an admonishing glare as she drawled: “Oi, oi…you shouldn’t say such heavy things at the dinner table! See, now my ice cream’s starting to melt. Tch, silly brat.”

“Whatever. The question still stands for the rest of the night until you give an answer.”

She suddenly brightened up. “Hey, I’ve thought of a _great_ plan to earn big bucks!”

“Oh, no. What is it this time?”

“Pose naked! There are magazines who’d pay for those kind of things, right?”

Barnaby’s expression immediately changed. “You’re not doing that,” he stated, rather firmly.

“Why not? I still look good. I mean, you’ve seen me before. What do you think?”

The question hit him with such casual frankness that he couldn’t help but blush in response. Tetsuko laughed.

“Hah, I thought so,” she said smugly. “I’m still one hot mama.”

“I-It was dark! And…I couldn’t see because I didn’t have my glasses on!” he said, cheeks burning at the memory. Damned woman. “Besides, you shouldn’t flatter yourself too much. They’d always Photoshop you beyond recognition.”

“You mean, like replace my boobs with someone else’s? What’s wrong with mine? They’re not big enough? Oi, Bunny. I’m asking you!”

“I’m not answering that!” he exclaimed, now embarassed beyond belief.

“Huh, _now_ you’ve decided to act all coy? Whatever happened to you saying whatever’s on your mind?”

Barnaby was desperate for a change of topic, so he said: “You don’t want to pose naked for anyone. Trust me. I mean, imagine Bison’s reaction if he sees you.”

Tetsuko actually stopped to consider this. “I’ve never thought of that. He’d probably throw a fit once he finds out. Hmm…I suppose if I don’t appear in _Gentlemen’s Playhouse,_ or some other magazine he subscribes to, then I suppose that’s alright.”

“Are you _serious_ about this, Tetsuko?”

“Why’re you concerned over what Bison might think all of a sudden? I’m sure he’ll be fine. As a man who appreciates the finer things in life, he should be able to see my contribution as a work of art.”

Tetsuko was kidding. Barnaby was absolutely sure of that by now. But he still refused to let things lie until he got things the way he wanted it to be. He shook his head, opening his mouth for another counter-argument when she beat him to it.  

“Eh? What’s the matter? Jealous that Bison’s my best friend now? You want some of that bromance action too?”

“If you mean pointless brawling over a pint, then count me out,” he said sneeringly.

Tetsuko laughed. Bunny may have a no-man’s land erected between himself and the world, but that didn’t make him any less of a child at the center. He had a clear distinction on what he’d considered his, and Tetsuko could see that people like Kaede, Antonio, and even their other Hero friends could pose a potential relationship landmine. He was already jealous of Tomo as it is…

Hang on. Did she just think of their future as a _couple?_ Oh, dear. She’s really in trouble now. To bury that thought, she hurriedly finished up her food. The sooner this whole thing ends, the better-

“You never drink anymore. How did that happen?”

“Eh, that?” She swallowed hard, taking a sip of water before continuing. “Drunk driving. Happened right before my eyes. Killed a kid. The _driver,_ though. Thank goodness for airbags, huh? Damn,” she sighed. “I tried to use Hundred Power…”

“But you couldn’t,” Barnaby finished. “I’m sorry, Tetsuko.”

“For what? You didn’t do it.” A pause, then she continued. “I kept seeing Kaede’s face lying on that curb. I don’t know what I’d do if it were to happen to her. Probably break that idiot’s neck. I can’t swig a beer without being sick afterwards, so I thought maybe it’s time to quit.”

“It’s never a bad to thing to look after yourself.”

“It’s funny, that’s what it is. Fancy a teetotaler, working at a _liquor_ store. But, I’m proud to say that I know the inventory like the back of my hand!”

“Really? So what’s the best liquor you’ve got?”

“Taketsuru Pure Malt,” she said instantly. “If you ever want to impress anyone in my town, give them this.”

“I will keep that in mind.”

“I’ve been thinking that if Kaede really wanted to be Hero, she’d have to be teamed up with someone else. Her powers rely on other people, yeah? Imagine her in trouble without a single NEXT in sight.” Tetsuko shuddered. “Maybe it’s time I teach her some self-defence techniques. And maybe get her to pick up some additional skills…like lockpicking, or computer hacking, or…oh, God. I’m turning her into a burglar, aren’t I?”

“Such skills are useful as long as you don’t misuse it. I’m all for her having a set of extra talents. NEXT powers can only take you so far, you know.”

“Well, whoever her partner is, it’d better not be another jerk like you. I know I have enough Bunny to deal with to last me till the next life!”

“Come now, I can’t be that bad.”

“Are you really hearing yourself right now?” Tetsuko said with a laugh. “You were like sandpaper up everyone’s ass. I don’t know what Lloyds was thinking when he teamed us up. Oh, wait. He wasn’t thinking at all. All he sees are cash cows.”

Barnaby made a face, as if the mere mention of Lloyds brought up an unpleasant taste.

“Not a suitable dinner topic, eh?” Tetsuko said sympathetically. “Let’s get out of here. I’m all done.”

Barnaby paid up, and rejoined Tetsuko, who was waiting by the door. They exited the café, stepping out onto a courtyard lined with red sandstone tiles and a garden bower festooned with morning glory creepers and fairy lights. A bronze cherub was urinating into a fountain, and it was here that Barnaby suddenly stopped and grabbed her hands.

“Tetsuko,” he said. “Don’t ever leave.”

She blinked, wondering what he really meant. “Alright.”

“No, you don’t understand. You should stay in Sternbild. I want you to be here…with me.”

“Okay, that much I can gather. Why-“

“Tetsuko,” he said, a tad forceful than he intended. His eyes swam with emotions he wished he could convey to her telepathically. In fact, he _wished_ at that moment he was born a telepath. His palms came up to cradle her face. “You should know that…I…”

“You what?”

He’d run out of words to say, just like that. “I…”

“You left something? Want me to get it for you?”

“No! God, you’re not making this easy! Shut up!” He took a deep breath. Come what may, he’ll just say it, even if it meant opening up the earth and sending him into the seventh pit of hell. “I LO-“

_…breep…breep…_

The dancing red lights of his wristcom indicated that the incoming call was urgent.

_…breep…breep…_

Tetsuko deflated. “You have to go,” she said.

Barnaby silently cursed whoever it was. He took her hand, and yanked her after him. “No, you’re coming along.”

“Eh?”

* * *

Mario pulled off his earpiece, scowling in annoyance at the heated discussion he just had with Agnes. It wouldn’t be the first time for him to think that the woman was too stubborn for her own good. He had a good instinct on what constitutes as a sensational story, and she’d shot his idea down flat. _Focus on the action right now,_ she’d said. _We don’t need no side dorama nonsense here._

 _“Are you kidding me?”_ he’d exclaimed. _“They’re both like, the Brangelina of the 22 nd century! Fans expect an in-depth view of his private life. What better way than to-“_

 _“Hah, yes. And whilst you’re busy poking around the bushes hoping to spy on any canoodling between them, you’ll miss the_ real _action out there. No, and that’s final.”_

Mario sighed. This is a great gossip fodder for the fans, he just _knew_ it. There’s some secret romance going on between Barnaby and Tetsuko, and he’ll be the first to expose it! He turned to his cameraman, getting ready to tell him to move out, when suddenly Apollon Media’s transporter rumbled past. It sped off towards the turnoff leading to the Strauss Gate Bridge, and suddenly Mario was hit with a brainwave. Agnes wanted action. Well, he’ll _give_ her some goddamned action. She’ll forget to chew his head off once she sees just how much this is going to boost her precious ratings.

“Follow that transporter,” he pointed, then put his earpiece back on.

* * *

Gaia Atrium was a multi-tiered shopping and entertainment arena, boasting a top-of-the-line cinema surround system and a favourite venue for concerts and exhibitions. It was probably the hippest place to be in for kids these days. But to Tetsuko, it was just another symptom to Sternbild’s burgeoning obsession with consumerism. She arched her head back, looking up at the glass-domed roof. She remembered doing the same exact thing, many light years ago, when kabuki dance filled her ears and a warm hand held her close. So they’ve finally come full circle now. She never imagined that she’d be back here so soon.

Barnaby was all suited up, receiving a final set of briefing from Saito. She’d deliberately stood away from them. This was no longer her business. The arrival of Apollon Media’s transporter had naturally caused a stir, and already a group of onlookers had gathered to see what was going on. Tetsuko kept her head down, scuffing the ground with her toe and trying to block out the live telecast of HeroTV streaming straight from the giant flatscreens. So a fugitive NEXT was on the loose. Big whoop. Probably another reject from Hero Academy. Why would Bunny drag her along to these things?

Barnaby had finished his discussion, and was now making his way towards her. She looked up, smiling.

“Good luck,” she said. “Whatever, or whoever that perp is, I’m sure you’ll catch him.”

“This isn’t the kind of birthday dinner I had in mind. My apologies,” he said.

“But pachinko and Scrabble is? You’re wierd.”

“Will you be here when I get back?”

Tetsuko hesitated, unsure on how to answer that. Instead she smiled, and after a brief moment of fierce internal debate, reached up and began to undo her necktie. It was funny – she’d never realized how personal that act was until she wrapped it around his left gauntlet and secured it with a bow. It’s as if she was also leaving a piece of herself on him.

“For good luck," she said gruffly as Barnaby raised his arm to look at the thing. "Now, I expect this in pristine condition once you return it to me. It’s my favourite necktie."

Mario’s voice suddenly boomed around them like a celestial herald about to drop the Ten Commandments: “The lady bestowing a favour to her knight! Oh, how so very _medieval!_ Ladies and gentlemen, are you getting this? You are witnessing this live only on HeroTV, the unfolding Kabunaby romance!”

The crowd whooped. Every single TV screen around the Atrium was showing a live image of both Tetsuko and Barnaby standing awkwardly apart like two teenagers on their first date. Mario was capering about on the second floor balcony, urging the cameraman to get an even tighter close-up shot of them both. It didn’t take much for him to pull strings with the director and got him to switch live feeds when Agnes wasn’t looking. The damned harpy was screaming in his ear, but it’s already too late. Far too little people were interested in watching Sky High jetting through the air when a juicy piece of Kabunaby saga was playing on the other channel.

Tetsuko suddenly felt hands grabbing her face, and Barnaby was looming over her. He was closing his eyes.

And they kissed.

She gasped, an odd sense of déjà vu washing over her. This was real. It had to be. This was him, sucking on her lower lip, enticing her to let him in. And she did…oh, she did. She wasn’t aware of her fingers creeping up his chestplate, nor of the cheering crowd around them. All she knew was her head was still spinning when he finally let her go. She didn’t even realize she’d closed her own eyes.

"Your kissing's definitely improved," she rasped.

He’d looked at her then, with that familiar smile, and his breath tickled her ear as he whispered: “I told you I have a high interest rate. And I fully intend to collect.”

She didn’t understand what he meant, but never got the chance to ask, for he was already gone the next instant.

Several well-meaning fans surged towards her, shaking her hand, congratulating her and taking her photo. Her mind was still in a state of pudding when Saito beckoned her over.

“I’m guessing that some form of felicitation is in order?” he asked.

“Huh?” she said, still trying to shake herself out of that fluffy pink cloud.

“You should know what Bunny’s up against.”

“What is it this time? Eco-terrorists? Hostage situation? Cat stuck on a tree?”

“Jean Gaspard, rogue member of the French Secret Intelligence. He was tracked down here, but it turns out that he’s a NEXT.”

“What, his friends never knew that? Which part of French Secret Intelligence am I missing here?”

“He’s got the power to substitute matter. He can switch an object with another via teleportation. He’s done it before with concrete, glass, liquid…any solid material he can come in contact with. He’d once escaped via the river and reappeared halfway across the city, transplanting a mass of water in his place. His last known sighting was here.”

“Cool. Talk about avoiding the rush hour.”

Saito adjusted his glasses, giving her a look which indicated that no, it isn’t cool at all.

“It also works with internal organs,” he said. “He’s already killed three field agents this way. His powers work on a molecular level, so I’m not sure how much help Bunny’s suit is going to be here.”

“Meaning what? That he can rearrange your innards and switch it with something else?”

“I believe those men who died had varying amounts of molten steel inside of them. They’d tried to corner him in a smelting factory. All rather unfortunate business, I’m afraid.”

“God. Now I wish you never told me,” Tetsuko sighed. Her gaze was dragged back to the giant screen, watching Barnaby give a thumbs up to the camera, her necktie flapping gently in the wind as he did so.

She turned, and started walking.  

“Tigress? Where are you going? Didn’t Bunny ask you to stay?” Saito called out after her.

She said nothing, merely looked around and tossed a nonchalant wave over her shoulder. Saito wasn’t entirely sure, but the smile on her face was a very sad one.

* * *

**Episode the next: Why didn’t she stay? Her family’s reaction to that public kiss.**


	16. Step 16: That Machiavelli Bohemia Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuko's having second thoughts about her kissing Bunny, while he remembers the night they almost did a home run.

**AN: Things are getting a bit risque, so rating's being bumped up to M. Nothing too explicit, though. Just playing it safe. Ant-Agonizer stolen from Fallout 3, Rhino Freak's probably some Spiderman villain...I'm not entirely sure.**

* * *

 

Tetsuko knelt before her husband’s shrine, lighting up an incense stick and placing it upon the holder. This had been her daily ritual at home, of which she would place a bowl of rice topped with a dollop of mayonnaise before him as an offering. It had been their private joke. She’d never known anyone who’d smear mayonnaise onto everything until she met him. She bowed her head, pressing her palms together to pray.

“Happy wedding anniversary, anata,” she said. “This year would be our fourteenth. Can’t believe time flew by just like that. I bet you’re up there, enjoying your favourite Sapporo beer. Have one for me, alright?”

Tomo smiled at her from his photograph. He looked rather dapper in a brand new pressed suit. Tetsuko remembered picking out his necktie for the photoshoot, and they’d had a petty argument about buying the wrong detergent…something which escalated into her not speaking to him for the rest of the day. But all of that didn’t matter, not after he fell sick a month later. She’d even forgotten that incident until now.

“In case you’ve been watching, you’d probably know by now what happened last night,” she said. It wouldn’t be a surprise if news confirming her relationship with Bunny was already broadcasted all over Sternbild. Her family back home would’ve heard of it, of course. Wonder how Kaede’s taking it. Tetsuko really should have a talk with her before that girl formed any wrong ideas.

“Anata, I’ve been loyal to you all these years. That thing with Bunny is just…I don’t know,” she said, making a vague motion with her hands. “A moment of weakness…maybe? Okay, that’s not true. If Bunny were to hear this, it’d probably hurt his feelings. I think he’s sincere enough. God knows he’s been patient. I made him wait, and now that I’ve really thought about it, it was rather mean of me to do that. But how do you expect me to handle it? He’s a very good friend, and…”

…and the fact that kissing him felt right frightened the hell out of her. Maybe it wasn’t so much of her wanting him, but more of her needing to be touched like that again. Yes, maybe it’s all just physical, and once they’ve both realized that, they’d wind up being disappointed…

She sighed, shaking her head. “Hell of a thing, huh…springing this on you during our anniversary? Believe me, if there’s a better solution, I would’ve taken it. And that thing with your parents at the restaurant…I apologize for that. It was rude, walking out on them like that, but…do you have any idea how much I wanted to yell at your mother? For her to just say all those things, it’s just… _mean.”_ Tomo’s death had meant everything to her. She could still see a five-year-old girl, solemnly clutching her father’s portrait while the funeral rites were being performed. That girl is now a headstrong teenager, who collects Baby Rose accessories and listens to bizarre hip-hop fusion beats. Kaede was fast becoming her own person, and yet Tetsuko was still scrambling to capture whatever remaining childhood that girl still had.

Tetsuko stared at her husband, recalling how his glasses used to slide down the bridge of his nose, giving him a perplexed professor look. She loved it when that happened. Bunny’s glasses had a tendency to do that as well, but he’d never allowed her to fix it for him.

“Anata,” she whispered. “Please tell me what to do.”

* * *

 

Muramasa unlocked his store and entered, flipping the ‘Closed’ sign hung at the door so that it now showed ‘Welcome’. Customer traffic was always slow in the morning, and aside from fielding the occasional phone calls, he’d usually spend the time reading the papers.

Settling onto his usual spot behind the counter, he rustled the Oriental Daily, inhaling the smell of freshly-pressed ink. He’d start with the sports section, where they post the results of the local baseball team. He wasn’t a particular fan; his old friend was the coach, and he’d only been interested in tracking the team’s progress. If things go well, they’d be on their way to the national Junior Leagues.

The entertainment section of the paper landed on the counter, clumsily grazing the edge before sliding onto the floor. Muramasa bent over to pick it up, casually glancing over the cover, and suddenly sat stock still.

He got to his feet and made himself a strong cup of coffee. It’s still too damned early for alcohol, but he sure felt like one right now. He took out a pack a cigarettes and started smoking one, taking each drag in with a slow, thoughtful manner.

He finally got back to the newspaper, sucking a big breath as if preparing for a long dive. He scanned the headline, then the photo. It had been enlarged to fill the entire page, so there’s no mistaking the fact that it was his sister kissing Barnaby Brooks Jr.

The things people do to sell papers these days, he mused. He didn’t particularly approve of such blatant public displays of affection, but apparently city folks do this kind of thing a lot. So she’s finally dating her partner, eh? He never liked the man, thinking that he was nothing but a stuck-up brat, strutting around like a puffed peacock. But maybe all that puffiness had done him good, for he finally had Tetsuko in his arms again.

“Excuse me? Kaburagi-san?”

Muramasa hurriedly gathered the newspaper. A customer was at the door.

“Ah, Keiji-san,” he said. “Come in! I’ve just opened up.”

Keiji was a regular of his, always stopping by after finishing his nightguard shift at the factory nearby. Muramasa took out a beer from the fridge, popped the cap open, and slid it over the counter towards the man. He took a long swig.

“Aah, that sure hits the spot,” he said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Don’t overdo yourself. You’re always working hard, Keiji-san.”

“Ahaha, I try my best,” said the man, bowing modestly. “So I take it you’ve already heard?”

“About what?”

Keiji nodded towards the newspaper. “Your sister. What else? Judging from the amount of brouhaha going on around them, one would’ve thought they’ve discovered the cure for cancer or something.”

“That Barnaby guy sure has a penchant for sensationalizing everything. I bet he enjoys it.”

“Reckon you’ll welcome him into the family soon enough.”

“What, him? You’re joking as always, Keiji-san,” Muramasa said, making dismissive motions. “There’s no way she’d settle for someone like him.”

“I must say it’s a shame Tetsuko-chan’s no longer here. I used to look forward to seeing her before I start my shift. Now it’s just you and the usual boys.”

Keiji would always drop in during the evenings, on his way to work. They’d order food from the restaurant next door, and have it sent over. Muramasa would bring out the sake, and that’s when things got lively. Tetsuko’s presence had been a great boon to his business. Her witty tales and spot-on impersonation of the other Heroes had made her an instant hit among his customers. Naturally, that drew in a slew of admirers, a fact that Muramasa had tentatively tried to bring Kaede’s attention to. But the girl merely snorted and said: “Trust me, she’s not interested in _those_ guys.”

Of course she wouldn’t. The men around here were the homely types. They’d known each other since they were children. They had no inkling on what it was like to have a fast and flashy lifestyle like the big city folks. Why would she settle for a commoner when she’s already got the eyes of a god on her? Muramasa realized he was being bitter over this. He’d always been resentful of her. She was the one with the powers, the charisma…and after Tomo died she’d upped and left her baby behind. That’s no way of raising a child properly. But what did he know about being a parent? His one and only romantic interlude had been rife with emotional clumsiness, leading to a great misunderstanding with the girl. But that’s all done now. The last time he checked, she’s married to a doctor and well on the way to her third child.

“You know her,” Muramasa said. “She’s not one you can pin down.”

“It’s hard to believe you’re related sometimes.”

“I can scarcely believe it myself.”

“I’m tellin’ ya…if she ever brings that Brooks guy over here and he starts showing his airs and graces, I’ll give him a piece of my mind right there and then. Hero or no, we’ve got ways of doing things here.”

“I’ll make sure she gives him due warning, then,” Muramasa said with a smile, producing a damp cloth and beginning to wipe the countertop clean. This seemed to be the universal activity for bartenders everywhere. If amoebas in a pond were to develop a civilization, there’s bound to be one with a dishcloth cleaning primordial ooze off the tables before the next customer came.

Their conversation steered to other mundane things: idle gossip, the latest baseball result, and the weather. Finally Keiji took his leave, promising to come again later in the evening.

“Don’t forget what I said about Tetsuko-chan’s new boyfriend. Honestly, I don’t know if I should sock him or hand him an autograph book. My wife and kids are going on and on about him. They’ve got his action figures and everything,” said Keiji.

“How about you sock him first, _then_ ask for his autograph,” Muramasa said with a slight smile.

“Hm, good idea. I should write that down somewhere.”

After Keiji left, Muramasa cleared the counter. He sat back on his stool, lighting another cigarette, and then stared blankly into space. Is Tetsuko really serious with this guy? Women were always throwing themselves at him, so can she even keep him interested for long? As a man well in his thirties, Muramasa had a general distrust towards men in their twenties. They tend to have a callous approach towards things; blazing through their lives like army generals stalking a battlefield, seeing goals and people as something to be conquered regardless of the cost. And Tetsuko was forever complaining about that man, wasn’t she? They were practically tearing at each other’s throats if things went wrong. It had to be real love somewhere in there. All in all, they could just be the perfect couple to be wrong to each other.

“Well, now,” he mused. “This could be interesting.”

* * *

 

Kaede hunched over her textbook, ignoring the whispering and jostling going on between the girls at the back row. She knew perfectly well what they were passing around: a magazine spread with the latest scoop on Barnaby. Last night had left little doubt as to whom he’s seeing, and it was rather unfortunate that she was related to that person.

She’d been undeserving of the attention. Suddenly kids she’d never met came up to her asking if Barnaby would ever visit Oriental Town. Some of them wondered if she’d seen him in person, and what he was really like. She’d never thought about it before, and now faced with all these questions, she was beginning to.

She’d assumed that this was normal: until she realized that not everyone had a celebrity mother. She told her classmates tales of how she’d met the Heroes of Sternbild and saw the glint of awe and envy in their eyes. She’d clammed up on that topic ever since. It was as if some sort of glamour had been cast on the people around her: everybody saw her mother as some fantastic, otherworldly being. Nobody knew how clumsy and clingy she could be, and they wouldn’t believe it if she told them.

Truth to be told, with the rumour mill grinding out more news about her relationship with Barnaby, Kaede found herself becoming more wary of the man. Some parts of her were deeply embarassed everytime she recalled how big of a crush she had on him once. She’d even entertained fantasies of their wedding day, for God’s sakes! Just the thought of it was enough to make her bury her face in her hands and shake her head.

Now that he's got Tetsuko in his sights, Kaede couldn’t decide how she felt about that. She was competing again - competing for her mother's attention. Before this it was her career...and now it's another man. It’s almost like Oedipus Complex - albeit a much stranger one, considering that Barnaby was an outsider to her. On one hand, she couldn’t care less if her mother was dating, while on the other, she felt a burgeoning sense of sadness and dread. She’d been having dreams of her mother getting on a plane and never returning. She didn’t want to think of what it might mean.

The whispering was getting louder. She’d missed the last part of what the teacher was saying. She ground her teeth, forcing herself to remain calm. Her powers always manifested at the worst times, particularly when she’s upset, and her mother had repeatedly told her to control it.

She tried to focus on St. Mary’s instead. The school’s administration had called, asking for her details. Apparently the semester fees had been taken care of, and they needed some photocopied documents for registration purposes. The application packet’s just arrived via email, and one of the things she had to do was write an essay on the person who influences her the most. Hah, that’s a no-brainer. She could write about her headmaster, or her grandmother. They both had interesting stories to tell.

Someone giggled, rather annoyingly. Kaede’s resolution snapped, and she scowled. She was about to turn around to tell the group off, when the teacher tossed a duster towards them, effectively shutting them up.

* * *

 

Barnaby remembered when he actually touched Tetsuko. It was during her final night in Sternbild last year. What began as a playful bet turned into them peeling off each others’ clothes, comparing battle scars and bragging who had the worst. It didn’t help that the champagne was making them giggle like schoolgirls; as if recalling the roadmaps of their careers while being half-naked in his apartment was the grandest idea of all.

"Rhino Freak!" Tetsuko crowed, pointing at his right thigh. "Back in March...was it? That AstroPhysics Research Centre attack. Gored you right there."

"Yeah, and where were you at that time?" he asked, swaying unsteadily on his feet. "Oh, I forgot. You were busy playing with the rubbish dump."

She threw her head back and let out a hearty laugh. It was the sexiest sound he'd ever heard in his entire life.

"He tossed me there. It wasn't my fault!"

Tetsuko in her underwear wasn’t a strange sight to him, nor was it to her seeing him in his. Given the urgent nature of their jobs, where they had to be suited up within seconds, it was perfectly normal for them to strip together just to put on their undersuits. Lust was never part of the equation at all. Barnaby couldn’t be turned on by practical sport bras, and Tetsuko was usually too preoccupied with the mission to actually notice his body. But somewhere along the way, however…something obviously changed without them realizing it.

She turned, pointing to a spot on her back. "The Ant-Agonizer. Stupidest shit-assed name, but boy, her pincers really did a number on me."

He squinted and bent over. "Where? I don't see anything."

Straining her right arm, she felt about as if searching for the telltale scars. "There!"

"Still nothing. Are you sure you didn't make it up?"

She made an impatient noise and unhooked her bra, fully exposing her back. "I'm not making it up, you ninny. Look again!"

"Ah! So there it is!" he exclaimed, pushing the straps aside to allow him a better view. But the clumsy grazing of his fingers caused them to slide completely off her shoulders. He watched as her hands fluttered to her front, preventing the garment from completely falling down.

"Yeah, there it is," she said, her voice sounding oddly strangled.

There was a lull in their conversation at that point, where she was starting to realize how awkward this was turning into. She tilted her head slightly, as if trying to look at him. He was standing stock still, studying her form, before she heard him say: "Turn around."  

She did so, slowly. "I-I've got nothing else to show you," she stammered, attempting a shaky smile. "The Wild Tigress' Museum of Fame is now officially closed."

"No, it isn't," he stated, pointing at her chest. "There's still that."

"O-oi, pervert. I'm not falling for that trick-"

"I was talking about _that-"_ He leaned forward and touched the large patch of knotty skin running from her left shoulder to her sternum – a denomination of her fight with Lunatic. It was a scene that was forever branded in his memory, one that was important enough to shift the scales of what he thought about her. She wriggled uncomfortably, probably by then conscious of how ugly her body was.

Barnaby was desperate. Desperate to think of any excuse for her to stay. But her reasoning would still be the same: _What more could she do if she did?_ What kind of prospects does one have once they've stopped being a Hero? She can't keep on making tv appearances forever. He'd even once entertained the thought of hiring her as his personal assistant - a thought which was met with her usual smile and a shake of her head. _It's time for her to be with family,_ she'd said.

He moved, so suddenly that it surprised him. He'd hugged her tightly - crushing her body against his.

"You can't leave, Tetsuko," he whispered into her hair, overcome with emotion. "You can't go back home. There's still so many arguments for us to have, so many moments where you'll storm away and then I'd make a complete fool of myself trying to apologize to you. There's plenty of madcap adventures you haven't dragged me into. There's...there's still not enough time for me to be annoyed by your stupid habits."

She let out a laugh which sounded more like a sob.

"I'm scared I'd start making mistakes once you're gone," he went on. "Like proposing to some girl I don't care about, only to have you reappear on my wedding day and whisk me away on the Chaser-"

"Bunny, that's never gonna happen."

"My wedding?"

"No, me whisking you away on the Chaser. It'll be locked up in the garage. How could I bypass the system just to hijack you from your bride? That's crazy, especially coming from you."

"Since when are you the voice of reason around here?"

"You know I always tell it as it is."

He suddenly released her, stepping back and spreading out his arms as he announced to the room: "Tetsuko T. Kaburagi, the paragon of truth, justice and perpetual idiocy!"

She laughed. "That's the whole gist of it."

He caught her again, tilting her head up to meet his gaze. He was tipsy, and that only made him bolder. So he said: "And now, I would very much like to fuck you."

Her eyes widened, another laughter breaking out from her. Even for her, this was a surprise. It's almost as if he was joking.

"Really, now?" she teased. "And you think I'm going to let you...just like that?"

He kissed her, and she sighed against his mouth. Soon enough she was hitched up over his workdesk, bra all but tossed into the corner, her heels digging into the small of his back as she braced herself with one arm. She was clinging to him as if her very life depended on it. He should've taken her there and then, had he known what was going to happen afterwards. He trailed his fingers over her spine, relishing the delightful shudder it gave her as he ghosted across the fine hairs between her shoulderblades. He’d decided at that moment that it was his favourite part of her body.

They both crashed into his bed, naked. It was already 1 a.m., and she was leaving in about seven hours; yet they acted as if they had all the time in the world. In some hopeful, idealistic way, it really felt like they did.

She’d laughed, feeling ticklish as he touched her belly. But her laughter stopped as he travelled further upwards, and soon enough her breathing changed. She’d insisted that they do this with the lights off. But he didn’t care. He was beyond caring at that point. Let him have this broken, flawed woman. He sees her, and wants all of her…especially the part that was beating wildly inside her ribcage. But he knew he couldn’t possess her…not entirely. Tetsuko was the kind of woman who shared her heart with everybody.

He’d been asked, many times, on what kind of girls he liked. He always found it difficult to answer. Girls were a waste of time. They talk too much, they fuss over unnecessary things, and above all else: they were selfish. Oftentimes he caught himself eyeing men and wondering if he had a liking for them. But nothing happened. At least, nothing of particular note.

Truthfully, people annoyed him. The only thing he found worth pursuing was robotics, and the knowledge of how they work. Despite the chaos that predated his life, and the ghosts still haunting him, he felt that at least with machines, he could understand the world by breaking it into much more manageable components. He’d set off with this mindset, thinking that he was going to be this way forever.

That was until the day he caught a tacky spandex-wearing she-devil in his arms.

This was her now, hips grinding so tantalizingly close to his. She ran her fingers through his hair and asked if what she was doing pleases him. Oh, yes. How can she not? At that point, everything she did was a pleasure. She was a Bohemian fool who’d managed to invade and shatter his Machiavellian sensibilities. His new Polaris, a guiding star he’d always steer his ship to. For once, since as far back as he could remember…he was content.

He opened his eyes. Tetsuko was no longer on top of him. He was back in present time, staring at the bedroom ceiling. His ribs throbbed beneath his shirt. Painkillers were starting to lose its effect. His suit may be able to deflect bullets and survive a flash fire, but it still wouldn’t stop him from getting banged about. Her necktie was still clutched between his fingers. It had her smell, and he'd brush it over his nose every now and then just to remember what it was like.

There were hints of fried food and grape juice she’d accidentally spilt yesterday. He dove past that, onto the fragrance she usually wore. It was light, and fruity – a hint of lemon with an undertone of jasmine. He’d always disapproved of her choice of perfume. They don’t mix well with her natural skin smell.

Without looking, he reached out for his phone on the bedside table. Pressing 1 on the keypad, he waited for the ringing on the other end to stop.

“Hey, Bunny!” Five rings. That’s three more than usual.

“You left,” he said. It was amazing how, compressed between the milisecond of space between those two words, were all the confusion and disappointment he felt last night upon finding her gone.

He sensed her hesitating. “Ah, about that. I’m really sorry. I broke my promise again, didn’t I? It’s just that I remembered-“

“You remembered what? Some other obscure task you’ve just conjured up for convenience’ sake?”

“Bunny, don’t be like that,” Tetsuko sighed. “Your fans were practically mobbing me, and I felt so uncomfortable that I had to leave. That’s the whole truth. You can ask Saito if you want.”

“We need to talk.”

She laughed. “So serious! You know, if a girl were to say that, it usually means she’s leaving. I’m not sure what it means if guys say it.”

“I need to see you. Can you come over later?”

“Um. Yes, sure.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“I’m outside, with McEnroy.”

His nostrils flared, taking in her scent again. “Who is McEnroy?”

“I never introduced you both? He’s from the gokon. You’ve met him once before, but you just glowered at him. Anyway, there’s some stuff I need to settle with him.” Tetsuko paused, listening to the chilly silence going on at the other end. “Look, I’ll be done in about an hour. I’ll see you then, alright?”

“Stay out of trouble. Remember what happened the last time you were with him.”

“Eh? Trouble? It’s not like we’re skulking around in some alleyway, waiting for something to happen. Seriously, you sound like such an aunty sometimes.”

Barnaby said nothing, choosing instead to hang up on her.

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Pauly, the diamond-skinned NEXT makes a cameo appearance. His kidnapping plan goes awry when he picked the wrong person – Tetsuko.**


	17. Step 17: That Hateful Truth Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan's reunion with his past didn't exactly go as planned.

Tetsuko stared at her phone, looking at the ‘Call disconnected’ flashing on the screen. Maybe it was just her imagination, but Bunny sounded moodier than usual. It’s almost as if he’s punishing her for doing something wrong. If this was about her leaving, then he’s really making a mountain out of a molehill. She sighed, stowing the phone and making a mental note to deal with this later. She looked at McEnroy, who was stirring his drink dejectedly. It seemed like he already knew what she was going to tell him.

“Loverboy checking your whereabouts?” he said.

“Hm? No, nothing like that at all. And he’s not my…whatever it is that you said.”

“Yeah, sure.” Sternbild was already abuzz with the latest development of the Kabunaby saga. If last night were any indication, it seems as if things were finally getting serious between them. “So basically, what you’re about to tell me is something I already know, right?”

“Do you remember Nathan Seymour?” she asked, not wanting to beat around the bush.

McEnroy furrowed his brows. “Can’t say I do. Why?”

“You don’t? Not even from your old school? He’s the one who-“ Tetsuko stopped herself. How _did_ Nathan look like back then? Were they even in the same homeroom? “You two were quite…close.”

“Was he part of the rugby team?”

“Erm…that would be a no. Something happened between the two of you…right before you left to further your studies.” Tetsuko really had no cue cards left to hold. Nathan mentioned some hanky-panky going on in the AV room back then, but it was obvious she didn’t want to hear any details. Just how many concussions the gorilla had until he could forget his first love? _If_ Nathan was even his first love, that is.

“Ah, Pansy Nathy!” McEnroy exclaimed, slapping his thigh in recollection. “Yeah, I remember him now! Damn, now _that’s_ a name I haven’t heard in ages! Why’d you ask? Him a personal friend of yours?”

“Pansy Nathy?” Tetsuko echoed, mouth forming an O of surprise. “Was he _really_ called that?”

“Yeah! On account of him being…well, you know what. Soft.”

“Soft?”

“Anyway, what’s the old devil doing now? Doing a sequinned version of the YMCA in a cabaret club somewhere?”

“Oh, he’s in a club, alright. Four of them…and he’s the owner. Other guys in sequins do the YMCA number for him. In fact, he’s got so many businesses going on even I can’t keep track.”

“Really? Guy did well for himself. Wait – he’s not a ‘she’ now, is he?”

Tetsuko made a face. “It doesn’t matter if he is. I mean, don’t you still want to see him?”

“Is he here? Now?” McEnroy asked, craning around his seat.

“How come you never keep in touch?” she asked. “That guy’s been driving me up the wall with his talk about how you were a star rugby player, and how amazing you were…” she trailed off. Twenty years could do plenty of damage on a former athlete, and judging from his bloodshot eyes and unhealthy veins popping up along his arms, it was clear that the man hadn’t been taking care of himself well. Add the strain of divorce, and raising a kid on his own, Tetsuko could almost sympathize with him.

McEnroy smiled at the memory. “Damn. Those were the days. I’ve been thinking about him, you know. But then I met Debbie…”

“Your wife?”

“No, my ex-girlfriend. Things got hot before it went south, so I moved on with Anna-“

“Ah. The wife, finally?”

McEnroy gave her a funny look. “No. You crazy? As if my mum’s gonna let me settle down with a porn star. Sure, she’s only C-grade, and she’d never do anything with animals. But she did have a plum role in ‘Invasion of the Zombdroids’, though.”

“Zombdroids?” Tetsuko said flatly. She’s almost afraid to ask, and even more afraid to know the answer.

“Androids with zombie bits on ‘em. You know…as part of a secret government project. I’ve seen it. It’s kinda good. Anna’s one of the doctors who engineered them. But, of course, seven minutes into the film she stripped and had sex with a zombie…so the plot kinda got derailed afterwards. But wait till you get to the anal probe scene-“

“Okay, I think you’ve painted a pretty good picture there!” Tetsuko said with a manic grin. “We’re here to talk about Nathan. That’s the only reason why I called you.”

“Oh. Yeah. Y’know, I was thrilled when Ivan told me he’d given you my number. But then I saw you on tv last night and I thought maybe it wasn’t real. You guys were acting, right? I mean, that’s all reality tv is all about. Everything’s scripted. So there’s actually nothing going on with that Brooks guy…right?”

Tetsuko didn’t know how to answer that. It seemed as if every option she had lining up in her head were tiny packets of lies. So instead, she raised an arm up as if beckoning towards someone behind McEnroy. The man twisted around to see who it was.

Nathan had taken extra care in his dressing that particular day. The sequins on his vest seemed extra sparkly, and so did the bejewelled centrepiece of his choker. His lashes were so curly you could launch aeroplanes off them, and his lips gleamed with a fresh coating of pink gloss. He sashayed his way past the other diners in the café, bearing down upon McEnroy with a wide smile on his powdered face.

“Hello, Oliver,” he breathed, striking a supermodel pose before them. If he had long hair, he would’ve flipped it over his shoulder. “Long time no see.”

McEnroy stared blankly at the man, then turned to Tetsuko with a stage whisper: “Sorry, but did RuPaul just come over and said hello?”

“How rude!” Nathan exploded. Without waiting for an invitation, he sidled into the booth, right next to McEnroy, forcing him to shuffle sideways to make room. “I’m right here, you know! After all these years, and you can’t tell it’s me? Shame on you, Olly!”

“Oliver, this is Nathan,” Tetsuko said, smiling at the dumbstruck expression on McEnroy’s face. “I’m sure the reunion scene will be touching, so don’t hold yourself back, now.”

“Darling, after all these years, and you’ve never sent a single word! _Tetsuko_ had to tell me you were married! How _dare_ you toy with a maiden’s affections, Olly! And here I am, thinking that we were something special.”

McEnroy found his gaze ricocheting from Nathan, to Tetsuko, and back to Nathan again. He felt something creeping up his left thigh, and he was sure as hell it wasn’t Tetsuko’s hand. This can’t be Nathan. This was an abominable snowman who’d shaved and dyed its remaining hair shocking pink just to blend in with civilization. The Nathan he remembered back then was far less…flashy. But his manner of speaking and the way he carried himself was still the same. McEnroy was really ill-prepared for this. Tetsuko had given him a double whammy – first by dashing whatever hopes he had left about dating her, and second by dropping this…this _apparition_ onto his lap.

Slapping Nathan’s hand away, he stood up and bulldozed his way past Tetsuko. He stood outside the booth, straightening out his clothes and tossing a baleful glare towards her.

“You’ve set me up!” he declared. “This must be one big joke to you, huh? Well, guess what? I’m not laughing!”

“Joke?” said Tetsuko. “What joke? All I did was arrange things so that you both could meet! I didn’t mean anything bad to come out of it. I just thought that you might like to see him again, that’s all. Plus, Nathan wanted to talk to you…you know, to catch up? What’s wrong with that?”

“Want? Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to see him?”

Tetsuko narrowed her eyes. “And why exactly wouldn’t you want to see him?”

“Look at him! I don’t care if he’s a super rich club owner! Whatever happened at the AV room was a one-time thing, ok? I was a kid, I was curious, and now that I know what it’s like, I no longer want to do it. End of story! For him to just…pop out of nowhere now is just too surreal for me!”

“Hang on. Are you saying that you weren’t serious with Nathan back then?” Tetsuko asked.

“Of _course_ not! I mean, just look at him! They all called him Pansy Nathy for a reason, you know.”

“What’s wrong with the way he looks?” Tetsuko countered hotly. “If you think you could just-“ A gentle hand touched her shoulder, and she turned around.

“It’s alright, Tets,” Nathan said in calm tones. “If Olly here takes so much stock on appearance, then let him.”

“But-“

“The boys were all laughing at you, Nathan,” sneered McEnroy. “Said you were a downright queer. We even had bets going on who’d be able to feel you up. Hah, easiest money I’ve ever made!”

Tetsuko’s expression hardened. “Now, you look here-“

“I think it’s best that you leave, McEnroy,” Nathan said, rather loudly. He didn’t quite manage to embody the icy quality of a glacier – Barnaby was a dead expert at that – but the sharp timbre in his voice contained barbed wires all the same.

It appeared as if McEnroy had a retort lined up, but he’d thought better of it and snapped his mouth shut instead. He spared one final glance at them both, before spinning around on his heels and storming out of the café.

“You should be happy for me, Tets,” said Nathan, breaking the uncomfortable silence between them.

“ _Happy?!_ I feel like such an ass…asking you to come along to meet that…that ass! You should’ve fried him on the spot when you had the chance!”

“Better that he shows how much of an ass he is now rather than later, no? Besides, that’d be a complete waste of my talents. I’m fine. Seriously.” Nathan lowered his eyes, smoothing over the tablecloth with a set of finely-lacquered fingers. He let out a dramatic sigh, doing a comical moue as he looked back at Tetsuko. “Well, that was a complete bust. I guess he just can’t handle how fabulous I’ve become. And richer. And more successful than he’d ever be.”

“That’s…one way of seeing it,” Tetsuko said doubtfully. “Look, I still think-“

“It’s not your fault, Tets,” said Nathan, patting her hand. “Frankly speaking, I’ve been expecting that all along. Maybe it’s best that I remember him as he was.”

“He was still a jerk then,” Tetsuko muttered darkly. “Wait. So you knew how he was going to react, and yet you still want to see him? Why?”

“Validation, I guess. And closure.”

“Was it true what he said? That you were called Pansy Nathy?”

Nathan gave her a wan smile. “I hardly bother with what people call me, darling. You tend to become immune after years of that. Besides, I didn’t get to where I am now by crawling into a corner and crying, you know.”

“I guess you’re right…”

“Well-“ Nathan straightened up, squaring his shoulders. “No loss on my part. I’ve still got my Masurao Boys to keep me entertained. Failing that, there’s always Antonio. Or Keith. Depends on my mood, really. If you ask me, it’s all a big shame.”

“Why?”

Something long and silvery was tossed over the table towards her. She bent over.

“Commemorative dogtags,” said Nathan. “Supposed to be the ‘in’ thing those days.”

“Heh, for real? I thought it was those hideous flourescent friendship bands,” she said, picking up the thing and studying the tags with great detail. One was engraved with McEnroy’s name and birthdate, while the other had Nathan’s.

“It was supposed to be a parting gift for when he left for university, but…I never got the chance to pass it to him. Now I guess he’ll never have it. What d’you think? Should I keep it?”

Tetsuko ran a thumb over Nathan’s name, trying to imagine how many times the man took out the thing and stared at it, entertaining fantasies of ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could’ve beens’.

Nathan sighed again, sounding more subdued this time. It was a rare sight indeed, seeing him speak without his usual affected manner. “One hell of a reunion, huh?”

Tetsuko shot a look at the café doors. “He’s a complete ass,” she said firmly.

“Oh, I’d drink to that anytime, darling.” Nathan smiled, although it was rather strained. He looked down at the dogtags. “Anytime.”

* * *

 

Tetsuko left an hour later, heading off to the monorail station. She’d refused Nathan’s offer for a lift home, saying she enjoyed the benefits of public transport when the actual truth was she wanted to leave him alone with his thoughts.

She passed by a side street and someone said: “Psst!”

She kept her head down and pretended not to hear, so it tried again: “Oi, Tetsuko!”

It was McEnroy. Rage overtook her as she marched straight towards him and yanked the front of his shirt.

“You…you idiot! After that display with Nathan you still have the nerve to show your face around here? What’s wrong with you? If you’re even half the man you are, you’ll march right back to him and _beg_ for his forgiveness!” she snarled.

“Look, look – _ow –_ that was a huge shock you pulled on me – _ow!_ You really need to see things my way. _Ow, will you stop that?_ I never imagined I’d ever see him again. _Can’t you at least try to see things my way?”_ She released him, and he rubbed the back of his head where she’d been repeatedly banging against the wall.

“You? What about him? He’s been waiting years for you. Years! I get that maybe you find him different now, but the least you could do is exercise some tact! Did you mean it about you not being serious back then?”

“It was a bet, and it was juvenile. Okay? I only stayed here because I thought I should explain myself or something.”

“Yeah? Well, you’re doing great, McEnroy. The last time I checked he was in there nursing a margarita. Once he gets into his third, he’ll start singing Manilow’s _Copacabana._ You know, I really ought to break your neck or…or do something permanently embarassing to you. But I won’t. Because nothing is worth wasting time on a slimy…” she trailed off, casting about for a suitable enough insult word. “- _amoeba_ like you!” Smooth, Tetsuko. Really smooth. Where’s Bunny when she needed him? That man juggled words as if he was in a swordplay.

“Hey, what’re you crucifying _me_ for? This whole thing was your idea! The least you could’ve done was warn me! Or at least ask me about it. D’you know what it’s like to have your mistake staring at you after twenty years and then realizing that he’s way more awesome than you?”

She gasped, mouth opening and shut in indignation. At that moment, she looked like a gobsmacked carp. “You really have a natural talent for digging your own shithole, you know that? Mistake? Just what kind of twisted logic is that? If you’re looking for mistakes, you should start with yourself!”

“Hey, let’s not get into personal jibes here-“

“Oh? And using ‘queer’ on Nathan isn’t?”

“This is dumb, okay? What I said just now was insensitive and thoughtless. I’ll admit to that. I started out this day with the intention of asking you out, and instead we end up arguing in a seedy alley with three guys in ski masks waiting to talk to us.”

“What guys?” He pointed at something over her shoulder.

There was, by every definition, three men standing behind her. One of them, obviously the leader of the lot because he was the one holding the gun, was leering at her. Or rather, tried to. Given his rather pudgy appearance, he seemed nothing more than a playground bully hustling smaller kids for their lunch money.

“Good day. Please try not to scream,” he said. “Reach for the sky! Hehe, I’ve always wanted to say that!”

“Seriously?” Tetsuko huffed. “That’s the best you can do?”

The man’s grin faded. This wasn’t going as planned. “Er – h-hey, what’re you doing?!”

She’d quickly yanked the ski mask off his face, revealing a thatch of tousled blond hair and a generally piggy disposition which seemed oddly familiar.

“You-!” she said, waving a finger at him. “Have we-? Didn’t I put you in prison once? I must have. You’re that Pat guy, or-”

“It’s _Pauly,_ and yes, I was in prison. But I obviously broke out. Pretty cool, huh? Now shut up and come with me! Bring your friend along too.”

Pauly, that thieving NEXT with diamond skin. It had taken the combined effort of Tetsuko and Bunny to bring him down, and really she had him to thank for making them realize that they’re a good team. And now he’s out. She had no idea how, but at some point he’ll reveal it himself because criminals were generally good at gloating.

McEnroy pushed himself in front of her. She secretly felt a flush of admiration. Score the man one point for being chivalrious. Maybe he did have some redeeming qualities after all.

“This is all a great misunderstanding,” said McEnroy. “You’ve picked on the wrong person. You see-“ he pointed at Tetsuko, “ _she’s_ the bigshot Hero here. I’m just an innocent bystander. I don’t even know her! So please, let me go!”

“You little snitch!” she screeched. “No wonder you’re divorced! You only care about your own stupid self! And you still expect _me_ to go out with _you?_ Huh!”

McEnroy ignored her. “Please, I only have 300 dollars in my bank account,” he pleaded to Pauly. “I’ve just finished settling the monthly installment for my car. Y-you can have that if you want. The money, n-not the car. Just…please, don’t kill me!”

“He’s not going to kill you, moron!” Tetsuko snapped. “Can’t you see it’s not even a real gun? Here, I’ll prove it-“

With that, she shoved McEnroy aside and snatched the gun away from Pauly’s hand. Pauly barely had time to react when she turned it around and examined the magazine.

“See?” she said. “It’s all nothing but cheap-“

There was an ear-popping bang, and for one terrible moment Tetsuko thought she was dead. She stared in shock at the smoking muzzle while somebody nearby screamed. McEnroy fainted. This can’t be happening. She’d always hated guns.

That was when she realized she’d shot Pauly in the foot.

* * *

 

 **Episode the next: Why is Karina bringing Bunny flowers and cake? Plus, Tetsuko’s in captivity…and all she could think of was Keith’s ass.**


	18. Step 18: That Hostage Situation Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karina's business meeting with Bunny was cut short by Tetsuko's hostage video.

Karina wondered for the umpteenth time what the hell she was doing, standing outside Barnaby’s apartment, holding a bouquet of red roses and a box of exquisite pastries she’d bought from L’Atelier. They weren’t cheap, and she certainly had no wish spending any amount of money on that pompous prig. There’s just something about his face that made her want to smash it.

It had taken her the better part of the morning to muster up the will to go to his place, and by the time she was there, it was already dinnertime. It’s all bad timing, so she really should turn around and march back home.

But her next radio show depended on him, and it had been the producer’s idea to bring an olive branch just to get him to agree on appearing for the second time. Fans had loved his first session, and the producer was more than happy to entertain their encore requests. He was so confident that Barnaby would say yes, that he was already negotiating commercial deals, deciding which ones will appear on the show.

Plus, there was also the matter of her upcoming music video. Her boss was hoping to rope Barnaby in as a guest star. As if she wanted to share more screen time with that jerk, but it seemed as if she had no say on the matter. She may be the pop queen, but she’d also need a king to help cement her popularity. And what better way to do it than with the King of Buttheads Barnaby? With their star powers combined, they could reach out to a wider demographic range – at least according to what her boss said.  

Reaching up to ring the doorbell, she imagined herself standing before the gates of hell, waiting to be sucked inside and tortured for eternity. She took a deep breath, straightening her posture and schooling her face into a neutral expression, just to hide her nervousness.

The door opened, revealing the spawn of Satan himself. He leaned against the frame and said in a bored tone: “Yes.”

“Just so you know, it’s not my idea to come here,” she said flatly. “This is just part of the job. I’ve brought cake, by the way.”

Barnaby dropped his gaze onto the proffered box, and then looked back up at her. “How nice. Is it poisoned?”

She visibly bristled. “Of _course_ not! Although the idea is very tempting! Now, are you going to invite me in or not?”

“Why? Are you a vampire? You can’t come in without an invitation?”

“Oh, for the love of-!” She swept in, shoving the flowers and cake onto his chest as she passed him by. She heard him snigger.

“I don’t like L’Atelier. Did you know they have rats in their kitchen?” he said, shutting the door.

There really wasn’t any place she could sit down and make herself comfortable. Karina’s lip curled up in distaste at the sight of his worktable. The man had absolutely _no_ sense of proper interior decorating whatsoever! She compensated instead by standing in the middle of the room with her arms akimbo.

“Have a…seat? Or, maybe not. You’re not staying long, right?” he said, dumping her gifts onto his table. He settled down in the chair, leaning back with a look of mild amusement on his face. It was as if she was a piece of slapstick comedy, and he was too polite to laugh at her.

“About my show…we’re still waiting for your reply. We’ve contacted your manager, but he told us to confirm things with you directly. Funny thing for him to put it that way,” said Karina.

“Ah, yes. Any incoming jobs will require direct approval from me. That’s the new…understanding I have with him.”

“Ok. So…will you do it?”

Barnaby cocked his head sideways, giving her a thoughtful smile. “Must grate your very nerves, doesn’t it…you having to come here to talk to me? Why didn’t your manager do it? What are the stakes this time? Get me on your show or lose your sponsors?”

“I-It’s nothing like that at all!” Karina sputtered. “We’ve got tons of artistes _dying_ to get on my show. Hundreds, even! You’re not even the first choice!”

“Ah, so the first choice would entail you to bring…what? A brass band and the obligatory goat sacrifice? To think that all I’m getting is cake.”

“Listen here, you bastard. I’ve already told you I’m doing this because of my job. We may not like each other, but can’t you at least be professional and give me a straight answer?”

Barnaby blinked, slowly. “You come into my home,” he said, “take up my time, asking me for favours…and yet you insult me? Who’s the one being unprofessional now?”

Karina balled up her fists, resisting the urge to turn him into a popsicle. She didn’t have to do this. She really didn’t. She could tell him to screw himself and then just walk away. She’ll find a way to deal with her producer. It’s not as if her entire career hinges on the sheer existence of Barnaby. People say she was difficult to work with sometimes, but these very same people would sing praises for Barnaby, as if flowers and candy could pop out of his goddamned ass. What a bloody bunch of hypocrites.

“If you think that-“ she began, but was interrupted by his wristcom.

He rolled his eyes and said: “Please excuse me for a minute. Yes?”

A holo-screen appeared over his wristcom, showing Agnes’s face. She seemed like her usual irate self. “What the hell are you doing? Haven’t you been following the news?”

“Not today I haven’t. Why?”

“You _really_ need to see this.”

Shooting a look at Karina, he leaned forward and keyed in a chain of commands into his computer. An image appeared on the projection wall, looking slightly blurred because it was enlarged to 200%. Karina gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. It was Tetsuko, looking straight at the camera with a gun pointed to her head. He pressed the spacebar, and the video began to play.

 _“I’m supposed to send out a message to Barnaby Brooks, saying that if he wants to see me alive, he’d have to give up his Hero suit. He should come alone, at the following GPS coordinates-“_ a series of numbers appeared below her. _“Failure to comply will result in my swift termination. But seriously, Bun- Barnaby…if you’re smart, you won’t let these ass-“_ Whatever opinion she had about her captors were cut short when the gun barrel smashed against her skull. The screen went black after that.

* * *

 

Tetsuko winced, rubbing her head. Already a lump was forming there. She’d lost her hat, and Pauly wouldn’t let her look for it.

“You bastard. You really didn’t have to do that,” she growled. They’d brought both her and McEnroy to a bayside warehouse, herding them straight to the manager’s office where Pauly was being attended to by one of his men.

“It’s all your fault!” Pauly wailed from the sofa. “What kind of numbnutted moron who can’t even tell a real gun from fake? Think you’re supercool, pulling that kind of stunt? News flash! You’re nothing more than a superloser! Tch!”

“You would think, that living in Bronze Tier would’ve taught you something about back alley muggings, Pauly…especially when the person you’re holding up is a Hero. Well, _former_ Hero. Anyway, I thought you’d be able activate your powers..?”

“Yeah, about that? Well, thanks to your Super Mario Bros act with your stupid partner, I can’t do it anymore. You bozos have fritzed my powers somewhat, so now I’m done! Kaput! Blamo! But it doesn’t matter now! Because once I’ve got Barnaby’s suit, I’ll be back in action!”

“You mean, you’re actually going to wear it? Oh, no no no. Bad idea, Pauly. That thing was custom made to _our_ measurements, so even if you had it, your height and-“ Tetsuko regarded his impressive girth. Pauly didn’t have just one belly, but three…all stacked up together like doughnuts. “-BMI wouldn’t allow you to wear it. Why don’t you take six months off, hire a personal trainer and work on your six-packs before doing anything else, huh? It’ll save you a _lot_ of embarrassment. How’d you manage to escape prison without your powers, anyway?”

Pauly laughed, trying to affect a cunning countenance as he tapped his temple. But the effect was spoiled when his subordinate swabbed his wound with too much antiseptic, causing him to hiss in pain and swat the man with a piece of rolled-up newspaper.

“I may not look it, Tigress, but I’ve got brains, me. I know I can’t bust out alone, so I waited…and watched. In the meantime, I got chummy with this ex-yakuza. He had to cut his pinky off to get away from his boss, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He even gave me this awesome tattoo. Just to, y’know, prove that we’re bros and all. Check it out…” Pauly rolled up the left sleeve of his T-shirt, exposing his bicep. “He calls it ‘Raging Dragon’. Pretty wicked, huh?”

Tetsuko regarded the kanji characters, reading it twice to make sure she got it right. She tried hard to hide her laughter, but failed.

“Hey, what’s so funny?”

“I’m sorry,” she sputtered. “But that’s really-“ she looked at the tattoo again and laughed. “Pull up an online dictionary, and see what it means.”

“Tell me now, or I’ll break your fingers!”

“Alright! Alright! It says ‘Blind Pig’. Happy? I bet your cellmates gave you a wide berth after that…thinking you’re fierce and all.”

“’Blind Pig’?” Pauly echoed. “You’re lying!”

“Why would I lie? That thing is as clear as day!”

“No wonder his mates were sniggering everytime I’m around!” Pauly muttered half to himself.

“Pauly, I’m sure you’re a great host and all, but…what are you going to do to us? You’re seriously not going to kill me over a stupid Hero suit, are you?”

“Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on how cooperative your partner is. If you’re lucky, and if I’m feeling particularly generous, I’d probably let you go after cutting off a limb or two. That should be fine…right?”

* * *

 

Tetsuko completed a circuit around the room she was locked in and concluded that: yes, she was completely locked in, and maybe a nifty trick with a hairclip could help her out, but she was willing to bet that Pauly had stationed at least one man outside. She’d probably be able to tackle him if he was unarmed, but bring a firearm into the picture and a lot of things could go wrong. This was no movie where she could just muscle her way through and get away without a single scratch.

Maybe she might distract the man by using McEnroy…but that idiot was still unconscious. Anyway, it’s still too risky. And besides, she’d already made a promise to Bunny. He’ll rescue her. Or maybe not. She would put it past him to sacrifice one person for the sake of the greater good. But that’s just stupid. He _will_ come after her. Given his sense of morality, he wouldn’t leave her to die because of some two-bit criminal with a ridiculous tattoo.

Which precisely made things worse for her. She was too much of a liability to Bunny. She could see countless ways for villains to manipulate her just to get to him. If it was _that_ easy for Pauly to catch her, then what about the others? No, this whole thing was a bad idea. It’s never a smart move to date your co-worker.

McEnroy stirred beside her, then groaned.

“Good, you’re up,” she said. “Honestly, how long could you be unconscious? You think by playing dead would make them leave you alone? These people are not bears, McEnroy.”

The man sat up, squinting at the light streaming in from the small window ten feet above them. Tetsuko had done her calculations. Maybe if she stood on his shoulders, she could jimmy that window open, or even smash the glass to call for help. She’d have the iron bars to worry about next, but oh well…take baby steps and they will end up somewhere. God, she _hated_ being a Hero with no powers!

“Where are we?” he asked.

“Five-star hotel, deluxe suite. They haven’t gotten round to bringing in the furniture yet, but if you scream loud enough, I’m sure they’ll find a way to accommodate you.”

“Great, this is just great,” McEnroy moaned, burying his face in his hands. “They’ll kill us and stuff our bodies inside barrels and no one will discover us for months! This is all _your_ fault!”

“Keep up with the optimism, will you? Try to relax! They’re not doing anything to us yet. They’re still waiting for my partner to come. Ex-partner, really…but there you have it.”  

“You sure he’ll come?”

“I’m kind of hoping that he won’t.”

 _“What?_ Why?”

“Calm down! Let me think of something.”

“Like what? You’ll create a portable nuclear plant with nothing but chewing gum, a rubber ducky, and a Swiss army knife?” said McEnroy, looking about the room which was - miraculously - devoid of said items. In fact, the whole place was bare, save for the sawdust piling up in the corner. It had to be the most boring lockup room in history.

Tetsuko eyed the door. “I’ll make some noise, and when Pauly’s man comes in, you drop your pants and moon him. Then I’ll knock him out. What do you say?”

One look at McEnroy’s face was enough to tell her. The truth was, she’d rather ogle a baboon’s ass than McEnroy’s…even though they were one and the same. Give her Antonio’s, or Bunny’s even. No, no…Bunny’s too flat. Too many hours on the treadmill and a low calorie diet does that to you. Keith’s ass is better. On a scale of squeezability, she’d give it a 9 out of 10.

“Well then, I’m out of ideas,” she said sourly. Pauly’s thugs had relieved her of her purse and cellphone. Her questing fingers came upon something in her vest pocket which had escaped scrutiny. She took it out.

“What’s that?”

“Something yours,” she said, tossing it to McEnroy. It was the personalized dogtags. Nathan had handed it over to her at the last minute, mumbling something about it being worthless. “Twenty years’ worth of unrequited feelings which you have ended with such pomp and circumstance. You should keep it. Give you something to think about.”

McEnroy’s shoulders sagged. “Tetsuko, I’ve-“

“Just keep quiet, alright? I need to do something besides listening to you,” she snapped, hands still on a fruitless body search for anything useful. She made a mental inventory of her current worldly posessions: _watch, clothes, average IQ, wristcom-_

Right now the most amazing invention to ever walk within the history pages of mankind.

Raising the thing closer to her mouth, she pressed what she hoped to be the correct button and said: “Bunny? Are you there?”

* * *

 

Barnaby had never realized how glad he was to hear Tetsuko’s voice.

“Tetsuko? Are you alright? Did they do anything to you?” he asked, trying to keep his voice as hushed as possible. The GPS coordinates had led him to a giant warehouse complex, a convenient location for any local gang to be in. Hardly no one was around, save for security and the occasional hired muscle. He was navigating a maze of shipment containers, ever watchful for any sign of trouble.

This was supposed to be a one-man operation, but Blue Rose had been very andamant about tagging along. It’s hard to budge her once she’s made up her mind, so she’s now waiting in the outskirts of the area, one channel open on her wristcom, ready for his command to attack. Agnes had been told by no uncertain terms to stay out of this, much to her annoyance. He simply couldn’t risk letting this whole thing leak into the media, not when Tetsuko’s life was at stake.

He was secretly glad of Blue Rose’s assistance. He’d come in without his suit, choosing instead the stealthy approach. If things go well, everyone should be able to walk away from this without a single gunshot fired. Wishful thinking, obviously. But he’d thought it through, and this method had the best outcome possibility.

_“I’m fine. Listen: Pauly’s behind this. Remember him?”_

“Pauly? How can I not? I owe him a personal audience now.”

_“You’re not going to give him your Hero suit, are you?”_

“Of _course_ not.”

_“Good. You should stay put, and let the police handle this, okay?”_

He frowned. How could she even think to tell him that? “Not bloody likely, Tetsuko. I’m coming to get you. I think I’ve got a lock on your current position.”

_“Bunny, no! Quit risking your ass over this. Look, there’s something I should tell you. It’s kind of important.”_

“What is it?” he said, already dreading the bad news. Maybe she’s rigged with explosives, or suspended over a tank of piranhas, or…

_“Maybe it’s not such a good idea for me to stay in Sternbild. Think of how easy it is for the bad guys to get to you through me. I’m your weak link, Bunny. I can’t keep on having you run around and being my personal Superman all the time. I think it’s best if I stay as far away from you as possible.”_

“Unacceptable. Your argument is sound, but impractical. If they’d wanted to get you, they would’ve done so no matter where you’re hiding. That is my conclusion.”

_“Maybe it’s fun the first few times, but believe me: after two months of this, you’ll be ready to give up.”_

“I hardly think now’s the best time to have this sort of discussion. My concentration is rather strained at the moment-“ he rounded a corner and ran smack dab into one of Pauly’s men having a quiet smoke. The idiot almost swallowed his cigarette, and fumbled for his gun. Barnaby gave him a flat look, before smashing an elbow against the man’s windpipe, kneed him hard in the solar plexus, then delivered a finishing blow over the base of his skull.

_“No, we need to talk about this now! Otherwise I’ll forget everything I wanted to say the minute I see you.”_

Stepping over the man’s unconscious form, Barnaby sighed. “Just get straight to the point. What is it that you wanted to say?”

_“Don’t tell me to get straight to the point. This whole thing is already complicated as it is!”_

“It’s because _you’re_ the one making it complicated. How about if I start first? When all of this is done, I’m going to see your mother.”

_“Huh? What for? Don’t tell me you’re going to start complaining to her everytime I screw things up? Ah, you’re derailing my thoughts! Shut up and listen to me first! I’ve been thinking about us, and this whole dating business, and…well, you really should be with a nice girl, don’t you think?”_

“What? What nonsense is this now?”

_“I mean, I’m no spring chicken, okay? What you need, is someone younger, preferably closer to your age group, who can give you lots of cute babies-“_

Barnaby lost his patience there and then. “I will say this once, and God help me if I’d ever have to repeat it ever again. Stop deciding on what you _think_ I need. I’m perfectly capable of doing that myself. Have I made myself clear?”

_“Yes, but-“_

“It was a long time coming, but I’m certain that this is the right thing to do.”

_“I think so too-“_

“I really hope that we’re mutually agreeable over this.”

_“Bunny, I realize it’s a painful decision, but you should know that it’s for the best.”_

He hesitated. “It wasn’t painful at all. In fact, I was quite happy once I’ve made up my mind.”

It was Tetsuko’s turn to pause. _“…you were?”_

“Yes.”

_“Now’s definitely the worst time to do this…but meh, you know how I am with timings…”_

They both took a deep breath, and said at the same time:

_“We shouldn’t be together.”_

“We should live together.”

Deep and utter silence. One that could be found within the darkest cave, or at the furthest corners of the galaxy. There were thousands of places mankind had never set foot on yet, and Barnaby would gladly go there, if only to escape the mushroom cloud of shock and embarrassment he was in right now. Shouldn’t be together? How could she make that decision? They were never even steady. Of course, it was his own fault for not making it official, preferring instead to leap two, three steps ahead. He’d assumed that they had an _understanding,_ for goodness’ sake!

Oh, but who was he kidding? This isn’t the Victorian era! Courting couples back then reached a mutual understanding via a series of tentative words, but this was _Tetsuko_ he was dealing with. Subtlety was never her forte. He had to come at her with a steel hammer just to bring his intentions across.

Once again he’d demonstrated his complete inadequacy on the matters of the heart. Congratulations, Brooks. Chalk this up on your scorecard of shame. To make matters worse, she was communicating to him via the open channel, which meant that Blue Rose had listened in on the entire exchange. He vowed, that if they somehow manage to get out of here alive, he’d properly educate her on the upgraded features of the wristcom.  

_“Fstpgh…”_

Dear God, now he’s done it. He’d spontaneously combusted her mind.

“Tetsuko,” he said, keeping his voice as level as possible. “Do you mean what you said?”

She tried again: _“B-b-b…this is…you’re…what?”_ She couldn’t make sense of the gobbledegook coming out from her mouth, so she compensated with an apt: _“Eh?”,_ followed by a more robust: _“Eeeeeeehhhhhh?!!”_

There were further unintelligible sounds, followed by the shuffling of footsteps. Barnaby felt his stomach drop when he heard a man’s voice suddenly cut in, sounding rough and brutish: _“Time for another interview with the boss- hey, you talking to someone? You stupid bi-“_

He began to run.

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Will they make it out alive?**


	19. Step 19: That Hanky-Panky Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuko's rescue attempt. Plus some lightly scented lemon. Yeah...

Pauly sat back on the sofa, tapping a finger over the armrest as he regarded the people assembled before him. Right now, the snivelling McEnroy was of little importance to him. Tetsuko, with a bloodied lip, was glaring at him, while Barnaby stood beside her, and his formal greeting was: “Which one of your men laid a hand on her? I’ll kill him first.”

Pauly laughed. He’d stationed his bodyguards both inside and outside the room. They’re a bunch of trigger-happy lots who’d been instructed to shoot the Heroes in case they got too fiesty. He wasn’t worried at all.

“Where’s your suit, Brooks? Don’t tell me it’s at the cleaners?” he said, laughing at his own attempt on witticism.

“You let Tetsuko and McEnroy go first. Preferably alive and unharmed…but since you’ve allowed your men to take liberties, then I’ll settle for alive. Would you like to return to prison with your head intact, or not?” Barnaby said.

“Whoah, still feeling badass, are we? You do realize that she’d be dead the minute you try anything?”

“Hold the phone,” Tetsuko said suddenly. “You were serious about us living together, weren’t you?” The question was directed at Barnaby.

“Yes, I’m serious. Is there any reason why you think I’m not?”

“Well, yeah! I could think of twenty million right now! Is this why you’ve brought me house-hunting that time?”

“Partly, yes. The leasing of my apartment is almost up, anyway. Do you really mean it? About what you said?” he asked.

“W-well, um-“

“Oi, I’m the one asking questions here,” said Pauly, annoyed.

“Just two minutes, Pauly. Please,” said Tetsuko. This was crazy. They were surrounded by thugs, with semi-automatics trained towards them, and McEnroy was on the floor, having a nervous breakdown. Hardly the best place to have a heart-to-heart conversation, but she simply _had_ to know. “I was, right up to the point where you said that…look, where’d all this spring from? It can’t be a spur of the moment decision, because it’s just not you-“

“Actually, it was.” Barnaby let out a soft chuckle. “Even I couldn’t believe it myself. But there you have it. Tetsuko, I can’t keep on seeing you floundering about like this. You have quixotic visions of yourself, and when that idea doesn’t come to life, you do stupid things to forget your troubles.”

“Oh, so us living together’s going to solve all of that, is it? What’re you going to do? Tie me up with bubble wrap and lock me in the house forever?”

“You _are_ reckless, Tetsuko. You have to at least admit that to yourself.”

“Please. That’s the _least_ correct thing you can say about me.”

“Oh? What about when you stole the Chaser? Or when you stopped that bomb? Or rather, _tried_ to?”

“Listen here, we’ve already gone through this-“

“Gambling just to pay for your daughter’s education. And, let’s not forget you’d even considered selling nude photos of yourself-“

“You’re posing nude?” Pauly suddenly broke in. “Whoo-hoo! Now that’s something I’d like to see. How about giving us a free preview now?”

“Shut up, Pauly!” Tetsuko snapped. To Barnaby, she said: “I was just _joking!_ God, why are you even bringing it up?”

“Why can’t you ask for my help?”

“You _know_ why.”

“Excuse me-“ said Pauly.

“No, as a matter of fact I don’t,” Barnaby said testily. “Tetsuko, I don’t have ESP powers. I can’t read whatever’s inside your head. But even if I could, I’m sure it’d be like reading a children’s book – full of big pictures and easy-to-digest letters.”

“Hello?” said Pauly again. His brows were starting to twitch. If these two idiots won’t stop, he’d just have his men shoot them for being annoying.

“Wha-? Are you saying that I’m _simple?”_ Tetsuko growled, eyes narrowing dangerously.

“I’m saying that for a simple person, you sure have a knack for making things complicated. What I can’t be sure of, is whether or not you’re doing it on purpose.”

“We’ve only gone out on one date.” She held up a finger to emphasize her point. “ _One. Date._ We had one kiss, and suddenly you’re entertaining some Kumbaya joy idea that we’d all live happily ever after inside this fabulous white picket-fenced home you’re building. You really need to think who’s making what complicated.”

“Tetsuko, I’d realized that since your brain is already full of nonsense, then any form of communication with you should also be in some nonsensical language, like Klingon…or Middle-Earth Elvish.”

“What? What’re you-“

“But I speak neither, so I’m going to state it as plainly as I could in English.” He faced her, looked at her straight in the eyes, and took a deep breath: “I…”

“You…?”

“Be quiet! This is not easy for me!”

“Shit, we’re all gonna die…” McEnroy burbled.

“Look, I hate to break this ooey gooey misty-eyed love scene-“ Pauly began, but stopped when Barnaby shot him a murderous look and raised a warning finger.

“Tetsuko,” the Hero said, turning back towards her. “I…”

A pause. Tetsuko could feel, as one man, the entire room holding its breath, ears peeling open like flowers. Even the cobwebs in the wall corners were leaning forward.

“I…”

She cocked her brows, watching Barnaby’s intense expression. He looked as if he was working out a difficult set of mental arithmetics.

“I…”

“You what? Own six pairs of socks? Are running a marathon? What?” she asked.

Finally bursting out in frustration, one of Pauly’s men snapped: _“Oh, for fricks’ sake. Just say you love her already!”_

Barnaby growled. He’d had it with people ruining his perfect moments. He’s trying his best, and Tetsuko treated it as some kind of joke. It must be an ongoing gag, a conspiracy among the gods…and they’re all up there laughing at his expense. Tetsuko, on the other hand, was annoyed that once again Bunny had assumed he’d worked out all of her problems by himself. Who the hell does he think he is? Just because he’s smart doesn’t give him the right to do all the thinking for her! There’s nothing easy and simple about this. You can’t just add water and a goddamned magical beanstalk would appear!

“I’ve told you before-“ she growled, hands balling up.

 _“Shut up!”_ Barnaby screamed.

The world suddenly moved in bullet-time. Pauly had a perfect view of the two of them turning towards him, their faces contorted with anger, and their fists curving into a deliberate path of destruction as they finally smashed into his face. His first thought as his cheekbones cracked was: _Why?_

They began to pummel him. They didn’t care about his men, nor the fact that they’d die within the next few seconds. All they knew was they were pissed-off, and they needed to hit something. Preferably something evil. And ugly. Pauly was beginning to regret that he’d die with ‘Blind Pig’ emblazoned on his tombstone. He’d wanted his epitaph to be something cooler, like ‘Bad-assed mofo’ or something along that vein. Serves him right for not asking before letting the stupid yakuza ink him.

Somebody smashed a heel onto his injured foot. He screamed.

His bodyguards raised their guns. One of them managed to fire a shot, but the bullet crystallised in midair, a trail of ice on its tail leading back to the gun muzzle. Tendrils of condensation appeared as they breathed, frost creeping over their skins as they eventually, literally, froze.

“My ice may be a little cold…”

The door burst open, revealing Blue Rose’s silhouette striking a heroic pose.

“…but your crime has been put completely on hold!”

She watched as Tetsuko and Barnaby gave Pauly the beating of his life. She scowled, holstering her guns.

“Honestly, if you idiots are going to ignore me, then I don’t see the point of making a grand entrance!” she complained.

“Gah! You’re…you’re…!” McEnroy sputtered.

Blue Rose gave him a disgusted look, as if deciding whether or not she should hit him. Instead, she stepped over him.

“You two can stop now,” she said. “He’ll be dead if you go on.”

Neither of them paid her any attention. Pauly was squealing like a stuck pig, and right now it seemed as if those two were nothing more than hooligans ganging up on the fat kid. Blue Rose sighed, brought her fingertips over to her lips, and blew each of them a kiss.

Tetsuko and Barnaby instantly froze, limbs upstretched in mid-punch and kick actions. Their eyeballs swivelled towards each other, both wondering what the hell just happened. A broken and bloodied Pauly flopped onto the floor and tried to crawl away from them.

“Well, now that party time’s over, let’s wrap this whole thing up properly, hm?” Blue Rose said archly.

* * *

 

Pauly had to be taken away by ambulance. The police were done rounding up his men, loading them into the escort truck before driving them off to the station.

Tetsuko wrung off her sodden vest, shivering in the night wind.

“Seriously, why’d you have to freeze us?” she grumbled. “You could’ve tapped us on the shoulder and just said ‘please’.”

“Would you have listened if I did?” Blue Rose countered. “You two were _clearly_ having fun.”

Barnaby was giving his statement to an officer. They’d hardly spoken to each other ever since the police came. If he was affected by Blue Rose’s freeze ray, then he was making a concentrated effort on not letting it show.

“You know, if it weren’t for him, you’d probably be dead by now! If you think he came because he’s worried about his stupid suit, then you’ve got another thing coming!”

“Of _course_ I know that,” Tetsuko countered, still eyeing her ex-partner. He looked as if he was finishing up.

“You owe me,” Blue Rose said. “Next Saturday, 10pm, my live show. You and Barnaby will be appearing. Tell him that, and also tell him he can’t back off.”

Tetsuko had to chuckle. “And here I am thinking that you came here out of the kindness of your heart. Seems like I haven’t taught you enough on what it really means to be a Hero.”

 _“Obviously_ I came because you needed saving. Don’t be stupid!”

“I know that. I’m just…grateful. Thanks for saving us back then.”

Blue Rose huffed and gave her a look which said: _Listen, he’s absolutely crazy about you. Last year’s been hell for him because you weren’t around. And now you’re here, you leaving him hanging like this is just…well,_ cruel. _And that’s_ something, _coming from me._

Tetsuko responded with another look: _Please, I don’t want to talk about it._

Instead, Blue Rose rolled her eyes. “You morons and your overrated soap drama. I’m outta here!”

As Blue Rose’s motorbike thundered away, Barnaby came up to her and said: “Let’s get you home.”

* * *

 

She’d attacked him, right outside her apartment, inside his car.

Barnaby pulled up the handbrake, dreading what he was about to say, and dreading even more what she was going to say. Tetsuko had been deathly quiet the entire way, staring outside the window and refusing to make eye-contact with him. She was probably processing the magnitude of what just happened. Good. Because then it’d mean she’s thinking about them for real this time.

He offered a gambit: “We need to talk. About...everything.”

She’d looked at him then, her face curious and bird-like. “Yes, we should.”

She kissed him.

And then slapped him.

And kissed him again when his mind was still reeling from the slap.

He wouldn’t describe her way of yanking his jacket and opening her mouth to swallow him whole a kiss…but that’s what it really was. A kiss that was so wild and inflamed that his own desire stirred. He didn’t want it like this…not when he’d decided to ease her gently onto the subject. But she’d ripped all of his reservations to shreds the minute she clambered over and settled herself onto his lap.

She hissed when he bit into her lower lip. It was still injured. He growled and fisted a hand into her hair, pressing his mouth hard against hers, refusing to let her go. Blood erupted between their tongues. She grabbed his neck, holding it in a firm chokehold. There was rage in her actions, and rage in her voice as she snarled: “Push the goddamned seat back.”

He didn’t know how he did it, but the seat slid backwards, and the headrest fell with such suddeness that he gasped. And she attacked him again, with such ferocity that his glasses fogged up. He impatiently yanked it off, hearing it fall somewhere in the back.

He was yearning…straining against himself to touch her. But she’d slapped away whatever attempts at undoing her shirt, allowing him instead to snake a hand beneath her skirt and feel what was there. And she enjoyed it. Oh, how she enjoyed it. Her face went from feral, to annoyed, and switching over to ecstasy as she locked her knees firmly against the sides of his waist, moving against his questing fingers. He could do this the whole night if it means he could keep on watching her like this.

Through the hazy clouds in his mind, he thought that her house was only a few yards away and they could continue this at a more comfortable pace. But then he heard a metallic clink and realized that his pants were open. He muzzily wondered how that happened - but found himself unable to speak, or think…because by then she'd let out a sob that was heavy with need, hoisted herself up, and brought herself down again. The only noise that could come out of him was a guttural groan as he, very literally, felt her.

His mind exploded at her heat, at her tongue raking over his. There was no way he could describe this overwhelming sense of…of _her_ ness. This was no longer the Tetsuko that he knew. She wasn’t just working on relieving whatever built-up tension between them. She was also tearing down her own barriers – brick by brick, mortar by mortar – and for once, she was allowing him to know what she was inside (hah, the innuendo!).

She’d gasped, and somehow he knew she was coming undone. He buried his face into her chest, drinking in the smell of sweat and smoke, intermingled with the stale scent of her perfume. He _really_ needed to get her a different brand one of these days.

Her gyrations had earned her a few bumps against the roof of the car, and he would’ve laughed if he’d cared to. But all he think of, as he threw his head back and pushed himself harder against her, was how devilishly warm and tight her – _OhGod, don’t you bloody dare think about that right now or you’ll finish earlier than a virginal schoolboy! Think of sunsets, of Dostoevsky, of…of flowerbuds in snow…oh, dammit all to hell-_

Between breathless pants, he proclaimed that he didn’t have a condom, so she allowed him to spend himself over her thigh. Their heartbeats still roaring like waves in their ears, he heard someone saying that there were tissues inside the, um, glove compartment…and realized that it was him.

She nodded mutely, reaching over to extricate the tissues and began wiping herself down. She then moved herself off of him, her limbs cracking as she did so.

“Shit, I’m getting old for this,” she muttered.

He buckled his pants back up, numbly wondering if he was raped. She certainly was aggressive, but it wasn’t as if he’d tried to fight her off. If anything, he’d welcomed it. He’d been wanting this since…forever. He’d fantasized various scenarios where it’d happen – in the lift, over Lloyds’ desk…hell, even on top of Justice Tower, with adrenaline singing in his veins as the rest of the godforsaken city went down in flames. Yet now that it’s happened, he couldn’t help but feel slightly violated. Was it because he wasn’t the one who initiated it? Was it because it didn’t go exactly like he’d imagined it?

It wasn’t sex they just had…nor was it lovemaking. It was a battle. A battle of Tetsuko against herself. Lovemaking would entail foreplay, and she’d certainly bypassed that. Oh, but they’ve been foreplaying each other for years, haven’t they? Right from the moment they worked together, and all those banters and fights they’ve had. He’d rile her up on purpose at times, just to see that fire in her eyes, and wondered – far too many times – how passionate they could get once he was inside of her. Well, now he knew.

Just as sudden as her fiestiness had manifested, she’d apparently browbeaten it back into oblivion. She now sat beside him, sedately straightening up her clothes as if nothing was out of the ordinary. If anything else, she was back to her old self, and suddenly Barnaby knew – with absolute certainty - that what had happened would never happen again. This was just her mental game on him - a game she was surprisingly good at, even though she didn’t know all the rules and didn’t even know she was playing it.

He felt like he was supposed to say something, so he opened his mouth-

“It hurts,” she announced.

“What is?” he said, wondering if he’d hit her without realizing it.

Keeping her eyes straight in front of her, she said: “I…haven’t done that in a long time. So it hurts.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

She shook her head, as if saying it wasn’t his fault. “Maybe Nathan was right. Maybe I _have_ turned into a virgin. Wouldn’t that be crazy?”

Barnaby sighed. It’s inevitable now. They should have that long overdue talk. “Tetsuko, what we just did-“

“I need to get inside,” she interrupted. “Shower, then sleep. Thanks for the…heh, ride.” Chuckled at the double entendre.

And then she was gone. No kiss, no cuddle, not even a simple ‘I love you’. All the minimum requirements a woman would expect after sex and she didn’t care for any of that. It made Barnaby wonder if she was a man in her previous life.

* * *

 

Tetsuko was dreaming, and it was a dream she’d been having for months. She was chasing Barnaby through a crowd and he didn’t turn around no matter how many times she called. Eventually he was gone, and the phone woke her up.

She groaned. It’d better not be him, or Nathan, or any form of humanoid being…because she really didn’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment. Where’s a nifty zombie apocalypse when you needed one, huh?

“H’llo?”

The holo-screen flickered on. It was Kaede. Oh, okay. Kaede’s fine.

The girl leaned closer into the screen, receiver stuck to one ear. “You look horrible. Have you been sleeping at all?”

“’Course I have,” Tetsuko yawned. Her mouth felt as if it was lined with rabbit droppings. “What time is it?”

“Six a.m. I’m getting ready to go to school, actually.”

“Six-? Why does it have to be so goddamned early? Ugh…”

“It’s good talking to you too,” Kaede said tartly.

“Sorry. A lot’s just happened, and-“

“Yes, I _heard._ What’s this about you getting captured by the bad guys, huh? Too weak to even defend yourself now?”

“Hey, I had a civvie with me. I can’t leave him alone with those people. Besides, I did shoot one of ‘em.”

Kaede was surprised. “I thought you hated guns…?”

“Completely by accident, I promise. And he didn’t die.”

“Yes. Pauly. You’ve caught him before-“

 _“Bunny_ caught him. I was…merely gift-wrapping him.”

“Huh, I don’t even want to try to understand that. So when are you going to bring him back to see grandma? It’s not proper, you know…you carrying on the way you do with him. People over here are starting to talk.”

Tetsuko wailed to the ceiling. “Let them talk! I don’t care!”

 _“I_ do.” Kaede had said it in such quiet tones that Tetsuko perked her ears.

“Kaede…do you…?” she floundered, trying to find the right words. Clearing her throat, she tried again. “I know you find it awkward with the whole Bunny thing. But are you okay with him?”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning…” Tetsuko waved her hand, trying to encompass her complex relationship with him, and the implications that came with it. It was like trying to compress the sea into one small dot. She could only settle with a lame “…just him.”

“God, something’s happened between you two, hasn’t it?”

“Nothing more than usual,” Tetsuko lied guiltily, feeling her armpits sweat. It’s like being interrogated by her own mother all over again.

“Huh. Fine. It’s just…I’m just…maybe I’m a tiny bit not okay with… _him,”_ said Kaede, putting special emphasis on the last word. She did know what her mother was talking about.

“Oh. I understand. If this is about replacing your father-“

“It’s not that at all!” Kaede snapped. “Look, is he going to live with us once I start school over there? If you're both gonna do some gross adult stuff, better make sure I'm not around to see it!”

“Start school? You mean, St. Mary’s? Uh, about that – I haven’t gotten around to settling the fees yet, but-“

“Huh? What’re you talking about? They just called and said they’d already accepted my application and are sending me some documents to fill up. I’m going to need your signature, by the way.”

Tetsuko sat up. “Application fees? What application fees? I never-“ A cloud of suspicion descended over her. “You never asked them who paid for it?”

“No. I assumed it was you.” Kaede hesitated, sensing something was wrong. “You…think I should’ve?”

“Well, yeah! Especially when someone splashes 6k on you and that person certainly wasn’t me. Who could’ve-“ Tetsuko gasped. “That _bastard!_ Ooh, I’m going to kill him the minute I see him!”

Kaede was staring at her, nonplussed. “Who?”

“I gotta go.”

“What? Where? I haven’t even told you about-“

“Kaede, I gotta _go.”_

The girl huffed, rolling her eyes. “Fine. Whatever.”

Tetsuko slammed the phone back onto its receiver, fists shaking in anger.

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Ryan Goldsmith’s cameo appearance. His attempt at playing cupid ends up with a bar fight.**


	20. Step 20: That Stupid Cupid Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuko broke her sobriety vows to celebrate her husband's death day - and ends up with disastrous results. Ryan got himself suspended for smoking weed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Given the timeline our Heroes live in, listening to Ronan Keating would probably sound like listening to The BeeGees to them - something that's a relic of the past. But I like 'When You Say Nothing At All' and I like the movie it was in. Let's just say that Ryan's mum listens to the oldies and it kinda...rubbed off on him. Sorta.

It’s already been two days.

Yet still no word from Tetsuko.

Barnaby had come to realize that his worst fears had come to light, that Tetsuko had regretted what they did. She’d probably already taken every possible measure to stop him from contacting her.

He really wasn’t sure what to do next. The most logical course of action was to somehow find a way to talk to her. He has the right to know the truth at least.

“Oi, oi…head up in the clouds again, Junior?”

A brawny arm wrapped itself around his shoulders and pulled him towards its owner. The leering face of Ryan Goldsmith loomed over him like a terrifying creature from the abyss. Barnaby scowled. The younger man had waltzed into the gym earlier, holding his arms out as if expecting a fanfare to greet him. The rest of the Heroes, however, were less than impressed.

“Thought you’d already transferred out,” Karina had drawled. “Did you just get fired?”

“No. I’ve just earned myself some downtime and thought I’d stop by and see how my old partner is doing.”

“Yep, you’re fired,” Karina affirmed smugly. “Heroes _never_ get downtime.”

“Well, this one does,” Ryan said, jabbing a thumb at himself.

Barnaby was keen on avoiding that man. Now wasn’t the time to exchange social niceties. He’s got bigger things on his mind. But of course Ryan had to latch himself on him because everybody else was ignoring him.

“Why the long face, Junior? Got chick troubles, eh?”

“Push off, Ryan. Don’t you have other people to bother?” Barnaby grumbled, trying to disentangle himself from the man’s grip.

“Ah- _hah!_ So it _is_ a girl! _Cherchez la femme,_ mate. So who’s she?”

“It’s not a girl, and it’s none of your business!”

“Oh. Okay…so guy, then. C’mon, gimme a name. Who’s this boyfriend of yours? Hey, they’ve put on new sparring mats! It wasn’t here the last time.”

“Honestly, Ryan. What’re you doing here? Your so-called big leagues not treating you well enough?”

“I told you: I’m on paid leave. Company demands it. Hey, let’s spar. For old time’s sake. Not that we had much time to begin with…but, y’know. Just sayin’ it and all.”

“Why? Did you injure yourself?”

“Speaking of chicks, I’ve only heard of this club recently. It’s uber duper exclusive, though. Called ‘The Black Tie’. Howsabout you and I go check it out tonight?”

“’The Black Tie’?” Barnaby echoed. “That’s a gentlemen’s club.”

“U-huh. We’re talking top-of-the-line escorts, man. None of those back alley rejects you’d give a tenner for a blowjob. These girls will let you do _anything_ to ‘em. And it’s all hush-hush too. So you don’t ever have to worry about your name getting leaked out to the media.”

Barnaby pushed him away. “I don’t have the need to pay for sex, Ryan. And neither should you. Not that it’s any of my concern. But you have a reputation to uphold as a Hero.”

Ryan rolled his eyes and made yapping motions with one hand. “Blah blah blah, Goody-Two-Shoes. You really sound like an old man. Where’d you learn to talk like that?”

“A company would never put you on forced leave except for extreme reasons. You’ve just gotten yourself suspended, haven’t you? What’s the offence this time?”

“Yo…chill, Junior. You make it seem like I keep on getting myself in trouble. It’s nothing major, I tell you. Just a failed drug test.”

“What were you positive of?”

“Weed. Among other things…” Ryan trailed off as Barnaby made to walk away. “Look, it was just one puff, okay? And it’s..medicinal. A doctor says so.”

“Yes, obviously not the doctor who tested you. Don’t you know what our new contract stipulations are? We need to submit ourselves to random drug tests regularly. Our companies are investing millions on us, so it’s up to us to keep ourselves clean. Honestly, Ryan…you still don’t know the first thing there is about being a Hero! Your suspension’s meant to be a moment for you to reflect on your actions, and what did you do? Come all the way here to convince me to solicit prostitutes!”

“Hey, keep your voice down, willya?” Ryan said, urgently shooting glances at the other Heroes. “And they’re _not_ prostitutes.”

“High-class call girls, then. They’re all the same.”

“What crawled up your butt, man? I thought you were a killjoy then, but now you’re something else. I was only looking for fun, okay? Would it really hurt for you to just loosen up a bit?”

Barnaby sighed. Ryan’s never going to let up. That’s how persistent he was – very much like his own superpowers.

“Fine,” he finally said. “We spar. If you win, we’ll hang out. But _not_ to ‘The Black Tie’. We’ll find a bar and I’ll have just _one_ drink. If I win, you’ll leave me alone and clean up your act. Alright?”

“Sheesh, such _difficult_ terms.” Ryan backpedalled when he saw Barnaby’s face. “Okay! Okay, fine. We’ll do this your way.”

“Good.”

* * *

 

“Hereshh to…” Tetsuko hesitated, eyes glazing over slightly, “the past. Yeah. That’s doable. Kanpai!”

“Kanpai,” Antonio murmured, taking a tiny sip out of his own drink.

With an unsteady hand, she poured out another helping of whiskey, slopping a considerable amount to the side and onto the bar counter. She clumsily wiped it off with the sleeve of her shirt. Sobriety vows be damned. Tonight of all nights was an exception.

Propped against an empty Sapporo beer bottle between them was Tetsuko’s smartphone, and currently Tomo’s photo was displayed as its wallpaper. There was also a drink set up for him, but it was Tetsuko who’d kept on reaching over and drinking it for him. She topped his glass, and did an exaggerated toasting motion.

“Oi, kanpai!” she commanded the phone. “Don’t you know we’re celebrating your death right now? Funny how we not only have birthdays and anniversaries, but _death_ days too! Haha! How weird is that?”

Antonio made surreptitious motions to stop the bartender from supplying Tetsuko with another bottle, but she beat him to it.

“Tony! One more over here, and don’t let the stingy fart Antonio tell you otherwise!”

Tony shrugged, giving Antonio an apologetic look. The bell over the door chimed, signalling the arrival of more customers. “Welcome to Bar Tony’s!” he called out.

Antonio didn’t pay any mind towards the newcomers until he caught sight of a familiar mop of blond hair.  

“Barnaby!” he said.

“And Golden Ryan!” Ryan piped in, suddenly popping out from behind Barnaby. “The Golden Duo!” He cringed at the sight of a very inebriated Tetsuko staring blearily at the both of them. “What’s up with her?”

“Antonio.” Barnaby pointed towards her, suspicion creeping into his voice. “She’s drinking. _Why_ is she drinking?”

“Sho what?” Tetsuko slurred. “Whassamatter…whassamatter with a bit of whiskeyeyy? Hey, I don’t think I’m drunk enough. I’m still seeing Bunny all over the place. Tony! Where’s that damn bottle?!”

“Er, hang on a mo, Tets. Be right back,” Antonio said, hopping off his chair and hurriedly shooing Barnaby and Ryan off to the side. “Top up for me too, willya!” he called over his shoulder.

“What’s going on?” Barnaby asked.

“Yeah, is she always such a dipso?” Ryan chuckled. “It’d be funny to see her fall flat on her face, haha!”

“Hey, show some respect!” Antonio said sternly. “Today’s the memorial day for her husband’s death!”

“Oh,” said Barnaby. “I’d forgotten all about that. Sorry.”

“Wait – she’s _married?_ Whoa, never saw that coming,” said Ryan.    

Antonio ignored him and turned towards Barnaby. “You know how she gets during times like this. Best you leave her alone for now.”

Barnaby’s eyes flickered towards her for a moment, before he said: “Very well. You make sure she doesn’t go overboard, you hear me? Let’s go, Ryan.”

When Antonio got back to his seat, Tetsuko was staring intently into her glass. She looked as if she was attempting some sort of divination onto the melting cubes of ice.

“Where were we?” Antonio said brightly. “Whoa, looks like you’ve got another headstart on me, Tetsuko! Kanpai! Oi, Tomo. You better make sure you keep up with your wife!”

“Naa, ‘Tonio,” she said. “That was Bunny I just saw, right?”

His glass froze before his lips. “Eh?” he said. “Yeah, but he’s gone now.”

“I need to talk to him. Where’s he?” she said, getting unsteadily to her feet.

“I _told_ you: he’s gone. Now get back here before you trip over yourself!”

“I’m okay…see? Can still walk,” she said, making flapping motions with her hands as if dismissing the issue. “Got to give something I owe him, and it’s verrrrrrry important that I do it now.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand if you wait a day or two-“

“No, you don’t get it,” she said. “See, I’ve got this speech all prepared in my head, and it’s very beautiful. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?”

Antonio thought about this. “Natalya Starr?” he suggested. She was the recent Playboy Playmate.

“Ok, this is _way_ more beautiful than that. Do you get it now?”

“Um. No.”

She nodded sagely and attempted to pat him in the head. She’d only managed to stroke the air six inches away from his right ear.

“It’s okay, young padawan,” she said. “You gotta learn to hop before jumping off buildings.”

* * *

 

Barnaby ushered Ryan towards a secluded booth situated away from the bar.

“Yo, what’s the deal with that, man? Dude said her husband died,” Ryan said, sliding into his seat.

“Yes,” said Barnaby, sitting down opposite him. “It’s a long story. Now hurry up and get your drink.”

“Hey, chillax! We’ve only just got here! What is it about your old partner that’s gotten your panties all twisted up in a bunch? Don’t tell me you’re scared of her?”

“I’m _not,”_ Barnaby said emphatically. “I just find your company particularly distasteful.”

“Did he die because of her?”

“No. He was sick.”

“Well, that’s tough,” said Ryan, winking at the waitress. When the girl sauntered over, he put on his winning smile and said: “Beer for me, darlin’. And, for the lady…?” he trailed off, looking quizzically at Barnaby.

“The same.”

“Not that I’ve a thing for older women, mind you,” Ryan went on after the waitress had left. “But the things they’ve been saying about ‘em…whooo-ee!”

“By saying ‘they’ as in witless, shambling neanderthals such as yourself, then I’m really not interested in knowing,” Barnaby said stiffly.

“Well, I’m just gonna tell you anyway. Listen: women like her are definitely the cougar types…and they’ve got _ginormous_ sex drives. It’s all them biological clocks ticking, see? It’s telling them that time’s running out, and they gotta keep on fucking as often as they could. But that’s okay, coz I’ve got a ginormous-“

“I’m sure I’ve made it clear that I’m not interested!”

“Say, you don’t happen to be having some of that ass, do you?”

Barnaby shot him a disgusted look. “No.”

“’Coz I wouldn’t mind tapping that, if you know what I mean. Purely for scientific research, of course” he added, leering like a scarecrow.

“Good luck with that. She’ll castrate you before you could even touch her.”

“Have you actually _seen_ her, man?” Ryan said, motioning towards the bar. “At that point, you could do anything to her, and she can’t even say no!”

“It’s called ‘date rape’ for a reason, Ryan. And if that’s the only way for you to get someone to sleep with you, then I wouldn’t even bother to sympathize. You can’t keep on acting like a college frat boy and think you can get away with it. Grow an extra brain, for once.”

“I’d rather grow something else, eheheheee! Right, baby?” The last question was directed towards the waitress, who’d arrived with their drinks.  

Barnaby sighed, fighting the urge to smash the man’s face against the wall.

* * *

 

“Lemme ask you a hypothetical question, ‘Tonio.”

“Ok, shoot.”

Tetsuko took a salt shaker and slid it into place between them. “Say you had sex with someone you’re not supposed to-“

“Jesus, don’t tell me it’s that McEnroy guy?”

Tetsuko’s expression immediately changed. “No! Yuck! Why’d you even think that?”

“Good. ‘Coz Nathan will kill you if you do. Why aren’t you supposed to have sex with that person? Or rather – salt shaker?”

“You’re just not supposed to. It’s hypothetical. There doesn’t have to _be_ a reason-“

“Sure there is. Since it’s hypothetical, I get to insert as many hypothetical hypothesis as I like. So why? Salt shaker has STD?”

“No, I-“

“He’s your brother, then. In which case: ew! It can’t be your father…God bless his soul. An aunt, maybe. The one who always knits you those hideous sweaters for Christmas.”

“I don’t _have_ aunts! Okay, maybe I do…but she never knits me sweaters. She doesn’t even celebrate Christmas!”

“Well then I’m out of ideas. What is it about this-“

“Oh, forget it! I’m just gonna go talk to Bunny!” Tetsuko grumbled, and left.

Antonio stared at her forgotten smartphone, where Tomo was still smiling at him. He smiled back. Leaning back in his chair, he called out after her:

“Hey, I think I know who Mr. Salt Shaker is!”

* * *

 

“You don’t have to hide it, you know.”

“Hide what now?”

Ryan leaned over with his trademark grin. It suddenly occurred to Barnaby that the man looked very much like the Cheshire cat. Great. So if Ryan’s the cat, then he _has_ to be the White Rabbit. Which means that Alice would be-

“Tetsuko. You have the hots for her.”

“Oh, really? And what gave that away?” Barnaby said dryly.

“Pfff. YouTube, man. The truth is out there. What, so you think a video of you two sucking face wouldn’t go viral? Come on. You’re underestimating the awesome might of social media! In fact, I’m soo jealous. That video’s got more hits than mine. Not fair! Hey, maybe if I start making out with you-”

Barnaby almost recoiled in horror. “Not going to happen!” he barked out.

“Hahaa! Just joking, man. You can’t take everything I say seriously!”

“Fortunately, that’s what I’ve been doing all this while.”

“So you’ve still got her necktie?”

“Necktie? Oh…” The one she’d tied to his gauntlet during the night of her birthday dinner. The night where they’d kissed. “Yes, I do.”

“Did you touch yourself everytime you look at it?”

Barnaby lost his temper there and then. “You listen here, Ryan. If you think that you could just-“

Someone suddenly slammed a fistful of change onto the table, causing them both to jump. When they looked up at the arm it was attached to, it turned out to be Tetsuko.

“Oi, peewee…buzz off and be friends with the pinball machine for a moment, willya?” she said to Ryan. Then, fixing her gaze towards Barnaby, added: “We need to talk.”

Ryan was about to give out a retort, before Barnaby shot him a hard look and jerked his head sideways, indicating for him to leave. Ryan wasn’t too happy about that, but he left nonetheless, pointedly ignoring the pile of coin before him.

Tetsuko slid into his seat, folded her hands before her on the table, and did nothing except stare at him. Barnaby would’ve believed her to be sober, if it weren’t for the telltale unfocused look in her eyes.

“It is your husband’s death anniversary,” he stated.

She nodded. “Why is it so hard for you to say his name? You _never_ say his name. It’s Tomo, okay? Tomo Amamiya. How hard can it be? Just because he’s dead, it doesn’t mean he’s stopped existing.”

“Alright, alright. Tomo Amamiya. I got it.”

“Bunny.”

“Yes.”

“Barnaby. That sounds like a dog’s name. Why on earth did your parents call you that?” she chuckled.

“It is a good name as any,” he said levelly.

“Barn. Bar. Barb. Barbara. Barbie. That’d be your name if you were a girl.” Tetsuko collapsed into the seat and started laughing. “Barbara…bahahaa! Either you come across as a 70’s porn star, or a fake plastic doll! It suits you, by the way. Someone so disporoise- dispa- disco-“ She punched the table hard, summoning her full concentration as she pronounced the syllables – _“Dis-pro-portionate._ That you can’t be real.”

“Oh, I’m very much real. You can – what the hell are you doing?”

She’d stood up so suddenly that she bumped against the Tiffany lamp hanging overhead. She’d thrust her face closely towards his and for one crazy moment he thought that they were about to kiss. But she’d merely allowed her gaze to roam over his features, studying them as if she was trying to glean some form of microscopic information.

“You look _nothing_ like him,” she murmured. “Even your glasses aren’t the same.” One hand snaked out to push his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Apparently satisfied, she sat back down. “Yay! I’ve always wanted to do that! You see that, Tomo? I’ve finally managed to fix Bunny’s glasses! Kanpai!” She grabbed Ryan’s drink and was about to take a swig when Barnaby reached over and took it from her.

“He’s got a cold,” he said by way of explaining at her confused look.

“Oh. Okay.”

In the meantime, Ryan had drifted off to the jukebox. He perused the song list, and an impish grin suddenly lit up his face. He shot a look towards where Barnaby was seated, and started fishing around his pockets for some spare change.

Tetsuko propped an elbow over the table’s edge and cupped her chin, resuming her staring match.

“Naa, Bunny,” she eventually said. “Do you enjoy having sex with me?”

Barnaby’s brow quirked at the question. “That’s hardly an appropriate subject to discuss, given the current occasion, Tetsuko,” he said.

“Why? It’s not porn.”

“We can talk about this once you’ve sobered up.”

“Ah, so that you can think of excuses why you didn’t like it?”

“I _never_ said I didn’t like it. Stop putting words into my mouth!”

“What _do_ you want me to put, then?”

Barnaby sighed. “Tetsuko. _Really?”_

“Really. It’s just a question. Answer it.”

He mulled over his reply, weighing its pros and cons before finally saying: “Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“It’s not exactly how I wanted it, but it was enjoyable.”

“Oh, my God. You’re such an ass.”

“What?”

“You make it sound like you’re talking about a _foot massage!_ Put some emotion into it!”

“What do you want me to say, Tetsuko? That it was mind-blowing? Earth-shattering? Heaven spun off its axis from the sheer awesomeness of your-“ he made vague motions towards her, casting around for a polite term to describe her delicate ladyparts. He failed, and settled instead with a lame: “Personality?”

She was unfazed. “That’s a start.”

“It’s not. We were more like teenagers, looking for a quick bang because we couldn’t find anywhere else to do it. I want it done properly the next time around.”

“So there _is_ a next time?”

Drat. Blindsided by a drunk Tetsuko. He wasn’t planning on showing his cards before she’s showed hers. He’s really starting to lose his touch.

“Tetsuko, are things good between us?” he ground out.

For a moment, she was silent…making him wonder if he should repeat himself. Then the bar’s dusty speakers crackled to life, sounding like a record being put on. Ronan Keating began to warble on the merits of having a person not saying anything at all. Tetsuko’s eyes shot sideways, curious at the sudden song choice. Over at the jukebox, totally hidden from view, Ryan sniggered to himself.

“Hm, yes. I daresay it is. Why?” she asked.

_It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart..._

“Because I have a feeling that things aren’t. Do you regret it?”

_Without saying a word, you can light up the dark…_

“No,” she hurriedly said. “God, no. The thought’s never even crossed my mind.”

“Good. Because I need to make sure that we’re on the same page about this.”

“What page is that?”

“I’d like us to continue the current course we’re in. If you’re willing, of course.”

Tetsuko looked momentarily confused. “You mean, like friends with benefits. That kind of thing?”

“No! Tetsuko, do I really seem like the kind of person who’d enter a superficial relationship?”

“Well, there was that time with-“

“I mean with you! Would I really undermine your value by only subjecting you to sex?”

She stared at him as if he’d stopped making sense altogether. Then she began to laugh. “Okay, this is starting to get waaay too intense. Let’s just back up a bit here. Bunny, it’s just sex. It doesn’t have to _signify_ anything. It’s not like you expect us to get _married_ afterwards, right? I mean, if you’re not careful, you’d end up asking about my dowry.” Her smile vanished at his expression. “What’s with that look?”

“That’s certainly not part of the initial plan. But I imagined that we could slowly work our way towards that,” he said stiffly. “Apparently I was wrong. Terribly so.”

“You’re reading too much into this. Whatever happened between us…hell, everything that’s happened _before_ this…it’s all just physical. Keep me out of your white picket-fenced dreams, Bunny. Please. I can’t be in it.”

“Why not?”

She hesitated as she weighed her next answer. “I like you,” she finally said. “But maybe just not enough to _be_ with you.”

“That’s good enough for me!”

She shook her head, a tad sadly. “No. I _know_ you. That’s the problem. You’ve never been the sort who’d settle for ‘just enough’. It’s either all or nothing. And I have nothing.”

“I know _you_ too, Tetsuko. You’re always selling yourself short. For what? So that you can play the ‘I’m-a-has-been-Hero’ card again? Garner some fake sympathy from anyone who’d actually give a damn? Get over yourself. That has stopped working a _year_ ago. You keep thinking that your life has to be put on hold just because you’ve stopped being a Hero. Well, you’re wrong. And I’ll keep on telling you that until you _see_ that you’re wrong!”

Tetsuko spread her arms wide, exposing herself. “Then by all means do it,” she said. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’ve stopped caring.”

“Tetsuko, we can’t keep on doing this. Frankly, I’m getting sick and tired of it.”

“So stop. Stop the carousel and get off. Because the day I let you meddle with my problems again will be the day that I leave for good.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Tetsuko whipped out something from her vest pocket. She tossed it towards him, and it bounced against his chest, landing onto the table. “This just proves that I don’t need your charity, Bunny. I’m not one of your orphans that needed saving!”

Barnaby stared, not comprehending, at what seemed to be a very thick wad of cash. “What is this?”

“5000 dollars. That should be enough to pay back the amount you’ve already splashed on Kaede.”

“Where’d you get it?”

Something else spun towards him. Five lottery scratch cards, all of them already used. “You’re gambling again?”

“Think you can go around my back, pretending to be her secret benefactor? Whaddya expect her to do, huh? Write to you and start calling you Daddy-Long-Legs? What kinda shit are you pulling here?”

“Kaede? Daddy-Long-Legs? Just what the hell are you talking about? What secret benefactor?”

“She’s gotten herself into St. Mary’s and you’re saying that it’s not your doing?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. I didn’t even know about it until you mentioned it. So she got in just like you planned. Aren’t you supposed to be happy about that?”

“I _told_ you money was tight. But I’m taking care of it. I didn’t _ask_ for your help. You didn’t have to weasel around my back and poke into my affairs and then act like you don’t know anything about it. You have to _stop_ solving my problems for me, Bunny!”

“I didn’t do it!” he said, his voice rising in a way that made everyone in the bar look up. “You’re paranoid! You need to stop assuming that everything I do concerns you. Well, it doesn’t! Did you even consider the possibility that it could be her grandparents? Why on earth would I want to help your daughter get into a place _you_ can’t afford to begin with? What would that benefit _me?_ So that I could score brownie points with you? I’m not so desperate as to resort to that tactic, Tetsuko. You’re only flattering yourself! This – this whole _game_ that you’re playing…what _ever_ it is…it’s just so you could build up your own fake sense of superiority. Stop it! Just…just STOP!”

He stood up and made for the exit, not caring at all what will happen to her from then onwards. As far as she was concerned, she could damn herself to hell. He was done chasing after her. Ronan Keating’s voice rose to a crescendo, as if imploring the universe why he couldn’t explain how awesome it is to date someone with poor communication skills.

Barnaby heard Tetsuko’s voice floating out from behind:

“Bunny. Oi, Bunny! I’m not finished with you yet! You come back here this instant!”

_The smile on your face lets me know that you need me…_

He ignored her. She got to her feet, stumbling for a moment. After steadying herself, she began to go after him.

_There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me…_

“Hey!” she barked. Everyone was staring at them at that point.

_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me wherever I fall…_

He didn’t even bother to slow down. She grabbed a cue stick as she passed by the snooker table and quickened her pace. He was only a few feet away from her now.

_You say it best…_

“Don’t you _fucking dare_ ignore me!” she growled.

_When you say nothing at all…_

She hit him on the back with the cue stick.

* * *

 

**Episode the next: A judge is difficult to amuse, especially when that judge is Yuri Petrov.**


	21. Step 21: That Calligraphy Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Messed-up apologies are never fun - especially when the person you're apologizing to never wants to see you again. Ever.

“Ms. Kaburagi.”

Tetsuko started, the chess piece she’d been toying with slipping from her fingers and clattering noisily onto the board below. She’d been left alone inside Yuri Petrov’s office for a good ten minutes after his secretary had allowed her to enter. Naturally, she’d started prowling about the place.

Yuri strode over to his desk, apparently just gotten out from a hearing. “We really need to stop meeting like this,” he said.

“Yes. People would’ve thought that we’re secretly dating.”

The man stopped short, fixing her with one of his impossibly steady serpentine gazes.

“A joke,” she hurriedly said, then added: “Sir.”

“Really now?” he sniped. “My apologies, then. Do give me fair warning the next time you’re compelled to make another one.”

He tossed the sheaf of folders he’d been holding onto the desk, then proceeded to undo his judicial robe, hanging it onto the coat hook. “I see you have an affinity towards the knight.”

“Huh?”

He nodded towards the chess pieces she’d been trying to reassemble. They really were an impressive set: genuine laser-cut Swarovski crystals, stamped with a serial number and an engraved golden plate which said ‘For services rendered – Judge Yuri Petrov’ in curly letters. Tetsuko didn’t even bother imagining what kind of services were rendered.

“Oh. Yes, well…it’s the only piece I recognize. Aside from the king and queen, of course.”

“A powerful piece in its own right. Most likely due to its unique movement. I suppose it reminds you of yourself. One not bound by conventional rules. So unpredictable as to being a danger to yourself at times. Do you play?”

“Me? No. Although I’ve had a hand in a few rounds of shogi…”

“Shogi?”

“Japanese chess. Same concept as this one, slightly different rules.”

“Hm, interesting. You must teach me someday.”

“Yessir,” Tetsuko said. She had a long list of things she’d rather not do, and being alone with Yuri Petrov, tutoring him on the finer merits of shogi was one of them.

“Oh, _do_ sit down, Kaburagi,” Yuri sighed, settling into his own chair himself. “One would think that this is your first visit. You know, there was a time when I’d asked the secretary to pencil in your appointment, because it always seems like you’d be back here on an almost weekly basis. Why, I’d had an entire shelf reserved just to keep your case files. Never before had I known a Hero with so great an affinity towards property destruction.”

“Last time I was here, you’d slapped me with a 3,000 dollar fine,” she stated.

“And you’re worried that the numbers would escalate this time? It is to be expected. You have broken the number one rule of Heroing. Yes, yes…you might plead the fact that you’re no longer a Hero. But by your actions, whether directly or otherwise, you _have_ involved your former colleagues into an act which may well jeopardize their respective careers. Not to mention that Mr. Carreidas is suing for damages.”

“Mr. Carreidas?” she repeated blankly.

Leaning over to retrieve something from the bottom drawer, Yuri pulled out yet another file – this time noticeably thicker than usual – and slapped it onto his desk. He opened it, riffling through the papers before singling out one.

“Tony Ignatia Carreidas. Owner of Bar Tony’s,” he read out. “You are familiar with this individual, are you not? Because he certainly does. Called you a few choice expletive terms in his report…so I’d assumed that you and Antonio Lopez are on first-name basis with him.”

“Ugh, Tony. Yes, I know him. We’re – uh – regulars at his bar.”

“Not anymore, I’d imagine,” he observed. “He’d also filed a restraining order against you both.”

“Restraining order?” Tetsuko sputtered. “On a _bar?_ Can he actually do that?! _”_

“Apparently, he can. Especially after the rather large crater Mr. Goldsmith had caused. You’re not allowed to be in or near his premises for an indefinite amount of time. Failure to comply shall result in your swift detention.” Yuri set the paper down, a wide smile gracing his face. It wasn’t a comforting sight. “Things are just getting better and better for you, isn’t it?”

Tetsuko groaned, burying her face in her hands as she slumped onto the chair opposite him. There really was nothing she could do or say to plead her case. By the time the police had arrived last night, they were greeted by the sight of a mangled Bar Tony’s already sunk three feet into the ground. A group of bikers were lying in a haphazard circle, badly beaten up and knocked out by Ryan’s powers. Tetsuko, Bunny, Ryan and Antonio were the only ones left standing back-to-back, each forming the corner of a square. Tetsuko, if she believed the various reports to be true, were brandishing a half-broken bottle and a cue stick, repeatedly shouting ‘Make my day!’ to anyone who’d dared come near.    

“Look, I _swear_ it all started between me and Bun- Brooks. It wasn’t supposed to involve anyone else!” Those bikers just _happened_ to join in after Tetsuko and Bunny had crashed into their table. Apparently they didn’t like their drinking sessions interrupted. Ryan had whooped in delight, happy that he could join in on the fracas. Antonio merely stepped in to make sure that she didn’t get killed.

“Kaburagi, at the risk of making a tasteless pun with regards to Goldsmith’s powers, I believe you still do not understand the _gravity_ of the situation.”

“Oh, haha. That’s a good one, sir,” Tetsuko said weakly.

“There _will_ be a public backlash regarding this matter. People may start boycotting HeroTV entirely. I’m sure I don’t have to have to spell out the domino effect that takes place afterwards. Loss of viewership means loss of revenue. Corporate sponsorship may no longer be feasible. Lopez’s career is already hanging on a thread. This may be the very thing that makes that thread snap. As for Brooks, with his impending retirement and upcoming reality show, who’s going to produce it if nobody’s going to be watching? Do you want him to leave with a bang, or with a whimper? Shall I go on?”

“No, I think I’ve-“

 _“Goldsmith,_ now…he’s already in a bit of a, shall we say…conundrum? Already in suspension _and_ now being charged for assault and property damage – all thanks to you, I believe. His mess is something which I’m looking _forward_ to sort out.” He paused, nailing her to the wall with one of his sharp stares. Tetsuko already had a sizeable collection of it, given the amount of time they’d spent together – largely due to her lawbreaking ways. Impassive stares, calculating ones, thoughtful ones, irritated ones. There was none in her collection which indicated warmth, or compassion. Yuri Petrov could cause a cold snap with just one glance. “You certainly know how to occupy my weekends, Kaburagi.”

She had nothing to add to this, so she said the only thing she could think of: “Some people play tennis.”

“I’ve half a mind to draft a rulebook for every fledgling Hero and get them to memorize each line by heart. We should do everything we can to prevent embarassing incidents such as these from happening again. I _do_ hope you’re not planning on making me reserve another shelf space for you again?”

“No, sir.”

“Now-“ Yuri placed his elbows on the desk and laced his slender fingers together. “Shall we recite once again the number one rule of Heroing?”

Tetsuko’s shoulders slumped. “A Hero does not harm or get involved in altercations with civilians,” she mumbled.

“Very _good!”_ he said, as if praising a star pupil. “Regarding the matter of your punishment-”

“What is it this time? The rack? Or the Iron Maiden?”

Yuri hesitated, olive eyes raking over hers, as if he was trying to discern that this was another piece of mirth from her. Then slowly, very slowly, his lips spread out into a smile. He did the one thing Tetsuko imagined he wasn’t capable of doing.

He’d laughed.

“Ehem. Ahahaa…”

Tetsuko smiled back at him, a tad uncertainly. She’d honest-to-goodness believed that Yuri had a secret room in his office, where he’d keep various dungeon paraphanelia and torture instruments. Maybe, on days when he was feeling particularly depressed, he’d descend into that room and run his fingers over the well-oiled guillotine, and weep joyous tears as he hugged the chain handcuffs, wishing with all his might that public flogging was still in fashion.

“We no longer resort to medieval methods of punishment,” Yuri finally said, still smiling. “I’ve forgotten how amusing you were, Kaburagi. Do feel free to break more laws so that you could keep on entertaining me.”

“Would you be more lenient if I’d performed a one-woman stand up comedy?”

That instantly wiped off the smile. “No.”

“Oh well,” she said with a shrug. “Can’t blame me for trying.”

* * *

 

Prior to her meeting with Yuri, Tetsuko had another pressing appointment to attend to. She’d stepped out of her car, swallowing her trepidation with an audible gulp. She was pretty sure she’d gotten the correct house. Her fingers clutched the box of Taketsuru Pure Malt, although probably the best peace offering at this point was her own head on a plate. As an afterthought, she ducked down to the side mirror and fixed herself up as best as she could, tucking in an unruly lock of hair and adjusting the angle of her brand-new newsboy cap.

She straightened up again, choking back a wince as her wounds protested. Bunny almost did a number on her ribs, and it’s a wonder they weren’t broken. That damned idiot may punch like a sissy, but he definitely kicked like a mule.

She looked up and down the street. Not bad for a Silver-tier residency. Shiny family-sized MPV’s and Toyota Camrys lined the sides of the road. She heard the laughter of children as they played in someone’s backyard. There’s probably a daycare centre nearby. She’d passed through a guard house prior to entering the area, and the guard on duty had asked for her details and driving license.

She looked back up at the house again. Its owner had displayed a considerable prowess in Zen-style gardening. A rock path deviated from the main driveway, leading towards a small koi pond festooned with lilypads and one lone Japanese bamboo fountain. She’d imagined it’d be a nice spot away from home during springtime, when it’d be cherry blossom viewing season. She could already taste the sake and sakuramochi just by thinking about it. God, how she missed Oriental Town.

She rang the bell, hearing it echo throughout the house. A moment later, she saw the living room curtain twitch slightly, followed by the front gate opening by itself. A beaming Bunkichi waited for her at the door as she walked up the driveway.

“You could bring your car inside, Tetsuko-chan,” he said.

“Ah, it’s fine. How are you, otoo-san?” she said, bowing. “It’s a little late, but here’s a housewarming gift. Nothing too extravagant, I’m afraid.”

Bunkichi clicked his tongue at her offering. “Tetsuko-chan, you shouldn’t have!” he said, although he sounded pleased as he accepted it. “Thank you all the same. Come on in!”

She stepped through the threshold. The house still smelt new, with fresh pinewood and lacquer mingling with the potpurri Momoko had always been fond of. She made towards the living room sofa, but stopped when Bunkichi said: “What are you doing? You’re supposed to get _in_ there!” He motioned further into the house, seemingly towards the kitchen. “Momoko’s already waiting for you!”

“Er, she is?” Tetsuko said awkwardly. “She’s not planning to chop me up for dinner, is she?”

Bunkichi shook his head, gesturing impatiently as he ushered her down the hallway. “Her morning class has just finished, and she’s resting at the moment.”

“Class? What class?”

“Oh, we didn’t tell you? She teaches calligraphy three days a week. Lots of people in the neighbourhood are interested. Well, they’re mostly elderly folks like us, but occasionally there are high school students. They say her lessons are easy to understand.”

“That’s great. Good for her.”

Bunkichi stopped before a set of sliding doors, painted prettily with plum blossoms and a majestic crane attempting to take flight. Tetsuko wished she could fly away too.

“Momoko? Tetsuko-chan’s here. Shall I bring her in?” Bunkichi said to the door.

Momoko’s voice floated back out towards them. “Enter.”

Tetsuko looked at Bunkichi, who beamed and opened the door for her. “Go,” he said, giving her a slight nudge. She reluctantly stepped into the room. “I’ll make us some tea,” he whispered, before closing the door behind her.

Tetsuko took in her surroundings. The place was certainly set up like a classroom: with rows of low tables arranged on the floor, and a lone table at the front where the teacher would sit. All around the walls hung calligraphy works and the occasional Chinese painting – presumably the works of outstanding students.

“You’ve missed Tomo’s memorial service.”

She turned. It was Momoko, who’d quietly emerged from the next room. She was dressed in a peach yukata, her hair done up in a neat bun. She stood tall and proud, and for a moment, she seemed like an empress. “Don’t you pay your proper respects to him anymore?”

“I did, okaa-san. In my own way.”

Momoko was visibly displeased, but nonetheless moved towards her teaching desk. Tetsuko bowed towards her. “How are you, okaa-san? I know I should’ve come by sooner, but I’ve been busy. My apologies.”

“After your last display of rudeness, I’m surprised that you’d even show up,” she said tartly. Then, motioning towards the desk, she added: “Show me your penmanship.”

“Eh?” Tetsuko said, confused.

“You still know how to write in Japanese, I hope? It’d be a terrible shame if you didn’t.”

“O-of _course_ I do!” Tetsuko said, stung at the implication. “It’s just that I-“

“Then let’s see how well you do it. Start with your name. Go on.”

“Er, okay,” Tetsuko said, and settled down at the table. There was already a roll of paper prepared, along with the ink and brush set placed at the side.

Momoko sat beside her, folding her legs neatly beneath her and tucking in the hems of her yukata.

“It’s not perfect, mind you,” Tetsuko said, taking up the brush.

She’d paused for a moment, thinking of the best way to start, then started writing. The truth was, she hadn’t held a calligraphy brush since elementary school, and she could feel her wrist movements were stiff. Already she’d caused a big blot in one spot when she paused for too long. She dabbed more ink onto the brush, dribbled slightly onto the paper, but went on doggedly. It may not be perfect, but she’d never any job unfinished.

Finally done, she set down the brush and let out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding.

“Atrocious,” was all Momoko said, a slight pursing at the corners of her lips the only hint of her displeasure.

“Really?” Tetsuko said, “I thought it was easy enough to read. What did I do wrong?”

“The spacing between your characters are irregular. And your strokes…you tend to put weight at the wrong places. The whole thing doesn’t seem balanced at all. It looks more like a chicken scrawl than an actual writing. Didn’t you know that penmanship is an art all by itself?”

“I – uh – must’ve missed that during Art class,” Tetsuko said, rubbing the back of her neck.

“I will show you the proper way of doing it,” Momoko said, making shooing motions with her hand.

Tetsuko scooted to the side, while Momoko took over her place. She tore away the sheet with Tetsuko’s handwriting and put it neatly onto the floor. Staring at the fresh piece of blank paper, she then delicately held up the hem of her right yukata sleeve as she took up the brush. She began to write; or rather, her brush _danced_ over the paper in a series of sweeping steps that seemed complicated to Tetsuko. Beneath her hand, Tetsuko’s name flowed and bloomed with nary a sound save for the rustling of bristles gliding over the hot-pressed parchment.

Finally setting down the brush, Momoko folded her hands back onto her lap. For a moment she didn’t say anything, making Tetsuko wonder if some sort of compliment was expected of her.

She opened her mouth – “It’s beautiful, okaa-san. I never thought-“

“I expect the both of you here every Friday night for dinner,” Momoko suddenly said. “No exceptions. No excuses.”

“Huh?”

“And Kaede will spend at least a week with us every semester break. It’s about time someone taught that girl proper manners and skills, and it’s obviously fallen upon me to carry out that task.” Momoko arched a brow tartly. “I suppose that isn’t too big of a demand in return for our generosity?”

“Generosity?” Tetsuko echoed, still feeling completely at sea.

“St. Mary’s school chairman just happened to be a personal friend of mine. I may have put in a good word or two his way regarding Kaede.”

Tetsuko froze, the sudden and terrible revelation dawning on her like a giant wave. “What did you say?”

“Are you deaf? I said I’d put Kaede into that school _and_ paid for her tuition fees as well. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? Honestly, Bunkichi gave me such a serious talking-to after that restaurant fiasco. You’d think that it was all _my_ fault! Told me that you’d never let me see Kaede anymore if I keep picking on you. As if I’m a bully! I was just being truthful. Surely you’d already realized that by now. Why are you looking at me like that?”

Tetsuko had been staring. So Bunny had been right all along. And to think that she didn’t _believe_ him…

She finally managed to work out her tongue. “Okaa-san, Kaede’s a NEXT.” Then, when no other response seemed to be forthcoming, she went on: “Someday she’ll be on HeroTV too. She’ll go to Hero Academy and I’ll teach her everything there is to know about being a Hero and more.”

Further silence. The kind of dreaded silence where Tetsuko was expecting an impassioned outburst, where Momoko will start cursing her for birthing another abomination of nature such as herself.

“Will she be wearing spandex?”

“Spandex?” Tetsuko echoed, wondering if she’d heard right. “No, not if I can help it-“

“Because I don’t want to see her dressed up like that strumpet Blue Ice or whatever her name is. You could see half her buttocks in that getup!”

“No, she definitely won’t look like Blue Rose,” Tetsuko said, wondering what Karina would say if she knew she was being called a strumpet.

“And you’d better make sure she minds her P’s and Q’s. I don’t want to see another Kaburagi canoodling around in public like some damn floozy!” Momoko caught the indignant look on Tetsuko’s face. She must’ve realized that Momoko was referring to that public kiss with Bunny. “Oh, you know what I mean!” she snapped. “Not that I’m actually _saying_ that you’re a loose woman…just…just that there’re proper ways of doing it. Traditional ways. If we don’t hold on to tradition, then we’re no better than monkeys.”

“So what? Are you saying that I should marry him?” Tetsuko asked, mind still trying to process what her mother-in-law was actually saying. Did she disapprove of Bunny? Did she think a traditional approach would somehow purify what was deemed as blasphemy to her eyes? Should Tetsuko even _care_ to begin with?

Momoko sniffed. “Far from me to dictate what you should and shouldn’t do. You’re more than capable of making your own decisions. I’m just not too sure of how you go about to handling your…what’s that modern word now? Oh, yes. _Flings,”_ she said, narrowing her eyes as she said the last word, as if implying it was some sort of dirty laundry that should never be aired in public.

Someone spoke, and it took Tetsuko a moment to realize that it was her. “It wasn’t a fling.”

“Oh? What _do_ you call it, then?”

“I…” she hesitated, the feeling suddenly hitting her like a train. She looked up, seemingly dazed. “I love him.”

Momoko looked as if Tetsuko had announced that she was going to shave her head and run off to join the French Foreign Legion. “Excuse me?!”

Tetsuko smiled, then laughed. “I _love_ him.” To the face of the surprised older woman, she went on: “My God. I love that stupid, pigheaded jackass. He’s almost impossible, really. Goodness knows how many times I’ve felt like killing him. But…no matter how much he hates me, I’d still love him. It’s crazy, and I _know_ it’s crazy. But it is what it is.”

Momoko had always prided herself as being someone who’s never at the loss for words. But in all her years, she could remember only two occasions that left her as such. The first was when Tomo came home announcing he was getting married. The second time, would be this.

Tetsuko laughed again, her delighted voice bouncing against the four walls and surprising Bunkichi, who was just standing outside with a tray in hand, discreetly listening for any signs of murder. “I’ve completely messed things up with him, but I’m pretty sure I could fix it. He’ll sulk and complain like a girl, but I’m always the one who has to run after him.”

“Where are you going?” Momoko asked, alarmed. Tetsuko had scrambled to her feet and made towards the door.

Tetsuko paused. “To fix things,” she said, sliding the door open and practically hopping outside, almost colliding against Bunkichi. “Sorry, otoo-san!” she said breathlessly. “But I have to go. Thanks for the tea!”

She started clattering down the hallway before she seemingly remembered something, returned back to bow at the both of them, then turned around again to hare out of the house. Moments later, Bunkichi and Momoko heard Tetsuko’s car roar to life.

After a beat, Momoko huffed. “Didn’t even stop for tea. What utter cheek!”

* * *

 

Tetsuko exited Yuri’s office, and stopped short.

Bunny was seated at the couch, apparently waiting for his own audience with Yuri. Their eyes clashed, and Bunny was the first to look away.

“Mr. Petrov will see you now, Mr. Brooks,” the receptionist said pleasantly.

The man nodded, and got to his feet. He made his way towards the door, but Tetsuko was still blocking it.

“Excuse me,” he murmured, still not looking at her.

Tetsuko took a moment to study him. She’d imagined that they both must’ve looked quite a sight. Noticing the bandage on his forehead and remembering the minor stitching required there, she found herself trying hard not to wince. That had been her doing, along with the scratches along his neck and cheek. Whatever outstanding bruises on his face had been expertly covered with liquid foundation, but she knew they were there.

“Bunny,” she said, and noted how his body immediately tensed. “I’m really sorry. For…for everything. I know there’s no excuse for the way I’ve been treating you...but I’ll do everything I can to fix this. I…I promise.”

He said nothing, merely shuffled his feet and shifted his gaze up to the wall with a sigh.

“You were right…as always,” she went on. “I went to see Tomo’s parents just now, and it turns out that his mother really did pay for Kaede’s tuition. All of it. So I can rest easy about money now. But it doesn’t come without strings attached, though. Still, it’s nothing that I can’t survive,” she added with a small laugh, and grimaced when it came out as a high-pitched squeak.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said. Before the - before we-“ she broke off in frustration. Of all the times to be fumbling about! “Before that stupid fight, I mean. You said that you wanted us to continue the way we were. Well, I’d very much like that.” She suddenly felt like running for the hills, but she soldiered on nonetheless. “I want to try this…with you,” she blurted out.

Bunny’s face shot up then, regarding her incredulously. Mistaking it as a sign that he’d misunderstood, she hastily added: “O-of course there’s still the possibility of you wanting to kill me after everything I did…which is fine. You can kill me first then we can go back to working this thing out. I’m totally cool with that. I mean, I do technically deserve it, so-“

“What makes you think I’d want to try anything with you?”

She stuttered to a stop, scarcely able to believe what she’d heard. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me,” Barnaby snapped. “You don’t like me enough to be with me. That’s what you said, remember?”

Tetsuko’s shoulders sagged. “I know what I said.” _But it’s not what I really meant._ She mentally cursed Antonio for allowing her to take alcohol. She cursed herself for breaking her sobriety vows. Maybe she should’ve settled for a goddamned Diet Coke and none of this would’ve happened.

“For one moment last night you’ve stopped trusting me. How did that happen? After all the things we’ve worked on, all these years. Did you happen to _conveniently_ forget about that?”

“Of _course_ I didn’t! Why would you even think that way?”

“Without trust, we have nothing.”

“Bunny, I never said that I-“

“Get out of my sight. I don’t want to talk to you, nor see you again. Ever.”

* * *

 

Tetsuko sighed as she killed her car engine. Another bust-up with Bunny. How many times does it make this week? And how many times was it caused by her? Almost all of it, she’d reckoned. She was a walking ball of disaster, and quite possibly the only _real_ talent she’d ever had was to ruin every single chance she could ever have with Bunny.

“Crap,” she said to the steering wheel. She suddenly had an overwhelming need to bash her head against it repeatedly until she passed out. That’d be a fun way to end the day.

Exiting her vehicle and locking it behind her, she trudged her way back to her apartment. Maybe she could drown her sorrows with green tea tonight. And a large order of potato crisps and ramen. She’d bloat up like a blowfish by tomorrow, but at least it’ll give her ample reason to drag out her running shoes again. Already she could imagine Keith sagely advising her to do proper warmups prior to a run.

She was walking down the hallway, almost reaching her apartment, when she suddenly stopped.

“Oh, hell no,” she breathed.

Somebody’s broken in.

She could see the front door slightly ajar, the splintered edges along the side of the lock indicating that it had been forced open.

Somebody’s. Bloody. Broken in.

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Can things get anymore worse for Tetsuko? Yes, I’m afraid so.**


	22. Step 22: That Surprise Child Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the thieves take everything. But leave Tetuko's Hero figurine collection alone!

“Shit. Fuck. Crappity fuck.”

Tetsuko muttered the same thing over and over again like a mantra as she stalked the rooms, an open switchblade in one hand while the other was busy speed dialling Antonio. She knew it was stupid. And dangerous. The burglar could still be lurking around. What she should’ve done was hang outside, call the police, and let them handle it. But she had far more pressing matters to look into.

She rushed upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. Kicking the bathroom door aside, she checked the bathtub. Satisfied that the perp wasn’t hiding inside the toilet bowl, she went out and over to her bed, dropping onto her knees and bending to peek underneath. Nothing, save for an abandoned fluffy ball she’d bought for her rabbit.

All of her closets and drawers were open, her things tossed about helter skelter. She knew that whatever meagre jewellery and cash she had lying around were gone by now, along with her laptop which she’d always left in front of the tv. But she didn’t care about that. All that mattered was-

Letting out a strangled cry, she pounced onto a large plastic container lying sadly over the side, its precious contents spilled out across the floor. She picked them up one by one, checking for damage before cradling them close to her chest like a baby. She swore to God she’d kill the perp if they’d so much as broke a single one.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she whispered to the vintage Mr. Legend 6-inch figurine, no longer in production. She then hugged the 2045 series Wild Tigress figurine – the first one ever made during the start of her Hero career. She’d been lucky enough to find two, after scouring dime stores and eBay sites.

They were all there: busts and miniatures of every single Hero she’d known. She made a point of getting them everytime they came out, especially the limited edition ones. She even had the smaller ones released by McDonald’s. She’d spent an entire month eating Happy Meals just so she could complete the Tigress and Barnaby duo.

Taking the container, she began to carefully put all of the figurines back in, arranging them so that they wouldn’t squash each other. Let them take everything she had – but leave her priceless babies alone. She’d invested far too much time and money in collecting them.

She paused when she held Bunny. It was one of those special black and pink alternate versions, one which she thought looked better than his original suit colour. Her face dropped into a scowl as she remembered their conversation earlier.

“Hi, I’m Bunny, and I’m anal retentive,” she said in a passable imitation of his voice, bobbing the toy along as if it spoke.

Putting him back in with the rest, she suddenly uttered a gasp. There’s already one casualty, and it was Sky High. His helmet had been smashed, possibly by a careless foot. Growling in indignation, she gingerly picked him up, inspecting him from every possible angle.

“Bastard!” she muttered. The damage was significant. With some superglue and surgeon skills, she’d probably be able to fix it up a bit. But there’s no way she’d be able to pass it off as mint condition should she decide to sell it off someday. Maybe this particular model is still around if she looked hard enough.

Her cellphone suddenly rang.

“What?!”

“Yo, princess,” Antonio said. “You miscalled me ten times, woman. What’s up? I was taking a crap.”

“Some asshole’s broken into my place.”

 _“Whaaat?_ Are you okay? I’m coming over right now.”

“I’m fine,” Tetsuko said a tad testily. “You don’t suppose there’s another Bling Ring running around these parts?”

“Even if they did, why’d they want to hit your place? I thought they’d only go for famous celebs.”

“Oh, sheesh thanks for the vote of confidence, man. Are you saying that I’m not good enough for them?”

“I’m saying that you should call the cops right _now._ Did you touch anything?”

“Only my figurine set.”

“Fig-? Somebody stole your shit, and all you care about is figurines? Something’s seriously wrong with you. I’m in my car now. Be there in fifteen.”

Tetsuko hung up. She stowed the container back into the closet, then made her way downstairs. Maybe she should start making an itinerary list of things that could be stolen. But the problem was it’d be a short list. Unless if her increasing stack of junk and utility bills were valuable, then she really didn’t have much things that were worth stealing.

Something’s definitely missing from the living room. She stood and stared at an empty rectangular spot over the wall before finally realizing what it was.

They’d also taken her flatscreen tv.

Goddamn vultures. How the hell was she supposed to watch her doramas now? Shit. Taking out her cellphone, she started dialling again.

“Sternbild Police Department.”

“Yes, hello,” she said. “I’d like to report a break in. I just got back to my apartment, and found that someone’s already gone through my things.”

“Is the person still inside your home, ma’am?”

“No. I’ve already checked.”

“You should’ve stayed outside and let our officers handle it,” the operator said a tad disapprovingly.

“I know that. I’m sorry.”

“Your address?”

“28th Street, Livingston Avenue, Bronze Tier.”

“Just a moment…”

Tetsuko heard the sounds of a keyboard clacking in the background. She waited, idly tapping her foot when the doorbell suddenly rang.

Thinking it was Antonio, and also thinking that it was stupid of him to ring when the front door was clearly ajar, she went over nonetheless, just to see who it really was.

She pushed the door open, phone still glued to her ear.

It wasn’t Antonio waiting outside, but a teenage girl she didn’t know.

“Ms. Tetsuko Kaburagi?” the girl said. Her mouth was busily working on a wad of chewing gum.

“Yes? Who’re you?” Tetsuko said, taking note the girl’s backpack and medium-sized luggage beside her. It was one of those garish-coloured ones, the kind which Kaede would go totally crazy over.

“I’m Abigail. You know my father. Oliver McEnroy?”

“Uhuh. Yeah, okay. What do you want?”

“I’ve decided to run away from home and stay with you.”

_“EEEEEEEhhhhhh?!!”_

Tetsuko’s banshee shriek must’ve caused some alarm to the operator.

“Ma’am? Are you alright?” the woman said, concern in her voice.

“I – you – this is – wait a second.” The last command was directed towards the teenage girl. “So what’s happening now?” Tetsuko asked the operator.

“We will send someone over to investigate. Please do not touch anything inside your home for the time being.”

“Okay, fine. Thanks.” Tetsuko hung up. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and mentally steeling herself to deal with this next set of problems. When it rains, it’s certainly pouring shitbricks over her. She opened her eyes, and found the girl still standing there.

“Listen, kid. If you’re from _Punked,_ then this isn’t funny. I’m kinda in the middle of something big here,” Tetsuko said.

“Yeah, someone’s broken into your place. I know that. I couldn’t help overhearing. And I’m not punking you. I really did run away from home.”

“Can’t say you’ve made a smart upgrade.”

There was a _pop!_ as Abigail blew out a pink bubble and crunched it with her teeth. Tetsuko fervently hoped that the girl wasn’t the type who enjoyed sticking her gum on subway seats just so the next person who sat would end up with a sticky mess on their pants. “Look, it’s done. I’ve left a note and everything. It took me weeks to plan my getaway.”

Tetsuko couldn’t resist asking: “Did you tie up strips of your bedsheet together and climb down through the window?”

Abigail gave her a funny look. “Nooo,” she said slowly, as if speaking to an idiot. “I walked out through the front door. It took me that long because I needed to save up enough money to do this. Got 700 dollars on me so you don’t have to worry about me eating up your food. And I can cook and clean after myself. I may not look it, but I’m a pretty neat person.”

“Yeah, I’m sure 700’s enough to help you get started in the big, scary world. Look, kid. You’re not answering some ‘roommate wanted’ ad over at Craigslist. I’m not sharing my place with anyone, so do me a big favour and go home. I’ve got enough crap to deal with right now.”

Abigail’s face fell. “But…I thought that you’re totally okay with my dad. I mean, he’d kept saying that you’re gonna live with us and I might get a new mom soon. Mind you, I’ve never liked any of his girlfriends before this, but when I found out it was you, I finally thought it was cool. Are you – is he – it’s true what he said…right?”

“Let me get this straight: your dad actually _said_ that I’m moving in with you guys?”

“Yeah. After you saved him from that bomber, he couldn’t stop talking about you. Said you were amazing and all. He didn’t care that you’re no longer a Hero. He still thinks you’re great.”

“You do realize that what you’re doing is not only dumb, but dangerous too? How could any kid suddenly up and decide to live with a complete stranger? I could be a psychopath…or, or a serial killer! I could keep pieces of chopped up stupid teenagers in my basement!”

“Okay, first of all: you don’t have a basement. Second of all: I _know_ you’re not a psycho.”

“Yeah? How could you tell?”

“You’re Wild Tigress,” she said confidently, as if stating it aloud would help make the whole situation less freaky. It didn’t.

“Look, if-“

“You don’t have to worry about Barnaby dropping by, either. I’m okay with that too. I mean, I could always get out for a while to give you both some privacy.”

Why the hell would Bunny come over? He’s already treated her like some kind of bubonic plague. “Privacy for what?”

“Sex, obviously. I know you guys are together and everything. Dad’s awfully jealous of that, but he’s pretty confident that he could win you eventually. He said he knows what’s it like being a single parent. You and him have more things in common than you think.”

Tetsuko was hyperventilating. She could feel the blood-curdling scream bubbling up inside her, just waiting to be let out. If there was a cartoon version of her right now, she’d be popping veins and spewing smoke out of her nostrils. Holding a finger up at the girl, she tersely said: “You wait right here.”

She retreated back into her apartment, sparing the girl one last suspicious look before partially closing the door. She paced about the living room, mind whirring with a thousand thoughts at once. Already she could feel some cogwheels and springs popping loose from the amount of pressure on her brain.

Okay, she’s got to be a calm and rational adult here. It wouldn’t do to lose her top over that girl. As far as Abigail was concerned, the sole reason she was here was because of her father’s midguided fairytale fantasy. It was cruel of Oliver to feed his daughter with that much hope, and Tetsuko was sure she wouldn’t be the one to burst Abigail’s happy little bubble. The girl was already emotionally invested towards the idea of a new family itself, and to finally disappoint her…well, Tetsuko definitely didn’t have it in her to do it. No, Oliver’s fixing this mess, and he’ll do it right _now._

So. Calm and rational.

Carefully raising up her cellphone, she thumbed through the contacts list before finally locating Oliver’s number. Pressing the ‘Call’ button, she took several meditative breaths as she waited for him to pick up. It took two rings before she heard his voice on the other end.

“Tetsuko?”

Taking one final deep breath, she screamed: _“You fucking IDIOT!!”_

* * *

 

“So, the final tally would be an estimated 3,000 dollars worth of jewellery and cash, a Sony Vaio laptop, a digital camera, a flatscreen tv, and…” the police officer squinted at the last item.

“A badminton set,” Tetsuko supplied.

The officer shot her an incredulous look. “Are you sure, ma’am?”

“I’m positive. It was in my closet upstairs, and now it’s gone.”

“Why do you think the thief would make off with that?”

“It had a vintage Yonex. Very, very rare. Worth thousands in the black market. The strings are made of cured catgut, you know. You smash with my Yonex, and you’ll leave a hole on the floor. You can also use it to flip pancakes.” There was a time when Ivan and Keith were hit with a badminton craze, and would pester the Heroes into joining their matches. Tetsuko had finally caved and bought herself a cheap badminton set. She’d proven to be really good at it until Bunny came along and broke every single record she’d made. That man had a tendency to take the concept of ‘friendly competition’ far too seriously.

“Uh-huh. And I’ll bet the shuttlecock’s made of dodo feathers,” the officer deadpanned. “Ma’am, I’d very much appreciate it if you take this investigation seriously. We wouldn’t be able to assist you if you don’t.”

“Sorry. Today’s been a really stressful day, and I just need to get this over and done with.”

Antonio chose that moment to step in. “I think that’s about it, officer. If anything else pops up, we’ll give you a call.”

“You sure there’s nothing else you want to add?” the officer asked. It was directed towards Tetsuko.

She let out a tired sigh. “No, there’s nothing else. Can I replace my locks now?”

The officer closed his notebook. “I daresay you can. My men are done dusting it for prints.”

 _“Thank_ you.”

Tetsuko went into the kitchen and sank into a chair, placing her elbows on the dinner table and starting to massage her temples. Antonio went to escort the policemen out, exchanging pleasantries with them before giving out instructions to the locksmith. Tetsuko was thankful that he was willing to help.

Meanwhile, Abigail had comandeered the loveseat over at the living room, headphones over her ears as she played her PSP portable. She was blessedly quiet throughout the entire interview, although it was largely due to the RPG absorbing her full attention.

Tetsuko heard Antonio rejoining her. He pulled a chair closer to her, sat down, and wrapped an arm over her shoulders.

“Get some sleep, babe. I’ve got this.”

“I gotta wait for the door to be fixed-“

“I _told_ you: I got this,” Antonio said pointedly. “In fact, I think it’s best if I stayed over for the night.”

“’Tonio, you don’t have to do that-“

But the man was already removing his jacket and tossing it onto the table. “Nuh-uh. No can do. Tonight’s the night where you don’t get to argue with me. Now get your fat ass up there and rest.”

“But-“ Tetsuko chewed on her lower lip. “I still need to deal with that,” she said, indicating towards Abigail with her head.

“Did you manage to reach her dad?”

“Yes, but…he’s outstation now. Some conference. He’ll only be back tomorrow, and he’ll come straight to my place to pick her up.”

“Then that settles it. Just chuck her into the spare bedroom, and I’ll camp out on the sofa. C’mon, it’ll be alright.”

“I – uh – I dunno about that.”

“Why? What else is bothering you?”

“Nothing, man.”

“It’s Bunny, isn’t it?” Antonio said. “I know that look on your face, and it’s your Bunny Trouble look. What did that shithead do this time?”

“Things went south with him. Again. But I really think that he hates me for good now.” Tetsuko paused, as if suddenly remembering something. “Bunny Trouble look? What the hell’s that?”

“There’s no way he could hate you forever,” Antonio said, ignoring her last question. “I mean, he’d be pretty stupid if he did. You’re his only link towards humanity. Without you, he’s nothing more than a jerk with Asperger’s.”

“Hah! That’s a good one. But seriously…I think he means it this time. He said that he never wanted to see me again.”

“That’s just his emo self getting the best of him again. I’m sure he’ll call you before you know it.”

“No, you don’t get it, ‘Tonio. Me and him…we’ve already got this thing going on…”

“What kind of thing?” Antonio asked suspiciously.

Tetsuko hesitated, unsure of how she should phrase her answer. “I-it’s complicated. I don’t even know how to say it-“

“Oh, my God. He’s Mr. Salt Shaker, isn’t he?”

“Salt shaker? What’re you talking about?”

“You mentioned before you did the dirty with someone. I should’ve known it was Bunny. The two of you were practically begging to bang each other to bits. Took you idiots long enough to figure it out when all of us already saw it happening _centuries_ ago. So you’ve finally caught on with the programme, eh? I hope he’s as good as they say.”

“Does it matter? It’s game over. Finished! No more get out of jail cards.”

Antonio knitted his brow. “You serious?”

Tetsuko wasn’t in the mood to reply, so she shrugged instead. Slowly she allowed herself to droop forward until her head rested against his chest. She sighed, closing her eyes as she felt Antonio’s arms wrap up around her.

“Sleep,” the man urged. “You want me to whip you up something to eat first?”

“No,” she said. After a beat, her hand snaked up to pat his arm. “Thanks, man. For everything.”

He grinned, even though she couldn’t see it. “Hey,” he said. “I’m always your kemo sabe, princess.”    

* * *

 

Tetsuko tried the spare bedroom door. It was locked.

“Your dad’s coming to fetch you tomorrow, Abigail. So make sure you’re ready by the time he’s here, alright?” she said.

No response.

No doubt the girl was sulking after what Tetsuko did. Calling her father was by far the worst betrayal she’d ever done.

“You already asleep?”

Tetsuko pressed an ear close to the door. She could hear the bedsheet rustling as if someone was trying very, very hard to remain quiet.

“I fudged things up earlier. I know I should’ve handled the situation better. I’m sorry,” she said. “I figured that after we’ve sorted this thing out, we could still hang out and have fun together. Tell your dad to get you a credit card so that we could charge everything to his account.”

More heavy silence.

Tetsuko sighed.

“Now that I’m capable of having a decent conversation again, can we please sit down and talk about this like adults?” she said. “I know you’re still up.”

Abigail was really andamant about not talking to her. Tetsuko was starting to lose her patience. This was her house, dammit. The least the girl could’ve done was respect her as the host!

“Abigail, if you don’t open this door in one second, I’ll get your dad to ground you. No internet access, no K-pop boybands, no cellphone, no laptop or tv, and no social life! The only time you’ll ever get to watch YouTube videos again is when you’re fifty!”

Kaede hardly took that threat seriously, and Tetsuko wasn’t sure if it’d even work on Abigail. And she was afraid that she was right on that account, considering that there was a click, and the door opened slightly, revealing a pair of incredulous eyes glaring at her.

“Ah, there you are! Was wondering when you’d ever show up,” Tetsuko said brightly. “You ready to have that discussion now?”

“I was halfway asleep when you woke me,” the girl grumbled, but allowed her to enter nonetheless. “And you can’t make me give up my phone. Dad tried it before. It ended up badly.”

“I know that,” Tetsuko countered. “My own kid thinks I’m joking everytime I threaten her with a grounding. It’s tough being a cool parent and a disciplinarian at the same time.” She sat down at the vanity table, taking note of the beauty products Abigail had strewn over there.

“Baby Rose,” Tetsuko said, a hint of approval in her voice. “You’ve got great taste.”

“D’you even know what that is?” Abigail scoffed.

“Uh, _yeah._ You do know that me and Blue Rose are friends, right? Offered me free samples of her stuff too. I could probably weasel in an extra set for you. _If_ you’re nice to me, of course.”

“Huh,” Abigail said, perching herself onto the edge of the bed. “You say it, but you don’t mean it.”

“Of _course_ I mean it. I always keep my word.”

Tetsuko paused, watching the girl until she squirmed uncomfortably and barked: “Well? You said you wanted to talk. So talk!”

“You’ve been disappointed by adults one too many times, haven’t you?” Tetsuko said. “Especially your dad. Now, I don’t know your mom, nor of the things that went down with your parents, so I won’t even try to pretend that I do. That’s just insulting. I’m also not going to say you’re a smart kid, and you should do whatever feels right to you, because that’s typically what adults would normally say when they can’t think of anything else.”

“What’s the point of you being here, then?”

“I guess I just want things to be cool with us. You’re in a situation where you have no control over, so when your dad starts talking about the good things that might happen, you get hopeful. Nothing wrong with that, mind you. Problem is, your dad wasn’t grounded in reality when he said those things to you. Far as I’m concerned, I think your dad’s an idiot…but you didn’t hear it from me. I rescued him, because that’s just what I am. I’d do it to anyone…not just him. Ask my ex-partner. He’ll have plenty of stories to tell of how I tend to ‘stick my nose into other people’s business’. That’s his version, of course. My version’s much cooler.”

“So, what you’re really saying is that you and my dad aren’t dating?” Abigail asked slowly.

“I’d prefer it if your dad were the one to tell these things to you,” Tetsuko sighed. “I’m no good at handling this kind of situation.”

“My dad’s not here. _You_ are. It’s just a simple yes or no question.”

“Yeah, but the answer’s never simple, isn’t it?”

“Well?”

“No, we’re not. Never did and never will be. That gokon doesn’t count, because I was only there to accompany my friend.”

“Oh,” Abigail said, seemingly crestfallen.

“Sorry,” Tetsuko said with a slight wince. “I really didn’t want to say it.”

“Thank you. For being honest. Not a lot of people has been doing that to me lately. Dad, especially.”

“He probably has his reasons. You both should talk it out.”

Abigail said nothing. She looked like she was thinking hard about something.

“Hey, I’d still want to hang out with you,” said Tetsuko with a half-smile. “I mean, nobody’s ever run away to live with me before. I used to wish I could run away when I was a kid…but it’s usually to join a circus or to live under a bridge as a hobo. That is, until I found out what a hobo really meant.”

She shrugged when Abigail tossed her an incredulous look. It was the exact same expression Kaede normally wore everytime Tetsuko made a lame joke.

“Hey, I never said I was a smart kid,” she added matter-of-factly.

* * *

 

Antonio triple-checked the front door to make sure it was properly locked. Any idiot trying to break in again will now have to deal with a 290-pound Bull Tank from the Coast. His hands were itching to catch the burglar himself and strangle that person within an inch of his life. Tetsuko had been extremely lucky she wasn’t home when it happened. The thought of her getting hurt was-

His cellphone pinged. Bunny had finally deigned to reply his messsage _2 hours_ after Antonio had sent the original one, which was informing him what had happened to Tetsuko.

Antonio felt his blood boil at the young man’s answer.

_So? How is this relevant to me?_

He started typing out a reply before he could even think of what he was doing.

_Yeah, sure. Play the asshole card again. Should’ve expected that from you. Y’know, Tetsuko went and searched the perp all by herself in her home. That guy could’ve still hung about and things could’ve ended really bad for her._

Bunny replied less than a minute later.

_Still, none of that happened. She’s fine. Stop trying to guilt-trip me with your what-ifs._

Okay, so maybe Antonio will strangle Bunny first before anyone else.

_Mistook you as someone who still cared. Guess I was wrong on all accounts. Won’t bother you with updates of her life again._

Antonio thought that was the end of it after he sent that message, until his phone beeped again. Bunny would always have the last word, no matter what.

_Good. Looking forward to some peace and quiet finally._

Antonio swore under his breath, stowing his phone away. Honestly, what the hell does Tetsuko see in that guy? His bitch mode is ten times worse than Karina’s.

He trudged over to the couch, sinking down before jumping back up again when he heard the sad sound of breaking plastic. It was a picture frame. Tetsuko must’ve tossed it there while they were in the middle of straightening up the whole place earlier.

Antonio studied the photo in it, anger all forgotten as he chuckled quietly to himself. There was Tetsuko, seated on a chair and posing with a newborn Kaede. God, it’s hard to believe that the kid used to be so _tiny._ Tomo was standing beside her, bent over and touching the baby’s hand. He wasn’t even looking at the camera, but Antonio could see the pride shining on his face.

They’d both spent the first few days after Kaede’s birth in some sort of daze, still allowing the idea that they’re parents to finally sink in. But Antonio recalled that Tomo threw himself into the role with gusto afterwards. Which was really great of him, considering that Tetsuko was still recovering from the operation.

Placing the frame onto the coffee table, Antonio took off his shoes and lay back onto the couch, stretching himself out as he made himself comfortable. He stared at nothing for a moment, before he found his gaze slowly drifting over upstairs, where Tetsuko was sleeping.

He’ll take good care of her. It was a promise he’d made to himself when Tomo died. He’ll make sure that she’s always happy, so that when the time comes for him to finally meet Tomo again, he’d be able to look at that man straight in the eyes and say he did a damn good job out of it.

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Maybe, after examining all the evidence, Tetsuko really can’t be with Bunny after all.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The badminton set theft is a true story. Someone broke into my family home, and besides helping himself to my mother’s jewellery, the person also made off with my father’s badminton set. Even the police were baffled


	23. Step 23: That Year-Long Confession Part

Barnaby stared at his cellphone screen for a long while, fighting the urge to just erase his message, before reluctantly pressing _Send._

_Still, none of that happened. She’s fine. Stop trying to guilt-trip me with your what-ifs._

It hurt him to say that, but he had to do it to keep up the pretense. His ego demanded it. But he did it while standing right outside of Tetsuko’s apartment, shivering slightly in the cold, and seeing his breath turn to mist everytime he exhaled. In fact, he was at the fire escape, literally a few feet away from her bedroom window. If he’d tapped on the glass, he was positive that she’d wake up and see what it was. Whether or not she’d let him in would be another matter.

He really didn’t want to be there, and that wasn’t the late night weather talking. The moment Antonio told him what had happened to Tetsuko, his body was already propelling him out of the apartment, into his car and made him take the 30 minutes drive over to her apartment.

Before he knew it, he was standing uncertainly at the roadside curb, wrestling with the fierce debates going on and on in his mind. Is she alright? What can he do to help? Should he be there for her? Does she even want him around now?

He sighed when his phone vibrated. He already knew what Antonio was going to say. He typed in a quick reply and sent it, hoping that he won’t get another message.

Taking a seat on the steps, he winced when he felt the cold from the metal seep through the seat of his pants. Great. So once again he was Tetsuko’s secret stalker-slash-protector. It had seemed so romantic in the movies, but he was willing to bet that no part of of the script mentioned anything about the hero getting his butt frozen over some stupid argument.

He thought longingly of the warmth in Tetsuko’s room, and that forgiving smile of hers. Of _course_ he never meant what he said to her…and of _course_ she had to take him seriously. Everything’s a stupid misunderstanding, and he knew that all it takes was for him to start talking to her again. She’d offered him an olive branch, and he’d all but spat onto her face.

But no. Sorry was the hardest word for him say at the moment. Lowering his pride enough to admit that he’d committed a huge mistake was never his modus operandi.

And yet…

And yet there he was, sitting outside her home like some stupid, lovesick puppy, hoping against hope that she’d developed psychic powers overnight and realized that he’d wanted her all along.

This is all so dumb. He’d been sneezing for the fifth time in a row now. Quickly getting to his feet and brushing himself off, he cast one long look at Tetsuko’s window, before climbing back down the fire escape.    

* * *

 

Barnaby skipped gym the next day…partly because he _did_ end up getting a cold, and also because he knew Antonio would be there. He spent the free time he had camping out in the conference room, autographing stacks of his photos. It was relaxing, for one thing. The mundane repetitiveness of the task allowed his mind to wander.

He left for a moment to go to the restroom, and when he got back, he saw that a very familiar figure had comandeered his seat. Shaking his head, he re-entered the conference room. Already he could hear the jacked-up decibels of a punk rock song piping out from around Ryan’s headphones. Honestly, it’s a wonder if that man had any hearing left.

Ryan had clearly taken over his autographing job. He was busily scribbling something over the photo, and as Barnaby crept nearer to see what it was, the golden idiot let out an involuntary chuckle.

Barnaby’s expression darkened.

Ryan had given him a set of pointy ears and a handlebar moustache – its thin strands arching upwards to give him the expression of a rather thoughtful cat. He’d then proceeded to darken one side of Barnaby’s glasses and sketched out a hook over one hand. A parrot and a sea captain hat would’ve completed the whole look, but no – Ryan opted to draw UFOs over his head, shooting lasers at a kaiju battling King Kong over one corner.

Barnaby decided that he had had enough of Picasso desecrating his picture. He slammed a hand over the table, causing Ryan to jump. He then snatched the offending marker from his former partner’s unresisting fingers.

“That,” he said, capping up the marker firmly, “is _quite_ enough.”

“Heya, Barnaby!” said Ryan, a wide grin spreading across his face. He pulled down his headphones and switched off his iPod. “How’s it hangin’?”

“What are you doing here?” he huffed, starting to gather his things on the table. Ryan’s a menace when it comes to unattended personal belongings.

“Seeing you, obviously. Hey, you’re free right now, right? Let’s go do something.”

“No.” In his haste, Barnaby accidentally knocked over his daily planner. It landed facedown on the carpet. Clicking his tongue in annoyance, he hunkered down to retrieve it. He turned it around, and saw that it had opened to the page where he and Tetsuko had their Hangman game ages ago. His eyes naturally fell onto the sentence she’d scribbled over one corner. His own name in Japanese. Funny. He’d imagined that it’d be shorter than the one she’d written. Maybe the Japanese do have a way of elaborating their words.

“Psh, spoilsport. I _knew_ you’d say that. Say, did you get your ass whipped by Petrov as bad as I did? What did he make you do, huh?”

“I’m not discussing that with you,” said Barnaby, standing up again and made to leave.

“Hey, wait!”

Much to Barnaby’s chagrin, Ryan quickly got to his feet and was already trailing after him.

“For the last time, Ryan…I’m not going anywhere with you! I’ve got work to do!” he snapped.

“Oh, yeah? Like what? Autographing yourself? Y’know, you could’ve hired someone to do that for you. Fans aren’t going to notice, anyway. So…did you and Tigress make up afterwards? Nothing like a good fight to clear the air, eh? You can thank me later. I never saw myself as a matchmaker…but boy, was I good or what?”

“No, you weren’t. And it would be prudent for you to remember to never meddle with other people’s businesses ever again.”

“Aw, c’mon. I thought I did a great job. All things considered.”

“Go home, Ryan,” Barnaby said wearily. They’d reached the elevator and he punched the ‘Up’ button. “Go and…bother someone else for a change. I’m really not in the mood right now.”

“You’re _always_ not in the mood. It’s like you’re on constant PMS. The only time you’d ever perk up is when you’re with her. Only by a small margin, mind you,” said Ryan, holding his thumb and forefinger an inch apart to emphasize his point. “You never were Mr. Sunshine, but at least she’d taught you some basic social skills. Y’know, if you didn’t want to-“

“Just who the hell are you talking about now?”

Ryan gave him a sideways look, as if wondering whether he’d gone simple all of a sudden. “Tetsuko, man. Who else d’you think I’m talking about? It can’t possibly be that ogre Agnes Joubert now, can it? Speaking of which – didja know Tetsuko’s house got broken in yesterday?”

“I know.”

“Crazy, huh? These days civvies aren’t even scared of former Heroes anymore. Antonio’s starting a whip around, trying to get the rest of the gang to chip in money to help her get back on her feet. Goodness knows Petrov’s almost bankrupted her with his stupid fines and whatnot. One would think that he’d be lenient on her…but _nooo.”_ Ryan paused, suddenly realizing that he’d been prattling on by himself. He caught the faraway look in Barnaby’s eyes, and nudged him hard in the ribs. “Where were you, man?”

“Nowhere,” said Barnaby curtly. The elevator finally pinged and the doors slid open.

“Y’know, sometimes I wish your head’s a giant magic-8 ball,” Ryan complained as they both entered. “If I ever need a straight answer, all I have to do is give it a good shake.”

“How’s this for an answer?” Barnaby snapped. _“Don’t count on it.”_

* * *

 

“Oi, McEnroy. You really need to stop telling your daughter stories about us. You’ve no idea how damaging it is to her once she found out that they weren’t true.”

“I know that,” McEnroy said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

Tetsuko pursed her lips. “Sorry just doesn’t cut it anymore. My goodness. It’s gotten so far that she’s run away to live with me. What if I wasn’t home when she arrived? What if something happened that I won’t be around for days? What could’ve happened to her then? Bronze Tier’s still not a safe place for young girls to run around on their own. God, you need to stop and _think_ about these things for once! You’re chasing some fake fantasy, and Abigail got caught up in it. Right now I don’t know whether I should punch you, or report you for…for inadequate parenting!”

McEnroy had brought both her and Abigail over to Central Park for the afternoon. The plan was for them to talk things over. Throughout the years, the park had slowly evolved into a mini funfair of sorts, all thanks to City Hall’s efforts of installing a carousel over there. Abigail was currently merrily spinning around in it, while Tetsuko and McEnroy were seated on a bench nearby. Every now and then the girl would smile and wave when she passed them by.

“She’d always liked horses,” McEnroy said, waving back.

“Then get her one,” Tetsuko said bluntly. “Do everything you can to fix this. She’s counting on you to be the responsible adult, and you’re not giving her that.”

“Hey, that’s not fair. It’s not like I locked her up and left her to _starve.”_

“I _know_ that,” she shot back. “What I meant was-“

“I know what you meant. You’ve been repeating it for the third time now.”

“It’s only because this is very important. Not only for her, but for me, too! You think it’s tough being a single parent? Well, guess what? I _know_ how that is. But what us adults are going through is _nothing_ compared to what our kids have to go through. They don’t have as much options as we do.”

“Tetsuko, I practically raised Abigail on my own. You expect me to know everything there is about parenting? I don’t even know _half_ of what I was doing! At least _you_ had family support. Not everyone can just dump their kids over to their grandparents whenever they feel like it.”

“It was either that or quit my Hero job. You think it’s cheap, raising a kid in Sternbild with no income? I can’t rely on my brother’s paycheque! He barely made enough for himself and my mum over at the liquor store! Believe me when I say it was the hardest decision I had to make.”

Tetsuko remembered that day very well. Kaede had thought that their trip to Oriental Town was just a holiday. It took Tetsuko a while to explain to her what was going on. By the time she was getting ready to drive back to Sternbild, Kaede had steadfastly refused to say goodbye. Only her mother and Muramasa had stood at the doorway to see her off. Tetsuko had walked back to her car feeling as if her heart was cut open and weighed down by that sulking five-year-old who’d chosen to stare at the kitchen corner, probably making valiant efforts to fight off the tears.

“When was any decision ever easy to make?” McEnroy said morosely.

Tetsuko’s expression softened. Abigail was passing by them again, waving and grinning excitedly. Tetsuko raised an arm in response, grinning as she waved back.

“I’ll give you an easy one, then,” she said, turning back towards McEnroy. “You like chocolate or vanilla?”

* * *

 

Barnaby stood stock still. Of all the places he could imagine running into Tetsuko, he never thought it’d be Central Park. He’d went there with the hopes of clearing his head.

But there she was – enjoying ice cream with the man he’d recognized as McEnroy from the gokon. They were joined by a girl he didn’t know, but obviously Tetsuko knew her as well, from the casual way she draped an arm over the girl’s shoulder and took a selfie together. They both chuckled over the result, before Tetsuko’s fingers worked quickly as she transferred the photo to the girl’s phone. Tetsuko must’ve said something funny to McEnroy at that point, because that man threw his head back and guffawed.

Maybe things really couldn’t work out between them. He’d burnt his side of the bridge so many times now that he didn’t know how to fix it anymore. He knew he’d been hard on her so many times. It wouldn’t be her fault if she’d grown tired of being the one who’d kept on trying to patch things up with him.

He took out his phone, pulling up Tetsuko’s number in his contacts list, and stared at the silly tiger icon she’d secretly assigned for him when he wasn’t looking. He selected the option to erase the number, and immediately a popup window appeared.

_Confirm delete number Y/N._

His thumb hovered uncertainly over the ‘Yes’ button.

What does it matter if he did it anyway? He’d already decided that they’re no longer friends.

But then…

But then…

Someone collided against him, causing his hand to jerk. He felt his thumb tapping the touchscreen, and could only watch in dismay as the popup window appeared, happily telling him that _‘Contact erased from list’._

“You _idiot!”_ he snarled at the person.

“Whoops!” said Ryan. “Hope I didn’t ruin anything important. What’re you doing staring at your phone, anyway? We’re people-watching, remember?” He did a double take when he spotted a very familiar newsboy cap. “Ooh… _she’s_ here. Is that what your googly eyes is all about, then?”

“I don’t do googly eyes!”

“Sure you do. Hey, who’s Mr. Dinosaur over there? Are they like, a thing?”

“He’s just someone she knew. She’d saved his live twice, and now he’s shadowing her like nobody’s business.”

“Gah, hero worship. Well, what’re you waiting for? Go up there and set him straight! Show him what’s what! I didn’t play Ronan Keating for nothing, man. Nobody messes with your woman and gets away with it.”

“For the last time, Ryan,” Barnaby said, still smarting over the accidental erasing of her number, “stop with the caveman talk already. She’s fine over there on her own. Besides, he’s got his kid with him. She’s probably a fan, and Tetsuko’s entertaining her.”

He became aware of the growing silence beside him, and when he looked, Ryan was staring at him with a gobsmacked expression on his face.

“What?” he grounded out grumpily.

“Wouldja look at that? Ooh, this is priceless,” Ryan started to chuckle. “Barnaby Brooks, _the_ bona fide King of Heroes. Millions of girls would sacrifice their ovaries in your honour…and yet there you are, too scared _shitless_ to actually talk to her.”

“I’m not scared!” he snapped.

“Yeah well, _prove_ it, then. This isn’t some college chick you just met at the bar, man. It’s Tetsuko, fer crying out loud. You’ve known her for four years now-”

“Five,” Barnaby corrected absently.

Ryan made an affirmative gesture with his hands. “There you go – five years. There’s nothing about her that you don’t know about. Talking to her’s as natural as shaking hands. Assuming you both have shook hands before-“

“Of _course_ we’ve shaken hands! What kind of statement is that?”

“Hot damn, I finally got it now.”

“Got what?” said Barnaby. If there was one thing about Ryan that he disliked was that the man had a tendency to veer off topic at the drop of a hat. It was a mental jog just trying to keep up with what Ryan was saying, meaning that Barnaby simply tuned him off everytime it seemed as if he’s rambling again.

“You think it’s a bad idea tangling with her. That’s why you’re staying the hell away. I mean, she’s a Volvo. You’re a freaking Ferrari. She’s all for attending PTA meetings and playing soccer mom over the weekend, while you’re still swinging off chandeliers. How can you both find any middle ground to work on? That’s what bothering you, right? Now that dude over there-“ Ryan pointed at McEnroy, “-he totally gets her. They’re practically the same age, anyway. Probably goes to the same parenting club too. Look at ‘em, getting all chummy and everything.”

Barnaby honestly didn’t think that they were chummy…but maybe that’s because he’d steadfastly refused to see things as they were. Tetsuko had managed to dribble ice cream onto the table, causing him to chuckle slightly. She’d always been a careless eater, and he’d always end up cleaning after her. His smile faded, however, when McEnroy produced a tissue and started dabbing at the mess – touching her hand in process to indicate that she shouldn’t worry about it. He must’ve said something cheeky too, for then she’d laughed and punched him in the arm.

Barnaby no longer prayed. He’d stopped doing so the day his parents died. If there ever was a merciful god, it no longer existed. Or maybe it did, but it never cared for him.

But today of all days he prayed.

He prayed that he still had some small chance with her.

* * *

 

“Like it or not, Tomo’s gonna be a part of both your lives.”

“Really now?” Barnaby asked, eyes following Antonio’s hands as the older man attempted to make a paper crane out of his napkin. So far he’d missed a step, which explained why he’d been muddling over the same corner for the past minute or so. It didn’t help matters that he was already tipsy by the time Barnaby found him.

Against his better judgement, he’d wound up calling Antonio and apologizing. He needed advice, and right now Antonio was the only person qualified to give any. Which also explained why they were both at Hero Bar. Keith and Ivan had joined them too, but currently they were engrossed with a round of table soccer.

“Listen, you’re playing a completely different kind of game when it comes to Tetsuko,” Antonio said. “You can’t just sweep her off her feet like any typical girl. Maybe it’ll work with Karina, or Pao Lin, even. But this isn’t some fresh jailbait you’re dealing with. Tetsuko, she’s…she’s the woman who’s gone backstage, y’know. She knows how marriage works, seen the wires and the green screen. You can’t use smoke and mirrors to make her fall for you. It’s like what my late mama used to say: you can’t fool a married woman.”

Barnaby raised a skeptical brow. “She actually said that?”

“Hell, yeah,” Antonio countered. He’d given up on the paper crane and tossed the mangled napkin aside. “Winning approval from Tetsuko’s family is only half the battle. The _real_ challenge, is Kaede. Whether you like it or not, what she thinks is going to matter to Tetsuko. And lemme tell you firsthand that bribing the girl with stuff isn’t going to score you any brownie points in the long run. She knows what you’re really after, and it’s something she’s not willing to give up.”

Barnaby thought this over, then said: “Tetsuko.”

“Yep.”

“I don’t get it. How come? It’s not like things are going to change between them…right?”

“Put yourself in Kaede’s shoes for a moment, okay? There she is, seeing her mother kissing some stranger, and she’s feeling frightened and maybe a bit betrayed. Why? Because she’s scared that said stranger would take her mother away forever and leave her all alone again.”

“But I’m not some stranger-“ Barnaby began, but Antonio cut him off.

“Which brings me to the betrayal part,” he said. “You should realize that every girl’s first love is her father. In her mind, Tomo has always been with Tetsuko since _forever._ You can’t expect to transplant yourself in his place and think she’s going to be okay with it immediately. I mean, imagine, for a second…that you marry Tetsuko. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Well, what is Kaede going to call you? Dad? Otoo-san? Bunny bastard? What?”

“That’s not too difficult. She can call me whatever she’s comfortable with.”

“Then comes the issue of kids.”

“Kids?”

“Yes, kids. Imagine, during your hypothetical marriage and after copious bouts of bonking you both are no doubt going to be engaged in…hypothetically, of course…and _suddenly,_ lo and behold a kid pops out.”

Barnaby shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Tetsuko and I, we never…”

“Talked about these things? Well, mister…it’s time that you both did. Sit down, place your cards on the table, and underline every aspect of your life that’s important and determine the ones that you can priortize the most. It’s the _only_ way you can get through this. And it’s not a matter of you never having kids. It’s more a matter of when you _do_ have ‘em. Don’t think that contraceptives can keep you 100% baby-free. Suddenly, one of ‘em does a Houdini, and nine months later you’re fitting a kiddie seat inside your Lamborghini. Soon enough you find yourself having quickie sessions only when the kids are asleep. Gone are the days of aromatheraphy candles, rose petals on the bed and hours of tantric sex. It’s all touch and go from then onwards. Now, if you think you can face all of that without screaming bloody murder afterwards, congratulations. You’re just about _slightly_ ready.”

“How’d you know these things?”

“Tetsuko told me, of course. Or rather, _complained_ about it. But all that complaining stopped when Tomo got sick. Funny how all the mundane things you did with your husband suddenly seemed like the best thing ever…specially when you realize that you’re no longer doing it. Well that happened to her.”

“I understand it has been particularly difficult for her.”

“Damn straight it was! But Tetsuko…she’s a trooper. She handles it all like a…um, whassat animal that lands on its feet when it falls? Mongoose…yeah, that’s it.”

“I think you meant cat,” said Barnaby carefully.

Antonio slapped the tabletop with one hand, swivelling in his seat to face Barnaby. “Right, so this is the part where I say the same thing to every guy who’s ever been interested in her,” he said, getting serious all of a sudden. He leaned over, sending forth a wave of beer halitosis. “If you ever hurt her in any way, I’ll cut your balls off and use it to play ping-pong. But not after Karina has frozen it, Nathan has fricasseed it, and Pao Lin has zapped you within an inch of your life. Now, I don’t know what Keith would do. Probably pull you aside for some talking-to. As for Ivan…well, forget about him.” He finally sat back. “That’s the whole gist of it.”

“Noted,” said Barnaby calmly. “So any funny business from me, and all the Heroes will come raining over my head like a sack of bricks.”

“Bet your bottom dollar we will.” Antonio picked up his beer bottle, swirling its contents thoughtfully. “Hot damn. Tetsuko broke my heart when she married Tomo. And now _you:_ Mr. Frou-Frou Lala. A guy just can’t seem to catch a break sometimes, eh?”

Barnaby looked, and caught the wistful expression flitting over the older man’s face. It spoke of secret confessions, faded hearts on a sleeve, and an altogether hopeless sense of unrequited love borne from twenty years of childhood friendship.

Antonio took a swig, then set the bottle back onto the countertop. “Y’know, when Tomo died, I went over to his grave and asked for his permission to marry Tetsuko. Bastard never answered. Guess I now know why.”

Barnaby chose not to say anything. There was an ache, that much he could tell…and no amount of words – no matter how well-picked and arranged - could make it all go away.

Antonio stirred, suddenly realizing he’d spoken too much. “Ah, look at me…talking my mouth off again,” he said. “Pay no mind. It’s all the alcohol’s fault, bwahaahaa!”

“Thank you, Antonio. You’ve been a great help.”

“Yeah, well. Don’t start blubbering your man tears on me. I did this for her, and nobody else.”

Barnaby smiled. “Don’t we all?”

“Go to her, drop down to your knees, and _beg_ for forgiveness. I honestly think you don’t deserve her. Not by a long shot…considering the kind of shit you’ve made her go through. But Tetsuko – well…she forgives easily. That’s her best – and worst trait. Don’t you ever abuse that, you understand?”

“After receiving advance warning from the rest of the Heroes? I wouldn’t dream of it,” Barnaby said with a wry smile.

“Yeah, well… _good.”_

* * *

 

The sky was threatening to open up anytime soon. It was already drizzling lightly by the time Barnaby made it to his car. He was about to enter when he heard someone call him. It was Ivan.

“Sorry to bother you, Barnaby-san,” the boy said breathlessly. He bowed, both hands outstretched. There was a rolled up parchment resting in his palms.

“Er, thank you…?” Barnaby said uncertainly as he took it. “What’s this for?”

“I’ve been taking calligraphy lessons, de gozaru. Practiced by writing down all the Heroes’ names in Japanese. Tetsuko-san has been very kind. She’d gone through my work and said that I’m good. Anyway, yours was the second one I’ve done. Wouldn’t have given this to you, but she’d insisted. Said something about you needing to develop your people skills. I don’t know what she meant by that…”

Barnaby unrolled the parchment. To his untrained eye, it looked like a beautifully rendered calligraphy piece. There was even a swish of brushstrokes at the end which suspiciously looked like a rabbit.

“Thank you, Ivan,” he smiled. “This is a wonderful gift.”

“It’s not perfect, de gozaru,” Ivan babbled on. “I still have-“

“I love it. I will hang it in my apartment,” Barnaby said, looking at the katakana characters again. A thought suddenly hit him. “You say this is my name?”

“Er, hai. Yes. Although, technically the pronounciation is Ba-na-bi Bu-ruk-kusu. But yeah…it’s pretty close.”

“Hang on-“ he ducked into the car and took out his daily planner. He flipped open to one page. “I thought this is my name. How come they look different?”

Ivan peered at the words, a perplexed frown marring his features. “Eh? What’s this? You’re mistaken. This is not your name.”

“What? It isn’t? But Tetsuko said that it is.”

“I don’t know what she’s playing at, but this is actually a sentence, de gozaru.”

“A sentence? What does it say?”

 _“Aishiteru, Bunny.”_ Ivan looked up to meet Barnaby’s confused gaze. “It means ‘I love you, Bunny’. Er, did I say something wrong?”

* * *

 

**Episode the next: Tetsuko’s secret confession buried within the pages of Bunny’s daily planner.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did some research, and I understand that in Japanese culture, love is expressed through actions, and not words. Which is why they don’t say ‘I love you’ as often as Westerners do. So there’s no really definite translations aside from 'aishite imasu', 'aishiteru' or 'suki desu'. But I’d figured that since Tetsuko is open with her feelings and she needed to express it without Bunny really knowing, she’d resort to this. It was never my intention to butcher Japanese language, really. Sorry if there’s any mistakes.


	24. Step 24: That Aishiteru Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tetsuko's experimentation with lingerie gets cut short when Bunny comes barging in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Japanese bits courtesy of Google translate. I know that there are different male and female prefixes, but I won’t muck around with that here, for fear of mangling the language further. If you’re fluent, and spot any mistakes, please let me know.

Tetsuko wondered belatedly if one could get drunk from Pepsi. She’d been having a close to three cans already, all thanks to her drinking game with a Korean soap opera. _Take a drink if the girl goes misty-eyed everytime the guy looks smoulderingly at her. Take another drink if the guy says ‘I’m sorry’._ She’d given up trying to figure out the plot, much less the lineup of characters…but at least the leading man was easy on the eyes.

Nathan had been her kind benefactor for the tv. He’d shown up earlier at her door, bearing something which he claimed to be ‘an extra set just lying around’ and that ‘he’d needed the extra space’. He’d airily waved off her protests, assuring her she wasn’t a charity case. He needed to install a wall aquarium, and the tv was in the way. So now Tetsuko was the reluctant owner of a relatively brand new flatscreen.

The commercials came on, and they’re showing a clip montage of the recent Victoria’s Secret fashion show. Amidst the bevy of shots involving sequins, satins and cleavage, Bunny came along, strutting on the catwalk with a giggling angel draped on each arm. Apparently he’d been invited as the guest of honour, and there he was, dressed in his dove grey suit and light pink silk cravat, looking for all the world like he was _born_ to be there. Tetsuko growled and tossed a handful of chips towards the tv as the models crowded around him to kiss his cheeks. One particularly brazen hussy almost managed to peck his mouth, and the girl had tittered and acted as if it was an accident.

“Bloody sluts, the whole lot of you!” Tetsuko howled.

After yet another trip to the bathroom, she made her way back to the couch. Her feet accidentally bumped against something sticking out from the bottom. It was Nathan’s stupid Emergency Sex Pack. She huffed silently, shaking her head as she pulled it out and placed it onto her lap. The lacy négligée was held up to her critical gaze. Again with all the pointless ruffles and bows. What the hell, man? They’re really making this whole sex thing into some sort of glorified ritual.

The thin, gauzy material left little to the imagination. She could see the tv through the damned thing. It’s as if she’s holding mosquito netting in her hands. But still, she had to admit that the lacework was impressive. She suddenly wondered how’d she look in it. Hesitating, she pondered the pros and cons of putting on a potentially dangerous and quite possibly ridiculous piece of clothing. She could get arrested for exposing herself in her own home.

She shrugged, dismissing the thought. Welp, it’s not like she’s ever going to have sex, so might as well try it out. Where’s the harm, right?

So, armed with that particular method of persuasion, she went upstairs to the bedroom and began to change. As the hem of the négligée fell over her thighs, she fluffed up her hair, took a deep breath, and turned around to face the mirror. Her eyebrows shot up.

After the initial shock died, she took a closer look at her reflection. She turned this way and that to view herself at various angles. She had to hand it over to Nathan: that man certainly knew how to read her measurements. The cut of the négligée complemented her figure, and the cup of the bodice provided a nice push-up effect. No wonder women love these things. It made them look like goddesses. The thing hid all the unwanted extra bits and exposed just enough of other important bits to make it look interesting. It’s almost like sorcery.

On a sudden whiff of inspiration, she struck a Victoria’s Secret-like model pose – and almost dislocated her hips. Sheesh, how the hell do they do it? No wonder they get paid millions. Their job is actually more dangerous than Heroing.

Her eyes fell on the vanity table and another idea hit her. Whyever the heck not? Might as well go the extra mile while she’s at it. Besides, even little girls do it with their mother’s stuff when they play dress-up, no? She began to apply lip gloss and a very light dusting of kohl over her eyes. She then spritzed on a bit of perfume over her neck and chest.

As she rooted around her closet for a pair of stilettos she’d never gotten around to wearing, she silently thanked herself for not being drunk while doing this. Otherwise she’d have taken a selfie and posted it over the internet for every Tom, Dick and Harry to see.

Shoes were nowhere to be found. She’d probably given them away. Oh well. She struck another pose in front of the mirror, and jumped halfway to the ceiling when a thundering knock shook the apartment. What kind of idiot could be at the door at this hour?!

The person knocked again. Louder this time. Probably with a battering ram. She’d better hurry on down before the neighbours start complaining. There’s no time to change back. She cast about the room for something decent to cover herself, then settled on the bathrobe hanging by a hook on the wall.

She scurried over to the door, knotting up the robe. Hmph, the sheer nerve of that person, interrupting her private time. Peering through the peephole, she undid the chain and opened the door.

“Bunny? What’re you doing here? You’re soaking wet!”

The man said nothing, giving her a sour look as he brushed past.

“Well, come on in,” she muttered crabbily.

Barnaby entered the living room. He reached for the remote and switched the television off, standing with his arms akimbo, dripping gently onto the carpet as he waited for her to join him.

“Hey, I was watching that! Yoo-Jin was about to confess her feelings to whatzisname-“

“What’s the meaning of this?” he demanded, holding up his daily planner.

Tetsuko peered. “Optometrist appointment, 5 o’clock?”

He glared, flipped the planner around, turned to the correct page, and showed it back to her. “What did you write at the corner?”

“Oh, haha! I remember the hangman game. Can’t believe you still keep that.”

“Tetsuko.”

He was using his serious voice. She subsided. “It’s your name in Japanese. I thought I told you that already.”

“Liar.”

She snorted. “Me? Lie? Why would I do that?”

“It was a confession, wasn’t it? _Aishiteru?_ God, I cannot believe it took me a whole year to figure it out!”

“Haha, of course I love you. We wouldn’t be best friends if I didn’t-“

“Tetsuko, for once in your life: _stop lying to me!”_

Tetsuko snapped her mouth shut. “Ok, so I love you. So what? Thought I’d made that clear at Petrov’s office, but apparently it only switches on your pissy bitch mode.”

“Is this what you enjoy doing? You, with your come-ons and me practically going _crazy_ because of you-“

“Oh, _please._ Stop being such a drama queen, Bunny.”

“And you should stop your _games,_ Tetsuko. You’ve already had your fun.”

Tetsuko’s eyes widened. “Fun? FUN?? You think having you yell at me is _fun?_ What the hell is wrong with you? You’re getting your panties all twisted up over what I wrote _ages_ ago!”

“Why didn’t you tell me then? What’s with all this running around in circles? I could’ve – we could’ve -” Barnaby cut himself off, growling in frustration. To think that all of this could be avoided if she’d just opened her stupid mouth. He’s starting to wonder what would’ve happened if she never left. They’d probably be happier than they were now…or probably be facing yet another nuclear fallout of their relationship. But that’s just the unavoidable truth – he’ll never find out.

“This is stupid,” she muttered, storming off into the kitchen. “Are you _really_ going to split hairs over this? Why can’t you just leave things as it is?”

He tossed his planner aside and followed her. “Because I can’t understand how we could get from what we were before only to have you push me away. Not once, not twice, but many times over! Are you really that much of a sadist? Do you enjoy stringing me along and then dropping me when I least expect it?”

“Then why are you wasting you time with me? There are _thousands_ of girls out there practically lining up for a date. All you have to do is just stand on the street and make a bloody announcement!”

“The fact that I’m even _here_ with you doesn’t register? You’re not as dumb as you make yourself out to be, Tetsuko. Even you should know by now how I feel about you.”

“Yeah? And what’s that? That fantastic bromance vibe you have towards me? Y’know, I seem to recall a few days ago you’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t ever want to speak to me. What changed, huh?” she said sneeringly.

“I lo-“ Barnaby scrunched his eyes shut. Even during crucial moments like this he still couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Looks like someone’s still allergic to the L word. Who’s the bigger idiot now?”

“Dammit, Tetsuko. Why must you insist on putting yourself out of reach the whole time? I-“ His phone suddenly rang. He took it out, and in a fit of rage, hurled it against the wall. Its electronic chirping immediately died. Even Tetsuko gaped. She’d never seen him like this before.

Shards of aluminium casing and microchip rained onto the floor. He glared at her and said something.

“What?”

“It’s Tomo, isn’t it?” he said. “He’s the one trapping you to the past. I’m sorry, but I really have to say this-“

Tetsuko blanched. She raised a finger warningly. “Bunny, _no.”_

“You’re not living with memories, Tetsuko. You’re living with _guilt.”_

“Brooks, I’m telling you to stop.” _Please._

“You’ve allowed his mother to colour your reality. On the surface you may seem like you don’t care, but that’s just another lie you tell yourself so that you can keep on hating your powers, the time you didn’t have with him. But that’s all done now. You’re still here, alive…and the thing about life is that it moves on. _You’ve_ taught me that. There’s nothing more you can do for Tomo.”

Tetsuko’s temples were pounding by now. “For the love of God. Shut. The hell. _Up.”_

“At the end of the day, all you’ve got is a dead man who couldn’t care less what happens to you simply because he no longer can.”

Tetsuko heard it then: the sound of her soul breaking. She’d never wanted to punch him hard in face like right now, especially when he raised a challenging brow and said: “Am I correct so far?”

She set her jaw and lifted up her chin, haughty as a queen. Wild Tigress may be down, but she’ll never, ever give up her pride. “Are you done? Because if you are, then you can leave now.”  

“Just tell me one thing: why?”

“Whippersnappers like you can never understand what the real grownups are saying. So why don’t you just go back to your toy train set and let me be?”    

“Why, Tetsuko? _Why?”_

_“It’s because I don’t want to bury you!”_

The scream still echoed against the ceiling. Tetsuko stared back at him, chest heaving. “Because I’m afraid you’d disappear once I turn my back. That’s why I didn’t want to care. That’s why I’ve kept on running. I thought that maybe if I saw you with someone else, then I’d be so happy that I forget to be sad. Do you have any idea how terrifying it is hearing that stupid wristcom go off? Now I know how Tomo felt. He never watches Hero TV anymore. Not ever since I was in it. He prefers to hear the whole story when I get back.”

Tear pooled her eyes, and they fell as she went on: “I’ve been in the dark for years, Bunny. If you were to die, I’d be _paralyzed._ I’d be living normally, sure. Every morning I’d force myself to wake up and go about as if everything’s okay. But every night before I go to sleep I’d say to the room: ‘Are you there?’, knowing that I’ll never get an answer. And I’ll end up staring at the shrine where your _goddamned_ face is. I cannot do that. Not anymore. I’ve already buried one man in my life, and that’s one man too many.”

She was crying freely by now. On some level, she was aware that she wasn’t a dorama actress who’d still had her waterproof mascara on even after blubbering like a baby. She grabbed a handful of tissues, didn’t care that Barnaby was there, and blew her nose loudly. She tossed it to the trash bin, missed, got angry and kicked the bin aside.

 _“Screw it all!”_ She really needed to break something too.

For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of her sniffling. She was embarrassed, obviously. She’d always been so strong, so cheerful. Tears are only for when you’re alone - not when your ex-partner’s staring at you, probably thinking of his next stupid comeback.

“Y’know, I took a real huge leap when I said what I said at Petrov’s office,” she said, struggling to keep her voice even. “I was willing to give it a shot. But your answer was a sign that maybe I’ve been right all this while. I-it’s not possible. _We’re_ impossible.”

“I want you to translate something for me.”

She sighed, then sobbed. “What are you babbling about now?”

“Say: ‘I was lonely the entire time you were gone’.”

She turned towards him, cheeks shining with tears, looking at him as if he’d lost his mind. He glared back at her, a steely glint in his eyes, as he barked: “Say it!”

She started. Then, with a gulp of breath and a sniffle, she raised her chin. _“Watashi wa, anata ga nakunatte ita zentai no jikan kodokudatta.”_

He took a step closer. “I looked for you in every street corner, but you weren’t there.”

“Bunny, this is-“

“Don’t make me repeat myself.”

She subsided. She knew that look, and it said that he was getting his way no matter what. _“Watashi wa subete no machikado de anata o sagashitaga, anata wa arimasendeshita.”_

He took another step. “You are a very cruel person.”

Her eyebrows shot up, but she said nonetheless: _“Anata wa hijō ni zankokuna hitodesu.”_

One final step, and he was so close, she could smell the rain on him. “I was afraid that you’d forget about me.”

 _“Baka,”_ she suddenly chuckled. He didn’t need that one translated. “I could never forget you, Bunny. Give me a thousand lifetimes, and even if I’m resurrected as a man…I’d still remember you.”

He grabbed her shoulders then, eyes blazing fiercely. “Man or woman, I don’t care! I’d still find you!”

Another laugh. It was ridiculous, because she was supposed to be crying. “Well, that remains to be seen, hm?”

"Do you see, now? What I've been trying to say? Is it finally inside that head of yours?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“Tetsuko, I cannot promise you that I won’t die, or get hurt…but know that no matter how many times I go away, I’d be coming back just to hear you call me ‘Bunny-chan’ again.”

“Thought you hated that name,” she muttered.

“Silly woman. I never said that.”

He leaned into her. She tensed up, knowing full well what was going to happen. Their lips were already grazing when she shook her head and tried to get away.

He grabbed her chin and gently forced her to look at him. “You're not going anywhere this time.”

“But-“

Tetsuko was surprised at how quickly she responded to his kiss. His mouth was cold, yet his breath was warm as it mingled with hers. She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling that familiar stirring sensation when their hips met. Her backside hit the kitchen table as he ground himself into her.

Barnaby broke them apart, dark eyes staring intently at her as he began to undo the knots of her robe. Tetsuko couldn’t bear to meet his gaze, flushing as she focused instead on his jacket’s zipper. His hands were trembling. He was so nervous he could die. Tetsuko was like a dream, a bubble that could burst if he touched her too much.

The robe finally falling open, he dropped his gaze – and hesitated. “What is this?”

“Oh.” Tetsuko had completely forgotten about the négligée. “It-it was a gift from Nathan. I know I look really stupid in it, so-“ she began pawing at her robe to cover herself again.

_“Don’t.”_

The commanding tone of his voice made her stop. He seemed to be fixated on the damned thing, one hand reaching up to trace the ruffles, the frilly curlicues, and the tiny rosettes dotting the bodice which made her feel like a wedding cake.

“Nathan gets ‘em cheap from the store, I think,” she babbled as he pushed the robe further down her shoulders. She felt it fall behind her onto the floor. “B-but I don’t think they have your size. Maybe some of the corsets might. Y’know, the S&M range? Y-you’re not into that kind of thing, are yo- oooh!”

He’d lowered himself, tracing her collarbone with his mouth. Tetsuko took in another shuddering breath, eyes rolling into her head. Oh, God. That felt really good. It’s been a while since anyone touched her like that. What the hell was she thinking when she rejected him last year?

Oh, right.

Tomo.  

But he’s not here. Bunny is, and he’s slowly but surely working his way up to her neck. Somebody moaned, and she was positive it was her. Almost on impulse, her right leg came up to hook itself around his waist. His hands were sliding over her ribs, and she knew they were dying to touch her in places that would make this display highly unsuitable for children below 18. This shouldn’t be happening. She’s acting like a wanton woman instead of living respectably like her mother-in-law expected her to be. She shouldn’t be getting hickeys from impressionable young men in her kitchen. She shouldn’t be wondering if he had a condom in his wallet and if he didn’t, would it spoil the mood if he had to run out to get some.

Most pressingly, however, he shouldn’t be allowed to touch her ass like that.

He was kissing her mouth again, and if he pushed her back any further, she’ll end up being spreadeagled on the table. Prying his hands away, she extricated herself from him and walked out.

Barnaby stared, unsure on how he should react. His libido was still raging at him, telling him to pounce and ravage her to pieces. Was she telling him to stop? Did he read the signs wrongly?

Her voice floated back at him. “Are you going to just stand there or what?”

He caught her disappearing upstairs when he rushed out. He heard her turning on the air conditioning and drawing the curtains shut. Smiling, he began to take off his jacket. As an afterthought, he undid his wristcom, switching it off and tossing it away, not caring where it landed or if he’d ever find it again.

Tetsuko waited at the edge of the bed, lifting her gaze only when she saw his feet approach her. She held out a hand, beckoning. He took it, and yanked her up to stand with him. She’d laughed when he steadied her with his arms. He’d kissed her, a gentle touch to her lips to make sure that she wanted this.

“Promise me you won’t turn me away this time,” he said softly as he slid the straps of the négligée off her shoulders.

She smiled. “I promise.”

“Then I’ll make sure we do this properly,” he said, kissing her neck.

Screw other people’s expectations. Tonight was all about her.

* * *

 

Tetsuko opened her eyes, reaching over to the bedside table and wondering where on earth was her cellphone. She’d probably left it downstairs.

She was aware of the soft breathing going on beside her as she extricated herself out of bed. The cool air hit her naked skin, and she shivered, goosebumps rising over her arms and back. Quickly padding over to the bathroom, she shut the door behind her as gently as she could. Then, blinking to allow her eyes to adjust to the light, she stood before the mirror to survey the extent of damage done to her body.

The hickeys dotting her chest made her look as if she’d just participated in a rather bizarre secret society initiation ritual. Or maybe a ridiculously tiny vampire had had its merry little way with her while she was asleep. If she took a marker and connected the dots, she’d probably discover the Orion constellation. Pointing the wrong way.

She bent over, squinting at the teeth marks on her shoulder. She could still feel Tomo’s spectre hovering behind her. A shred of guilt remained, but she had to keep on telling herself that the dead could no longer remember you, and they most certainly can't make love to you the way the living can.

Why is it called making love, anyway? You love a person, then create more love with him or her? How’s anyone going to achieve that by rogering each other senseless? All this romance crap is a lie, and eventually you’ll wake up and realize that person wasn’t as perfect as you initially thought.

Ah, but things were different with Bunny, wasn’t it? She’d first known him as an imperfect man, and had gotten herself involved with him with her eyes wide open and her feet grounded firmly into reality. There were no fairy dust nor unicorns in their relationship, and he’s certainly no knight on a shiny white horse. Although, being inside a powered-up nanosuit and riding a Lonely Chaser more than made up for it.    

She washed herself up as best as she could, then stared at her reflection as she brushed her teeth. It’s time to weed out the grey hair again, but she’ll do that later in the morning, after Bunny had gone off to work.  

Getting out of the bathroom, she took a moment to pause by the bedside. The streetlight had poured in through a crack in the curtain, falling over Barnaby’s sleeping form. He was lying on his belly, head turned away from her. She could wax lyrical about how peaceful and angelic he looked, but that’d just be ridiculous. He slept just like any other person. In fact, there really wasn’t anything impressive about him once she sees the real him. He stopped being Barnaby the King of Heroes, or Sternbild’s Most Desirable Man, or even The #1 Most Googled Person whenever he’s alone with her. He’d shed all that persona, all that pretense, the minute he walked through her door. And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Dressing herself up in a faded tee and a pair of shorts, she tiptoed downstairs. The lights were still on, as to be expected. She went to the kitchen, and rediscovered the aftermath of their fight. She regarded the remnants of Barnaby’s phone scattered on the floor, then bent over to retrieve the memory card. At least it looked as if it was still salvageable. Taking out a pan and duster, she swept the mess up.

She had a glass of water, idly musing over the events that just happened. It was 3am, and she’s feeling wide awake. Maybe she could have another soap opera drinking game. Or watch infomercials until she fell asleep again. She went over to the living room and switched on the tv, making sure to reduce the volume as much as she could. Good, they’re showing another drama series.

She was only ten minutes into the show, when a voice behind her made her jump: “What are you watching?”

Barnaby was navigating the stairs, clad in only his trousers. Apparently he’d gotten out of bed the moment he realized she wasn’t there. He skirted the edge of the sofa to settle down beside her.

“Er, did the tv wake you up? Sorry about that!” she said, using the remote to turn the volume down even further. But that only meant reducing the dialogue into a garbled murmur. It’d probably work if she could read lips. Thank goodness for subtitles, then.

Barnaby shook his head. “No. I thought you’d left.”

“Why on earth would I leave you in my own home? Silly Bunny.”

“I was worried for a moment,” he said, taking her hand.

She smiled, then leaned over to kiss his cheek. “Why don’t you go back to bed, huh? You need to wake up early tomorrow.”

“No. Who gave you this? It’s brand new,” he stated, nodding towards the tv.

“Nathan. Apparently Antonio’s started a whip around for me, but I told him not to.”

“I’d heard about the break-in. Sorry I wasn’t there.”

“If you catch the perp, you’ll get 5,000 points.”

“Stop,” he said to the sound of her laughter. “It’s not funny.”

“Well, you _did_ say that I’m a magnet for trouble.”

He shook his head, trying to change the subject. He settled on the dorama. “What’s this series about?”

“I don’t know. Probably about two high school sweethearts. And I’m guessing some sort of accident will happen and the boy will have amnesia.” She shrugged when he gave her a Look. “What? They always make it like that.”

“Hah, generic soap drama plot. Do you really watch this everyday?” he asked, turning over and starting to nuzzle her neck.

 _“Obviously_ no. There’s also blockbuster marathons, and – ooh, that feels nice – and…some other show I can’t remember at the moment…hmm…”

“We can always do another marathon,” he suggested, nibbling on her earlobe and earning a soft giggle from her. It was always ticklish everytime he did that.

“Not everyone watches Discovery Channel 24/7 like you do, Bunny,” she said, then uttered a moan as he fastened his mouth against hers.

“I meant another kind of marathon,” he countered, pushing her onto her back. Hovering over her, he suddenly hesitated as if he’d remembered something.

“Hey, wait! That show looks kind of interesting-!” Tetsuko protested when he switched the television off.

“Huh, let me tell you what I think is going to happen,” he said, tossing the remote aside. “The hero regains his memory just when the girl’s about to marry another man. He reveals his identity to her, which she’ll have trouble accepting. They have an argument, of which they’ll end up reconciling in the midst of a downpour-“

“Downpour?”

“Standard movie trick. What better way to heighten the sense of drama by adding a bit of rain?” His hands were systematically undressing her. “They’ll confess their feelings towards each other, and he’ll eventually finds it in his heart to accept her again.”

“That always happens! Then the other guy would catch them together and he’d run away, brokenhearted. Or maybe beat the hero up.” Tetsuko was now laid bare before him. He ran a hand down her thigh and she shifted, feeling self-conscious again. She wished he could turn off the lights.

He smiled, turning to place his glasses onto the coffee table. “But that’s not the end.”

“It’s not?”

“No.” He bent over to kiss her bellybutton, hearing her breath hitch up in anticipation. “In the end the girl died. Freak accident. Terminal illness. Take your pick. They’re always useful plot devices.”

“What? That’s terrible! You can never make it as a screenwriter, Bunny. Your stories will always end up depressing!”

He chuckled. “I always prefer to tell it as it is.”

“That’s my point precise-“ she said, just as the house phone started ringing. She groaned. “Who the hell is that now? Why must people bother me at such ungodly hours?!”

“Don’t answer,” he whispered, kissing her.

“Oh, I won’t. It’s probably a wrong number anyway.”

After three more rings, the answering machine beeped. _“You’ve reached the Kaburagi household. If you’re selling newspapers or giving out religious pamphlets, go away. Otherwise, you know what to do. Beep!”_

Pao Lin’s voice filled the living room. _“Ah, Tetsuko! Couldn’t reach your cell, so tried your house instead. Anyway, I was wrong! About Barnaby’s zodiac, he’s not Rooster. He’s Monkey! You could’ve given me the correct birth year, you know. Anyway, so you both are_ totally _compatible! Lots of happiness and babies to fill up your home. Your partnership with him will prosper! So that’s good news for you! Ok, that’s all. Ooh, and lemme know about the coaching thing, alright? Bye!”_

“Why is she talking about animals so early in the morning?” Barnaby asked.

“Ah, it’s nothing. Just a follow-up on a discussion we had before. She wants you to coach her on her science subjects, by the way. I expect you to say yes.”

“What if I said no?”

“Too bad. I’ve already told her you’d do it.”

He grinned wolfishly. “Maybe we should take her advice and start practicing.”

“Practicing what?”

“Making lots of babies.”

“Hey, that not what she-“ she began, but whatever argument she had were silenced when he reared above her and caught her lips into sudden, deep kiss.

* * *

 

 **AN: Check the Chinese horoscope. Most of 'em would say that Monkey and Rat are super compatible. Bunny and Tetsuko's zodiacs are, of course, purely hypothetical.**

**Episode the next: What usually happens after all the feelings have been sorted out.**


	25. Step 25: That Xercyvguh Part

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Tetsuko & Bunny fluff up ahead.   
> That scene from ‘Love & Other Drugs’ is just too darling for me to not steal.

Having a hangover was one thing, but facing three client meetings back-to-back while having a hangover was another. Antonio groaned as he sank into the sofa, grateful for the brief respite. He’d already swallowed two aspirins, and now he was lying on his back, one arm thrown over his eyes as he contemplated the gauntlet of horrors his boss had planned for the rest of the day. Agnes had _better not_ call him for Hero business. He really couldn’t bear lumbering around in his suit while a jackhammer was pounding against his skull.

He growled and snapped when someone knocked on the door. “Gimme a flippin’ minute to myself, willya? Head’s killing me right now!”

“U-um…sorry, Mr. Lopez,” stammered the intern. “But Miss Kaburagi is looking for you.”

That was enough to make him peek from beneath his arm. That’s strange. She hardly came over to his office unless if it was really important. How come she didn’t just call? A quick look at his silenced phone showed 5 missed calls from her.

Tetsuko’s voice could be heard floating outside. “He in there? Ok, thanks.”

She swept into the room, her face looking uncharacteristically grim. Something bad must’ve happened. Antonio immediately sat up, wincing at the twinge of pain his head gave.

The intern nodded and closed the door, giving them both some privacy.

“Everything okay, Tets?” Antonio asked.

“Hm? Yeah, everything’s okay.” Tetsuko paused, taking note the aspirin bottle and the glass of water on the coffee table. “Are _you_ okay? Is this a bad time?”

“No, no it’s fine. Just a little headache. I’m not dying. So…what’s up?” he asked, motioning for her to sit with him.

Tetsuko took a deep breath, smoothing the front of her skirt with her hands. She looked as if she was steeling herself for something unpleasant. Finally she joined him on the sofa.

“So…what’s-“ Antonio began, but stopped when she suddenly fidgeted and bounced back onto her feet. She started pacing about before him, wringing her fingers and chewing on her bottom lip as a very conflicted look etched itself onto her face. For one moment she looked like a caged animal.

“-up…?” he finished.

“Bunny came to you for advice, didn’t he? Don’t even bother lying. He wouldn’t have come unless you said something to him.”

“Yeah, I did. Told him that I’d kill him if he ever messes around with you again. He didn’t do anything stupid…did he?”

“He came over last night and we had a bloody row.”

“Jeeesus…” In his mind, Antonio was already contemplating on taking a machete and hack that little shithead to pieces.

“And then he…and then we…had sex.”

He frowned at the sudden change of tide. “O-kaay…?”

Tetsuko seemed to be casting about for the next thing to say, so she settled with: “It was nice.”

“Just nice?” ‘Nice’ was something you’d normally use to describe the weather…not the mind-blowing bonking you’ve just had with a guy you’ve been crushing on for years. Unless, of course, if Barnaby was really mediocre in bed…

She rolled her eyes, groaning as she resumed her pacing. “I don’t know how to say it…okay? It was amazing. I’ve never had…I mean – he’s got this huge…”

“Hm?”

“…huge…”

“Yeah, I’m sure we can get by without you describing the prodigious length and girth of his anatomy, Tets.”

 _“Passion._ So intense that it scares me. But he never hurt me…no. He always made sure that I…look, he’s fantastic…okay? I’ve never felt anything like this before. He’s more than fantastic. He’s perfect. I gave him Pop-Tarts for breakfast.”

“Pop-Tarts for a job well done? You’ve definitely got a bargain there.”

“No, he didn’t take it,” she said with an irritated wave of a hand. “I haven’t done my grocery shopping for the week, and that’s all I could offer him. He’d accepted the coffee, though.”

“Hot damn. I could think of 50 adjectives to describe him, and ‘perfect’ isn’t one of ‘em. But if you say that he is, then I’ll take your word for it.” Antonio took note the haunted look still on her face. “Now tell me what’s _really_ troubling you.”

Tetsuko decided then to plonk herself back onto the sofa. She stared at the carpet for a while, before finally meeting his gaze.

_“I’ve betrayed Tomo.”_

The words came out barely as a whisper, and yet they were enough to make Antonio’s heart clench.

“Tetsuko, love…” he said, scooting himself nearer to her and gently taking her hands. “You’re not betraying _anyone,_ you hear me? That’s something you gotta understand. Tomo’s like a brother to me, and I love him too. But he’s gone. He can’t get hurt no more. This thing that you have with Bunny? It’s just you giving yourself a chance to be happy again. And God knows you deserve that.” Tetsuko still didn’t seem entirely convinced, so he went on: “You’ve been sacrificing yourself all this while, princess. Maybe Bunny’s your…reward, y’know? For being the awesome person that you are. So take it. _Enjoy it._ I know that beneath all that bullshit pretty boy persona of his is someone who’s gonna be good to you. But if he’s not-” he added as an afterthought, “-then I swear I’ll turn him into a eunuch.”

That earned a small laugh from her. He smiled, relieved that he could ease off a little bit of her anxiety.

“This morning I caught him staring at Tomo’s shrine,” she said.

“Oh?”

“I don’t know what he was thinking at that time. Don’t know how he feels seeing that thing in the house. He once told me he’s jealous of Tomo…thinks that I’m comparing them both. But ‘Tonio, I _swear_ I never did that. It’s just not fair. They’re both completely different.”

“That’s something you gotta sit down and talk with him. The kid’s already broken as it is. The last thing he wants is to invest his feelings onto someone, only to think that the other person is doing a half-assed job at recipocating. I’ve already told him Tomo’s never gonna be 100% gone from your life. That’s one hard fact he has to deal with…but you can help by telling him that he’s the most important person to you right now. And as much as I know you two want to take this thing slow, you _have_ to clue Kaede in on this as soon as you can. It’ll make the transition for her much easier, trust me.”

“She already knows we’re dating-“

“Yeah, from newspaper tabloids and the tv. That’s not something you can rely on when sharing a news this big to your kid. She’s gotta be actively involved in this, Tetsuko. Otherwise you’ll risk making her feel sidelined again. She’s big enough to handle the hard facts. Give it to her. If you push her away too often, she’ll end up not caring about you entirely.”

Antonio sat back, waiting for her response. For a moment, she gave nothing. But she seemed to be mulling over his words.

“Guess I’m not the only one with a big problem, huh?” she finally said.

“Hah, ya think? At least you got sex and a hot guy…but what does Kaede get?”

“Someone who can help with her homework?”

Antonio responded by flicking her forehead. “Wrong, you dumbass. She needs a family institution again. A proper one this time. She needs a mom and a…” he hesitated at the word ‘dad’. _“Father figure._ She needs – right now, more than anything else – a mentor. Your mom and Muramasa doesn’t really understand what it means to be a NEXT. _You_ and Bunny do. If there’s any time to steer her the right way, now would be it. Do you understand?”

“Yeah…yeah, I think I do. Wow, ‘Tonio…since when are you the voice of reason?”

“I’ve _always_ been the voice of reason. You just didn’t want to listen. Besides, after watching the two of you flounder about like idiots, I _had_ to step in. Kaede’s my god-daughter, remember? You may be a shit-assed loser, but I don’t want her to be one too.”

“Sheesh…your confidence in me is just _heartwarming,_ man,” Tetsuko deadpanned.

“Kemo sabe, Tets. You think I’d say that for fun? No way.”

* * *

 

Lloyds tapped a well-manicured finger against the glass-topped table. It was only him and Barnaby in the conference room, staring at the flatscreen tv before them. Blue Rose’s company had sent over a DVD containing the final edit of her upcoming music video – the one that featured Barnaby as a guest star.

Despite the rumours of difficulty working together on set, Blue Rose and Barnaby’s onscreen chemistry was undeniable. He was supposed to be her crush – someone she’d met while rehearsing alone in the park - and despite the ambiguous ending, it was hinted that they’d wound up as lovers. Intercut between closeups of her singing solo were shots of them exchanging coy glances and shy smiles…and of _course_ there had to be fan service shots of him as well somewhere in there. All in all, they were both looking at a piece of gold. Big, money-making gold.

Yet still Lloyds wasn’t convinced that this was the best time for the video to be released. Especially in light of Barnaby’s embarassing bar altercation. It didn’t matter whether or not he’d started it. The point was he’d damaged a civillian’s establishment, and there definitely will be hell to pay from Apollon Media’s side. Lloyds was almost dreading to see the recent results of fan approval ratings.

“Maybe we could fan the rumours that you and Blue Rose are dating,” he said, feet still tapping along to the infectious pop beat. “You both look good together, by the way,” he added.

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” affirmed Barnaby. His eyes were still glued to the screen, and he let out a small snicker when the scene where Blue Rose held his hands and kissed his cheek came up. It had taken her almost fifteen takes to do that…even with her protestations that she didn’t want to have any form of physical contact with him. She’d looked at Barnaby as if he had cooties when the director prompted her to kiss him. And Barnaby couldn’t resist heckling her when the cameras weren’t rolling. Nothing too extreme that it’d make her stomp off the set and cancel the entire shoot, but she did glare daggers at him and wished for his early demise on several occasions - so much so that the producer commented that she didn’t look loving enough.

Still, professional rivalries aside, he _had_ to admit that he has a modicum of respect towards her. She and Tetsuko had started out in the Heroing business at about the same age; and while he never hears Blue Rose bragging about her test scores, he knew for a fact that she’s one of the top students in her school. How many teenagers can successfully juggle fame and schoolwork at the same time? Either she had one hell of a tutor, or she’s just really good at organizing her time.

Speaking of tutoring, Pao Lin had approached him at the gym earlier that morning, shyly showing him her textbook and asking for his help. He’d spent a very productive hour teaching her the base concepts of sine, cosine and tangents…and by the end of the session, he could see her face light up when she finally understood the subject matter.

To him, maths and physics were mere child’s play. They’re only numbers, and they have rules. Numbers and formulas can never lie to you…unlike people. He’d once wished that there was one formula that could help him understand the world. But that was impossible. There’s too many permutations, variables…too many factors of unpredictability that you can't compress life into one mathematical equation.

“Hm? Sorry, what?” he said. Lloyds had asked him something.

“I said: why not?”

“I’m with someone now. It wouldn’t do her good if she hears all these rumours about me and Blue Rose.”

“Since when do you care about the feelings of the person you’re dating?”

Barnaby gave Lloyds a sharp look. “I’ve never dated anyone before this,” he stated emphatically. “Those were just publicity stunts that _you_ pulled. This time for me, it’s the real thing…and I wouldn’t do her discredit by participating in a lie. Besides-“ he added, looking back at the tv, “Blue Rose hates me. Literally. There’s no way she’d agree to these so-called rumours.”

“Who said anything about agreeing? All you two have to do is to be seen in public together. You don’t even have to hold hands if you don’t want to. If you’d just explain this to your girlfriend, I’m sure she’d understand.”

“Girlfriend, eh?” Barnaby said musingly.

“Well, what do you call her, then? Your life partner? Your wife? Oh, God…please tell me you didn’t just elope with her.”

Much to Lloyds’ dawning horror, Barnaby gave him a bright smile: “Now, _that’s_ an idea!”

* * *

 

Lloyds’ question had continued to bug Barnaby the rest of the day. The insurance company had contacted him over lunch, reminding him that he had yet to update his beneficiary data. It used to be Aunt Samantha…but since that was no longer feasible, he had to nominate a new person as soon as he can.

He’d mused this over during his drive to the meet-up place with his insurance agent. He really had nobody else in his life – barring friends and acquaintances, of course. The orphanage was one option…but there _had_ to be someone else who could definitely benefit from this.

When he finally saw the agent, they shook hands and she gave the necessary forms that needed to be filled. He wrote, without a single hesitation, Tetsuko’s full name and contact details for the first beneficiary column. He was stumped, however, when it came to the part where he had to state the nature of his relationship with her. What _were_ they? True, they’d only just started out…but in all honesty it felt as if they’ve been together for much longer than that. How many people on this earth could say that they knew him as well as Tetsuko did?

He filled in Kaede’s details in the secondary beneficiary column. Again, he wasn’t sure what to refer to her as.

When he passed the form back to the agent, he noted the look of surprise on her face as she read what he wrote. He also noted the furtive glance she made towards his left hand afterward.

He got back to Tetsuko’s place at around 10pm, bruised and tired after another HeroTV incident. She’d given him an extra set of keys, stating that they were for ‘emergency reasons’, but they both knew what that really meant. It meant that within less than a week, there will be strands of blonde hair along with dark brown on the shower trap. There will be some space reserved by the bathroom sink for an extra set of grooming products. Tetsuko’s laundry days would no longer consist of just her clothes.

He padded upstairs, and found her asleep with the lights on. She didn’t even bother changing her clothes – having obviously flopped herself onto the bed the minute she reached home. He tsked lightly at the sight of her house slippers lying haphazardly on the carpet after being kicked off. He retrieved them and placed them together neatly by the bedside. Then, climbing onto the covers and lying down beside her, he propped his head with one hand as he studied her slumbering form.

She’d done a sloppy job at removing her makeup. There were still hints of eyeshadow over her eyelids. He reached out to run his fingers through her hair, noticing that more silvery strands had appeared – especially near the crown of her head. Dark sunspots dotted her nose and cheekbones, despite her conscientious efforts of applying sunblock lotion everyday.

He remembered the shrine in the living room. He’d noticed it before during the times he’d visited Tetsuko’s home, but never really paid it much attention. This morning, while Tetsuko was puttering about in the kitchen, he studied Tomo’s photograph, the burning incense, and the rice and mayonnaise offering. He felt as if he was trespassing over a sacred space.

Official portraits never did anyone justice. Tetsuko would sometimes mention how funny the man was, or how generous he could be…but Barnaby couldn’t see any of that. All he saw was a generic studio-taken photo of an ordinary man. With his suit, glasses and neatly gelled-back hair, he could’ve easily been passed off as a banker.

Logically, Barnaby knew that the shrine wasn’t an issue. The man’s passed on. Let Tetsuko and Kaede remember him in the only way that they can. But emotionally, Barnaby found himself still fighting to have a more prominent space in her heart. He simply couldn’t help it. He was a selfish, needy brat, and he was willing to admit it if Tetsuko called him out on it.

He bent over to kiss her mouth, following the pathway of her jawline all the way down her neck.

She stirred, eyes fluttering open. When she saw Barnaby, she closed them again. “I’m dreaming. Go away. Why aren’t you at home?” There was a hint of cheekiness in her voice, of which he prodded her in the waist. She doubled up, laughing at the ticklish sensation.

“I _am_ home,” he countered. “Or am I really so annoying that you no longer want me around?”

“That a trick question?” She ducked his attacking hand and rose up to hug and kiss him. “How was your day?”

“So-so. How was yours? What did you do?”

“Went out and had lunch with Antonio.”

“Just lunch and you’re already flat by 10pm?”

“Shut up. I’m old. Our bedtime’s usually by 8. I did get some stuff at the store, though. You hungry?”

“I-“ Barnaby suddenly stopped, eyes darting back and forth as he looked intently at her face. “I love you.”

“Eh? What was that?”

He swiftly sat up to the edge of the bed, turning his back on her as his head started to spin. His palms were sweating, he was hyperventilating, and suddenly he felt like throwing up. He could hear, from a distance, someone saying “Bunny?”, and shrugged Tetsuko’s hand aside as she touched his shoulder.

“Hey, are you alright?” she demanded, scrambling beside him and trying to turn his face towards her. She was terrified to see how pale he had suddenly become.

“Don’t touch me. _Don’t touch me!”_

Tetsuko backed off…but only just. She held her palms up, very cautious…as if she was trying to calm down a skittish animal. In a very level voice, she said: “Bunny, tell me what’s wrong. Are you hurt?”

“No! I’m just…look, just give me a second, alright?”

“Okay...okay. Take all the time you need.”

He took several deep, meditative breaths.

“Can I get you anything? Some ice? Water?”

“Water, please,” he rasped.

He could feel the mattress bouncing as she shifted to the far bedside table. She came back with a full glass, of which he gratefully drank the entire content.

“Feeling better now?” she asked as he lay back with a sigh.

He mumbled something.

“What?”

“I’ve never said that to anyone before,” he repeated.

“Said what? That you love them? You’re kidding…right?’

He levered a sharp glare at her, indicating that he wasn’t.

Tetsuko sputtered in surprise, still unsure whether or not she should laugh at this. “Well, of _course_ you’d have said it before at some time! Come on, don’t be silly. What about your ex-girlfriends?”

“I don’t see the point of admitting something that’s not true.”

She was visibly taken aback at this. “Your parents?”

“You think I’d remember everything that I said when I was five? You know how messed-up my memories were back then.”

“Fine. Valid point. You might have said it to your fans-“

He sighed again. “Tetsuko, I really don’t feel like arguing over every single nuance of my statement. I’ve never said it…let’s leave it at that.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I just find it really hard to believe. I mean, I’m honoured… _thrilled,_ even…that you’d say it to me. Makes me feel special – and I’m not being sarcastic here.”

“It’s a woman’s prerogative, no? To hear a man say that to confirm what he feels?”

“I damn well don’t want you to get an anaphallic shock everytime you say it to me!”

“I _won’t,_ alright? And it’s anaphylactic. Get your words right.”

“Oh, Bunny…”

She’d hugged him, then kissed him. Her thumb grazed against the bandage still on his forehead. “I love you too,” she smiled. “You don’t have to confirm anything. I already _know._ So you can say it anytime you like – and not because you feel like you have to.”

His hands found hers, and he clasped them together to his chest. “Thank you,” he whispered.

“Now how about you take a shower and then we can go to bed together? Sounds good?”

“Tetsuko.”

“Yes, love?”

He mulled over the things he was about to say next. Then, releasing her so that he could push himself back up to sitting position, he said: “Lloyds has been speculating about us.”

“Ok. So?”

“He kind of knew we’re together, but he’d been pestering me to confirm things,” he lied.

“Then let him speculate. It’s none of his business, anyway.”

“But seriously, Tetsuko. What are we?”

She laughed. “Must we put a label on everything?”

“I…I really need to know where we stand on this.”

She looked at him, then…and saw the earnestness, the anxiety, and just that fervent need to feel like he belonged somewhere.

 _What_ are _they?_ They’ve been best friends and partners for years, lovers in a few days. They argue like an old married couple, and yet sometimes she’d act very motherly towards him. To define her as his girlfriend would grossly undermine what she’d _really_ been to him all this time.

“If I could venture a guess,” she finally said. “I’d say that we’re both xercyvguh.”

“Xercy- what? That’s not even a word!”

“It is when you play Scrabble with me.”

Then he remembered – her belated birthday dinner, the pachinko lesson, the game they had in the café…and that kiss and necktie…

Technically their first official date since she got back to Sternbild.

“Xercyvguh, huh?” he mused. “I like that.”

* * *

 

**AN: If you don’t know what ‘xercyvguh’ is, or when did this belated birthday date happen, it was in Chapter 15: That Pachinko Scrabble Outing Part.**

**Episode the next: That big Blue Rose radio interview.**


	26. Step 26: That Radio Interview Part

“There’d been talks of turning your story into an anime series,” said Lloyds. Blue Rose’s big interview was happening in fifteen minutes, and the man had taken it upon himself to personally drive both Tetsuko and Barnaby to the studio.

“Eeh? Really?” said Tetsuko. “Wow. Fancy that! An anime version of myself. That’s supercool!”

“Hm, I wonder how they’ll make me look like,” Barnaby mused.

“I wonder who our voice actors are going to be!” Tetsuko said, starting to get excited at the notion. “They should look for someone who can be proud, and noble. Like me!”

Barnaby made a scoffing sound. “Please. You think too highly of yourself.”

“Oh? And what does that make _you,_ then? Huh?”

“Although,” said Lloyds loudly enough to interrupt their impending argument. “They’re not entirely happy with the idea of Barnaby having a female partner. So they’re creating a male version of you, Tetsuko.”

Tetsuko’s jaw dropped. “What?”

“Yes. I believe they’ve even come up with a name,” Lloyds said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. “Kotetsu. Kotetsu T. Kaburagi. Hmm…seems to have a nice ring to it.”

“Buh…b-what…” Tetsuko burbled, before finally managing: “WHYYY?”

“It seems as if girls respond far more positively if there’s a possibility of a yaoi pairing between the two main characters. Hence your impromptu sex change.” Lloyds noted the look on her face, and hurriedly added: “Oh, but don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll add a disclaimer at the beginning of every episode, stating that the show’s based of actual events, and the original character is female. _And,_ of course, you’ll be compensated handsomely for the usage of your likeness. Think about it, Tetsuko. Tiger and Barnaby action figurines, Blu-Ray sets, soundtrack singles…”

“Yeah. But I’d be a _guy!”_ Tetsuko countered, indignation mounting. “And it’s _not_ Tiger. It’s Tigress!”

Lloyds shrugged. “Meh, tomatoes…to _ma_ toes…they’re pretty much the same.” His cellphone began to ring. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…it’s the anime producer himself. Don’t worry, Tetsuko. I’ll get a great deal out for you.”

That was as good as an indication that the conversation was over. Barnaby watched Lloyds walk away as he silently counted to three for the nuclear explosion.

“The sheer nerve of that idiot!” Tetsuko exclaimed. “Why, that’s practically a sexist move! What, so a woman can’t be the lead character now? Those guys are assholes! I’m going to snatch that phone and give that knuckle-dragging producer a piece of my mind!”

Barnaby grabbed hold of her arm before she could get up. “It’s just a minor adjustment, Tetsuko,” he said soothingly. “Besides, Lloyds did say that you’ll get paid all the same, so I’d say it’s a win-win situation.”

“Wha-? You’re in cahoots with him now? We’re talking about my _identity,_ Bunny. My pride! I mean, can you actually imagine me as a guy? Without these?” she asked, putting both hands on her breasts.

He stared. “Actually, I can. You act like a man most of the time, anyway. I’m sure the transition will be effortless on the studio’s side.”

“Bah, it’s pointless talking to you now,” she snapped. “You’re probably liking it because you can’t wait to see some yaoi action!”

“I’m sure it’ll be enjoyable,” he said. “Whatever it is that yaoi means.”

She paused. “You don’t know what yaoi means?”

“It means something adorable or cute…right?”

 _“No,_ you’re talking about _mo_ _é_ _._ Yaoi is…yaoi is something else.”

“Really? What is it?”

She told him. His expression never changed. “I see. So you say women are into that?”

“Apparently so. You should wait till they discuss about who would top.”

“Top? Top what?”

“You _know._ Sex. As in who gets to be on top. Either you, or this…this _Kotetsu_ guy,” she said, making a face as if the name disgusted her.

“Oh. _Ohhh…”_

She cocked a brow at him. “Still think it’s enjoyable?”

“I – uh – hm…I mean, are they – are they really going to show them…doing it?”

“Of _course_ not. But wait till the fanarts come out.”

Barnaby spoke carefully, as if he was poking at the fantastic intricacies of a ticking TNT Acme bomb: “What…what kind of fanart?”

“Remember last year there was this brouhaha going on about a picture of Nathan and Antonio together?”

“You mean, the one where-?”

“Yep. First time in my life to see Antonio burst into tears. Nathan even had it framed over his bed. So yeah…we’re talking about _that_ kind of fanart.”

“I don’t get it. Women lust over men who will never be interested in them?”

“It not exactly that. I guess there’s just something hot about seeing two good-looking guys going at it like – pardon the stupid pun – bunnies.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “It wouldn’t be the first time for me to say this,” he said.

“Say what?”

“Women are perplexing.”

She snorted. “Yeah? Well now you know how it feels like dealing with you.”

* * *

 

Kaede rushed back into her room, hair still wet from the shower. Her mother and Barnaby was due to be on air soon, so she hurriedly threw on her pyjamas, grabbed a packet of chips from her secret snacks stash, and settled down at her workdesk. She turned on the radio, making sure that she was tuned to the right station.

_“-Midnight Ice Cream. We have two special guests tonight…two people which I’m sure needs no further introduction. They’re the famous Hero duo, Wild Tigress and Barnaby!”_

_“Hellooooooo! I’m Wild Tigress, the fun and awesome one! Whoah, it’s certainly been a while. How’s everyone doing?”_

_“Hello, I’m Barnaby. I’m the more famous one-“_

_“Hey! Stop hogging the limelight, Bunny!”_

_“-yes, I’m also known as Bunny to_ some _people.”_

Kaede grinned to herself, opening the bag of chips as she leaned back in her chair and propped her feet up onto the desk. Yep, this is going to be a _fun_ interview.

* * *

 

“So how are you enjoying retirement so far? Any future plans you’d care to share with our listeners, Tigress?” Blue Rose asked.

“Retirement’s _boooorrring!_ It’d be nice if I had a cushy pension plan to settle back into…but no. I’m gonna start teaching at Hero Academy soon, though. The world’s definitely haven’t seen the last of me. I’ll be the most awesome teacher yet!” said Tetsuko, giving an enthusiastic thumbs up and almost knocking aside her microphone.

“Ah, teaching? Now that’s interesting,” Blue Rose mused.

“Do refrain from giving your students corny catchphrases, though,” Barnaby said.  

“You’re just not cool enough to appreciate them, Bunny,” Tetsuko shot back.

“Speaking of retiring, you have one big news for your fans, Barnaby,” said Blue Rose. “Care to tell us what it is?”

“Oh, yes. Now that this year’s HeroTV season is winding down, I’ve decided to put my retirement on hold and continue working with Apollon for another five seasons.”

It wasn’t a choice that he made lightly. Tetsuko wasn’t happy about it at first, but he’d given his reasons. He needed stability, and he needed a proper home with her. His apartment wasn’t a place to raise families, and Bronze Tier couldn’t afford to offer him the level of privacy that he needed. So they’d both reached a compromise. Five years was more than enough time for him to make sure that they’ll never want for anything. Ever.

“Ah, so you’ve renewed your contract? What brings about that change? Brought yourself in some new sponsors?”

“No. I simply miss competing with you, Blue Rose.” Barnaby said this with such sickly sweetness that made the teenager scowl at him. “Besides, we both have some important promoting to do. Let’s talk about your upcoming music video.”

“Oh, yes…the music video,” she said. “To our listeners out there, I’ll be releasing my new single _‘Separation’_ soon, and you’ll get to see Barnaby as my guest star in the video. Keep yourselves tuned to my website for the latest updates!”

Tetsuko visibly winced. She’d seen the rough edit for the video, and she must say that the director had done a very clever job out of it. No one would’ve guessed that the two of them were ready to murder each other when the cameras weren’t rolling.

There had been several outtake shots where Bunny had his arm around Blue Rose’s shoulders and she visibly looked like she was about to vomit. He, on the other hand, was enjoying every moment where he could make her as uncomfortable as possible. The funny thing was, both the director and producer were raving about how perfect their on-screen chemistry was, and how they ought to make a movie together.

“But before the rumours start flying, let me just confirm that myself and Barnaby are only working together. We’re not secretly dating or anything like that,” said Blue Rose. “Right, Barnaby?”

“If your fans weren’t thinking about it then, they’d definitely will now…especially after a statement like that. Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun, Blue Rose?” Barnaby said.

“W-well it’s not true!” Blue Rose countered hotly. “It _never_ will be true! Besides, I’m sure your fans would want to know if you’re _actually_ seeing anyone…”

“As a matter of fact, I am.”

“A blow-up sex doll doesn’t count, Barnaby.”

“Noooo…” Barnaby enunciated, drawing out the vowels in a way that indicated Blue Rose was an idiot. “She’s an actual person. In fact, I’ve known her for years. We started out as really good friends.”

“Huh, didn’t think that you had it in you to have friends.”

“Of course I do. Not everyone can be a block of ice 24/7 like you. How’s _your_ love life by the way? Cold and put permanently on hold?”

Blue Rose briefly contemplated the delightful idea of flipping him off, but thought better of it. The studio had a camera streaming the live video of the interview over the internet. So she turned instead towards Tetsuko.

“You’re his partner. Maybe you could tell us who this mystery person is.”

“Hey, don’t look at me,” said Tetsuko with a shrug. “I’m not privy to every minutae of his life.”

“That’s bull! You two are thicker than thieves, yet he doesn’t tell you anything? At least give us a hint. What’s the first letter of her name?”

“Erm..an A…maybe? Or was it S? Ooh! I’m pretty sure it’s a G! Oi, Bunny. Help me out here, neh? It’s not my job to keep track of your girlfriends,” said Tetsuko, turning to look at him.

Blue Rose’s eyes suddenly widened. Tetsuko’s collar had hitched down a tad…and it was enough to reveal something highly suspicious-

“Ohmygod, is that a _hickey?!”_ she’d involuntarily shrieked, halfway getting out of her seat to point at the incriminating evidence.

Tetsuko’s hand immediately flew upwards to clamp onto her neck, the mortified look on her face betraying her. “Er, er…y-you’re mistaken!” she stammered as she attempted to tighten up her necktie and almost strangling herself in process.

“You _never_ get hickeys!” said Blue Rose, ignoring the show’s producer who was frantically waving behind the studio’s glass partition. She was wasting time by veering off topic. “And it’s a huge one too. Tell us – who did it?”

“I was at a takoyaki stand, and this octopus just jumped up at me! I had the shock of my life! I mean, I thought it was already dead. Anyway, we got stuck for a while until the cook came to help me.”

Blue Rose gave her a flat look. “An octopus? Do you honestly think anyone is going to buy that?”

“Well, sure! After you cut it up and cook it, that is…”

“Tetsuko, I think at this point it’s best that you stop inventing more stories, because it’s never going to fly no matter how you want to spin it,” Barnaby suddenly said. He reached over to take her hand and kiss it. “It was me. I would like to take this moment to confirm that Tigress and I are officially together.”

* * *

 

_“…Tigress and I are officially together.”_

Kaede started, shooting up so fast that her chair lost its balance. She let out a scream as she faceplanted herself onto the floor.

While lying there groaning, there was a knock at her door and Uncle Muramasa popped his head in. He regarded the scattered chips, the upturned swivel chair with its wheels still spinning, and lastly the pile of Kaede existing in her own world of pain.

“What just happened?” he asked suspiciously.

“Nothing. I fell,” said Kaede, wincing as she picked herself up. “I’m fine, by the way.”

“Obviously you are, if you can stand on your own. Can’t believe you’d get excited over nothing-“

“Mum’s on the radio, and Barnaby’s just announced that they’re dating!”

“Really? Oh, joy,” he deadpanned. With that, he withdrew and closed the door.

* * *

 

“Seriously?” said Blue Rose. Despite herself, she was excited. “Since when? Hey, to all of you listening out there, you got this news first from me…not from _The Mario Breakfast Show.”_

“It’s still new, but I can say that it’s a long time coming. I’ve been waiting for her since last year,” said Barnaby.

“Whoa. I can straight up say that both of your fans are going to be _crazy_ over this. Let’s take a quick break and listen to some music. When we get back, we’ll go to the phone lines for some Q &A session. So start calling! I give you now The TinPan Brothers, with their song _Hey, Golly Yeah.”_

The moment the song started paying, Blue Rose whipped off her headset and glared at the two of them. “This isn’t some stupid stunt gimmick, right? You guys aren’t pulling a fast one on me?”

“Why would I joke around with relationships?” Tetsuko asked, taken aback.

“Maybe you wouldn’t. But _he_ would,” Blue Rose said, pointing towards Barnaby. “My goodness…Nathan’s been dropping me subtle hints for days, but I’d never would’ve guessed that it was you two! Although, frankly speaking, it’s hardly unexpected at all.”

“I wanted to keep it quiet, but Bunny’s going to announce it on Twitter.”

“Why keep a good thing secret?” Barnaby quipped. “Everyone’s just going to find out sooner or later.”

“You jackass. You’re obviously not thinking about Tetsuko,” Blue Rose snapped at him. “She’s done with the paparazzi stalking her everywhere! The last thing she wants is to open her front door and have a mic shoved up her face! What if her kid gets harassed over this? Geez, you can be so clueless, Barnaby!”

“Kaede’s gonna be fine,” Tetsuko hurriedly interjected, sensing the increasing air of hostility around them. “My brother’s going to make sure none of that will ever happen. Besides, I don’t think they’d be all that interested in me.”

“Huh, wanna bet?” said Blue Rose. The phone lines were already blinking madly like Christmas lights.

* * *

 

Nursing her still smarting elbows with a medicated balm, Kaede settled back onto her chair and resumed her listening to the radio.

_“And so we’re back in The Midnight Ice Cream with me, Blue Rose along with two special guests tonight: Wild Tigress and Barnaby! We’re taking in calls now, so if you have anything at all to ask them, then hurry up and dial 8008-5555. We already have our first caller – hello! What’s your name, please?”_

_“Ano, this is…Yamaki, de gozaru.”_

_“So, Yamaki…do you have anything to say or ask our guests tonight?”_

_“Firstly, I want to congratulate both Tigress and Barnaby for the excellent news! This is really exciting! I just want them to know that I’ve been rooting for them since day one, de gozaru!”_

Kaede knitted her brows. He was starting to sound suspiciously like Origami Cyclone.

 _“Thank you for the kind support, Yamaki,”_ That was Barnaby.

_“Mr. Barnaby, you must take good care of Wild Tigress. She may not look it, but she requires a lot of special attention, de gozaru!”_

_“I will definitely keep that in mind.”_

_“I think Bunny needs more special attention than I do, Yamaki-san.”_ Tetsuko had butted in. _“You probably won’t believe this, but he’s really a delicate flower.”_

_“Stop talking nonsense, Tigress.”_

_“Haha! You should see the Tumblr pages dedicated to you two, de gozaru. So who approached who first?”_

_“Uhmmm…..”_ That was Tetsuko. _“Bunny’s reaaallly terrible at these things, to be honest. So I knew I had to take matters into my own hands, haha! Ok, he’s glaring at me now. I guess it…kind of happened? Late night phone calls, a couple of drinks…well those things build up. It’s not as fairytale as people might imagine. I mean, the other day he gave me a $500 debit card for groceries just to show that we’re officially together. It’s practical, and that’s what I really like. Personally, I’m way beyond the romantic, sweep-me-off-my-feet phase.”_

_“Still, it’s very cute seeing you two together, de gozaru. I wish you all the best!”_

_“Thank you, Yamaki. Thanks for calling! Y’know, you sound really like a mutual friend of ours. Are you sure you’re not him?”_

_“N-Nani? Wh-what are you talking about?!”_

_“Hehe, nothing. Bye!”_

* * *

 

Tetsuko was still grinning when the call ended.

“Whoa, our Twitter newsfeed is overflowing!” Blue Rose exclaimed, scrolling through her touchscreen tablet. “Let’s read out a couple of questions. This one’s from HeroesAre4Eva, and it’s for Barnaby. If you could pick _any_ Hero as your partner, who would it be? Tigress and Ryan doesn’t count.”

“Any Hero, huh?” said Barnaby. “Then I’d say…Mr. Legend. Tigress really looked up to him, and I’d love to see him in action. If I could meet him in person, I’d definitely would.”

“Interesting choice,” Blue Rose said, a tad approvingly. “What about you, Tigress?”

“Fire Emblem,” Tetsuko said instantly. “No doubt about that. Together we could be the Wild Flaming Teriyaki Duo or something like that. _And,_ I’d get to ride my own bike for a change, instead of being relegated to the side car. Bunny has serious control issues. He’d never let me drive.”

“That’s because you keep crashing into things,” said Barnaby.

“Side cars are so 1950’s, man!”

“I didn’t want to say this, but you _are_ the senior-“

“Hush! Say no more or I’ll gag you with my necktie!”

“Alright, Tigress,” Blue Rose cut in. “You’ve hung your suit for over a year now-“

“Yep. And I’ll bet I won’t be able to fit in it anymore. Bunny here thinks I’ve grown fat.”

“I most certainly did not!” Barnaby protested.

“What came to your mind when you saw your suit for the first time?” Blue Rose asked.

“I thought: how am I gonna pee in this? No, seriously,” Tetsuko hurriedly added after seeing Blue Rose’s incredulous expression. “I mean, there’s gotta be a trapdoor you can open down there, but I couldn’t find any. Besides, Bunny will find it easy enough…but me? Y’know, I once ate a bad burrito when I received a Hero call…”

“And?”

“Let’s just say I was wishing for a trapdoor for the butt as well.”

“Ewww…”

“Luckily the 7-Eleven store clerk was nice enough to let me use the toilet.”

Barnaby groaned audibly. He remembered that incident all too well. It took him a while to explain to Agnes why they were delayed. Afterwards he’d made a snarky comment that Tetsuko should start wearing adult diapers – a suggestion which his partner did not take all too well.

“Okay, moving on to a much more interesting topic. Here’s another question which fans are just _dying_ to know,” said Blue Rose, adding a sarcastic inflection to her tone. “BrooksGirl asked: does Barnaby wear anything beneath his undersuit?”

Barnaby realized - after many years down the road and he was looking back at this particular moment during one of his bouts of retrospection - that he really should’ve intervened at that point. But in his own defense, he’d thought that he’d already trusted Tetsuko to say the right thing. There were times when that trust was misplaced, but there were also times when she really did come through.

This was one of the times when he’d hoped for the latter.

“Eh? You want me to answer that?” said Tetsuko.

He _really_ should’ve stopped her there and then.

“Well, that’s a real easy one,” she went on happily. “Everyone’s got their pair of lucky underwear, and Bunny’s no different. I mean, he likes to parade around in it at the changing room, taking selfies and all that…”

 _What a horrible liar,_ Barnaby thought.

“He likes to wear…

Goddammit, he was too late. She’d already shot him a mischievous look as she took a deep breath and said:

“A flaming red thong with his face _on it!”_

* * *

 

The next day, Kaede made a quick detour to the temple shrine. At the offertory box, she took out her purse and extracted a thick wad of cash. Three months’ worth of allowance, enough to buy her a set of branded clothes and makeup – and she’d put them all inside the box. She clasped her hands in prayer, giving ardent thanks for making her wish come true.

“Thank you for making my mother happy,” she whispered, smiling to the heavens. Wherever her father was at the moment, she knew for a fact that he’d be happy too.

* * *

 

“I want to have children.”

Tetsuko, who was busily coddling the toddler attached to her hip, found herself hesitating. It was Monday…two days after the Blue Rose interview. He’d been more pensive ever since, oftentimes caught staring into nothing, contemplating mysterious depths which she knew better than to ask. She’d learned long ago not to push. Bunny would tell her whenever he’s ready.

She should’ve been used to his bald statements by now…but this felt like something else. She set down the child, making a show of guiding its (she still wasn’t sure of its gender) steps towards the waiting matron, a wry smile peeking from the corners of her mouth. If she had half of a suspicious mind, she would’ve thought that him bringing her along for his usual visit to the orphanage would come with an ulterior motive. But she didn’t, so that thought simply flitted away to join the other random silly thoughts she’d ever had.

The silence stretched between them. She knew he was waiting for her response.

“You tellin’ me you’re getting pregnant, Brooks?”

“No.” She had to snicker at his annoyed tone. “You know exactly what I mean.”

“Oh, so you’re _adopting?_ Well, I’m happy to inform you that all of these kids are eligible. I can show you some likely candidates which you might be interested in…” Tetsuko started to point out at a child in random. “That one playing with mud pies – well, at least I _hope_ they’re mud pies – you’re gonna have lots of fun with her. And that one, with juice spill down his shirt – or is it vomit? You can’t really tell. Ooh, and we’ve got Miss Runny Nose – a stellar example of child rearing. You’ll be feeding her cold medicine daily and stuff her pockets with as many hankies as she can carry.”

“Tetsuko.” He was using his serious voice.

“It’s a bit too soon to be having this kinda talk, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want to wait any longer.”

Tetsuko gave him a sideways glance, eyes narrowing speculatively. “If this is about some bullshit nonsense about my biological clock-“

“No! God, no! I never even saw it that way!”

“You can’t handle fatherhood, Bunny.”

He blinked. The words hurt him more than he thought it would. “Why would you say that?”

“You told me yourself. Remember?”

And suddenly, he did…funnily enough. All those beer-sodden nights of yore, where they’d both hung out together and he told her just everything and anything he could think of. Including the confessions he’d made to his therapist about his own inadequacies. Of how a damaged, pitiful creature such as himself shouldn’t even think about passing down his genes onto anyone else, for fear that the result would be just as broken as he was. It would be cruelty to the child, and he’d known it.

Men such as himself were never meant to breed.

“It’s _hard work,”_ he heard Tetsuko say. “And I’m not just talking about the process of _making_ kids. All those pregnancy issues that you’ve heard of? Well they’re all a walk in the park compared to what happens after the kid comes out. I had to leave Kaede behind because of my job, Bunny. And it was the most difficult and soul-crushing decision I’d ever had to make. I don’t think–“ she sighed, “I don’t _want_ to go through all that again.”

“You made that decision when you were alone, and you had to. It’s not my business to tell you whether what you did that time was the right or wrong thing, but I know that now…we can decide together. I’ll do everything I can to make it easy for you. For us. I’m ready to take that responsibility.”

Tesuko laughed, but it was without humour. “I know you are. And that’s what scares me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t you get it? After seeing what’s happened to me, can’t you still not realize what you’re signing yourself up for? You’d end up losing your powers! You have to stop being a Hero, and that’s not possible right now…considering you’ve got five more years ahead of you in the business!”

“That’s not true. It’s just speculation!” She was talking about Saito’s theory. “There’s no actual proof that NEXTs lose their powers after having children. Saito himself said that it’s a rare occurance.”

“Hah, rare. That’s right. Wouldn’t want my own rarity to rub off on you.”

“I think it’s already too late for that.”

She let out a wan smile as he slid a hand around her waist. Already he was regretting his poor timing…if her response was anything to go by.

“If you don’t want this, then just say it. We won’t talk about it anymore,” he said.

“But you’d be thinking about it. You would,” she said insistently after seeing his expression. “I _know_ you. Far too much for my own health.” The last bit was muttered, but he still heard it well enough.

“When I first got married,” she went on, “I remember wanting five kids. Then I’d realized how difficult it was with just one. And then after…everything that’s happened, I told Kaede that our family won’t be getting bigger anytime soon. And I really believed that. I mean, my brother might end up with his own family too…but you know how he is. Charming as a cactus. Had to beat the girls off with a stick with that kind of persona.”

He chuckled. “Part of the Kaburagi family appeal, I think.”

“Hah, funny. Didn’t think you had it in you to make jokes. Something’s _definitely_ wrong with you.”

“Tell me what you think.”

“I think that this is a huge decision for you, and you should think about it real carefully. Losing your powers…it isn’t just like turning off the light switch. It changes _everything_ about you. Worst part of it is…it’s permanent. The very moment where you need it the most, is when you _wish_ you still have it. Last thing I want is for you to regret it, or start blaming everything.” She raised a hand, stopping him from replying. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Bunny. It _will_ change you. Trust me on this.”

“Change isn’t neccesarily a bad thing.”

“Yeah? Well not having a backup plan is.”

“Didn’t you just say you know me? I _always_ have a backup plan.”

“You’ve really thought this whole thing through, haven’t you?”

“Yes, I have. But it still depends on what you say.”

Tetsuko twisted her mouth into a thoughtful moue. She looked at the children again. Truth to be told, she _did_ miss holding babies. Goodness knows she didn’t get to hold Kaede as often as she should when the girl was younger…

“I’m already thirty-six…” she ventured, very much like a fisherman angling with a hook.

He shrugged. “That’s hardly menopause age.”

“I had such trouble delivering Kaede that I asked the doctor to tie my tubes up.”

“We can always-“ he stopped. Whatever answer he had lined up fizzled when he finally registered what she just said. “What was that? Did you just-?”

“Mm-hm,” she nodded. “Snip snip.”

“No. No, you didn’t. For something this big, you would’ve told me ages ago.”

“You can’t imagine that I’d tell you _everything_ about myself now, can you? There’s gotta be some kind of secret between us. Otherwise it won’t be mysterious anymore.”

“Mysterious as in kinky lingerie or a secret identity, yes. But not _this._ No, I _know_ you’re lying. Want to know why?” he asked, his inner detective starting to kick in. “You had ‘contraceptives’ as your recent Googled topic.”

Tetsuko narrowed her eyes. “My laptop’s password-protected.”

“Took me only three tries to figure it out. Plus, you made an appointment with your gynae last week.”

“It was for a pap smear test!”

“Oh? And you didn’t think of asking additional questions while you were there?”

“Y’know, this whole snooping around my stuff is starting to bother me.”

“It’s not snooping. I’m just…observant. And let’s not forget that you’d always insist on not having unprotected-”

“Alright! Alright! Sheesh, there are children here!”

“-except for that one time in my car. Shall I go on?”

“No! Fine, I was just kidding! Only wanted to see your reaction. Didn’t think that you’d go overboard.”

He smiled, reaching out to tuck an unruly lock of hair behind her ear. “Are there any other pertinent issues that you wish to raise?”

“Hm…” she said, thoughtfully stroking her chin. “It’s a really bad call, knocking a girl up without making something official out of it.”

“We’ll go to City Hall first thing tomorrow morning. Then I’ll make the drive down to your mother’s afterwards. Been planning to do so anyway. Is that a proper enough step for you?”

“Kaede’s gonna be _real_ mad if we leave her out of it.”

“Fine. We’ll bring her over-“

“Not to mention Nathan, Antonio-“

“We’ll invite them too, then! Strictly close friends and family, mind you.”

“For something this big, it’d be impossible to keep secret.”

“Dammit all, woman! Do you want this or not?”

Tetsuko grinned. “I dunno. Are you proposing, Brooks?”

“What do _you_ think, Kaburagi?”

“I think you’re a shitty romantic.”

“Come on. That whole ‘on bended knees’ shtick is _way_ beyond you.”

“True, but…I still appreciate the occasional cheesy romantic overture.”

“I’ll serenade you from under your balcony tonight, then.”

“Oh, God. No. Just no. Anything but that, please.”

They laughed. He took her hands, but stopped short and frowned. Turned over her left hand, his thumb grazing over her wedding band.

Or rather: the band that _used_ to be there.

Only a ring of flesh paler than the rest of her indicated that it ever existed.

One brow hitched, he swiveled his gaze towards her. He caught that expectant look on her face. She smiled, then shrugged.

“Are you sure?” he asked, softly.

“Pretty much,” she said. “Figured that there are plenty other ways to remember. More importantly now, I’ve got a new set of vows to take. Oh, but…just so that it’s out there: I’m not changing my last name.”

“Not even to hyphenate?”

“No.”

“Fine by me.”

They kissed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered: “You mentioned kids as in the plural sense?”

“Maybe. Why?”

“Most people would start with one first.”

He gave her a rakish grin. “I’m not most people.”

“Well,” she said as he closed the gap again, his mouth seeking hers. “Make sure the sex is _real_ good, then you’d just might be able to persuade me.”

* * *

 

**The epilogue: When nobody’s around, let’s do some hanky-panky in the VR training room.**


	27. Step 27: That Epilogue Part

The sea sighed longingly over the beach, as if it was pining over a lost love. Coconut fronds swayed and rustled like hula dancers in the breeze. Somewhere in the clear sky, a seagull was screaming.

Tetsuko and Barnaby’s shoes crunched over the sand as they made their way through the sparse undergrowth towards a particularly shady patch. At one point she stopped, shielding her eyes against the glare of the sun to look out over the horizon.

“Wow, this is incredibly realistic! I feel like I could just swim all the way to those islands,” she said.

“I wouldn’t recommend it, though,” said Barnaby.

“I know. Still, this whole setup makes me wish I’d brought my swimsuit. Hey, how come we never use the training room for some pseudo-vacation? Imagine going to all four corners of the world without leaving the city! Tour companies should have this - a special virtual reality holiday package.”

It had been Tetsuko’s idea, bringing her into the VR training room. Barnaby had mentioned some significant changes done to the place, and she’d insisted on him showing it to her. Well, ‘insist’ was such a strong word. ‘Suggest’ was more like it, with a mischievous glint in her eyes indicating that she had no interest in exploring the tech specs of the newly-installed gun turrets, nor the motion-sensitive laser grids.

“This reminds me of my hometown,” she sighed, then sniffed. “Without the sea smell, though,” she said disapprovingly, as if the exclusion of that little detail was an insult.

“You mean, salt and rotten fish? No thank you, I like it as it is.”

“You should come with me to the beach someday, Bunny! Summer’s never complete without visiting Wazushan island. It’s a fishing village near where I was born. Then we can watch the sunset while eating popsicles. Oh, but-“ she started, as if remembering something, “You can’t stand the sun. You’re like a sparkly vampire – you’d burst into flames if you do.”

“I can be in the sun just fine. I just…prefer not to,” Barnaby said testily.

“Hahaa! Don’t forget your fancy hats and parasols, Bunny-chan!”

Barnaby decided not to rise to the bait. His eyes swept over the landscape, thinking that maybe a vacation with Tetsuko might be a grand idea. A _real_ one, obviously…not one with fake sensory stimulation like this one.

“You sure nobody will catch us in here?” she asked.

“Positive. It’s 2am, on the eve of a public holiday. Everybody’s gone home, even Lloyds.”

“Ah. Well, that’s reassuring.”

“Yes,” he said. His fingers were already undoing the buttons of her vest. “Very reassuring indeed.”

* * *

 

“I appreciate you agreeing to meet me, Saito. I realize it’s late, but you know how it is. A girl’s schedule is _always_ packed,” Nathan sighed, clicking along behind the slight trotting figure.

“It is not a problem,” said Saito. “The extra time you’ve given me has allowed me to insert some additional module packages. I hope Mr. Timo will be impressed by the time we present it to him.”

“Oh, I’m _sure_ he will. You’re a wizard with electronics and all that.” After the deal Nathan had made with Timo, the time had come for him to deliver the enhanced VR training programme for Hero Academy.

Saito led him to the overlook station of the training dome, swiping his staff card at the entrance and making a surprised sound when the door’s touchscreen readup appeared.

“What’s up?” asked Nathan.

“Someone’s already in the middle of a session….how odd.”

“Probably a maintainence crew or something.”

The room’s giant shutter windows were down, obscuring whatever it is that’s going on down below from view.

“Hm…curiouser and curiouser…” said Saito, glancing over the control panels. “The beach module is on.” He reached out for the clipboard containing the daily manifesto. “According to this, there’s no training session scheduled at this time.”

“Possibly an intruder?” Nathan said, sounding a tad worried. “But why would he mess around with a beach VR? Hey, can you turn these on?” he’d asked, pointing at the wall of tv monitors to their right. It shows live camera feeds from the dome. “Whoever it is down there, we could catch that person in action.”

“Sure. Give me a minute….”

The screens blinked to life. Several images flickered into view. Everything seemed to be normal, save for cameras 17, 18 and 23, which showed a-

Saito recoiled in horror. “Oh, my God!”

“Hello _hellooo,”_ said Nathan, eye lighting up delightedly. “What do we have _here?”_

“Um…um…I-I think it’s very obvious,” said Saito, averting his eyes and looking very red in the face.

“Of _course._ It’s a tiger and bunny mating ritual. Shown in _various_ interesting angles.”

Despite himself, Saito found himself looking as well.

They both cocked their heads sideways simultaneously, as if trying to make sense out of the image playing before them.

“Hm, I didn’t realize that Tigress could do splits,” Saito mused.

“Oh, she’s doing the splits, alright,” said Nathan, an obscene smile colouring his face. He was, in every way, a sex connoisseur enjoying an excellent piece of free porn. “I bet Handsome’s making her do all sorts of acrobatic maneuvers every night.”

“Why would she do gymnastics every night?”

“Oh, you _know…”_

They recoiled suddenly.

“That looked painful!” said a shocked Saito.

“That looked like _fun!”_ purred Nathan. “Hmm, wonder if I can convince Bison to try that out on me. Where’s the audio on this thing?”

Saito’s head whipped towards him as if it was dragged by a string. “You want audio?” he asked, horrified. “I-I’d rather not hear anything, if you don’t mind.”

“Huh. A shame.”

Saito was desperate to bring some sense of normalcy into their discussion, so he stammered: “U-Um, a…about those new modules, there are now ten additional settings, with fully customizable terrains. The weather simulation system has been upgraded, w-which you can clearly see on the…on the screen. At the background, I mean. N-Not what Bunny is doing to Tetsuko right now. Oh…goodness, is that even humanly possible?”

“Forget about simulation, darling. I’m thinking more of stimulation,” said Nathan, intently following the movement of Barnaby’s hands.

Saito ran a finger uncomfortably under his collar. This was clearly an area he had no comprehension whatsoever. Give him a piece of machine, and he can break it apart just to see how it works. But this…this basic human need for carnal bodily functions, was just too messy and complicated for him, which was why he’d avoided it completely.

“I have to point out that the beach module is far from complete,” he said. “In fact, there’s a programming glitch in there which I haven’t quite gotten around to clearing up.”

“What kind of glitch?” Nathan asked.

“Well, it’s more of a silly idea, really. I thought to myself: what better way to ruin a pristine scene than to add a terrifying mythical creature?”

“Eh? You mean, like dragons and stuff?”

“Um…” Saito trailed off, looking mortified as if he was about to reveal a hugely embarassing secret. “Godzilla.”

“Ah, _that_ monster.”

“It’s one of my favourite childhood movies,” he whispered, as if defending his case against an army of plaintiffs. He’d meant the original Japanese version, of course…not the crappy, effects-saturated Hollywood remakes.

“So this Godzilla is still lying around in some backup file?”

“Yes. Mr. Lloyds hated the idea. He said I should be more realistic. No nuclear lizard is going to pop out from the sea anytime soon, he’d said.”

“Really? Has he seen the weird fishes we’ve been getting lately? Grotesque creatures! Scientists were saying it’s all because of genetic mutation. Soon we’ll end up with starfishes having NEXT powers, and what’ll he say to _that?”_

Saito shrugged, as if saying that if the big man doesn’t like it, then he’d have to remove it.

“Anyway, bring that programme up now,” said Nathan, looking back at the screen gleefully. “Time for us to shake things up. Oh, but do wait until they’ve finished. Poor darlings.”

“Bunny’s going to be really mad once he knows about this.”

“It’s _fine._ You can tell him I made you do it. In the meantime-“ Nathan pulled out his smartphone and switched on the video record mode. He was smiling in a way that was both sadistic and childish. He was still annoyed at Tetsuko for naming their possible Hero partnership act as ‘Wild Flaming Teriyaki Duo’. That woman has absolutely no knack of coming up with cool names whatsoever. “I’ll just be at the entrance, waiting for their closeup.”  

**THE END**


End file.
